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How do you reply to family/friend saying guys shouldn't play with dolls?

Dec 26, 2010

    1. Well, if you're both adults then your hobbies are really none of her business. I do feel for you, since I love making costume for anime conventions as well. If your sister really must talk about your hobbies, point out that making costumes (for humans or dolls) and be a big money earner. Lots of people will pay a lot of money for well-made cosplay! Even if you have no intention of selling anything related to your hobbies, you can still bring this up. Having creative hobbies helps build skills.

      Or, the old standby, you can say, "Well, my hobby used to be drug-smuggling..." and leave it at that.
       
    2. I think your sister is overreacting.

      Does she have any legit evidence that it's unnatural or unhealthy? And why would it matter if her kids are exposed to it? Wasn't there some belief that boys who played with dolls grew up to be better fathers, or something? Dolls and action figures aren't different. Maybe action figures tend to be buff, steroid-filled army soldiers like G.I. Joe, and dolls tend to be highly feminized, but I consider them dolls for different genders. They both portray stereotypes.

      I don't know if I could recall a kid's action figure portraying a female. And for the most part, any men portrayed as dolls tend to be feminine, too. Really, dolls are just reinforcing that men should be brave and tough and strong, and that women should think life is like some big mundane fantasy where everything is full of princesses and happiness.

      Being a girl, I don't take offense at the whole action figure/doll battle; however, I would feel like an idiot to deny there is anything subliminal being *attempted*. Subliminal messaging (like in adds) tends to not work, and I believe the attempt to direct some kind of stereotype through toys doesn't work, either. It's the outside influences, like parents directing kids towards the "right" toys.

      (But I've gone on that tangent long enough^):sweat

      As long as you aren't putting your doll above other, more important things like family, hygiene, and things considered healthy for humans, what does she care?

      But I can understand how irritating it makes you. I'm sure there are a lot of us BJD owners (male and female) who have been told that owning dolls, and doing so much for a doll is kind of weird, absurd, or creepy. Or that it's childish. My parents think that way, and I don't take my doll out when they're awake because I *know* they're going to make fun of my hobby. It might not be the best way to deal with the issue, but it's working. Maybe she's like a lot of non-doll people, and think the dolls = Chucky? Maybe her beliefs in the dolls makes her blame you, when it's her problem?
       
    3. Dear Pathfinder:
      As a male collector myself I find this very interesting. It is difficult to asses the situation not having certain facts. In reading your post it seems that you are a young adult or perhaps a teenager?

      I am not a mental health professional but, I am going to give my opinion based on facts of the post. This line is interesting.
      My sister told me that my dollfie interest/hobby is unnatural and unhealthy and she doesn't want it any where near her or her children.
      Let us examine this sentence. First of all an interest in dollfie is very healthy, creative, fun, and you get to use your imagination in many ways. An interest in dolls is not for everyone but, since you interested and have enjoyed your hobby I have to wonder where she has the right to claim it to be unhealthy / unnatural? She has a right to her opinion , you have a right to yours. The important thing to remember is that no one has the right to tell you what to enjoy or dislike in your life. I find it interesting why anyone would care what another person thinks. Why would you care?
      The second part of the sentence state she does not want to be around the doll or have her children around them. Again, this is your sister's decision and she has the right to make that decision as well as for her children too.
      It is impossible to tell why she dislikes the hobby so much or what she feels would happen if her children are exposed to dolls?
      Once again, she has the right to feel the way she wants.
      There is no reason to argue with your sister and try to justify the pros and cons of this hobby. You both have made up your minds and personal feelings about this topic so let it be.

      The next sentence says: I've only been posting pictures of Cerul on my facebook since I got him in December. She told me that guys shouldn't play with dolls.
      First of all this is your facebook page. You have the right to post all the dolls you want on it. Personally , I would post lots of pics of dolls on there. Do a video of yourself with the dolls. Have a photo session with your dolls and post it.
      This is your hobby! This is your Account! You have fun with your BJD's and facebook. If people don't like it they dont have to read your page. However, many people on this forum would love to see it.
      Your next line says: She told me that guys shouldn't play with dolls.Your sister has the right to her opinion, you have the right to yours. If she is not a doll person that is fine but, YOU ARE!
      I'm a guy that can change the oil in my car , get on my horse and do barrel racing , go out and play football with the other guys but, when I get home and want to do a faceup, sew a new dollfie outfit then, that is my business.
      Your gender is NOT an option. Letting other people influence and control you is. Don't let this happen. Enjoy your hobby even though you have the male chromosome. Having more testosterone than your sister has nothing to do with enjoying dolls.

