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Introducing BJDs to Boyfriend/Girlfriend/ect

Dec 18, 2017

    1. So I have a dilemma. I'm currently in a relationship that is getting pretty serious. He has been over my place multiple times and each time I have to hide my bjd and their accumulation of items for the ino ming ones. I have about 3 of them on the way and it looks like they'll all arrive at the same time. It's easy hiding one msd but not 3 + floating heads and an SD.

      I want to tell him about them soon by just maybe leaving them out, so I was thinking an extravagant diorama might help them look more like the expensive collectors items they are and not just "barbies". The reason I'm now so hesitant about showing them to him is that the other day a video on reborn dolls popped out and we watched it together. He had very opinionated things to say about people who owned them, which started to make me worried. We're both skaters, I'm a total tomboy, into tech, reptiles (scale babies), ect. So I feel like it'll be a real interesting time when he finds out. The dolls shell my OCs from my story that is still only in my head.

      Anyone have a similar story? How'd it go? Any ideas how to introduce this hobby?
    2. As I don't have a significant other, I can't help 100%. However I did date a guy and told him on the first date that dolls were part of my hobby. I'm not a Tomboy, but I'm not a girly girl anyways. He was completely supportive because he liked that I was passionate about something. (... Pokemon Go didn't exist at the time. Lmao)

      But I would just leave them out-- diorama not needed, and if he asks, just let him know that, 'Hey, I'm into this hobby. They're expensive collectors dolls called Ball - jointed dolls.' Maybe don't give him the full lecture on the dolls, unless he really shows interest, but let him know that you wanted him to respectively know of one of your hobbys. Then maybe lead into asking him if he had anything he was really passionate about? One of those "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" Deal
      • x 7
    3. If he can't at least respect your hobbies, no matter how he feels about them personally, then it really doesn't bode well for a serious relationship. I would just leave one out and if he asks about it you can tell him, if he's disrespectful let him know that's not cool.
      • x 14
    4. I started getting into BJDs back when I was dating my now-husband for about a year. At first he was a bit taken aback by the idea. He didn't quite get it at first, but eventually he caught on when I started with the character creation. He's a big nerd who likes video games and character development, so he thought that was an interesting part, too.

      I also love The Sims games, so I tried explaining it like having a 3D version of Sims that I could actually customize however I wanted. He caught on to the whole creative side a bit easier after that.

      Honestly, I always recommend people to be open with their significant others about their hobbies. If they start disrespecting you because of it then honestly it's a huge red flag for the relationship as a whole. I'm not saying they have to accept EVERYTHING right away, but there's a huge difference between being against spending so much money for logical reasons and just hating on you for having an interest or hobby.
      • x 1
    5. What everybody else has said. While he may be a bit surprised at first, this is an important hobby to you and he has no right to be an ass about it. This could be a good litmus test for you both - if he acts like a jerk just because of your hobbies, he'll find other reasons to be a jerk too.

