How to discourage careless handling by those who are not in the hobby?

Thankfully, all of my friends and family who have handled my dolls have been respectful. They heeded my warning not to touch the face and if they wanted to pose them in silly ways, they did so carefully. The only small incident was when a friend was holding a doll of mine who has a habit of bending suddenly at the hips if you don't hold him via his upper body. I had mentioned to be careful not to hold him by only his legs but she forgot and he face planted into her chest a couple of times. It resulted in a very slight smudging of his face-up that is thankfully hardly noticeable and she was very sorry about it. Even with respectful people things can happen, you just have to be careful and make sure to keep an eye on what they are doing when they are handling your dolls.

 

I haven't had any problems with any careless handling of my own dolls, but I'm always careful to explain both the how and the why of handling them as you do before handing them over. I've had some friends who've been curious, either because they're thinking of getting their own, or because they just haven't seen one in person before and are fascinated. They've all been quite understanding of the cost, and knowing why you handle them the way you do--not just "be careful" but "when you handle them, you leave oils from your hands behind, that can leave smudges and stains" and "the joints and thinner parts can be fragile and easily broken, so be gentle when handling them"--seems to help reinforce the good behavior.

You really can't just assume that someone's going to handle with care, even knowing the price. American Girl dolls are in no way cheap, but are also built to be tossed around and handled roughly by small children! A price tag isn't an indicator of fragility, but a brief lesson in why instead of just how (or implication, which is even harder to get across) can often make a world of difference.

 

Luckily, I haven't come across this problem in my own life, so I'm not sure if my advice is very suitable.
You could explain that the dolls are expensive and that you don't necessarily have to available funds to replace them if something were to happen.
Or you could always try the "joke" approach. Say something along the lines of if she were to hurt the doll in anyway, you would do horrible, horrible things to her (go into detail, it really instills the fear).
Hope you've managed to fix the issue by now though haha

 

Eh, I lack the brain to mouth connection that would keep me from spazzing on someone handling something so expensive carelessly. Like others have said, perhaps just explain the right and wrong way to pose/care for them.

If she loves your dolls so much and has the money, why not suggest she buy her own doll? Then she would be preoccupied with hers and yours will be safely out of mind. "Heeey... we need to see about getting you one too! Then you could bring yours over and we could do photoshoots together." Just each posing your own dolls. Maybe ownership will give her a better understanding of just how fragile and precious they truly are. If she's still rough, even with her own, I'd lock those babies up when she came around and try to keep her distracted enough to not go looking for them...

 

I'd say to emphasize how expensive they are and ask her to be careful. And if anything breaks, ask her to pay for it.

 

I discourage careless handling of my dolls by simply not allowing others to handle them! People who are in the hobby and know how to gently pose and otherwise handle dolls I'm OK with, and people who are interested get a crash course on dolly etiquette before I let them hold one of my dolls but if they mess up by being too forceful with the joints or touching the face it's over. If I had a friend who consistently wanted to handle my dolls and was careless to the point of damaging the faceup I'd insist that friend pay for a new faceup then keep my dolls away from her in future. I work too hard for my dolls to let some careless "friend" damage them. Any friend who doesn't get that isn't really a friend.

 

I would just hold the doll first and show them. If they asked to hold it then I would explain to them in a calm voice that they need to be careful with it. It's expensive (while maybe I wouldn't disclose the full amount but say something like several hundred dollars). Then say something like do not bend her joints around too roughly because you can break her easily. Please don't touch her face because it took me hours to fix it just right and you can rub it off. Then hand the doll to them. If they proceed to do exactly what I asked them not to do I would ask for it back.

It might be long winded but it would help someone who had no clue how to handle your doll. When I was first getting into bjds someone just handed me their limited edition doll. It was the first time I heard the word "Grail doll." I had no idea how much bjd cost or I might have just handed it right back to her. I didn't hurt the doll in any way but I was so scared I would break it since she seemed to love the doll so much.

