How do you reply to family/friend saying guys shouldn't play with dolls?

Be true to yourself and them.
It's your family and friends, you would not want to ruin your relationship because of your hobby.

Take gentle approach, let them understand the value.
If not instantly, perhaps a days, months or even years.

You've said one of the value there, it's better this than getting out drunken or drugged...

Keep it going...

 

Before my children were born (so many years ago, I'm getting old now LOL) I worked briefly as a large equipment mechanic. You wouldn't believe the kind of garbage I would get as a contractor every time I changed shops and had to go to work with a new crew that didn't know me. I'm not tiny for a woman but at 5'7" I was smaller than most of the other guys in the shop. I heard non stop crap about how I was going to break a nail or "wouldn't you rather be getting your hair done?" The fact that I kept my head shaved just got my sexuality questioned. The fact was I liked the job and being small might have been a slight disadvantage when it came to lifting but I fit nicely down inside an engine compartment. Most of the time the guys came around but there was always a certain level of "you can't do the job as well because you are a woman" and I will admit to using the fact that they thought less of me against them more than once. I know it is probably not the most mature way to handle things, but if people are going to treat you like trash feel free to ignore them. That is always what I have done. I think it is precisely because I am a girl who prefers more traditionally "masculine" hobbies that I am sensitive about these subjects. I try not to even see hobbies, books, movies, colors or whatever as being masculine or feminine. But I know that culturally these things are viewed this way. It was a shock to my parents when I started collecting dolls more than when my husband or my sons started. But it was simply a surprise, they don't care so long as we are happy. That is the real difference. If some one just wants to disrespect you then you don't need to bother with them. They aren't worth your time anyway.

 

Here are some ideas:

1. Take a sculpture class and then proudly display the clay figures you'll make. That will prove your point about dollcraft being an artform.
2. Make a nice, conventionally-attractive garment for your doll, and then similar human scale garment for your sister or her kids, that will prove the practical usefulness of your hobby.
3. Take artistic or humorous photos of your doll, make them into cool holiday cards and give to your family. They will be moved, even if they don't love dolls.
4. Make something doll-related and sell it, then flaunt your profit in front of your family.

Basically, be creative. The nicer your creative product looks, the more acceptance you get from your family. Best of luck!

 

I wasn`t in this situation... but if somebody ask, I would answer "I do it because I can"

 

Don't forget that the vampire-child she's impregnanted with chews its way out of her body....

and then the wolfman falls in love with the baby. (And please, don't give me the crap about "BUT SHE AGES QUICKLY" because kid is still something like 8 physically when he decides that hey, that's my soulmate!.)

I am SO excited for that book to be made into a movie.

 

I actually think my appreciation and interest in dolls came from growing up with an older brother who collected action figures. It's an age old argument why boys play with "action figures" and girls play with "dolls" even though they are essentially the same thing.

I show my brother the BJD stuff I get sometimes because I know he appreciates the jointing system, the level of detail, and the materials. When he found out they can be over a thousand dollars he was surprised until I said they were made of resin--every figure collector knows resin is expensive!

So I guess it sounds just like a misunderstanding from a point of view that you're doing something effeminate--therefore giving the "wrong" impression for gender norms to her children? It sounds like a lot of prejudice is going into her irrational fear of whatever it is she thinks you're doing. Hopefully you will have an opportunity to use some of the excellent suggestions in this thread to educate her a little better.

My grandfather made model trains, my uncles made model plans, my brother collected action figures and statues... I am really the first girl in the family that has had a similar interest. Double standards suck

 

....LOL WUT? For some reason, I think I didn't catch that little tidbit before. How, I have no idea. O_o

IT'S SO WHOLESOME. So much better for the children than an uncle that plays with dolls, I'm sure. T_T

 

I say that I stayed young in my heart!
or:
"I like to sew and knit/crochet for them"
and then people stop saying stuff, but I had only one strange reaction so far and usually when I expect strange reactions I don't talk about or show my doll.
but, wait, my brother will come and visit us tomorrow, I bet I'll be able to use one of the above sentence... ;-))))
But, mostly people find my doll beautiful.

 

Pathfinder, I'm glad you realized you shouldn't care about what your sister thinks. I agree though that cutting people off for a while works, but seems to me your sister wouldn't really care if you did, till she needs someone to pick on.
Misery loves company, and when people feel less than others, they try to make someone else to be lower than them in front of other people, even if it's unfounded, in order to make themselves feel worthy. Don't know if that makes sense, but seems to me she feels that she is "unhealthy" and "unnatural". After all, look at what she is trying to force her little kids into. Little kids generally don't care for things like Twilight, or horror/slasher/zombie movies. So she knows deep down she is doing something wrong and feels bad about it, so if she makes you out to be the "unhealthy" and "unnatural" one to your parents and other family members, then she will look "normal", and that makes her feel better about herself, and it takes the focus off her. But that's just my opinion and partly my experience with people.
Don't let her mess things up for you, or you might end up as miserable and repressed as she is, and that would truly be a shame.
I'm not a guy, but I personally don't think there is anything wrong with men being in the hobby. I love it to be honest Sometimes I secretly wish my guy would get his own doll but shhhhhh

Oh and yes. It's hard enough being a woman in the hobby, let alone a guy. My family coached me to stop playing with dolls because I was "becoming a woman" from the time I turned 14-15. I'm sorry to say I listened to them, and I've missed out on so much. But I'm catching up now


Katyok, I love your ideas. I am copying that stuff and keeping it. Not that my family has said anything, but I know by the way they comment sometimes that they think it's a little odd for me to collect dolls They know better than to be mean though, cause it doesn't take much for me to disappear for a while, and they don't want that

Clorista, love the story, and you make some very good points, too.

