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If family ruined your doll...

Feb 18, 2012

    1. An interesting question I thought to myself... but what would you do if someone in your family broke or ruined your doll in some way?

      Would you feel different if it were adults or children? If it were your immediate family or further relatives?

      For example, say if you were having your aunt over and your aunt had a younger child. Perhaps you have to run to the store for something, and your aunt stays with the child. When you come back, you find that the aunt isn't watching the child, and the child has found your dolls and is coloring them with markers or crayon.

      What would you do? Would you demand payment form the adult?

      What if it was the adult themselves-- who accidentally knocked the doll over and broke it or something?
    2. Theoretically speaking, since I do not yet own a doll, I'd like to think that I wouldn't allow young children anywhere near by beloved treasure of a doll. If somehow the hooligan made it past all of my security safeguards, I'd like to think I'd be understanding since it would only be a child who hopefully woud not know any better or have the mental acuity to comprehend just exactly what they had done. This would probably be the same for adults, as I'm sure their reaction would be somewhere along the lines of, "What's the big deal? It's just a doll?" Of course, this would be after I had beat them senseless and explained to them at the top of my lungs the complete and utter extent, as well as the consequences, of their horrible carelessness. Then, I would weep profusely and scream out, ala A Street car Named Desire-style, my beloved doll's name.
    3. If it was an accident, well, it's just stuff, and it's better not to be too precious about stuff. Children, especially, are pretty much exempt from blame in my eyes if they accidentally break something valuable; Have you seen how tiny and badly-designed-for-gripping-stuff their hands are? It's amazing that my little nephews don't travel around atop a tidal wave of dropped and broken teacups.

      On the other hand, if it was intentional it'd probably be a symptom of some kind of underlying (or, indeed, overt) conflict between me and the relative, so it'd probably turn into the crux of at least one argument. And although I can't imagine having that kind of argument with a young child, I'd still basically consider it less bad if someone who didn't really understand the value of money deliberately broke a doll, or any of my expensive toys.
    4. I would find it hard to blame a child for playing with a doll, but if a child colored all over my doll in markers or crayons, yes, I would be mad. Simply because I feel the child should be watched when playing with ANYTHING that has small parts. Barbie dolls are marked something like 6 years and up for a reason: little little kids shouldnt be playing with dolls without being watched. And honestly, the only way a kid would get my dolls would be if an adult got it down for them (my dolls are all high up). So when it comes down to it, damage from a child I WOULD blame on the parent/adult. I do not know if I would demand money, but I would let them know the value of the doll and that the child must be kept away from them. If it happened again, then I would consider asking for compensation for broken parts.

      If it was an adult who damaged the doll: an accident, I couldn't blame them. Accidents happen. Unless it was severe damage (like a doll getting run over by something or set on fire or something), I would just say "accidents happen, but be careful". However, if an adult was fussing with my dolls without my permission and caused damage, yea, I might ask for compensation, because honestly when it comes down to it, you don't touch someone else's property, even if they are family. You respect other people's property. I have had property damaged by my younger sister before (she's 18 now, but this has happened all my life) and I have never asked for it to be paid for by her, but normally my mom would offer to help replace items. I think that is what parents should do when their children break something, end of story. Now that my sister is older, I would EXPECT her to offer compensation, but if she didn't I would not ask for it. Probably simply because it would just start a fight.
    5. Family trumps material possessions. If it was indeed an accident, and not an act of malice, then really, what can you do but forgive? Dolls can be replaced - family is forever.
    6. Well, I can kind of understand if it was an accident, after all, accidents happen and people don't usually see them coming. If it was intentional, however, or they just thought that, because they're family, they can take my things without my permission and ends up damaging my $400+ doll, somebodies going to get their a-- kicked. I don't like people handling my things as it is, and my family KNOWS this, so they should know better anyways. :|
    7. This has happened to me - like in 2008 - and I still am upset to think about this!

      I had just gotten my first doll, a kid delf Hodoo... my whole family was quite upset with that, too. But oh man, I was smitten. I was crafting and posing and taking pictures and everything. A few weeks later my high school report came in with bad grades, or something like that related to my bad academics. In a rage my mother grabbed my doll while I was playing with him and carried him away, all to throw him into a wall in her room. The sound was loud, very audible... A few weeks later when she cooled down I got him back, but a piece within his torso had a crack, his leg came unstrung, and his arm was busted at the elbow. When I pointed out the damage and got a parts replacement quote from Luts, my mom refused and told me it was MY fault so I had to pay for it. I did 't have the money to get new parts so I found a modder/customiser who was willing to take on the job and the repair was good, but... from then on I just felt terribly when I looked at the doll. Eventually I sold him and bought a completely different doll and never spoke of the incident again.

