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How do you feel when you put your doll up for adoption if you are the first owner?

Oct 6, 2011

    1. It's my first time, that I have the feeling of not bonding with my doll.
      I have never thought that I would have such feeling before but the truth is I started to feel that no matter how I change the hair style, the clothes, the face up, she's just not what I expected to be.
      She is cute and lovely but just not what I want.

      Then, I started to think why not letting her go.

      The idea is juts like a spark to a fire.
      It grows and to a point that I even have a thought of wanting her to go asap.
      I realize that it is so cruel to her.
      Still, when I see other people's doll of the same mold, I can feel my love to the mold.
      Then I started to think it is my problem that I cannot make her as lovely as other people do.
      It is such a pain to my heart because it is me who ordered her.

      and now, I am still wondering if she will have a new home with more love and attention.
      What if she cannot find one and still being there with me?
      How can I rebuild the bonding to her once I have had those cold hearted thoughts on her?

      Here's some questions for you:
      How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?
      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?
      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully?
      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?
       
    2. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?
      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?
      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully?
      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?


      It doesn't matter whether you are the first owner, or whether you're the second owner. You buy a particular doll because you feel an attraction, a draw to that particular sculpt or faceup. You get excited over it, and feel like you have or will have a relationship with it. Even when the first excitement fades, or you find out the doll really doesn't excite you, or you find difficulties with the doll's functioning, you still feel that initial relating. And that's where all the guilt feelings come in, the thoughts that you must have done something wrong to not have that perfect relationship you planned on, and that there's something wrong in giving up on it.

      So there's a long period of waffling about whether you can sell the doll, and you may put it off for a very long time. But once that decision finally *snaps in*, you can retract your clinging feelings from the doll, and deal with selling it. If it takes a long time to sell, you may feel uncomfortable. You of course still want to "get the deal done" fast, to get it away.

      If the doll doesn't sell - some people will give another try, really change the doll's looks or style, and see what happens. Others just leave it in the box and try again later in the year, or sell head and body separately, or go for a trade. I've gone through this process a number of times. But once I make the decision to sell, that's it. Sometimes, especially with a doll or a head that I didn't get to really play with or develop, there's always a twinge of regret, and sometimes I might find myself buying another of one I sold. But that becomes a different doll in the end.

      Listen, it's not "cruel" at all. You are beating yourself up over this, but all that emotion is inside YOU. The doll will not know the difference. She's not a living pet or a child that is aware. You're also making things so much more difficult for yourself by using really emotionally loaded terms like "putting up for adoption". Unless you plan on just giving the doll away, you have to face that you'll be selling an object, no matter how difficult it feels to you right now.

      You have the right to sell it, if you're not completely happy with it. You'll find that there are sculpts out there that attract you and that you feel affection for, but they don't work out when you own them. There are many sculpts out there that I adore, but I'll either never own them, or have owned them and done nothing with them, and let them go. And yet still enjoy seeing other owner pictures of the sculpts. Our emotions can get complicated on us!
       
    3. I agree with Hobbywhelmed. Don't use words like "adoption". A doll is an object and you buy or sell objects. By using words like "adoption", you're making it harder for yourself, because it implies you're dealing with a living creature.

      Personally, I would feel guilt if I had to find another house for my cat, but not if a doll turns out not to be working for me. Sometimes it's just not the doll for you. Realizing that isn't cruel - you can't be cruel to something that isn't alive - it's simply stating a fact. It could still be painful, because you feel disappointed, sad even that the mold turns out to be different from what you expected - perhaps you feel guilt over having spent so much money on something you're not intending to keep - but the doll couldn't care less if you treat it like a prissy princess or set it on fire.

      Really, selling a doll is alright. It happens all the time and if someone else could be happier with it than you will ever be, than why wouldn't you? After all, with the money you get, you could buy yourself another beautiful mold.
       
    4. I started out with a more emotional attitude towards my dolls, but I have sold a couple, and in both cases I felt no sadness or remorse. They weren't working for me, and they are now making other people happy. It was clearly the right decision. I have some others that I'm more on the fence with, which makes it harder to sell them. It can make you feel sad or guilty, but as others have said, there is no cruelty involved. And if you do believe that your doll is more than an inanimate object, won't s/he be happier in a home that's a better fit?

      When I did decide to sell, I did get your feeling of wanting the doll to go away quickly. I think this is because I don't really like the process of selling things :sweat.
       
    5. I agree with Silk, the word adoption is a cute human emotion projected on to inanimate objects but in the end they are chunks of a plastic and it is our stories and sentiments that make them touch our hearts.

      When I decide to sell a doll that is it, the process rolls on and I disengage my stories from that doll and generally do not go back.

      If there is a long wait then I feel frustrated but realize that the things i perhaps do not like in that doll are what others may also be seeing.

      I have not halted a sale and started re bonding with that doll however, I did terribly miss and regret selling twin Glorydoll Lucy's and am in the process of re buying the very same dolls! Still...The dolls themselves are only of sentiment due to their place in my story, imagination.

