How to discourage careless handling by those who are not in the hobby?

As others have stated already, you need to talk to your friend about the way you feel about her handling of your dolls and what you would like her to do differently. It's important that you set the ground rules and continue to enforce them. Obviously it would have been ideal to do this earlier on, so she wouldn't become accustomed to behaviors that make you uneasy, but it won't get any better by continuing to delay in talking to her about this. If she's really such a close friend, she'll want you to be honest and to communicate with her--thus the communicating with her part is up to you. You've got some really good suggestions for ways to bring it up and how to illustrate your point. It's great that you want to share your hobby with her, and that she enjoys your dolls, but you're uncomfortable with her interactions then you need to address it.

 

Hey everyone,

Not sure if anything has been posted about this before but just wanted to get peoples advice / opinions on the subject of friends / family and how they handle your dolls.

So, last weekend I went to visit my brother and his girlfriend. I don't see them very often and the last time I saw them I did not have my BJD Bella. As I was going to see them, I took her along to so they could meet.

I had Bella wrapped up in bubble wrap, in the soft bag DC she came with and then strapped in a doll bag. If I had seen someone unwrap their doll from all this, I would have been vary wary of the fact she might be delicate or whatever.

After I unpacked Bella, I handed her to my brothers girlfriend so she could have a look. The girlfriend then proceeded to twist and pull all Bella's arms and legs out of position. I was mortified but didn't say anything as there were a few other family members with us and I didn't want to look like I was over reacting. I asked for her back a few times and when I finally got her back I had to twist her joints back into the correct position as all the elastic inside seemed to be twisted and her arms and legs were no longer sitting properly.

As you can imagine, she was promptly packed her away so no further harm could come to her.

I was taken aback by this behaviour, I mean... I don't think the girlfriend meant any harm and to be honest, I don't think she realised how much Bella cost but surely you would be careful and wouldn't twist and pull things you weren't sure with, that could potentially break / snap?!

Has anyone else had this happen to them and what did you do? Did you say quiet and wait for the nightmare to end or did you speak up?

I personally will be a lot more wary in future!

 

Unfortunately some people have no manners, even if I was in the position where I didn't like or understand someone elses purchase I wouldn't hurt their feelings by being nasty or disrespectful. I haven't had any experience like that with a bjd (yet) but I had a similar experience with another doll that I own, a tiny ooak resin baby. I showed her to a friend and the comment was 'thats the most revolting thing that I've ever seen', she threw the doll back at me. I was very hurt by her reaction, like you I just put the doll away in her box. I've never shown my friend any other doll, and won't. Something like that does make you more guarded about sharing your hobby.

 

It seems so strange to me, the whole thing. I can't imagine ever doing that or being so cruel.

I remember when I held someone else's doll for the first time before I got mine and I was so worried to move anything on her incase something went wrong, I just stared at her lovely little face and was so grateful that someone had trusted me with her.

I guess some people are like you said, lacking in the manners department

 

Well, when I take any of my dolls to meet non-collectors, I like to introduce them by saying how special they are and that they need to be handled carefully, as a work of art. That usually does the trick. I haven't had any bad experiences that I can recall. Although, at a public place once, a woman just picked up my doll without my permission. I just smiled at her and reached for my doll as I offered to demonstrate what makes her special and her cost. The woman decided she wanted to buy my doll but I explained that she was not for sale and told her where she could find many to choose from.

I hope you don't have any more bad experiences in the future. Glad Bella wasn't harmed further.

 

Most of my experiences with my crew getting handled badly by strangers doesn't happen with people who aren't into dolls but rather people who are. Especially the Barbie collector crowd. I keep them out of sight or don't bring them at all whenever I go to doll shows or sales because some of them can be so grabby! I've had people grab them out of my hands once or twice and that's something I loath to repeat.

Most non-doll people have been really gentle with them though, especially children. I'm pretty much ok with it in general if a kid wants to touch one. It really just depends on the location.

 

While most people err on the side of caution when handling something they are not familiar with, some don’t and part of the responsibility lies on us doll owners to explain to people what we expect. It is we who know what the doll cost, what could harm it and how much play it can take.