 

You don't need anything fancy to protect your dolls in a car or traveling in general. Just wrap them up so nothing hits their faceups... like using some bubble wrap or a t-shirt or a sock or whatever. No fancy carrying cases needed!!! (In fact, those don't protect that much unless you STILL use some sort of face-protector or wrapping or whatever.)

How to handle people who don't know how to treat expensive bjds? Just tell them. Even if you have somehow skipped this before, tell them, "the faceups are easily scratched--I've had it happen and they can't be repaired so easily, so I'd rather not have damage in the first place." or "resin is strong, but it can still break and I can't replace parts, so try and be a little more gentle, please. There's an easier way to make the joints bend the way you want, like this..." or "this dolls is a bit too delicate to play hard with... I'm don't really want anyone to damage him by mistake, so just leave him like that, thanks!"

OR--stop bringing your dolls around your friend. OR--have her get her own dolls to play with. OR-- really, set her straight in a polite and informative and friendly-but-firm manner!

If someone can't manage to treat your items with any respect, then you should try to keep them away from that person.

 

I slap their hand and say 'no touchie' with a glare.

Ok maybe not that, but I usually show them and if it's one of the dolls I feel more confident with them handling it, then I'd let them hold them. Though generally it's me asking my mum what she thinks of the face-up progress which then usually me grabbing a tissue or something for her to have her hold the head with and telling her not to touch or rub the face. Pretty much only family and other doll owners handle my dolls or people that have handle dolls before have held mine.

 

I'm counting my lucky stars that my only issue was my cousin whom is a teacher married to a cop with two kids BTW, flipping up my dolls skirts and yanking down my boy's pants as soon as she found out he had a weiner. I wouldn't be surprised if when I had left the spot to get something if she had shown her mother without telling me.... And I'm laughing about it as she's always trying to appear all proper and stuff then she goes and with her husband pants and pretty much gropes my dolls. XD

 

I'm always careful about handling my dolls, but my family tends to forget. (I don't know how on earth they do, considering how much they complain about their pricetag!) The part I freak out most about is touching the fa~aace!! At that point I forget my manners and squeal, "Watch the face, watch the face! Don'ttouchtheface!!"

Anything else I don't mind as long as the resin isn't in danger of breaking/chipping/cracking.

 

OnlyDollLove: Long time ago I was waiting to pick up my daughter from Kindergarten, and I watched another mom calling after her little son (he would've been 4). He trundled off down a little hill, which wasn't sodded yet as the school had just been built. She repeatedly called him, "Alexander come here. Alexander, mommy's calling you. Alexander, mommy wants you to come here. Alexander you'll get dirty..." All Alexander did was throw a smug glance over his little shoulder. He knew mommy wasn't going to stop him. I'm sure he turned into a charming teenager... This is a woman who didn't understand the value of "No".

Contrast that with my (other) daughter heading out the door after dinner one evening. I told her to dry the dishes first. She whined, saying her friends wouldn't stop if their parents told them to do something before they left the house. I just gave her a look, not a word was said - and she took the dishtowel and dried the dishes. I understand "No", and so did she.

It's about boundaries. I understand 'em - because I worked at it. (I didn't exactly come from a healthy family). The same daughter age 8 was out in the playground with a friend, drizzly day, no other kids around, when a man tried to get "chummy" with them. Her alarm bells went off, and she grabbed her friend's hand and took off, ended up coming in through our back door. Her friend's place was closer, I asked her why she took the longer route to our place, and she said, "Because I know we'll be safe here". Boundaries create safety.

Frankly, your well off "friend" sounds like a spoiled brat. She hasn't been told "no" and that's quite apparent. She is quite likely, deep down, waiting for someone who does say it. If she's fortunate, the word will come from someone who cares, sadly many girls like her end up in abusive relationships. Not a good road she's on... That being said - you need to ask yourself why you don't feel you're worth standing up for. This is a learning situation for you. I stood up to my kids (and believe me, kids can be right little bullies - that daughter I spoke of was a world class tantrum thrower, quite the little drama queen) because I vetted myself - I questioned my actions and tried to behave rationally, responsibly and morally. I worked to stay on solid ground, which made me feel confident setting boundaries.