      In closing , I have to wonder why it matter so much what your family members think? Why do you allow your sister to have control? Why would you even want to be around someone who tries to control you and make you feel bad about yourself?
      We can choose our friends but, we can't choose our family but, you can choose if you really need to be around or socialize with certain family members. Think about it.

      This is what my home looks like dolls and all. I am a man, I am a BJD collector. I love my dolls, and no one should ever dictate to another person what is normal or abnormal. Personally, if my sister ever did or said what you have stated then, SHE would not be welcome in my home. Take the upper hand and do not allow yourself to be manipulated.
      [​IMG]
      [​IMG]
       
    4. I don't think there is any thing wrong with it. My family has told me that it is a little odd that I have dolls, and I am a girl! But then again I am 20, and didn't like dolls when I was younger, I wanted Lego and SciFi toys, so I suppose it is the fact that I like something more 'generic' to my gender that is worrying them I think! But my partner has recently decided he wants many, many, many PukiPuki Pongs, and my family thinks that is really cool. It certainly isn't 'unnatural' or 'unhealthy' - well, unless you plan on doing modding or sanding without a breathing mask. That IS unhealthy for you...
      But I think you either shouldn't reply at all, or just explain that it is your hobby, and they don't have to have anything to do with it. You aren't going to force it on them, so don't let them tell you that it is wrong.
       
    5. I sense that you've already attempted to understand your sister's point of view. Since she has already informed you to keep the dolls away from her childeren and her, there is little that you (or anyone else) can do to alter an obviously strong opinion.

      While it may be tempting to justify or prove to her the hobby is not unnatural and enjoyed by both genders, she will not be convinced--she's already said to keep the dolls away. You'll only get frustrated trying to discuss the hobby's value. Don't let her put you on the defensive. Remember, your opinion is of equal value to your sister's and if they differ, just leave it at that.

      You've stated there are few occasions she would come into contact with them, so that works out just fine. You've already blocked your facebook so she cannot see your pictures, so that is the best you can do.

      To keep the peace, don't talk about the dolls when she or her family is around. If another family member asks about the doll hobby, reply politely, "There are some who are not interested in the hobby and out of respect to them, I will not talk about them now. If you are still interested, we can talk about them at another time." (the point is to be pleasant and firm; use wording that you feel comfortable saying.)

      The most you can hope for from non-doll people is acceptance and if that is not available, don't beat yourself up about it. Focus instead on enjoying your hobby with like-minded people and leave it at that.
       
    6. My sister is that about about bjd, cosplay, and most of my other hobbies too, and I AM a girl! For my sister, she can't understand why I like to spend my time and money on the hobbies I have. I tell her I made a Sleeping Beauty cosplay for myself when my friends and I were doing the Kingdom Hearts Princesses of Heart, and when she hears between the material, pettiecoat, wig, shoes, and not to mention con registration and hotel that I spent WELL over $500, she can't understand it. To her it seems like a waste.

      I think she should be glad that you have such creative hobbies that you're not afraid to share. I know there was a discussion around the forums earlier about why people are afraid of dolls. Maybe its more the doll that makes her feel uneasy, not necessarily that you have them. Maybe.

      Either way, don't let her get you down!
       
    7. I have been told that a girl my age (13) shouldn't play with dolls. I guess all you can do is shrug and tell them to f off. Then again...I guess its their own opinion so...

      People are just stupid.
       
    8. Manscan- I absolutely love your display! Those cabinets in the walls are fantastic!

      I think you should tell your sister to screw off. I know that sounds mean, but seriously? She has no right to judge what you do with your money or time. I don't think gender is a factor in the argument at all, either. Because I think a lot of people face prejudice from family and friends. I agree with other posters, if they give you shit, tell them it's a "collector's item" (which, it is, of course). It's really none of her business what you do. And to involve her children is simply not right. They shouldn't be raised to pass judgment on you without even getting the chance to understand your interests. My aunt raised her children to pass judgment on me and what I like without even giving them a chance, and it was doing them a great injustice. They have been deprived of experiencing the ways of others and things that go against "normal" society.