      ...now I can try to explain everything as that, back then, we were both in a bad place so there was a lot of tension. I still do not believe it was my fault, though. But, well, in some cases, it doesn't matter who did the damage because the culprit will probably deny responsibility. So... always carry spare cash?
    8. what would you do if someone in your family broke or ruined your doll in some way?

      I'd probably find out how to replace the part that was broken or replace the doll?

      Would you feel different if it were adults or children? If it were your immediate family or further relatives?

      My stuff is in cases so people don't have access to my dolls if I do not want them to.

      For example, say if you were having your aunt over and your aunt had a younger child. Perhaps you have to run to the store for something, and your aunt stays with the child. When you come back, you find that the aunt isn't watching the child, and the child has found your dolls and is coloring them with markers or crayon.

      What would you do? Would you demand payment form the adult?

      No, I mean, this is pure fantasy. You could always say "what if.... (aliens, earthquakes, act of god, fire, mud slide, angry hamsters, etc)" and so it's always hard to give a accurate answer. I respect the question, however, because it can become reality if you are not careful but the responsibility is on the owner to make the other individuals aware of the value and importance of the dolls. If they just so abusive that they don't respect your belongings at all after you've expressed their importance then they probably shouldn't be in your house anyhow.

      What if it was the adult themselves-- who accidentally knocked the doll over and broke it or something?

      Accidents are accidents. They happen. Even the kid coloring in the previous scenario wasn't being intentionally harmful. Sometimes things happen beyond our control and, luckily, we have the fortitude and resilience to make them right. If the person offered to pay then fine, if not then it's really no big deal.

      My dolls, as much as I love then (and I really do), are still not living people. This topic, though fun to speculate upon, is something that is totally subjective and hard to provide a definitive "yes" or "no" answer... it depends on how much you value all things involved, the people, relationships and things (dolls).

    9. For me it mostly depends on whether or not it was intentional- if it were a small child that damaged the doll, then I wouldn't blame them- after all, they're too young to understand that a BJD is not a normal toy. I would, however, be somewhat upset with the adult for being negligent and allowing the child to have the run of the house and touch whatever they wanted.

      And if it were intentional, I would be highly upset. I would have to ask the family member to replace whatever was damaged, as I would do if I had damaged something expensive that belonged to someone else. Of course, it also kind of depends on which family member it is. Some of my family members act like things that belong to others aren't a big deal (which often adds to my frustration) whereas others tend to be more understanding. Either way, I wouldn't let it tear a rift between me and the family member, I would just want to see some sort of apology or effort made to rectify the situation.
    10. In your theoretical situation, if the child had gotten into the dolls and had started colouring them with marker/crayon-- I would firmly blame the adult. That's negligence on their part. The child doesn't know any better, but that adult most definitely should have been supervising that child. :eusa_naug

      Giving a young kid pens/markers/paints/crayons saying, 'here you go!' and not watching them... that's just asking for trouble. Not watching a little kid while you're over at someone else's house, letting them run around and get into the owner's prized possessions, it doesn't matter if it is family, little kids need to be watched for a reason. They can so easily pick something up and swallow it, never mind if it's poison, magnetic or they could choke on it. That's a quick trip to the emergency room right here. :eek:

      A true accident I can easily forgive, a sincere apology is enough. Negligence or deliberate carelessness, not so much.

      In my case, my dolls would be shut away behind a closed door if possible. And I would most certainly let any adults know that they're fragile, precious, and potentially hazardous. This is not a cheap dolly. This is art. Not to be played with by a child in any circumstances. Not to be touched unless they have my permission. Everybody's got their rules, and those who don't respect them shouldn't be in your home anyways.
    11. Depends on the situation. However, before I let ANYONE see my doll I always inform them that they are a) fragile - most people assume porcelain and I don't care to say otherwise and b) expensive. There is literally no one who knows me and knows I collect dolls who hasn't heard this. Therefore, I EXPECT individuals to act like responsible, mature and capable people and treat this expensive and fragile object accordingly. What happens in the case of damage depends entirely on whether they acted as I expect them to (careful and attentive - but accidents do happen) or negligent and rough, in which case - oh I will tell them off. I don't care if they're family - if they're individuals capable of reason I expect them to treat my belongings with respect - be it my expensive shoes, my laptop or my dolls.

