How to give up on a doll?

Your taste in dolls will probably evolve over the years. One day, you might see a picture of your former grail and think to yourself, "eh, I like it, but I don't need it." There have been so many dolls that I obsessively pined over years ago, but when I look at them now, they just don't spark that excitement anymore. My tastes have changed.

 

There are a couple of dolls, one an early limited sculpt, the other an artist sculpt from maybe 7or8 yrs ago that I'd happily find room for. But the older one is too rare to come up & now a days there would be the question of was it counterfeit...and the second one has come up fs a couple of times, either without the body options I'd like or just pricey enough that I always sensibly turn away.
I think they'll just remain pleasant day dreams rather than stressful additions to my collection. ;}
On the other hand, a few of the grails I used to wish for found their way to me in unexpected ways. That's why I now have 2 Soah's, a Sooah & an Aurora from Elfdoll (because I was obsessively hunting for a Soah). And ended up with several CPDelf 2005 Juri's (because each one has a very different styling & the original collectors started selling theirs about the time I was obsessively hunting for one). And had the good fortune to discover an Aoi Tuki Izayoi head I could rescue (she was an early grail from a rarely noted company. By the time I found her I'd learned I wouldn't be happy with her beautifully sculpted but poorly engineered body. This one had an old faceup that got wiped & let me give her a fresh start on a body that works better for me)
The problem now is having too many of the dolls I love & how to not feel overwhelmed by them...in which case daydreams are a good thing. But also means don't give up hope as the right doll may find you when you least expect it!

 

Honestly, I used to save doll promo photos a lot when I started. I haven't gone back and looked at them since then. I find if I forget about them, they weren't meant to be. Plus I can always look at pictures. I have so many dolls already that having a grail is just...not in my budget.

 

Well let me tell you a story about my journey into this hobby. I know about bjd more than 10 years ago when DOD was still in business and very popular that time. I fell in love with their Sha doll, saving photos of her and put them as avatar on my yahoo account, etc. But $600 at that time was a big money for a high school student. So I stopped looking after a while and just forgot about this hobby.

Then just 2 years ago when the pandemic hits and I had moved to another country for many years, I accidentally found a very beautiful doll dress on etsy. Suddenly all the memory came back to me so I searched for DOD again. To my surprise, they are out of business. But there are a lot of other doll companies out there so I bought my first bjd from another company. One day I found a sale post on fb and that was my favorite doll Sha. I still love her when I saw the post, but I no longer want to have her. I think I love how DOD styled her in their promotion photos, but her body doesn’t look that nice compare to current companies.

Few days ago I came across Volks lady Oscar head and I really want to have her but the price just stops me. If I make $10,000 a month in the future maybe but right now I can’t afford it. And I try not to spend too much on dolls because I have unfinished dolls still in the boxes. But sometimes stress from life just makes me want to spend on doll stuffs to get a relief lol.

And 2nd hand market is a huge help. I got some good stuffs from 2nd hand market so I’m not in rush if I happen to miss a limit doll. I even acquired a very limit LM head in their event skin on 2nd hand market. That makes me more happy than buying directly. I even hope I won’t come across any more new dolls I like because seriously I have no space to display all 1/3 dolls atm lol.

 

Sometimes it's possible to find a substitute or replacement for a desired but possibly unattainable doll. I did this when Soom released their Super Gem The Fox, who was way out of my price range. I asked myself what it was I loved about her, and realized it was mostly the deep tan resin tone and her face. A much smaller and more affordable non-limited doll was available in a similar enough color to fill that "role" for me. Her name is Kit, short for Kitsune a Japanese shapeshifting fox as a nod to her inspiration.

Some people find no longer available limited or discontinued dolls through diligent searching. I'm not the type to do that, but I got lucky. There was an artist company some years ago that made a doll that I didn't have the money for at the time, and has been sold out from their site since then. And I found one casually looking at the DoA Marketplace one day, that still had a company face-up. I call her Tyche, after the Greek goddess of luck, since I feel so lucky to have brought her home.

And there are dolls I was pining over at one time, that I have since lost interest in.

 

I never give up hope.

 

I think in most cases, the doll will pop up secondhand, but often it takes years of searching many marketplaces every day until you find it. I've seen a lot of rare and discontinued dolls on the market over my time in the hobby. One of my former grails who used to be nearly impossible to find now shows up regularly at a fairly low price. What's popular changes over time, dolls that were very in demand and going for a hefty price in 2008 when I was new go for almost nothing now and are everywhere. But then again, your tastes could change, too.

There was one doll that I pined away for for years. Only 2-3 of them were ever sold, the sculptor doesn't even have a copy of him. I searched for so long, and even offered to spend 5 times what he originally sold for in a Want to Buy, never had any luck. I managed to trace one of them down, but the owner had modded it and it wasn't for sale. She was kind enough, however, to share a lot of owner photos with me, which just made me want him more. This was probably around 8-10 years ago, and my tastes have since changed. I've still never seen one listed for sale or photos shared anywhere. I'm no longer looking, but if I saw one listed at a good price and had the money....I might have to bring him home.