      No, I do not think it is a serious issue at all! The whole point of having these objects is self nurturing enjoyment so free up the funds to buy what makes your heart sing:).
       
    6. Really thanks you all for your kind comments. Maybe I am really thinking too far.
      I have heard that some Japanese saying that a doll is made because of your will. You want it so it comes to the world.
      so they may have their "soul" or "character" in it. But down to earth, dolls are plastic.

      Letting her go for a better home should not make me guilty.
      The guilt should only come from that I have placed an order without deliberate consideration.
      There's times when what we get does not fulfill our expectations.
      I understand more after reading all your comments.
       
    7. I've long ago got over feeling bad over selling or trading dolls. If it's not working, it's not working out and while it isn't cruel to the doll to keep it in a box, why not sell or trade so that someone else could enjoy your doll and you can find something you enjoy more? I don't see this as a negative thing.

      The dolls I have now are the dolls I want - I do buy with the intention to keep, some dolls stay and some dolls go, but I'm very satisfied with the dolls I have now and I don't imagine I will sell...but you never know what will happen in the future and I don't see a problem with sending a doll on to a new home.
       
    8. I don't think it matters if you are the first or 15th owner, really, either you bond or you don't. I have felt bad for not bonding before, and I have taken a doll off the MP, trying again to bond...and failed, and eventually the doll went back up for sale and did find a home.

      I DO get emotionally attached to my "kids", so I can sympathize with you on the "adoption" thing. In reality, I know it's just a chunk of resin, but since all of mine get names and stories, it's easy to think of them as more than an inanimate object. For people like me that don't have real kids or pets, often the doll is our main priority as far as caring for something, so it IS special. I completely understand where you are coming from. but even looking at it this way, I have given away pets that for some reason or other felt I was unable to care for as they should be or given the attention they need. In this case, as much as it may feel horrible to let it go, you have to realize that if you aren't giving it what it needs, someone else will.

      So in relating that to dolls, I saw it as I am very connected to my favorites, but sometimes, somebody is just not a right fit and why should s/he just sit on my shelf, neglected, when somebody else could be enjoying it much more?
       
    9. Lol, after having build my own doll from scratch I'm inclined to believe there's a liii-tle more to it than sheer will ;p. A dremel for instance. And lots and lots of coffee. ... Sorry, just goofing around.

      Yes, but even if you feel guilty, because you didn't think long and hard enough, don't "punish" yourself too much, please. When we buy these dolls, we've only seen a picture of them and we take the chance that the doll looks exactly like what we see on screen.
      Sometimes it works out, but sometimes the doll looks too different, or has features you don't like that didn't show up in the photo's. Even a small change in face-up could make the difference between "for keeps" and "for sale". No matter how long you've been in the hobby, I don't think you could ever completely rule out that possibility - not unless you have the chance to see the doll you want for real before you buy it.
       
    10. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?

      I felt fine :) ! Dolls to me are on a journey- as they are inanimate objects, their journey relies on the imagination of their owner & his/her stories which involve said doll...when my plans for that doll can go no further, then the doll needs to keep travelling/moving on to continue their story- it doesn't have to be with me ;) Whether I'm their first or fifth owner, it still feels the same.

      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?

      Fine again (they're sort of in suspended animation waiting for their story to continue^^)

      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully?

      Yes I have- I felt my Shinydoll (I am first owner) was getting bored & wanted to see more of the world, so I answered a WTB add. The sale fell through from the buyer's end & I was very glad, as I got the feeling she actually still had things to experience around here :) This was over two years ago, & she's still my favourite girl!

      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?

      Not at all (see question 1).
       
    11. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?
      I was indifferent. I know fairly quickly whether I'm going to feel attached or not.I also found better molds for the characters.

      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?
      One doll took two months to sell. I just thought it was the economy and lowered the price.

      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding successfully?
      No

      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?

      No
       
    12. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner? I was indifferent, I was no longer attached to that doll and he didn't fit with my collection
      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll? the head sold quickly, the body is taking a while to sell
      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully? No
      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue? not really...
       
    13. Haven't had to do that yet -- but I may be just on the eve of doing so. But I've already got a unique sense of my place in the bjd world which might go off topic. My home is going to be a kind of rehab and spa for dolls. I want to develop the skills to bring out or restore the glory of dolls, for them to then go on to adventures beyond me. I am an artist and I send my paintings out with this same sense, although the dolls of course have more of a human soul feeling, so my inner story is more complex for them.

      Some of my dolls are adventuresome and will want to move around the world. Others I can tell have a strong bond and will belong to this "mission" we have here. So I would sell to a "good" home and remind myself that the doll will receive brand new love and attention. I guess I have a stronger than most -- sense of "family" among bjd collectors. I think it would be nice to keep in touch, especially with the first of the first that you describe here, if the other person is open to the idea.