 

All yall: word

Every age of humanity and culture, has used dolls as one way to express who they were or who they could conceive.

Tell 'em its beyond gender.

 

I'd start by telling them that it isn't like doll collecting is harming anyone. For one you are being creative which can go for so many different things. You might have a doll if you are a man for the sake of helping with drawing, for designing or even as a photographer who caters to bjd collectors. It should never matter your gender when collecting a doll just like it isn't supposed to matter when a woman collects tools. I mean, what do people think GI joes are? I mean those are dolls and 'figurines' and 'action figures' are really just dolls, but men collect those. I would figure that you being a man who collects dolls, that some might see as 'toys', your relatives would be more understanding when it comes to their children. After all, if you have the dolls then you can amuse little girls and some little boys by showing them the dolls. That's just my opinion.

 

Great thread, everyone! It's so nice hearing voices of reason in what can be a very crazy world!

Females can be given a hard time about having dolls for all sorts of reasons. Males have it even harder because of supposed sexual roles and let's face it, lots of homophobia--if the guys are straight or not. geeesh.

Yes, some people will not understand no matter what. and yes, some of them just like picking on others to make themselves feel better somehow... Sometimes it's not worth trying to change their minds (not that it is possible in most cases).

More power to anyone, male or female, who is just trying to pursue some simple enjoyment in life without hurting anyone!!! Be strong and just have fun!

Manscan-- Wow, beautiful dolls and wonderful display! Impressive.

 

Keep at it, don't get discouraged eventually they will see the light.

 

Pathfinder,
I feel very sad for you that your sister does not appreciate your hobbies, and worse, has extended this opinion to cover her children as well. It sounds to me like she may be in for a shock when your nieces reach teenage years. It really depends on the personal interaction you want to have with your sister and nieces and what you're willing to maintain. But, to keep peace and your own sanity, I'd not put the dolls in her face...and possibly remove her from your facebook, I do agree with the move to place her on limited access if she is going to be so abrasive.

As for society as a whole, I think a lot of gender-specific roles and stereotypes are slowly dying or melding, though some struggle more than others. There's no law against or psychological sickness about dolls, so I'd continue to do things as you are. There are just old stigmas and social stereotypes that are going to die hard. I'd give it your all and fight the stereotypes how you see best. Anyone should be able to have dolls or do the hobbies and jobs they wish to do without the influence of gender stereotypes.


By the way, for anyone interested about little gender-stereotype based social activism, there is a nice article on Wikipedia about one of their RTMark pranks involving switching GI Joe and Barbie soundboxes and reverse shoplifting.

 

Dude! You are an adult, you don't need anyone's approval to enjoy the things you love.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your sister is a jerk. Do you really need approval from someone like that? I know it's hard to get out from under the family-relationship-roles we are all imprinted with, but ignoring your sister's unenlightened attitudes is the healthiest thing to do. Don't give her misguided and hurtful opinions space in your head. Hey! She's not the boss of you!

Actually, she sounds a control-freak that may be little jealous of you. Unhappy control-freaks have a tendency to want to make everyone else around them unhappy, too. (Misery loves company ~ spread the sunshine!) You sound like a young person who is happy and making his way in the world, and you also have hobbies that bring you joy! How many people can say that? Sounds like maybe your sister can't.

 

umm..i told them thats myself things my hobby- -but they think doffile is too big my home is haven't place to put them

 

This is the issue that I have with Western culture - the one where it's okay for women to fill 'masculine' roles in society, but what's good for goose is not good for gander.

The feminists have done such good with liberating women, but no one has managed to liberate men yet. Men are still hyperaware of the role they 'have' to play in society - the manly man who proves his masculinity doing what is stereotypically expected of him. It takes more guts and bravery in my eyes to go against this stereotype. I don't want a man who pretends to be something he's not. I want a man who is comfortable in their own skin and accepting of who they are.

(...Sorry. The rant is kind of a knee-jerk reaction.)

My family and friends are well aware that I advocate for gender equality and for people's right to be themselves in society, so most of them probably wouldn't mention the 'guys with dolls' thing around me. Most of them have learnt that's the second-fastest way to cop an earful from me. (The fastest is if they say something negative about LBGT, the third-fastest is if they discriminate against religion or race.)

 

Why argue at all? You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Just be honest and let people have their opinions.
This is a creative outlet for you. What more IS there to say?

 

I have to admit that I had a little giggle to myself when I first saw this thread and the first thought that popped into my head was "but the girls think collecting BJDs and cooking is hot!". Or at least this one thinks it's awesome, but I am a dork.

More seriously it sounds like the sister of the OP has very set ideas about gender identity/roles and it comes out in what she thinks is a 'suitable' hobby. I would probably want to confront her if she were my sister, however that's probably because I do tend to get confrontational about gender issues.

 

I agree. Fighting with family never does anyone any good, so just tell her to respect your decisions, and you'll respect hers.