How do you guys cope?

Jun 19, 2017 at 3:41 PM

    1. Hi! I was wondering what you guys tell others who criticize you for the mere fact of collecting. Regardless of whether it's a family member or a friend, do you tend to take it personally? What if it gets to the point where you can't ignore it...
       
    2. I look at it this way, for me someone who collects baseball cards, MtG cards, or like...hats/shoes is odd. Women who buy SUPER expensive name brand bags solely because of the name...are odd. While I don't go out of my way to tell them such things, I still think they are odd. I'm sure there are people who look at me for collecting dolls and think I'm odd as well. Its all about how they criticize me I guess. If they just clearly don't understand the hobby but are being 'polite' about it (IE: You collect dolls? Why?) I do my best to answer them politely as well

      If someone is rude about it, I basically ignore them. I've been dealing with odd hobbies since I was a kid, so I guess I've built up a pretty "thick skin" about people thinking things are odd/out of place when it comes to me. I don't really take it personally, to them me collecting dolls is probably just as weird as their collecting gucci bags is to me...but I get it. I have a hobby where I put lots of money into things other people wouldn't collect, they're the same way but with a different collection.

      There shouldn't be shame in collecting something you enjoy. Life is far too short to worry about a complete stranger thinking your collection is weird. Now, if it was say...my husband and it was an issue it might be different I suppose. I wouldn't want to live with someone who criticized my hobby and have to justify myself to them daily, but I'd like to think most people would pick a spouse that would support even their weirdest hobbies (within reason).
       
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    3. Depends on the critique. I mean, someone just saying "that's creepy" and not mentioning it again I can ignore. I happily ignore in fact. People who just don't care, whatever.
      But then you get really nasty people who make a big deal.
      I've mentioned elsewhere on this site about this woman who I had to deal with a few years back. She was a health visitor, which is a sort of nurse that comes over every so often after you have a baby.
      She seemed to take personal offense to my doll collecting to the point where she wouldn't shut up about them, she seemed to believe that when one has a child (I was on child 3 by this point) you shouldn't have any hobbies or any life outside those children.
      Every time she'd come over (unannouced I must add, which wasn't how it was supposed to work) she'd criticise everything I did and always, without fail, she'd bring up the dolls.
      It reached a point where I was so sick of her constantly bullying me and making me feel horrible that I told her not to come over any more and I was done with her.
      She'd spent most of a year picking away all my self esteem and generally just being absolutely horrible to me. I dressed wrong, my kids were dressed wrong, I read to them wrong, I fed them wrong, my house was wrong everything was WRONG and eugh..

      then she got extra nasty.

      She wrote a long letter to social services claiming my house was filthy (lies) and cluttered and my "obsession" with dolls was interfering with my ability to parent appropriately. (yes apparently it's impossible to have dolls on shelves and watch children simultaneously. Huh? God I really wonder how she thinks parents COOK or CLEAN or do anything if they're supposed to fixate 100% of their attention on the kids 100% of the time.)
      What... the.. hell?
      Basically, she didn't like that I collected dolls so decided it meant I was a bad parent.

      I got sent a copy of the letter by default and of course read it. And burst into tears.
      I was terrified social services would side with her, as she was supposedly a "professional" trying to have me done for child neglect because... I had dolls?
      It was absolutely insane.

      thankfully social services ignored her letter. Thank goodness.
      But gosh it was scary and very hard to ignore that level of nastiness.

      Most people just make the "okay that's weird" remark and move on. But some people are just flat out CRUEL.

      Sadly i've never fully recovered from that nasty woman's campaign against me. She did a lot of damage to my self esteem and my ability to think of myself as a decent parent. And 90% of her nastiness stemmed entirely from her not liking my dolls. I mean... what?

      In that situation all i could do was launch an official complaint (which was ignored. I was in fact told "but nobody else has a problem with her!" as if it was my fault) and shut the door to her, learn my rights and refuse to allow her access to my home and family.
      If it's someone you know? Cutting them out of your life is always an option.
      Some people are just toxic.
       
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    4. I just don't give a fk about what other ppl think about my collection. They know their opinions mean nothing to me, so they don't try to bully me or something
       
    5. I am in no way, shape, or form embarrassed by my hobby. It's a hobby, not a lifestyle, but I totally let my dolls consume me. Lol!
      The dolls are all purchased with money I earned, on my own and are my vice. Other people have their own, as in Drinking, Cigarettes, drugs, etc. I do none of that. My family is full of the above, so if anyone dares bring it up, I remind them that they money they spend on Alcohol or cigarettes will no doubt equal the amount I spend on my dolls.