      By the way, this same rule applies to children. I've been around children for a good chunk of my life and I know that any child over the age of four-five who was brought up well is PERFECTLY capable of understanding things like "be careful" or "no, you're not allowed to have that". My little sister loves my dolls and is over-joyed whenever I let her hold them, but she never touches them without permission. And she hasn't since I got my first doll and she was 4 years old (well, I suspect she might have once, but I believe that had to do with the fact that she missed me while I was away from home for a year, and she slept/played in my room, so I don't count that). I'm not stern or strict with children but I have no problems getting them to listen to me, and I expect parents to have even more authority over their children. If I happened to have a relative with a spoiled hellion of a child who threw my doll out of a window - yes, I would definitely demand compensation for the doll. For starters to show them that no, it's not okay when their kid runs out of control and that I don't appreciate having my wishes disrespected when they're guests in my own home. If it was a REALLY young child who got into my dolls (which would be feat, since they're packed away and put on a high shelf) then I wouldn't hold anyone but myself responsible, but if they're capable of reason, there is no excuse.

      Now, that might sound severe, but I guess I'm actually blessed with family members who are either interested in my hobby and are careful with my dolls, or just choose to treat it as my own little thing but nevertheless respect my interests and instruct their kids to do the same, so I've never [yet] had to argue with any of my family members over my dolls. Still, I'm of the opinion that family isn't some kind of a sacred holy thing that can never be put below anything else de facto - the sacred status is only applicable when each family member is loved and treated with the respect and courtesy, and they in turn behave in a manner that warrants such treatment.
    12. Oh heck no someone is paying for repairs. I don't let people into my room as a general rule which is where my dolls will be stored, thus if my doll is damaged by a ramaging child that means the one responsible for the child has no respect for me or my possessions and thus they are gonna pay damn it. I may be more lenient if the item damaged is a $6 pair of pants or a $20 wig...but it will be paid for. If the doll itself is damaged? I don't care if you're friend or family your life will be made hell until my doll is fixed.
    13. I echo most of the other people here. If it's an accident than I can't blame them. Accidents happen.

      If something is done intentionally, I'd be mad. Especially if the person knows the value of my dolls. I usually make it a point to say "These are expensive and fragile, please be gentle with them."

      In the example of a child coloring on the doll, I'd say it's negligence and poor parenting so I'd blame the parents. They weren't watching their child and I'm sure if they caught their kid coloring on something they'd bought they'd be angry too. At the same time, I think if they child has been taught it's bad to color on things besides paper and knows this, the child is the one in trouble. If they've been told not to do it but decided to do it anyway it's the child who needs a scolding.

      If it was an adult who'd done it on purpose I'd ask for payment, if it was a child I'd tell the parents and ask for some form of reimbursement.
    14. Accidents are accidents. If such happened, regardless of the age or mental capacity of the person who did it I would likely sigh and examine the doll to see how bad the damage is and how easily it would be to fix. I would be upset but there would be no point getting angry at the person since it was probably my own fault for not securing it better. How much I'd be upset would depend on the severity of the damage and the rarity of the doll. I would make sure the doll is secured better next time. I would treat this situation similarly to how I would react if it was a pet instead of a person.

      If it was not an accident however but rather on purpose and out of spite... And the person knows better.. I would get angry and seriously consider not having that person in my home anymore if that is how they will be treating my property. I don't really want to be around anybody who doesn't respect me or my property, family or not. This of course implies the person deliberately went into the room where the dolls are kept (in my case my bedroom) and then decided to damage them for whatever reason, ie invasion of privacy as well as damaging property, and/or the doll(s) were damaged on more than one occasion from malicious intent. I could almost understand it happening once where the person might not know the true worth of the doll and think it'd be funny to say... Toss it down some stairs... But I would hope the person wouldn't attempt to do it a second time after explaining to them that I don't like that, it isn't funny, and the doll is worth a lot to me, and I would hope that person respects my wishes. If the doll was out in the open, in a more public space, or the person made the poor descision to damage the doll after I gave it to them.... Then I am at least partly to blame. At the very least I'll know better than to make them more accessable to people other than myself next time.

      I'm not sure demanding compensation would do anything really. Most people would laugh at you if you told them how much it is worth, and probably tell you that you got ripped off. And most of the time this would increase any sort of animosity, if there was any, between you two. I would think you'd be lucky if you got any sort of payment without having to bring in the authorities. Personally I'm not sure it'd be worth my time and energy to get compensation unless the person who did it was also in the hobby. Though if the person was childish enough to deliberately damage your doll out of spite, then I think it would be safe to assume that they would still be childish and not give you any compensation if you ask for it, regardless if they're in the hobby or not.

      Then again, with hypotheticals it's hard to say really. I can say from experience though that I don't hang around people that damage my things, and I don't let things precious to me get into situations where they could be damaged by someone or something else, if I can help it. And I only let people I know that I trust handle these things, and even so I'm almost always there with them.
    15. Yes, the adult would reimburse me for the replacement cost. It's only logical. Even if it were an accident, yes, I'd still ask them for reimbursement.