Someone who is not familiar with this doll type can’t know these things and it is unreasonable to expect them to.
Like you said, the girl probably didn’t mean any harm, she just didn’t know any better. Next time you want to introduce a doll no a non-doll-person, try doing it with a few words of how to handle it.
“Be gentle with it, it’s expensive. And please don’t, touch the face/be careful with the wig/whatever else that might worry you”.
Another way to do it is to simply hold on to it yourself until someone asks to hold it or look at it closer. By then they have hopefully observed how you handle the doll a bit.

If you don’t want to bring up “expensive” or “fragile” it is also possible to simply say.
“This doll is very important to me and I’m a bit protective of it, so I would appreciate if you handle it with care.”
Or whatever else you feel gets the job done.

 

I have been really lucky. Everyone around me respects my dolls and knows how much they mean to me. At my first meet I handed her over to the other collectors, giving them the benefit of the doubt and everyone was really gentle and respectful.

When I go back to BC to visit friends and family I plan on taking them. My friends will most likely be too nervous to touch them and I will have to force them lol. My family and friends would never do anything to hurt me or my belongings.

If someone was to handle my doll inappropriately I would ask for my doll back and immediately explain to them how fragile and important the doll is to me. I am also one who isn't afraid to "yell" out. "That's a $500 doll! Do you have that kind of money to hand to me if you mess her up!?" So I don't feel worried about it.


~Bambi

 

I tell people up front how much they cost and if they break it they bought it! That makes them hand over the doll back to me very quickly

 

That would certainly have been nerve-wracking! I probably would have politely told her to please be gentle as it's delicate and expensive. Really, if you tell people up-front how much it costs, they most likely won't want to touch it to begin with lol. I know some of us on here are a little more uncomfortable blurting out the price, but if it saves one doll

I know my first meet, I was terrified to handle anybody else's dolls. I'd touch a wig here and there or run my fingers over a doll hand or shoe, but I wasn't comfortable picking them up. I had only had mine for about two weeks so I wasn't sure I even trusted myself with my own doll.

 

I'm quite frank and straightforward with my friends and family so every time such a situation happened I just shout "hands off" or "you can touch, but break it and I will break you" and that usually (always) does the trick
For no-so-familiar people I'm still quite straightforward but more polite (hehehe) and say is a delicate and fragile doll and need to be handled accordingly. As for the strangers that snatch them... that never actually happened to me because I usually don't walk with my dolls on my arms/shoulders like I see many doing in conventions. I think you are already risking letting the doll fall or tripping yourself and braking it just by going around like that. But if it happened to me I would probably say "is a collectible! please take care" or shout something, I mean, that person is already being rude by touching something without permission.

I think you don't have to be over-polite or be afraid to look like you are over-reacting because in the end you are the one responsible for anything that happens to your doll, even if the person who broke it assumes the costs, you are the one left with a broken part to replace or a face-up to re-do or worse. What if it's a limited doll? Is a headache I would not want to handle myself so better look a little crazy for a few strangers instead.

 

If it's someone who has never seen one before, or know how much they cost, I can see perfectly why they would pull and twist the joints. It's because it's interesting as heck. When my friends get dolls from companies I've never held before, I often inspect the joints and pull them out of their sockets to see how they work.
Now, I know how much they cost and how to handle resin, so I am a bit more careful, but your brother's girlfriend had no idea from what I understand. Just because you had your doll wrapped up neatly doesn't tell anyone anything. It's an assumption.
I'm not implying you are overreacting, because a doll is special to all of us obviously, but simply twisting the joints around isn't doing any harm. There were way worse things that could have happened.

Long story short, never assume people know the same things you do and never assume they treat property the same way you do. If they do something you don't like, speak up. You have every right to. Also, explaining things to people up front might help a great deal. Tell them explicitly not to do certain things, like touch the face.
It's like the times I had to tell dog-people not to pet my cats like dogs. They don't know any better.