      I say that if she continues this, cut your ties with her for a short period of time. She will eventually come around, I promise. She probably just needs time to re-evaluate what she sees as important. What you do in your free time shouldn't be her top concern. Your relationship with each other should be much more important, and nothing else should come between it. You should of course have disagreements, but that is not what I mean.

      I hope that makes sense. ^^; And I didn't step over my bounds.
       
    9. Kind absurd your sister.... your money your addiction.
      "My sister told me that my dollfie interest/hobby is unnatural and unhealthy and she doesn't want it any where near her or her children." - that is a good thing since kids usually want to touch figures and dolls and break them all! it's blessed!
      I'm male and my sis hav commented some similar, not so absurd as urs. Last years i started to collect Anime figures and with that i adquire some Obitsu doll and one day i got commented from my sis: "Only in adult you want to buy Barbies" and i was "WTF"! My money i spent what i want!
       
    10. well, as an example: my father considers me a unemployed/unsuccessful person since I work as a freelancer and don't go to a regular working place, even though I get more money with it than a regular job.
      Will I ever be able to change his idea? probably not. But I can't blame him for thinking that way, but at least he respects the fact that I'm an artist, and I respect him back for respecting that AT LEAST.

      Basically my point is, you sister don't have to like dolls. If she already said she doesn't like it next to her and her children.....respect that. BUT the least she can do, is respect that is YOUR hobby and you can do whatever you want with it.
      If she says: "Hey, you shouldn't play with dolls!" , you can say "Hey, didn't you say that you don't want to know about doll? Why do you keep bringing the subject?"

      Just keep enjoying you hobby and hope for your sister one day be able to respect what is yours.
       
    11. Down with double standards!

      That said, I can't say that I know what it's like to be a guy collecting dolls, but I do have experience as a woman buying action figures and transformers. I've found that if someone places no value on you it's fair to place no value on them, be it friend, seller, or family. I have aunts who rolled their eyes at my toys and did nothing but gossip about how I would never get married as I must not "be interested in boys" (Yeah, they actually feel the need to speculate on what is none of their business). Well I got married... to another toy collector! In all honesty they're probably still gossiping but I wouldn't know as I just avoid them like the plague.

      If someone doesn't care enough to even say "hey that's not my thing but it's cool you dig it" then just let them go. Personal theory here: People are either sand or sponges. Sponges soak up ideas but can be squeezed out and soak up new things, sand people soak up ideas but when their ideas prove faulty they just crumble rather than formulate new ones. I just wish you had access to her kids as they're going to grow up with a lot of repression involving what is acceptable for their age/race/sex/religion and they could use someone with an open mind to teach them to pursue what they consider fun.
       
    12. My not so mature response would be to say to her "I'm sorry you feel that way, guess we won't be seeing much of each other from now on." But in actuality I probably wouldn't use such nice words. In fact there would probably be mostly profanity in there. I've been known to not speak to people, including family members, for months at a time. OT but I cut hubby's family out of our lives for 6 months after our oldest son was born because they were insulting about the name I chose for him. Lets just say they have had nothing insulting to say about the fact that hubby and both of our sons choose to collect dolls now. Nor do they make a peep about the fact that my oldest son has long hair that he wears in pig tails or my youngest son is obsessed with Hello Kitty and the color pink. They are young and they are going to experiment. I am their mother and while they will allow it I will protect them. Some day they will have to stand on their own. Until then I will provide a safe environment for them to be themselves in.

      I am sorry your sister is putting you through this. It would be lovely if she could grow up and say "this is important to you so help me understand," but some people don't seem to be programed that way. For a while it might be better just to ignore her. She is trying to threaten you into giving in to her desires and ideal of what a male is. That isn't what family is supposed to be. But then I have always felt that biological "family" is just an accident of birth. I have no more in common with most of my "family" than random genetics. They are all just strangers who share DNA with me. We don't think or act the same. We don't share common interests or beliefs. Sometimes the most important people in your life are the people you choose for yourself. You can build yourself a strong family of friends who accept you for who you are and maybe one day your sister will come around. If she never does, it's her loss.
       