      But the only times I've brought my dolls to within reach of my small nieces (ages 3 & 6), they had already gotten the firm preparatory-speech from their mother, i.e. You Can Look But Don't Touch-- so they already have a set of behaviors for that situation, so all was well. :3 They're still too small to fully grasp the concept of "dolls for playing" vs. "dolls for Just Looking", because a doll is a doll, right? - So the prep speech was needed. But they did grok the difference between playing with their own toys & Just Looking at Auntie's toys. Little Sofia was very curious about why my doll was a boy, and where was his mommy, and when was his birthday... so at the time it was enough for her to just look & hear. She was happy enough to have me make him wave at her & pretend to answer her questions.

      My apartment isn't a place where children or randomly clumsy adults appear, anyway. When non-doll-people are visiting, I just ask them to mind the tables & shelves if they seem to be moving or gesturing too close. But really, the dolls are an unavoidable presence in the apartment (34 in a 1-bedroom apt), so it's rare that people don't notice when they're close to a big fancy doll!
    16. They or the legal adult responsible would be reimbursing me the cost of the damaged item, just as with anyother property.

      If it's an accident I'd easily forgive them, but if it was intentional I might have difficulty in getting over my hurt feelings- everyone in my family knows how precious my dolls are to me. I usually protect my dolls well and only let smaller children carefully hold my sturdiest doll Copernica, under closer supervision.
    17. If someone was not watching their child and the child pulled one down and broke it, I expect the adult to pay for it. If the adult knocked it off (or picked it up)and broke it, I expect them to pay for it. I am on a fixed income and it takes me a long time to save up for my dolls. I keep my dolls in my room where I can lock the door if I need to. Nobody has any business being in my room. If I let a child hold it and they dropped it, that would be different. I wouldn't expect them to pay since I allowed it. Luckily my youngest is 10 so no toddlers will be coming over. I taught my daughters from day one that you do not touch someone elses property without asking and I expect the same.
    18. My daughter loves my dolls. But she knows she must not play with them when I am not around. But during the half year since Julian arrived passed, she became much more mature. Now she is allowed to carefully move his arms.

      Now if she lifts him a bit and then he would fall by accident and break something. I would not be happy about it, but things happen. If you are not prepared that accidents happen despite the child being careful, you honestly should not have a child. Be prepared having to forgive even things which seem severe to you. She is also well conscious of that.

      However, I am really good at repairing things. And the doll is still nothing but a very expensive toy. I simply love my daughter more than the toy. But she loves the doll, paints pictures for him and calls him "her younger brother" and generally is very protective about him. Same with Auryanna. So what should be left to desire?

      Worst accident I can imagine would be that my dolls have to wear strange-fitting shirts as soon as she is able to sew. And I would proudly show these on a meet-up.

      And I would never let other children touch my dolls. In that case, I am all for the closet method.
    19. All the answers so far have been quite interesting!

      I personally think that if someone came into my room and ruined my doll somehow or broke it, I would be furious and demand that they replace it. It's in my room... which no one should be entering without my permission. I sometimes worry because my family with younger children swing by without asking, sometimes while I am out to work, to drop things off or use the restroom, or say hello. Sometimes no one is here-- and we just get a note left.

      I think though that if a parent let their young child wander into my room and ruin my doll somehow, I would certainly blame the parent and demand they cover the cost of the doll. My job doesn't pay much and it's a lot of effort for me to get a doll-- often times over two months of work to pay for one.
    20. If a child damages my doll(s), it would be the fault of the parent. If the parent was a relative or a very close friend, then I would let them know how much the doll is and leave it up to them as far as what to do about compensation. If the parent is an acquaintance or a random visitor, I would ask for compensation.

      This may seem harsh, but, to damage one of my dolls, one would have to really go out of their way. All my dolls are in the den/office. A visitor, would have no business visiting that room. If, for whatever reason, we go to the den, I would most certainly let the person know that the dolls are fragile and should not be touched. Accident or no accident, one would have to enter the office without my permission and touch my dolls, again, without my permission. I feel that asking for compensation for any damage that happens under these circumstances is fair.

      Do family members get special treatment? Some do and some don't. Special treatment for family is a two-way street - if a family member is consistently disrespectful of me or my property, then you bet I'd ask for reimbursement. If it was an accident, then I would forgive and forget. Accidents happen.

      Edited to add: If I was the one who damaged a relative's doll/collectible/valuable, I would most certainly compensate the owner for my clumsiness, whether I was asked or not. I have a pretty high sense of responsibility for my actions, which is why I refuse to touch or handle anything that I cannot afford to replace, should an accident happen.