How do you feel about flaky buyers or sellers?

Your view doesn't allow for people to change their minds.

Yes, it can be irritating if a buyer or seller changes their mind and pulls out of a transaction, but it's just human nature to have a change of mind, so what's the point of getting overly flustered by it...?

You won't necessarily know people's reasons. You aren't the one who gets to decide if their reasons are legitimate or not, only they can decide that. They they may not be willing to share those reasons whihc may be personal/private, AND different people can and will have different opinions about what constitutes a "legitimate" reason.

People feeling forced into selling because of personal circumstances might pull out of a transaction if they think of an alternatve way out of their predicament, or if they decided they can't part with a doll they're so invested in - so they will keep it after all, and look for a viable alternative to seling, and then may put the same doll (or a different one) back on the market again if an alternative doesn't present itself.

Someone may jump in hastily to say they'll buy a doll they've been trying to get hold of, or that has limited availablilty, and then have to pull out if they realize they were mistaken about their ability to come up with the funds, or if a change in circumstances means they can no longer afford the outlay. Again they may not feel like giving details about their reasoning. It doesn't mean they're being flakey, just that they don't want to make their personal situation known to outsiders.

Teddy

 

Unfortunately, I think it is just part of buying and selling. Teddy covered quite a bit of what I would have said but at the end of the day, no one is obligated to go through with a sale/buying an item. Tons of people return items they no longer want/need/etc when it comes to the market. I think it depends on the communication. If the buyer/seller is dragging their feet and just not going through with the sale without saying they're backing out then I'm not truly a fan of their actions. Actually, it is not so much their actions but the fact they are wasting time for both the buyer and the seller. However, if they are honest and say "Hey, sorry, after some consideration I'm no longer interested in completing this transaction"...what have I lost? Even if it takes them a small amount of time to say so, at least they are saying so. Most of these dolls are not cheap, nor are they a necessity. No one will die if they do not buy a doll, it is not a requirement for survival. It only seems logical that there will be times people realize they cannot afford or are no longer interested in a doll. If I am selling, I still have the doll and I can still sell it. If I am buying I still have my money and I can wait for the doll to appear again. Does it sometimes sting to miss out on a good deal or have to wait longer to sell something? Sure, but that is the business of buying and selling.

 

Personally, I feel like there are degrees of commitment-- Once money has been exchanged, generally speaking, it's in poor taste to change your mind or back out of a transaction. While there can certainly still be valid reasons to do so (and it's not for outside parties to judge that validity), it would also be reasonable for someone to refuse to make a sale to someone who had backed out on them before-- For example, it's not uncommon for some companies to refuse to allow cancellations, and if someone does cancel an order, it's not uncommon for the company to refuse to sell to that customer again. I personally know of some buyers who have backed out on someone and asked for their money back halfway through layaways, and I choose not to allow layaways with those individuals myself. A seller isn't obligated to sell to someone any more than a buyer is obligated to buy.

All that being said, however, if money hasn't changed hands yet, I personally think it's fair and not personal if someone decides to pass on a transaction for literally any reason. If a layaway is partially complete and then gets cancelled, it's up to the original layaway terms as to whether payments should be refunded-- but it's also not really a big deal if the buyer decides to pass. The real issue is that, too often, a buyer will string along the seller and waste a ton of time or ask for an item to be put on hold and whatnot, which results in bitterness if the sale isn't completed. That's a completely different issue, in my opinion.

Long story short: Communication between buyer and seller should be prompt and honest, and as long as those two things are true, then it's really a no fault issue if a sale doesn't go through.

 

I'm also of the mindset that it's pretty tacky, and if anyone here has sold anything recently, especially outside of DOA, you'll know that it's become an extremely pervasive problem. I covered this topic on Instagram, as it's really getting out of hand. For instance, I had put a SDM up for sale, and in that time frame, was flaked by four different buyers for the same doll. Since then, I've had two more flakes for another item too.