    13. lol.
      This thread is gushing with funny, sarcastic anger.

      I also agree that you shouldn't have to justify WHY you collect dolls. Trying to level with her is useless.

      What I wonder about though, is that a parent cannot control the absolute outcome of they're child, and if one of her kids becomes interested in the hobby anyway, then what will she do. You cannot speak for your child in that respect, and she sounds a lot like a tyrant IMHO.

      It's so heartbreaking because simple disagreements in hobbies and likes always seem to cause a riff in families. :(
       
    14. @.@ so many replies!

      To fill in some gaps: I'm 24, have my own apartment and a full time job. I see my sister MAYBE once every two months if we both happen to drop by Mom and Dad's at the same time- and with my younger sister's destructive 3year old son there would be NO WAY I would take any doll there. The last time I saw her was thanksgiving. We occasionally text one another. Her children are two girls- a 6 and a 9year old; the older one is actually interested in anime but her mother refuses to let her watch it. Every anime toy or plush I ever got for my oldest niece, who adores shows like Inuyasha, Sailor Moon and Pokemon, she got rid of- she wants them watching things like Twilight... and both girls are shown horror/ slasher/ zombie movies regularly.

      I occasionally bring Cerul to the store with me, practicing holding him in a public areas so I won't be as awkward with him when I bring him to Anime Boston.

      I'd like to thank everyone for your support; and especially thank those who pointed out something I'd forgotten- why should I care? She never sees me and I never see her- so her opinion of my hobbies shouldn't matter. Honestly she's just always looking for something to pick at on me- it changes through the years this one being the most recent. It was the shock of her actually saying something like that to me and me at a loss for words; because, frankly, her statements were unfounded. I don't remember why I was so interested in their acceptance... when I first got into this hobby I had originally said to myself that I wasn't going to tell my family. All of the original posts and links during the process off picking out a doll on my facebook they (my father sister and her husband) were blocked from... then at some point I'd forgotten to block one or two of them and that's when the doll was out of the box as it were...

      Manscan: *_* your collection is wonderful!! Thank you for your advice and input; you're absolutely right. Her opinions aren't rules about how I have to live my life and no one has the right to dictate how I should live.
       
    15. Now I have no medical or scientific facts backing what I have to say, just logic and personal adventures, plus I am a girl buuuuuuuut this is what I bring up anytime anyone tells me there is something wrong with boys and men playing with dolls :

      When he was very little my youngest brother wanted another baby in the family so that he wouldn't be the youngest anymore and so that he could be the big brother and help take care of it. My parents were not interested in another child and he obviously did not get one by begging or anything. One day at a yard sale my three year old brother found one of those very life like plastic baby dolls. He begged my mother to get him the doll which he named little sister. The doll had a gender and everything and he did not seem even slightly fazed carrying her around everywhere with him. My mom got odd stares and a few comments about the effects of this doll on my brother long term but she ignored them. Little sister was carried around till her arms fell off and had to be reattached with duct tape because they had been stuck on so many times nothing else would work. He picked out clothes for this doll and dressed her himself and put her to bed at night and shared his toys with her.

      When he started school and started making lots of new friends in addition to the ones he had at home, he stopped playing with little sister. Eventually she was thrown away because she was falling apart and he was the one who actually took her to the trash and said goodbye. He was ready to move on and he never had another doll again. Further more, all the foolish bigoted things that people said to my mother were untrue. My brother is no different from any other high school boy in the world.

      My belief is that his interest in his doll stemmed from a deeper human need to nurture and protect something. Dolls are designed to reflect human features that are pleasing to the owners, realistic or not and therefore are an outlet for our creative designs and our nurturing instincts. Little sister was a way for my brother to grow as a child and get the same nurturing practice we older siblings were getting. She was also a companion and friend and a way for him to express his creativity and freedom as a child. HE picked out her clothes HE set up her bed and HE made all the choices involving the doll.