 

To: 'The Crafty Llama'

I'm very sorry that happened to you and honestly just to avoid that kind of situation I will first tell my friends and family just what a Bjd is and yes I will pop the price so they can be careful with any and all Bjd's I own. I'm very careful to watch my Bjd around strangers since my family loves throwing parties and that means many many children like to come over. My room is off limits for good reason. I can't imagine coming home to a scratched, twisted, chipped, or broken doll I would throw a fit. So I guess the best advice I can give is to be proud of your Bjd (even if you are shy... it's ok I am to) and just let people know how important they are to you, maybe even bring up just how much you paid. Then let them see your Bjd and maybe touch/ hold them if you trust them. Right? I would say if your not very good friends with a specific person never ever let them handle your Bjd because they are precious and special, some people just don't understand that. Know you'll always have friends on Den of Angels though! \(^__^)/

 

I honestly don't this incident was so much about being rude and disrespectful as it was about ignorance. Not everyone is into BJDs, and therefore not everyone would know to handle them delicately. Perhaps if you had explained a little about BJDs before just handing your doll to someone who doesn't know all the intricacies of them, this incident may not have played out as it did. If I didn't know about BJDs, I probably would have acted the same, thinking it was just some toy and therefore not being as careful with it and exploring the joint system with much vigor as your friend did. A rather crude comparison, but it's like handing a toddler a loaded gun and being shocked when they accidentally shoot someone.

 

I've had a situation similar to this,

because I still live with my mum and share a room with my younger siblings (one 10 year old the other 8) as we live in a small house. Now my little siblings are fine with my dolls, they know that there precious to me and cost a lot of money so if they have to touch them they have to be careful with them. I think it was this year at my little brothers birthday party and this situation happened, i came home from my BF's house to celibrate my little bros birthday, i came upstairs only to see half of my dolls strewn across my bed and the other half stuff in a bag, there were wigs missing and joints and everything out of place, i was horrified. My little sister and her friends happened to be in the room at the time so i figured she knew who did this, or one of her friends did it, So i ended up flipping out in a panic shouting 'who did this to my dolls, i told you to not let anyone touch the dolls' i felt bad about it afterwards, but at the same time she knew not to let anyone touch them but she still let her friends mess around with them. But at least now anytime any of her friends come round, they know not to touch the dolls otherwise big sis will go bat shizzles crazy again lol.

Sometimes i think its better to make a fuss, maybe not a massive one like myself, but a little fuss, if not warn people before they touch them, something along the lines of 'please be careful of the doll, she/he is rather delicate and id rather they not get broken.' ? something like this maybe?

 

My cousin said this to me when I was four and trying to grab something when she was shopping with me. "Look with your eyes not with your hands." looking back on it, when it comes to these dolls and strangers, heck even friends that is so true.

 

Wow, all these experiences sound so scary. To be honest I never let anyone touch or hold my dolls because I'm so scared. I let my roommate/boyfriend hold my first doll once and I felt awkward and stressed out the whole time he was handling her. It was obviously ridiculous because he was so gentle and even too scared to properly move her arms or leg but I honestly did not feel alright with it. I guess I'm a little too uptight about my stuff? We have two children and a very energetic dog in the room where I play with my dolls but I'm not bothered with those as long as they DO NOT TOUCH my dolls. It does mean I can't let my dolls just sit there. I have to store them properly each and every time I play with them.

I suggest you just try and talk to your friend about the issues you have with her handling your dolls. I'd rather be informed by a friend directly than find out later that she's annoyed by my behaviour but felt she wasn't able to tell me. You said she's 'rich' so why don't you suggest that she gets one of her own? You could make it a very fun experience by seeking out the perfect sculpt together and perhaps give her advice and tips on how to customize her own precious doll?

Good luck either way!

 

That's one of my favorite lines when it comes to expensive / fragile stuff.

Usually when I take my dolls places I go about them pretty much the same way I do with instruments: I explain they're expensive and fragile, and to be very very careful please. Yes, they have moving parts that are meant to be moved - carefully. Arms are supposed to move, but if you were to try and bend your elbow backwards it'd snap - same with doll joints, same with keys on a flute or clarinet. Usually that's enough to put anyone on their guard.
All in all I seem to have been very lucky up until now - I don't take my dolls out that much, but when I do, people are usually very careful. The ladies at the craft shop hardly dared touching the dolls (even when I said it was okay), my old landlady was plenty happy just looking at them, and all my family were exceptionally careful. But they're used to fragile stuff, so I guess that's why - once you start seeing a BJD as a piece of art you'll treat them more like you would an instrument than a toy.

 

Fortunately that such thing hasn't happened to me yet but it would be bad and disrespectful if someone handled by dolls like they don't care. I always handle other people's doll like they are mine and very carefully. (Actually I don't handle other's doll often, unless they allow or I really want to take their photo. I will ask them politely first before handling carefully.)