And while yes it's the buyer's right to change their mind, it's becoming pretty unsettling that it's being potentially abused and I worry it's becoming a blanket excuse for people to do things like this. And now too many people using this sentiment irresponsibly has led to burnout and frustration in the community that to me is pretty understandable.

After I posted my psa on Instagram, I had a great amount of hobbyists comment that they too very experiencing it and were just as frustrated about it as well. On both sides, buyers and sellers.

I think that there indeed should be a level of commitment in any one-on-one sale. Going to a department store and changing your mind is obviously pretty inconsequential. But chronically doing it, in private transactions while using the 'I can always change my mind' mental narrative is obviously far more destructive.

 

This.

Teddy

 

I'm a bit conflicted on the subject. On the one hand, everyone is free to cancel a transaction, but on the other hand, I think that you should think twice beforehand whether you really want something or whether you have the money for it. Sudden emergencies can of course always happen and are absolutely excusable, but as others have mentioned, I have the feeling that there are also many who shamelessly take advantage of this. But since it's not my place to question their reasoning or their legitimacy, I just accept it and cancel the transaction. As long as there is clear communication about it, I'm usually fine with it. I thank the person for letting me know and that's it.

Which brings me to the real problem that has been bothering me in all these years as a collector: buyers/sellers who just ghost you. It's pretty annoying not knowing if you'll ever hear from your buyer/seller again. Please, if you change your mind at least have the decency to let me know.

 

I don't mind if someone is upfront and honest about why they are canceling. Things happen and you just never know.

 

It depends on the specifics of the case, but if a buyer *commits* to buy here on the MP (instead of merely expressing an interest) and then cancels, I will very probably at least leave neutral feedback about this. This what the member feedback rules on here suggest. I find this kind of feedback quite helpful because if it happened once it's not a problem, but if it turns out to be a pattern with someone then I can avoid them from the beginning. Ofc, if people do not leave feedback about flakey behaviour in the first place, it won't help anybody in their future decisions...

 

It's super annoying to me. For clarification sake, I don't mind if someone inquires about an item and decides they don't want it. I'm talking about the people who verbally/text COMMIT to purchasing or selling an item, go through the process of preparing the transaction and then either back out right before the transaction or communication goes silent.

And I get it, like many others have stated... yes, things happen, and I never call anything into question when someone tells me they can't buy something. But to be fair, a loooooooooooot of people always seem to have the unexpected car troubles, or emergency pet surgery or whatever excuse right before payment time. So honestly, I'm pretty jaded about people's excuses. If it happened once in a blue moon, I wouldn't get quite as annoyed by it. However, I really agree with @AnnoDomini . Since it's so commonplace now, I feel that our hobby has tolerated it to the point that it's seen as acceptable behavior.

Personally, I think too many folks forsake personal responsibility to review their financial situation before they PM someone on impulse to snatch up an item, and then decide to do all their practical thinking later.

 

I don't expect others to tell me the ins and outs of why they can no longer go ahead with a purchase/sale, that's not for me to know. All I expect is that they let me know if there's been a change of mind before money has changed hands.

 

Flaky buyers that do a complete 180 after one interaction are annoying at best, but honestly harmless and understandable- even if the reason they’re backing out isn’t actually because of a financial emergency.

Flaky sellers is a whole other thing.

The best advice that I’ve ever read regarding feeling unsure about selling a doll: put it away in its box where you can’t easily see it or take it out, and leave it for a couple months. If you start to miss it, it means you don’t want to actually sell the doll.

 

agree with this.

what annoys me is the time waster. eg. hold the item for days, then didn't follow up when the agreed time came up and can't even be polite enough to let the other party know that they want to cancel. I had one even gave me a round around with excuses, why can't be straight up that you want to cancel? all this time waiting could have sold it to another person/buy another doll with that fund.

 

I'd rather in the end have both seller and buyer happy. We all have a change of heart for whatever reason......

 

IMHO a part of the growing problem of flaky behaviour might lie in the fact that a lot of people do not yet seem to realise that when they start engaging in bjd sales, they have left the non-commital, purely friendly hobby-zone and have entered the world of private transactions which is regulated by laws and rules.
I want to come back to the difference between expressing interest in an item (you can always change your mind about this as much as you want) or committing to buy an item. For example in my country accepting a sales offer (i.e. committing to buy it) creates a legally binding contract. It does not even have to be in written form, no money has to change hands at this point. Going back on that commitment is a suable act, that is part of contract law.
Now I don't want to sue anybody ofc , but it would help the whole second hand market if people, maybe especially people just starting out in the world of private transactions, would learn to understand that this is where obligations and responsibilities start to happen.

 

I think it all comes down to honest communication. Stuff happens, minds get changed etc. What bugs me is when I feel I am being lied to, strung along or flat out ghosted. I have had this happen as a buyer and a seller and I don't understand why it is so hard for people to send a message simply saying no longer interested, sorry...or I have changed my mind I don't think I can go through with selling this. Straight and to the point. I don't need details, I only want HONEST COMMUNICATION!
I block these types of people because I don't ever want to be in a transaction with someone like this. If you are already telling me outlandish stories, dragging your feet with excuse after excuse or you ghost me on a sale after I can clearly see you read my message I can only imagine the headache that may ensue after that. I give peole plenty of time to respond, but after a week of no communcation or follow through...blocked, end of story.

 

I don’t think of a sale as done until the money has been sent and the doll posted. Never had any issues at that stage, although I haven’t sold many dolls. It can be a big decision when it’s an expensive doll. The buyer wants it, but doesn’t know if they can afford/justify it.

The one thing I’ve always been nervous of is Layaway. It seems like a risky arrangement.

 

I don't want to deal with flaky buyers or sellers, and once someone flakes on me, I mostly likely wouldn't consider doing business with them again.

It's one thing to ask for more information before agreeing to a sale, but different if you've committed to the business transaction, then changed your mind without good reason, such as horrible communication or the other person trying to change the agreement after the fact. It's stressful on a buyer to have the thing they wanted pulled out from under them when they were already told they could have it, and it's stressful on a seller to be told they had money coming then suddenly they don't. If it's a preorder or commission, I think it's even worse to flake--that artist has already put cost of materials, time and labor into making the thing, which all comes out of their pocket when the buyer flakes, and they may not be able to just resell it depending on what it is.

What it all comes down to for me is just about responsibility and respect. It's irresponsible to start business transactions you don't intend to finish, and it's disrespectful to the person whose plans you canceled.

I think it's also important to remember regardless of feelings on the topic, DoA rules state:

And that proper feedback should be left in the case of a flake:

 

That makes sense - this is why I mostly sell on Ebay / don't accept holds at all. If someone wants to buy it they will, if they need layaway they can use paypal's pay in 4 plan and I will send an invoice.

Personally if someone broke their commitment to me, I would not justify an excuse after ~ 2 week grace period.

Terms were laid out for the sale, and they accepted. Not my business if they cannot follow through. I think years of working in finance have made me a bit of a stone. But you have to protect yourself financially.

 

I think some people get really anxious saying no and they assume saying nothing is better. I've been on both ends of that, so I try to empathize even if it is annoying. I suggest prepacking things or at least having the weight ready so estimating shipping isn't as tedious in case of this happening.

Pulling back after paying isn't something I've encountered yet. I have had people cancel bids or not pay on eBay. For those I block them for a set time because not only does it inconvenience me but other people interested too. That's a different case to me because there's no back and forth, it's just clicking the buy or bid button. I understand people get overzealous though which is why I eventually unblock.

What gets to me more is people not leaving feedback. I don't go in expecting it but feedback for a one-on-one interaction can mean a lot especially in the case of a layaway to me. It doesn't even have to be long, like a "positive experience, this person didn't steal my identity" suffices.