How do you reply to family/friend saying guys shouldn't play with dolls?

I'm still puzzled as to why she would make her kids watch horror when they obviously don't like it, and yet they like dolls but they are not allowed to play with them. I agree that you have to educate and guide kids, but you also have to give them room to grow and develop into their own personalities. They are not "mini-me's" no matter how much you try to make them *sigh*

 

We have guys in our local doll club. My brothers and I always played together with all of our toys, and we all discovered long ago that dolls and action figures are essentially the same thing. For some reason, little boys are "allowed" to play with "action figures" but not dolls, and little girls aren't "allowed" to play with "Boy Toys" like action figures.
I've always disagreed with what I'm "allowed" to do.

It is no more unhealthy for you to collect and photograph dolls as it is for me to do so. Period.

Perhaps she is more bothered by the fact that she views these kinds of dolls as "Toys" rather than "Collectables". Is it really a "boys can't play with dolls" problem or a "Grown-ups don't play with toys unless they're sick in the head" problem?

I run into THAT one a lot; adults who are creeped out by other adults "playing with toys".

But I digress.
What would I say to friends and family if I were in your position?
"Oh, I'm studying photography, and these props give me a way to practice without expensive model fees or impatient human models."
"Doll? What do you mean? This is an articulated art sculpture."
"Hey, they're Action Figures for Big Boys. Of course they're for adults; you wouldn't spend (insert price tag here) on a child's toy, would you?"

 

LOVE these Totally using them lol

 

tell them that they are like collectables or antiques. call then action figures that are collectable. I think she is over reacting just a tad.

 

#1. You don't owe anyone any explanation.

#2. Tell her youre sorry she feels that way (followed by #3)

#3. I really don't want my dolls around your kids anyhow, they are expensive and with you as a mother they obviously aren't going to learn any manners.

#4. If all else fails...you just take your fist and...JK JK (not really, but ya' know)
Sorry, she is your sister....just, as a guy, it gets under my skin.

But the main thing is I wouldn't try rationalizing it in any way...it makes it seem as if there is something wrong with it or that you should be ashamed.

 

I would just say well there mine and I am sorry you feel that a Toy, artistic doll, ect is going to moral, emotionally, and horrible scar you children for life. After all there nothing else that is in real life that is worse ( be big on the scarcasm there).

 

You shouldn't have to argue with someone as to why you like your hobby. Men can "play" with dolls just like women can. It just seems a little out of the ordinary to most people, just because of how our culture views men. Guys are supposed to be pig headed, sloppy, beer guzzling, fart machines, with an iv of supercharged extreme testosterone in each arm, as they fuze their eyeballs to the television screen to get their sports fix.

God forbid they play with a doll. :/

To be condemned so heavily for a hobby is a shame. I hope the OP's sister eventually got over it. I don't quite understand why people outside the hobby think all of us are sitting in our rooms playing house like we did when we were 5, rather than taking them in an artistic or creative direction such as making them avatars for original characters or replicas of already existing ones, or hell even just collecting them to because they look cool.

 

@ Somnambulist
I wish there was a "like" button on DoA. ^^

 

I would just never respect that friend or family member ever again. If an adult has unintelligent and hateful opinions, they're not going to change the way they think easily (if at all), and it's not really worth spending your time and energy only to keep getting hurt by them. It's painful when someone who's supposed to support you says such irrational and hurtful things. But, if you've already explained yourself the best you can and they still can't get the picture, there's nothing else you can really do other than adjust your feelings toward them as you see fit.

 

Let me start off by saying if collecting BJDs makes you happy then nothing should stop you from doing it.

from my own point of view
I don't really believe in societies set of gender roles. I really don't believe that my interests or anyone else's interests for that matter should be dictated by their gender. If we all stuck to the cut and dry roles laid before us most girls would be house wives, pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen ( pardon the cliche ) and most guys would be going out the door to bring home the bacon. If we let gender discrimination stop us we wouldn't have such great people as Julia Child, Sandra Day O'Conner,Margaret Thatcher, and Frida Khalo to name a few. Also think of all the male Fashion Designers that are famous I am sure that I can name more male designers than female that people actually would recognize.
As far as her wanting to keep it away from her children because it's "unnatural" all she is doing is perpetuating out dated ideas of gender roles on them and I feel bad for them. I also feel bad for her for being so close minded. Know this I am a guy I am happy to collect Dolls and I am happy to see other guys in the hobby, us doll daddies have to stick together

 

MrBrattastic

Thank you for restoring my faith in the human population!
(seriously... I needed that)

 

Instead of replying to her drag her to a miniature or doll show, there are TONS of men there. Dolls are popular with both men and women. There are some very awesome clothing, furniture, and doll designers that are men. I think if she just saw how many different types of people were there she won't feel that way any longer.

You shouldn't have to explain this to her. I'm sure she has some "male" hobbies of her own (I don't see any hobby to be either male or female personally).

I feel angry for you.
She's your sister and should be more understanding.

 

I know how you feel. i have been a collector of dolls since i was a kid. i have heard the "dolls are for girls" thing way to many times growing up. I pretty much learned to tune it out(depending on how they say it) from both people who where strangers to me and family. As i kid i remember telling off a uncle who thought teasing me was cool. I got in sooo much trouble for it, but to this day he respects me more for it. i have always gone to bat for my dolls. Family knows family, and she should know that to throw in "kids" in the statement is truly cowardly.

 

I think this only displays further how society is so disabled to anything that isn't Stereotypically Aligned.

I'm Transexual so I know all about the being given BS from someone about the way you Live.
There is really Nothing you can do about it, and I think you shouldn't even if you could.
The potential of drama that could arise in trying to make someone accept something you do/are
is most of the time best left Un-said.

However that never means always be Silent.

Yes you can defend your Hobby and Interest,
I think the way they are behaving to your BJD hobby, is Juvenile,
and I agree that you could be into Much worse, like so many other people, Are.

I'm very two-sided about what to say, But none the less on your Side of argument.

Why argue to someone with the mind of a flat wall who wont listen?
But then why also make yourself deal with it.

 

Point out the fact that this forum has 33,903 members today, and probably more by the time you tell it.
We cant possibly ALL be crazy, can we?

 

awww...give you a big hug first. Your sister just won't understand a man also can play with dolls, some people might think the person who likes to collects doll especially men are pedophile something (problably i'm watched crimind mind too much). In my opinion, playing with dolls, making clothes to them,taking picture ,are way more better and healtier activities than always going out on every friday and drink nonstop get drunk and carried back to home by police(DUN HIT ME PLS), playing with dolls are your own hobby,you do nothing wrong to harming their kids, your sister just be abit too mean to you. If they really hates it, just keep it away while ur sister is visiting you

 

as a male collector of figures and reciently a BJD i can sympathise with you, some people just don't understand its an artform, the same as collecting anything.

in my mind its no different from a man who collects action figures/anime figures or whatever.

 

I reply the same way I do when people say I'm silly for getting so excited about Halloween and Christmas the way I do.
"I think it's sad when people stop appreciating the little things in life. You should let your inner child out every now and then otherwise when you get old you are going to be CRANKY".

If I don't feel like being that wordy I just reply with "as an adult I can do what i want".

Both work pretty well for me so far.

 

My poor hubby gets teased by our family for having dolls. We recently had our house warming party, and he begged to tell people if they asked, that the dolls were mine. He was so scared of what they would say and think of him. I didn't say anything because I know he's sensitive about it right now.

 

It's sad how often we get questions like this. Not because of the duplication, but because the issue comes up at all. When did we as a culture become so AFRAID of everything? And so flipping judgmental? *sigh* (and here I'm speaking of the US, as other parts of the world can vary greatly, thank the gods)

Another approach to take I suppose would be to tell the overly-nosy and rude sister (adjectives are my own interpretation) "Thanks for being concerned about me! I love you too." And leave it at that.

Because, at the root, I suppose the sister is worried that there may be something worthy of a sleazy TV show episode going on in the background. "Tonight on True Nutcases: Men Play With Dolls..." We let our media influence our thinking in SO many ways.