You value your dolls, have invested time and money and emotion in them. Why wouldn't you feel comfortable not allowing someone else damage them? It's a very clear situation, and if you aren't sure of the answer, then it's worth thinking out clearly. Trust your heart - it will tell you what's right - and then follow that lead. You will be much stronger for it. Have a little faith in yourself.

 

Maybe I am too harsh or sincere but I would simply told the others to do not play with it. This is pricey item and if someone accidentally makes a damage in it, then who will pay for it? Definitely you. Just explain them this situation and they'll understood it. Otherwise, I realized that people tend to act differently after they learn how much these dolls cost. They behave cautiously close to them and they treat it some kind of expensive decoration. ^^

 

I would say to your friend "They are not toys and I would appreciate that you handle them with care." Your tone shall be polite but firm! All is in the facial expression, make it as cold as ice. I use that same technique with customers that put their fingers on my computer screen. It will be better if you tell your friend right away instead of keeping it to yourself and got mad if she causes damage to your precious dolls. If she ignores how much these dolls means to you, keep them away from her as much as you can.
My friends know me all to well to do such things to my BJDs or anything that is mine. Even my most careless friend handle my dolls like they were made of crystal... even her own BJD does not receive such careful treatment.

 

There is the option of not allowing her access to them. Just because you're friends doesn't mean she gets an automatic pass to your things. I would just not make them a temptation for her and leave them at home or put them away when she's over. If she asks why then tell her she's been too rough. That will usually make the point you're trying to make get taken seriously much faster and with less heart ache.

 

As soon as someone comes into the house, I show them my dolls, tell them they are collectors items and ask them not to touch them. If they want to see them I will take them out and show them. This even worked when all my grandkids. 7 in all and 6 boys under 7yrs, even the 2 yr olds. I agree the look works. I've never had any problems and I'm considered very easy going. Agree, lay down the rules. If they want to touch the dolls have white cotton gloves around. That soon puts them off wanting to touch at all. Lol. Good luck.


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All of the above - and if she just keeps doing it, tell her even my little niece (who's four years old now and was slightly older than two when I first introduced her to one of my dolls) understands "no" means "no" and knows how to handle those dolls carefully. (After I explained to her "You know, Amélie doesn't like it when you touch her face so please don't do that".)

 

You should maybe start to gently suggest that it would be fun if she gets her own doll so you guys could play together, and that she could make a character of her own. The upside to that is that she'd have her own doll to manhandle, and maybe if an accident took place with her own property it might teach her how to more gently handle the dolls. Since she has a lot of money, it shouldn't be difficult for her to buy one of her own, but on the flipside she may just keep being rough with her own doll if she has enough money to see them as replaceable objects. Hopefully she can really fall in love with one and learn to respect and properly care for it. Good luck!

 

I just don't let touch my dolls at all. There are a big percent of people why like to make "crush-test" 0f ball joints. My cousin, girl, broke a lot of my dolls this way. It seems to me she done it with intent, because she treats her own things another way. My dolls are too expensive and mean a lot for me to let somebody cherish their damned complexes.

 

If it were me, I would sit my friend down one day and explain the ways the dolls need to be handled and tell them that while I love how much they like my dolls, they won't be able to touch them if they weren't careful. I would tell them what worries me about their handling and if I see them doing the same mistakes after the conversation, I would mention that talk we had.

If they complain, then I would let them know that although they do put a lot into the dolls, they are mine, not theirs, and that it is my say when it comes to how they are handled.

As for car rides, I think it's always a good idea to make sure the dolls are in a carrying case/box and wrapped in a blanket or something soft like that. And it would be a good idea to strap them down if you know the car ride may be bumpy.