      If my first one goes, I already asked if I could have a photograph sent back. I am going to paint a watercolor of that doll to keep here. Might even become the logo for my rehab/spa ;)

      Still have to get a grip on copyright of images for art made of dolls. Now ~ what was the question? Kidding! I think my whole purpose may be to provide some foster care along the way for certain dolls being adopted. I've bought some dolls who looked pretty bad in auction pictures and came from places that had not found their way into bjd "Narnia"...They had been JUST DOLLS in those places.

      I'm here to help them discover their real value and go out with strong "self-concepts". If the new home wants to have no ties back to this world, they will be sent as having amnesia and needing to find the "rest of their story" that has been missing.

      I will put a positive spin. I just bought a Supia Rosy that I am thinking may be my high fashion model with deep and serious issues. I'm having trouble with whether I can, and want to do something like that to a doll. I know, another thread...
       
    14. i haven't yet, but i have a couple of dolls i'm planning to, once i get organized enough to take good pictures. they were dolls i thought i would like based on pictures of the sculpts , but just didn't work out with the rest of my collection. i assume they will fit in someone else's collection so it doesn't bother me at all (the reason all the dolls aren't identical is peoples tastes aren't)
       
    15. It depends on the reason I'm selling. If it's just because I don't like the sculpt as much as I thought I would, or the doll isn't getting any play time or if I'm raising funds for another doll, then it's not so bad. If it's a *have* to sell...like I'm running out of room and have to rehome one of my dolls, then it's harder. But in either case; I'd rather a doll go to a new home where they will be appreciated/played with more than if they stayed here.
       
    16. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?
      Horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible. It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I just couldn't bond with my first doll, but fact was that I just didn't love her. I could take beautiful pictures, but I just wasn't enjoying her, and when I got a new doll, I realised that I just wouldn't give my first doll a lot of attention. :S

      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?

      Not a lot of fun, but I was patient. I wanted her to have a good home, and I ended up selling her to my best friend for a very discounted price. She loves her!

      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully?
      Nope.

      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?
      Yep, it is. I don't want to risk trying to sell a doll, just to realise after the sale that I miss her. I don't miss the doll I adopted out at all. :)
       
    17. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?
      Well I actually am selling my first bjd at the moment. I just didn't connect with her and the character I had in mind with her. She was out of place for my stories. I would say I am indifferent towards selling like some of the other bjd owners here. I feel that someone else will be able to appreciate my doll more so this is why I'm selling her.

      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?
      I figured the process would be long. I'm just being patient and hoping for the best. :)

      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully?
      No.

      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?
      In the end it is your choice and what you think is right for your situation. It's only a serious issue if you make it one.
       
    18. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?
      Well, I don't feel that I'm putting them up for "adoption", since dolls are not people or animals. It's a transaction where both parties get what they want - I get money and extra space in my display cabinet, the buyer gets a desired doll. When I listed the dolls I wanted to sell, I felt very good about it, as I knew that they will finally go on to a better home, where they will be taken care of and loved, instead of taking up space in my house.

      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?
      Well, like most people, once I decide to sell a doll, I'd like it gone asap. But, that doesn't always happen, especially in this economy. I waited for about 3 months until the last doll I listed sold. I knew she'd sell eventually, so it didn't bother me too much; other than having to bump up her thread every once in a while, it wasn't much work for me to have her listed.

      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully?
      No. Once I decide that a doll is not working out, there's no going back. I take my time before I list the doll for sale, but once the decision has been made, there's nothing more I can do to bond with her.

      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?
      Not at all. When you shop on the internet only from pictures (some of which are heavily photoshopped), it's inevitable that eventually you'll get a doll that is different from what you expected. Sometimes the doll will work out for you still, but other times, it's just not the right match for you. I'd much rather see a doll that I can't bond with go to someone who can appreciate her, than sit in her box in my closet, collecting dust.
       
    19. I've never done that before. However, I'm having trouble bonding with my first doll, so I am considering it. But I don't know... argh. ):
       
    20. How did you feel when you put up you doll for adoption when you are the first owner?
      No different from when I decided to sell any other doll. If it's not working out, why keep it instead of going for something that will work better? I think I've sold more than 30dolls and/or floating heads in all. It's no big deal and certainly not anything to lose sleep over.

      How did you feel when you are having a long wait for someone to adopt your doll?
      Doesn't bother me, unless I really need the money. I don't sit and second-guess. I certainly don't feel like the doll is being neglected or unloved or anything. Just frustrated...because I want the thing to sell so I can use the money to get something better.

      Do you have experience about putting your doll for adoption but you finally keep her and rebuild the bonding sucessfully?
      I have only de-listed a doll once due to changing my mind. By that time, I had bought and sold enough that I realized that if I was giving him a second thought, he was probably supposed to hang around. It's been over a year since then and he's still here. For now. I'm thinking of reshelling him with a more mature sculpt, so we'll see how this ends up. :doh

      Do you think putting a doll up for adoption is a very serious issue?
      I think of it as a business transaction, to be conducted professionally. In that respect, it is serious. And, for the record, I have never thought of it as "putting them up for adoption." They aren't kids or pets, just dolls....things. You're not hurting its feeling if you decide to sell because it doesn't have feelings.