 

I am discovering a lot of older dolls that I missed out on so I feel your pain. I keep my eyes opened for second hand sales (following IG tags, using the search feature on the bjd sales groups, and putting out want to buy for things I am really desperate to find that I have money on hand for etc)
Also, new things come out all the time, and tastes change as time goes on so something you want right now you may not want later down the road possibly.

 

The hobby is large and vast. If you can't get 'the one' doll you adore, there's going to be another one you love or appreciate just as much. It makes it easier to miss out on a doll when you already have one (or more) you love. And honestly, yes times change. Lack of funds is a good way to just 'shut down' the aching of wanting a doll. You really can not do anything about that minus saving and hunting for one in the future. I also know that if there is one single, solitary doll I desire above all else that I have the ability to sell dolls I have and save like a fiend to possess it. But I've never met a doll like that yet. If there isn't a doll that triggers that feeling in me, then I 'give up' on it fairly easily.

I've been 10+ years in the hobby off and on, and my tastes this time around after a long pause have certainly changed. The dolls I once longed for no longer interest me in the least. I get a bit nostalgic looking at them, but in the long run I don't want them. There are always new dolls being released. And over time I've learned what I do and don't like in dolls and doll bodies. So sometimes finding one thing about the doll that I know I won't like in terms of posing/aesthetics that's enough to cool my fire of lust

 

I recently had the chance to buy the doll I'd basically given up on, and I've never been so excited, especially cause I had actually convinced myself I was never going to own her.

I actually gave up really trying for her after I had a heartbreaking incident with a seller posting a feeler, anonymously bidding me against another unknown buyer, and then telling me I won the bid and ghosting me. I sorted out a shipping dilemma, and did research into insurance rates and checked my phone over and over at work (where that's really not allowed), and they just vanished. I deleted insta for a week so I couldn't check my DM's After 10 days went by, and the seller had made 5+ posts without getting back to me.

The thing about the human brain is that it's hard to think in negative terms--by which I mean thinking "I will not check insta to see if (seller) has messaged me back" really feels like thinking about checking those messages. I coped with realizing that I may never get that doll the same way I coped with learning not to text my ex: doing something else to redirect that energy, and removing things that prompted me to think of them. I thought about that doll a lot, and when I did, I'd put my phone down and go make something for my own dolls. Or I'd scroll through my doll photos, and edit one to post. Something that redirected me. If I couldn't be excited about that doll, I was going to go be enthusiastic about my own, and it took a lot of redirecting, but I got to a point where I could bump a wtb every day without thinking about how "incomplete" my crew felt without her. I've talked in a few threads about why I don't like the idea of grails--for me it's not healthy to put emotional energy into longing or into something that may never happen.

The best part is that this in no way dampened my excitement when I got her, but it made the time in between (I first fell in love with this doll in 2016) bearable. So just try to put your energy into things you can make happen and enjoy yourself, and if the doll happens, one day they may happen. But if the doll doesn't, you don't have to spend all that time pining, and there's plenty that is available to be enjoyed.

 

I have found there’s always another release that gets my attention before too long and sometimes I’m so happy I missed out on a doll I thought I really wanted when something I like even better comes along.

edit: and when it comes to artist dolls it never hurts to just ask the artist if they happen to have any available even if they aren’t listed for sale anywhere. And if you miss out on a preorder remember there will often be some in stock once they actually arrive back from the caster

 

It just happens. One day while you look at a picture of a doll you really wanted... you will find out that the mouth is not that cute or the nose it too big.

 

I don’t think I would ever say I give up. Seeing as the second hand market brings up discontinued and in general hard to get dolls here and there. WTB helps too in the search. Some dolls I don’t ever actively search for - just some i keep in the back of my mind. Never know what you may come across over the years. I have seen so many post of “leaving the Hobby” that you may one day come across your grail
Depending how hard they are to get - make sure to have some money saved aside in the event it shows up and costs a bit more os is a “no layaways” sale.
And the last part for me personally - Over this past year I have come to learn more and more of what I like and my taste has changed so I let go of some I thought I really wanted.

 

For me, I don’t spend my time dreaming of dolls I will most likely never own. If I really, really like a doll that I cannot have I get pleasure from seeing owner pictures and factory pictures.

When I’ve come across a doll that I adore but cannot have I do experience an initial sadness. A short while back there was the most perfect Siamese cat-headed doll in a white suit with a cane. He was amazing to look at! But I’d just paid Miwa off and couldn’t swing another big purchase like that so soon. I was sad for a bit but I mean, life goes on. There will always be other dolls that are just as fantastic and beautiful.

 

a decade ago dollmore came out with their very first trinity doll. It was Jude and i loved her pout. But being so expensive i never thought i'd ever own her. Today i own a Klaire who i love even more than i ever pined for the Jude.
My only advice is: Just keep trucking! Save up money and only spend it on dolls you really love. Eventually youll come across one you have the money for and you'll love them more than you ever thought you could, the one you didn't get will pale in comparison
Few times do you just get THE DOLL, in my case its a doll you can just always get, My Dollmore youth adam kara klum. He just still sparks joy when ever i see him.

 

If I can’t find a doll I want, I just set up some alerts and put it out of my mind. And like many have said, sometimes when I actually get the alert for it, I realize I don’t want it anymore.