      I am not blind to the fact that not everyone is going to like the dolls, and I understand that. So if they fight me on it, I simply tell them that I do not ask them to understand why I collect them, but to just let it go,as I let go of their 'hobbiies' that I may not understand.

      It's equal to cards, models, figurines.. MOST people collect something without realizing it.

      I find the best way to go about it is staying cheery and just /explain/ the above. A lot of people say negative things because they want you to be negative. If you don't give them that reaction, it'll go away.
      SOME people may not realize they're being offensive. Again, just explain you enjoy them and that the hobby is no different than others and you'll be good~
       
    6. "Why are you being such a dick? I don't mock YOUR hobbies."
       
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    7. I have very thin skin when it comes to negative comments about my interests (to the point where I'll often feel like I'm annoying people while talking about them even if nobody's ever told me they were annoyed, l-lol). Fortunately, though, I have friends I can take shelter in when things like this happen. Knowing there's at least one person who cares about what I like and what I have to say about it goes a long way to counteracting any embarrassment or distress I might feel about it!

      I am also bad with confrontation, but if it's gotten to the point where you can no longer ignore it, I'd say it's time to speak up. Take the person aside and tell them, politely but firmly, that their comments have been hurting you and you need for them to stop. Emphasise that their attitude towards something that brings you joy is damaging your relationship with them.
       
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    8. Fortunately, the number of people I've encountered that have a reaction beyond a very mild 'huh, that's a little weird' are few and far between, and even then most people will get it when I point out that most nerd hobbies (TCGs, anime figures, cosplaying, prop making, any sort of collecting) come off as a little weird.

      Though I've found that if I'm not sure how someone will receive it, they take it better if I frame it as a creative hobby, i.e.: I like to sew but I don't want to spend the money and effort to make an outfit I'll never wear, so I make them in a tiny format for my doll instead.
       
    9. I literally don't care. It's not their house, money, or business.
       
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    10. So people think I'm weird? Good. Very good. I wouldn't want to be their definition of "normal" anyways ... (And dolls aren't my "weirdest" hobby by far ...)
       
    11. I spent my teen years being bullied for having dolls, and now I'm in my early 30s and I just don't care. I refuse to waste time on people who don't respect me as a person, so if they're being really nasty, I'll just cut ties with them. Some people might think I'm putting resin over living humans, but noooo it is not like that. Bullying someone over a harmless hobby is abusive behavior. Unless that hobby is out of control and causing harm to you or others (sick pets not going to the vet bc you bought a doll/skipping meals or bills for doll money/your kids wearing rags bc your doll needed a fancy dress/etc) or they are being affected monetarily by your hobby (asking them for money for dolls/spending your money on dolls and begging others to pay your bills/etc) then it is none of their business.
       
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    12. I've pretty much had people (my family, acquaintances, ect.) criticize or make disparaging remarks about my various interests and hobbies for a good part of my life. I pretty much just had to come to the conclusion that finding people who would accept the things I like would be more the exception rather than the rule and decided that I was going just accept that that's the way it is and be me.

      That's not to say it's an ideal situation, but the truth is that people are inclined to judge and sometimes all you can do is develop a thick skin. And try to have confidence, and acceptance of yourself for who you are.
       
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    13. I haven't cared what others thing of me (hobby related or not) in nearly 2 decades. You don't like/approve of my doll hobby? Are you supporting it in any way, shape or form? Am I asking you to support me in any way, shape or form while I spend all my cash on dolls and their related items? The answer to all those questions is a resounding no so you must STFU about it now.

      I don't rag on other for hobbies or vices I find weird/pointless (like drinking, smoking, gambling, etc.). Do me the courtesy of showing the same discretion where my "weird" hobby is concerned. And yes, I'll say that exact thing to people who are rude enough to belittle me and my choice of hobby. If you're rude to me without cause, I see no reason not to be rude right back.
       
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    14. I don't actually associate with anyone that rude.
      Like seriously I havent ever told anyone and had them say, "Ugh, you stupid child, you collect dolls?" Possibly because I don't tell people I don't already like, and possibly because when I do tell people I say very boldly that I customize collectable art dolls. I am not remotely weak or meek about it and bullies might see that if they wanted to be rude they're going to meet resistance. In public interactions I tend to prefer a kind of bold and forthright manner; polite, but I am told it can be intimidating in a subtle sort of way too.
      You do not ever deserve or invite people saying rude things to you, and if they do it's not your fault that they are jerks, but I admit they tend to avoid saying such things to me personally these days in part because I have not given them the idea that here is a weak point they can shame me over.