      While BJD's are not baby dolls and most of us don't rock them to sleep or feed them baby bottles every day, we still have these small resin people in our lives reflecting characters or other creative parts of ourselves that we then nurture through the use of the doll. Further discovering who and what we are from the adventures we have with them. Like my little brother and his baby doll, they are a natural outlet for human expression, which crosses gender, racial, ethnic, sexual, and religious ect. borders. There is no reason for a boy NOT to play with a doll. In fact it is socially inept to raise only half of our population to be nurturing members of society. With single fathers, stay at home dads, and gay adoption out there, men SHOULD be allowed to embrace that side of themselves. Furthermore, with individual expression and social networking on the rise, any outlet that allows a person to be themselves and promote whats inside of them should be encouraged.

      I am sorry about your family situation. It seems tragic that your sister is stunting her own children's creative interests. It seems she is attempting to interest them in what she likes maybe at the expense of what they themselves are interested in. I hope that you can continue to be a good influence on her kids. I'm glad your seeing that her opinions don't matter. Sometimes it is hardest to get through to the people we love the most.

      Good luck guys! It's hard enough being a twenty something woman in the hobby, I can only imagine how you guys must feel.
       
    16. This is pretty much what I think as well. It's pretty clear to me from your sister's reactions to your other hobbies that this goes deeper than just "You are interested in a characteristically female activity and that threatens my ideas of social norm based on current patriarchal world views." (insert some angry feminist grumbling here) She seems to have some sort of vested interest in making you out to be a freak, though I have no clue what that interest is. It sounds to me like she just doesn't want to understand, or else she would have made some attempt at compromise on her end instead of making this all to be your problem. So the best you can do is, be you, like who you are, and accept that you do not need the approval she seems dead set on refusing you.
       
    17. Have you considered the possibility that your sister may be evil incarnate?
       
    18. I am not male but when my sister scoffed at the fact of me actually getting a ABJD.. and mentioned that they are too expensive.. I just turned around and mentioned one of her non justifiable spending and justified them both.. She has her costumes and stuff that cost a lot more than one of my ABJDs The two I have together does not = to the money she has spent on costumes.. So just casually mentioned "well you have this hobby that I thought was too expensive and a little weird but I keep my mouth shut! So you have no right to get on me about my dolls.. so there.." after that we both smiled and now were even lol. So if your sister has anything that she does like a collection or hobby that might set her a little awkward.. just casually state yeah well you got "this thing you do" and I don't say anything about that.. xD eye for an eye. Two unjustifiable acts can make one justified act.
       
    19. I just laughed so hard when I saw this.
      Does she knows what goes on in that series? Yes, please let my 6 and 9 year olds view films about 100 year old vampires having sex with a 17/18 year old girl, while the teenage wolfman also lusts after her unrealistically. All the movie is, is, "I want to be (have sex) with you, but he's really hot too, and you both want me at the same time, so I don't know what to do". For four books. The bad vampires are just added in to make it seem like there's somewhat of a plot. And slasher movies? Way to scar the kids for life!!

      I am a HUGE Sailor Moon fan. Like, HUGE. I think it's probably one of the most wholesome shows that has ever graced this earth. The morals are fantastic and it's every girl's dream to be like Sailor Moon, in every way. I mean, InuYasha isn't the most appropriate, but I watched it starting at the age of 10, and I lived. And Pokemon? What kid didn't grow up with Pokemon?! D: Me thinks you need to kidnap those girls and show them some real television!!

      I'm glad to hear that you've seen everyone's points! I hope you feel better about it all soon! ♥
       
    20. So, does she also believe that women who work on cars as a hobby have "unhealthy" hobbies, as well? Because it's -mostly- males that work on cars, right? So women who work on cars must have "unhealthy" hobbies, too! :roll:

      Yes, most men in America don't collect dolls, and some are even repulsed by the idea. But that is because of Western society and what they say is okay. They say it's "wrong" for men to like dolls, when in actuality, there's nothing at all wrong with it. It's just like girls who likes cars, or motorcycles, or even body-building! And people don't give them nearly as hard of a time as men who collect dolls, do they? It's absolutely sexist that men who are into "girly" hobbies get so much flag, while women who are into "boyish" hobbies don't take nearly as much c*** from people.
      Honestly, if my sister said something like that to me.. I'd tell her that she can think what she wants, but really it's none of her d*** business. But that might just be me :|

      Also, this: