How to bond with a grail doll?

People act like a grail is the Ultimate Doll and I think that can create an expectation that doesn't need to be there. Some people form strong bonds with their grails, and some don't have grails, and some people don't even form intense bonds with dolls in general. There's nothing wrong with any of that. I think also that sometimes we bond differently depending on how our lives are going or what dolls mean to us. When I was going through a lot, I tended to bond stronger to my dolls because I relied on them a little more for fulfillment, for example. Or a first doll might feel like a huge achievement and the rest lose that weight because you've adjusted to the hobby. There's nothing wrong with that, either.

That said, if you want to bond more with him, I don't think you need to get rid of some of your dolls (unless you want to). It could easily be that he doesn't feel "complete" yet. You could try taking a picture of him and put outfits on him either digitally or printing them out like a paper doll, too, just to try some stuff on him and see what works and what doesn't. If you've been holding off because you don't want to start on an outfit before you know what you want for him, that could help break through that block.

 

I think part of the fun of bonding is experimenting. If you don't know what you want to do with him, allowing yourself to try different looks out might make once you find his actual look more special. I don't think I have grails, but I understand the concept of them!

My first doll I bonded with instantly, and I haven't been able to let her go but she has evolved as my tastes has changed in the hobby. However you are able to enjoy your dolls you should! There aren't any really rules and this is supposed to be fun. Take it easy on yourself and just play.

 

While I never really gave her the title of "grail", I think my Iplehouse Lahela might be the "grail" for me. I had a couple of "grail" dolls in the far distant past that I didn't enjoy much because I didn't know what to do with them, and was afraid to enjoy them. It kind of made everything fizzle out quickly.

But with my Lahela, Twyla, I wanted this girl for over a decade, but couldn't justify the price. Then finally, earlier this year, 16 years into the hobby, I took the dive. And I have zero regrets. I absolutely love this girl, she's everything I wanted. But one big difference I have with her, from my other dolls? Freedom. With the others, they fit a certain character and everything I do with them must fit that character. If the character's story ends or I get bored, or my RP partners want to quit playing their friends/family, I lose interest. Twyla is a fantasy character who can travel anywhere, any time period, any world she can imagine. She has many friends, but just as easily moves on to the next thing. It makes her stories endless, and her clothing/accessories timeless. I have no limits with her. Her story does not have to fit any rules or regulations, and if one part falls through, she can skip to a different world/time. I think it has helped me so much with bonding! So maybe that might be a way to keep your grail relevant and keep enjoying him? Let go of anything that stifles your imagination, and don't worry about pinning down one thing to define him, give him the freedom to be everything to you!

 

I totally understand that! Same is true for the majority of my dolls, Twyla and a couple of friends are the only exceptions.

 

I'll say something that will be not popular opinion and I really don't mean it to sound offensive it is my reality and it applies on me because I have hoarding tendencies I know I have them I am diagnosed with them and it probably runs in my family too so this way/opinion of me handling such things is not the way for one who is not diagnosed as me to go . I bond very easily with many inanimate objects and feel them as part of myself to an unhealthy level so I do the exact opposite I worry not when I don't "bond" with a doll but when I overbond with it ... I actually do therapy to unbond with some of my childhood stuff so maybe not bonding too much is a blessing ? You can enjoy the doll as long as you like and then it will be much easier for you to put it for sale when/if you don't want to have it arround anymore while bonding makes you attached to it even when you don't like it anymore and have to activelly force yourself to do things needed to sell it that otherwise you would do without efford. I don't want to imply anything bad about anyone I just wanted to post the opposite side of this exact spectrum as I experience it

 

Totally valid as another side of the conversation!

 

I was able to get a grail of mine quite a few years ago, but it took me nearly 7 years to really bond with her. She went through a lot of faceups (I didn't have a vision for her and like to let the doll speak to me about who they want to be), and I tried a lot of different clothes and wigs on her. Eventually I put a wig on her that I never would have considered and it clicked. I changed her faceup to match the colouration of the wig, and she's been an absolute beauty ever since. I know her fashion, I know her personality, she's even become a character I play as in DnD. Give it time and have fun trying things on your doll. Best of luck to you!

 

My grail doll, Aiyu, is the doll that has taken me the longest to bond with. I think cosmicakes is somewhat correct in that, if you're a person who has a grail doll, there is pressure for this doll to be The One Doll, which can make bonding more difficult.

I'm the kind of person where bonding with a doll has to come naturally as part of the discovery process for their character. I can't shove them into a box just to have them be "completed," as this interrupts bonding and makes me more likely to sell it, which leaves me to sit around and wait for what feels "right." Sometimes this process is very quick and other times, it's slow as molasses, but it cannot be rushed without risking a total loss of interest in the doll. Because Aiyu was/is my grail and it would gut me to sell her, there was a ton of pressure to get her right, which meant I was often afraid to try things on her because I was afraid of being wrong.

What fixed the issue was that I started playing FFXIV with Aiyu as my main profile. It allowed me to explore her in a lower pressure situation and really parse her out before translating her character identity to the physical doll. Now she no longer feels like this mythical being that lives in my house, but an old friend that I know intimately and deeply. She is still very special, but she no longer intimidates me like she used to.