      As for family, Ive been very very lucky there- My family is concerned for my feelings, very tender if I bring up that something is hurtful. I know not everyone's family is like that. But the one time my Mom kind of vagued about disapproving that I have this "expensive collection" I pointed out that my brother has his outdoorsy stuff like an ATV, my Dad has a collection of nice watches he saves for and adds to, and that my own Mom herself likes to spend her leisure on travel or fun clothes or purses- that everyone has some hobby or thing they invest time and money into for the joy of it, and mine just isn't tanning or purses or surfing or golf. Mine is dolls.
       
      #14 Rosslyn, Jun 20, 2017 at 1:57 AM
      Last edited: Jun 20, 2017 at 2:03 AM
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    15. I just got into BJDs (and purchased a very pricy one off the bat), but I've been collecting figures for over a decade, so I'm pretty used to criticism of my collecting hobby. I think it all depends on who it's coming from, and why. If it's like "oh, that's weird," well, I guess it kind of is weird that I spend so much money on figures. But it makes me happy, and I'll readily tell people that they have hobbies that make them happy that I wouldn't mock them about, so why mock me for my hobby? There are people who spend $1000s on tickets for sports games. I have no idea why anyone would spend money to watch other people throw a ball around. But I accept that's just an interest I don't have/understand, and if it brings people happiness good for them. I wish more people felt the same about collecting hobbies.
       
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    16. It doesn't bother me if people don't like my dolls or think they're creepy, even I think some of them are. It's when people don't try to understand or are just plain mean about it. I don't let it get to me because I know it's not something most people do so to be surprised is only expected. It does get to me to some extent because I'm afraid of taking my dolls out for photos in fear of someone spotting me, particularly who I know.
       
    17. My mom is one of the worst at this, because the first words out of her mouth are usually "That's a lot to pay for some hefty Barbie dolls." Mostly I just roll my eyes and don't let it get to me, simply because it's one hobby of many. People collect dolls all the time, not just BJDs either. For the longest time my dad collected miniatures for tabletop games, and spent loads. (So he understands better than most) I say if you're doing what you love, don't let judgmental people ruin it for you. You're in this hobby because you love it and it makes you happy, and that's what's important in the end.
       
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    18. So far, I haven't really had anyone be rude to me about them! My younger brother collects figurines so he's fine. Mum and Dad think they're gorgeous, Mum especially likes to pose them. My partner, even though he's not a huge fan of dolls, thinks they're pretty and completely supports me! Most of the friends I've told are artsy sort of people anyway, so they always seem pretty excited when I show them a new sculpt I like!
       
    19. I find these discussions very interesting as I keep my dolls a secret in RL. Part of it is that I have no one who's at all interested in me or what I do so I have the advantage of not needing to making the hobby known. The other is due to a challenging life, i'm incredibly fragile and I know the slightest bit of criticism would ruin it for me. So there's a lot of 'protecting the thing I love' in not wanting to expose things that are precious to me to others.
      It's the same reason I never tell anyone about my two little pet snakes. The fact they need me to take care of them has been the only thing that has stopped me taking the last step when the suicidal depression has won. Seeing their little faces is the only thing that make me feel happy so the last thing I want is someone making an automatic horrible remark about them.
      I'm glad i'm not in a position where I have to explain and justify my dolls and worry about constant judgment. I've always liked to have figures, plushies, comics etc because due to health reasons i'm often bedridden. During those times it's nice to have fun things to look at or to hold. It's helpful to have something that's a distraction from just focusing on the pain or how ill I feel. But i'm also aware that a lot of people associate those things with childishness and immaturity to I keep them hidden to avoid that judgment.
      This is why I plucked up courage over my social anxiety to join here as it's nice to have a place where I can share in the hobby with like-minded people. :)
       
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    20. I've done some preemptive strikes against criticism of my hobby by regularly posting status updates about the "horrible" life my doll leads and all the evil deeds he (and I) do together. Refuge in audacity and all that. And since I also have two pet tarantulas and four guinea pigs, dolls are not the weirdest "problem" in my house. And if they were, I'd be very sharp-tongued against the critic who voiced such things. I've always been an odd duck and I'm old enough now to take pride in it.
       
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