      Of course, there's always the opposite possibility... that he realizes your doll/hobby is important to you and feels like a heel for making fun of a different kind of doll!
      • x 2
    6. I just told my bf I was saving for something and when he asked what I said a doll and at first he wasn't sure but he's so supportive now because everyone has their hobby as he puts it. If it were me I would just leave them sat out one time he's there and when he questions it just Iike "Oh yeah I collect ball-jointed dolls" and explain what they are a stuff. If he cares about you be will support you :) hope it goes okay!
      • x 2
    7. Thanks for all the quick replies guys! :hug:I'm definitely stressing about it less now and will use them to test out his personality more. I'll tell you guys how it goes, but it may be a couple weeks because everyone's leaving for winter break.
    8. I'm an outdoorsy girl, I also have reptiles, ride a dirt bike and have chickens.....but I collect dolls. And I have a lot since I have been in this hobby for 10 years. I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago. He's a hiker and a white water raft guide... no idea about dolls lol. As an opener, I asked him about other hobbies he might have or things that he liked, that maybe I didn't know about yet. Of course he asked me the same question and I told him I collect Asian Ball Jointed Dolls. I told him they're fully articulated and one of a kind based on customization. I showed him pictures first, then when he came over I just had them out. He was a bit weirded out at first, since the movie Chucky terrifies him ahaha. Now hes moved in and sleeps in a room with like 20-something dolls. He thinks they're beautiful and appreciates the effort that goes into them. Its a hobby and if he cares about you then it wont be a big deal. He doesn't have to love it or understand it, but him loving you is whats important. Honesty and forthrightness is a great foundation for any relationship. Good luck and let us know how it goes!<3
      • x 4
    9. Although my BF doesn't like dolls at all, he has his own perks. He loves Pokemon, and his favourite one is Cyndaquil. He collects Cyndaquil plushies and have tons of them. I don't like Pokemon, but I respect his hobbies as well he respects mine. May be we disagree about the tremendous amount of money we spend on them, but we both know they are important for us.
      #9 pastilulu, Dec 18, 2017
      Last edited: Dec 18, 2017
      • x 2
    10. What the others already said is very true. It's an important hobby for you, you have a (at least it seems like that) healthy relationship towards it. Don't make it a big deal, just have the doll out the next time he's there and when he asks, tell him. I personally don't get why you even hid it in the first place to be honest. When I invite people into my home they need to deal with that. It's your home, your harmless (!) hobby.

      Only reason a SO/partner can be rigthfully critical of it, is if it's clear you cannot afford the hobby and your finances are harmed by it. Especially true when you share an account and splurge all the money on doll stuff instead of bills. But that's a different situation than yours.

      Anway, maybe to ease your mind a bit: from personal experience I can tell that lots of people react very strongly towards Reborn dolls, even if any other doll is fine to them. I am like that too.
      I am not fond of babies in general and some of those Reborns are just too much. I can appreciate the experience and craft (it's crazy how much time and care some artists put into them), but the thought of people surrounding themselves with dozens of hyper-realistic, maybe even snot-crying baby dolls weirds me out. Not even talking about the community, you have your crazies everywhere.
      What I try to say is, even if he might react negatively to this one type of doll does not mean he's against them in general. Heck, lots of doll collectors just like one type/one small group and dislike all others too.
      #10 Ara, Dec 18, 2017
      Last edited: Dec 18, 2017
      • x 5
    11. Well...me and my boyfriend are so different. I really like video games, mangás, star wars and a lot of "nerdy" things. And he doesn't (he actually hate star wars and only play games in my house...now he's excited about RPG, after years telling him that it's fun). So of course the doll thing was quite unexpecting and wird to him.

      But he never made fun of me because of it and now, after nine years of relationship, he is always helping me with my dolls and even gave me money with a note "clothes for baby Shay (he calls my doll shay)" for secret santa. hahaha

      Like everyone said...no matters how different you two are or what he personally thinks about dolls, if he likes you he will understand and be supportive. Respect is the number one word in a relationship.
      • x 1
    12. I have been into dolls my entire life, even before BJDs. My husband knew I was a doll collector the night we met--I brought him home to my place, I had dolls (like Barbie, movie figures, plush, etc) sitting around my room. He didn't say a thing about them. About 6 months into the relationship, I got my first 1/6 Obitsu, and he thought that doll was cooler than Barbies because I painted him myself and made his clothes. I bought my first BJD 11 days before our wedding, he had helped me save up by selling things and budgeting carefully. It's been almost 12 years together now and 10 married, and his only rule is this: Only buy what we can afford on "fun money". Meaning I set aside a certain amount each week that I'm allowed to spend on whatever I want. I can buy my dolls/doll stuff from saving up that money, gift money or selling things, but I cannot dip into our regular funds for a doll.