 

Thank you so much for input and for not being offended for me what works is therapy and restoring everyday stability in life avoiding traumatic situations or triggers of trauma response. It works well and everyday gets better the road is long but it is walkable All the best to you too !!!

Thank you so much and thank you for not being offended !!!

 

I absolutely relate to this, especially with my Feeple60 girl, Trixie. I knew I wanted one after a lot of research years ago and narrowed my wish list to a couple sculpts. Eventually, my girl popped up secondhand and was everything I pictured for the character I was trying to create so I bought her as my first BJD.

But once she was in my hands, I had a lot of trouble bonding so she sat neglected for a long time. I ended up bonding/doing more with my other doll in the meantime, making me feel even worse about Trixie. I think the weight of her being my first grail/most wanted doll combined with the difficulty of evolving and developing her character after many years was intimidating and thought about selling her many times tbh!

All this to say, what helped me was to breathe and take a step back to experiment, like other members have said above. For me, this was physical with new wigs, clothes, eyes, etc. As well as character wise, giving her a reset and am updated backstory that helped me enjoy her more!

I would definitely recommend not being hard on yourself! Take some pressure off yourself to play around, experiment, and switch things up! Even when you find something that works for you, know it's not permanent, your doll can always keep evolving as your tastes change! There are no rules! And in the end, if you decide that you can't bond with that specific doll, that's okay too! I don't think it's a waste of time, or you did anything wrong. I feel like it naturally happens to a lot of people in the hobby!

 

This is all so very true, and it recently happened to me too! And I have pretty strong failsafes against it (I’ve been in this hobby for nearly two decades, so lots of experience; I never buy a doll without having a strong character in place for it; I do my own faceups, make my own clothes; and I already have a good-sized collection of 60 on-topic dolls, all nicely bonded with.) But yep, it happened to me just recently. This doll was so my jam too…a cute and limited anime bunny head, just the sort of quirky thing I’m drawn to. I thought, oh wow! She’d make the perfect addition to my little crew of Pokemon trainers I enjoy having sit next to me while I’m gaming on my Nintendos. And I had the perfect body for her too, so I was able to begin on her wardrobe right away. I ordered her the perfect wig and had anime eyes especially made. I was so looking forward to her arrival, and when she got here I immediately did her faceup, which turned out exactly as I’d hoped. I got her all put together…and then, well, I felt nothing! No bond at all. It was all so confusing to me…what the heck!

So she had clearly “jumped character” on me, absolutely refusing to comply with my desire for a new Pokemon trainer. That was the first thing I realized. And she utterly refused the cute shabby chic wardrobe I’d worked so hard on (that went for another doll who looked great in it, fortunately.) Luckily, I still felt the wig, eyes and faceup were what I wanted…she didn’t reject those, and I had some other cute clothes to put her in as a temporary fix. So I simply put her in a display with my other rabbit bjds and walked away, putting the problem out of my mind. What happened eventually was that I stumbled upon a cute name (Whimsy) in my internet travels, and I thought it had such a charming, fairytale-like quality. So I tried it out on her and voila! That single name change made her personality sudden start opening up like a multi-petaled flower, and we were finally able to bond! Sometimes it can be the smallest, most insignificant thing that makes all the difference…the smallest key. So just be patient and kind with yourself about it.

 

I'm glad to help!! Yeah, I say mess around, even if it's different than your original plans! Maybe he will look even better with red hair, only one way to find out!

I personally think I can back myself into a corner creatively when things aren't as I originally planned. Those expectations combine with the pressure of wanting my grail dolls to be perfect after spending so much time planning for them can be pretty restricting so it's good to take a step back and allow yourself to reevaluate and play with things! There is no wrong way to enjoy your characters and dolls!

 

So I got the loongsoul black dragon. I figured I would buy him for way too much later with missing pieces and a messed up face up if have to wipe. Lo and behold a new one goes for an in stock sale with a dealer.

So I am just fine with 75cm+ but this boy has legs for days, a big ol tale, and some big ol wings. I got the full set but he came blank and he has cute clothes that are a little hard to put on. I bought him clothes that were easier to put on so while he's waiting for my to finally do his body blushing, he has something that doesn't feel like a chore to remove. I goofed a bitwith him and the dz dragon head on the body and that was pretty fun to see I'm still debating whether he had a human face and a dragon face for funsies.

I have another loongsoul body his head fits in I died black so it looks like it matches and I just take him around with me so I can think about face ups and styles and where I wanna go.

Essentially, I'm saying add stuff you might not have though of, even for giggles. Put silly eyes, put serious eyes, put eyes you couldn't care less about. You're just enjoying your doll. Find an easy way to get your doll around. Maybe she needs some clothes that aren't the final vision but just an easy fit.

If you haven't yet, a Mani/Pedi goes really far in making a doll feel closer to finished, or even alive. If you sealed him first, it's easy least to wipe off so it's not even permanent.

Don't be serious and enjoy the doll that's in front of you, not some mythic doll that's supposed to part the heavens. Every single doll is what you make of it, regardless.