      I used to be afraid to show people my dolls too. I think you just have to feel confident in the hobby, and accept that a lot of people won't appreciate the hobby like we do, and that's okay. What's not okay is when they belittle or bully you for enjoying something harmless that makes you happy. Even though my husband likes that I have a hobby I enjoy, he hates baby dolls. ALL baby dolls. He thinks they're hideous. Instead of being offended, we joke about it. I just got a Supia BabySup Sena for Christmas from my sister, and I showed him and said "Isn't she so cute??" and he said absolutely not. And I'm fine with that! He has games I think are boring. He has a figure of the humping robot from Robot Chicken proudly displayed on our tv stand, when I only got it for him as a joke years ago. It's entirely possible to have a strong relationship without sharing hobbies, as long as you respect each other and accept that you might not understand the other's hobby, but still encourage them to have fun with it. They don't have to participate in your hobby, or get excited about it, but if they don't accept that you have hobbies, then they don't accept who you are as a person. I think it's worth it to take the risk and show a partner early on, because you might be delightfully surprised, but if they're going to be rude or hateful about something as harmless as a hobby, then they may well be worse in the future over other things.
      • x 2
    13. I like playing Sims too and I’m also a big video gamer, BJDs is one of my hobby which I’ve been for years.
      I’m totally agree with the other’s opinion, when my dated my boyfriend who is now my husband, he use to be a little negative regarding the BJDs as he thought it’s a very immature sign to pay a lot of money and attention on the “toys”, after that we had a very serious conversation and he went to google all about BJDs, finally take knowledge about it. A relationship means, for me, base on respect, you don’t have to have the same hobby or taste but at least your Bf or gf would like to know about your hobby and you will feel free by talking about it. It’s like food, you can have two different plats with two different style of food, but you will feel free to talk about your choice and each of you can pick up and tried a bit from the other’s plat, none will refuse the other to bring his or her own on the table, that’s what I understand about relationship, just a personal opinion.
      Please, please feel free to talk with your BF and let him know more about your hobby i believe he will respect you in the same way that you respect him ^_^
      • x 3
    14. I agree: it's important that you can be open about your interests with your significant other, and part of being in a healthy relationship is mutual respect for each other's interests even if you don't necessarily enjoy that hobby yourself. As for how to introduce them, you could put them on display and let him notice them himself like you said so it really shows off how cool they are, or on the other hand you could have the stuff put away and then say "hey I wanted to show you this thing i'm interested in" and bring out one doll or item at a time so the volume of stuff isn't overwhelming. Up to you and what you think would be most appropriate.

      As for having "very opinionated things to say" about the reborns video, from what I've seen, criticism around dolls tend to fall into three camps:
      1) they're unsettling to look at (especially to people who are used to seeing them as elements in horror movies)
      2) they're "a waste of money" because they're expensive but have no practical function
      3) the adult collector is seen as being somehow unstable or impared, either because they use the doll as a surrogate for a real person (especially with really realistic dolls like reborns) or are simply seen as immature for liking "children's toys".

      If your boyfriend's criticism are based on #1, my advice would be to just let it work itself out. It's hard to force people out of fears or negative associations like that, but as long as you don't go shoving them in his face or anything he'll probably get used to them over time. My boyfriend was in this category-- he thought the idea of dolls was creepy but once he saw them in person and how they could be customized he thought they were really cool (and ended up getting one of his own).

      If the issue is #2... as people on DoA often point out, collecting dolls is no different from spending your "fun money" on video games or brand-name clothes or skating gear or model kits or going out to movies or any other non-essential. As long as you are paying your bills and balancing hobbies with work and health and socializing and all that, then you shouldn't be judged for something that makes you happy and harms no one.

      As for #3... The idea that adults should force themselves to abstain from "childish" things like dolls or cartoons or cute accessories because adulthood should be grey and serious all the time is a cultural ideal (not a universal truth) and a silly prejudice. "Feminine" interests--dolls, sewing, fashion, scrapbooking, whatever--tend to be judged even harder, whether they're enjoyed by men or women, which of course is also a silly cultural prejudice. You do you, and a significant other who devalues or disrespects your interests isn't a very good partner.

      The one instance where I think criticism is justified is where someone does fixate on their hobbies in a way that isn't harmless, to the point that it damages their own health or their relationships with others; for example, I don't think there's anything wrong with spending as much as you can afford on dolls if that's your thing, or associating characters with dolls and calling them by name... but if it gets to the point where you're spending money you don't have, or projecting an ego onto a doll to the point that you'll treat them like they're actually alive and put their wellbeing over your own or another human's, then it may be time to listen to your loved ones and re-evaluate how your relate to your hobbies. If this is the sort of thing your boyfriend was criticizing when watching the video, but he said it in a way that made you feel judged or insecure despite not falling into that description (maybe generalizing about the unhealthy behavior of "doll people" or something like that), then you should be able to (politely) tell him that his comments made you feel unjustly criticized. Again, if he's a good partner then he should make an effort to learn about what's important to you and apologize if he accidentally hurts your feelings.
      #14 Kittzel, Dec 18, 2017
      Last edited: Dec 18, 2017
      • x 3
    15. Its just one of those things where as long as theres acknowledgement of it, all is well. My bf doesnt super understand why I'm in it but hes okay with it and doesnt hold it against me or think I'm strange for it. I dont expect him to understand nor do I myself hold it against him for not understanding. We just know we like whatever hobby we're in and we're comfortable doing it around each other. Just have em out in the open and if questions are asked, start a calm open convo. If you're afraid, state in the convo. That you were afraid of telling him. Dont feel guilty for being open and honest C;
    16. I would say that if he isn't willing to accept and be supporting of your hobby, he might not be right for you, or needs a lesson in attitude lol! Though I totally understand where you're coming from, I've had a boyfriend for over one and a half years but I was still super nervous about how his reaction would be and what he would have to say about them. Though his reaction was mostly "Wow, those look cool. You should get one considering you really want it." Though I'm on the other side of the spectrum than you, I'm a very girly girl so maybe it didn't come to as much of a surprise, but I still feel like if your boy says something mean about something you are obviously passionated by that's more his problem than yours. Though you could always start slowly showing him pictures or maybe even a box-opening video and see how he reacts to that!
    17. Not many men would like reborn. Some would be really repulsed. I wouldn't use a reborn to put you off! most likely he will be indifferent and after a while warm up to them. I think they will be a none issue! and that is how you should approach it. Of course show him the wonderful joints. They are clever dolls! Make sure he understands you don't just buy these dolls on Amazon or in a toy store. Pick you best poser :=)
      • x 1
    18. When i secretly bought my 1st bjd, i hide it from my bf! When he find out he got very unhappy and told me this hobby is bad! Its bad luck ( Anabelle ) Its will consume me! But i managed to convinced him to get 1 for himself but its take time and efforts!
      • x 2
    19. That is a difficult situation, that is right. However, in my experience there is no use in hiding such an important hobby. When I met my now-husband for the first time, I also had to think hard whether to present him my hobby at that time. And it was not dolls, but my very own horse. Which is really not in any way comparable to BJDs. And I was pleasantly surprised, as he told me he likes animals a lot.

      Personally, I think you should show one of your dolls to him. Maybe one which is the most easy to stand and to pose. Explain him that it is basically like a big action figure (I think guys understand that better). If he understands how important this is to you and if he accepts it, than you have won everything. If he absolutely cannot agree to it, then IMO there is anyway no use in continuing such a relationship
    20. I'm just going to pipe up and said that his dislike of reborn dolls doesn't necessarily mean that he'll find your BJD collection weird. I'm not a big fan of hyper-realistic baby dolls myself for both personal and political reasons, and, well, I'm here, right?

      Anyways, seconding what other people have said: your s.o. should never be someone you have to hide things from. I say just leave them out and act casual about it, like it's no big deal...because if it's not. If he proceeds to belittle you over it, it might be time to rethink the relationship. I know it sounds a bit callous for me to say that, but seriously: life is too short to waste on judgmental people. I very much hope he will be respectful if you, but if he isn't, you can find someone who will be.
      • x 1