Is it OK to... ? (Approval or permission-seeking and the community.)

I think it stems from wanting to see the shocking stories.....the horror stories, things of that nature. We like hearing about bad things. Its human nature. I, myself, even like reading them.

 

I'm not sure where it comes from. For some, certainly, it could be a desire to be accepted. It could be a new owner trying too hard to 'do everything right'. Maybe they just wanted to start a thread? I'm not going to try and decifer the reasons haha.

Hmmm...for me, I would only personally use the question if A) it actually deals with the community (selling a doll, posting thread etc) or B) it pertains to the safety and upkeep of my doll (does keeping it in the cold damage it, etc)

For the most part, yes, I agree with the 'do what you want with your doll' view. Of course, if it's obviously illegal, then I'm going to disagree. If it's something that I would ask about, then I would probably weigh in with an opinion other than "do what you want"

 

I think asking permission from the community is a way for someone to see other's opinions and know what is safe to do and what is not in terms of modding and dressing and whatnot. I think it's the person simply trying to avoid a conflict between bjd owners if someone does something that is deemed "unacceptable."

Personally, yes, I do agree with the "to each his own" statement.

 

Where do you feel the question itself comes from?* Is it a desire to be accepted by one's peers? To find out what might shock them? Insecurity with one's own wishes or choices and/or a need for reassurance?

I think it's a combination of fear of being judged and a need for validation in a lot of cases. As an artist, to me there's few things worse than unveiling a piece you're very proud of only to be reamed for it. For the newer members of this community, I could easily see how they would be nervous about catching flack for say, modding their rare head or something like that. Then of course, there is the desire to know that you're not the only one that feels a certain way about a subject. That's why I rant to my husband a lot. xD

Is there anything like this that you have wondered about personally?

Not really. I used to be really curious about proper face-up materials, but I've since used the forum for a lot more research and learned pretty much everything I need to know about the subject.

Do you personally go with the "to each his own, it's your doll, do what you want with it" theory? If so, are there any exceptions to that? (Beyond the things noted below, or things that are outright illegal.)

For the most part, yes. I wouldn't want someone else giving me crap about something I did with one of my dolls, so I don't think it's my place to do that to other people. There may be some deeper moral issues that I disagree with, but I usually don't mention those because it almost always causes drama.

 

What bugs me more is people who get so annoyed by others asking these questions. Somehow every thread that even vaguely smells like "is it ok to?" urges someone to post along the lines of "do we really need to have threads like this" or like "im getting sick and tired that people keep posting threads like this"

Some members feel the need to ask these questions, if that is appropriate for this forum is only up to the mods to decide. If anyone doesnt like this kind of threads, there is NO reason to open them.

 

I think there are certain kinds of "is it okay to" questions that are perfectly acceptable, if they are in reference to the proper care of dolls and dolly items. For example, "is it okay to wash a synthetic wig" is a different type of question than "is it okay to sand off breasts". But that's somewhat obvious...

It's a large part of human behavior to desire acceptance and to behave within the norms established by society. When a member enters the dolly hobby, they ask these questions to figure out what the norms even are, because they simply don't know. You can ask an "is it okay to" question, receive community feedback, and decide you disagree. I don't think asking that question means you necessarily want other people telling you what to do with your dolls.

 

I think the root of this is that not everyone is as nice as you. There are people out there that feel it is OK to be cruel about other people's dolls and work, and this is where the isecurity creeps in.
I have seen people leave the hobby due to other's nasty comments and that is a shame.

I think it is human nature to seek agreement from your peers.

 

i'm just parroting what other people have already said, but it's fundamental human nature to desire acceptance and approval of one's peers - no matter what hobby or social circle or situation one is part of.

given the amount of threads that should start with the prefix, i could even vote the title of the Dolly Debate forum be changed to "Is it okay to...?"

seriously, i think the majority of threads in this forum all ask the same thing: vindication and/or reassurance from our peers regarding an insecurity.

 

It's all about approval, and it stems from the same reason we show off our dolls through photos or physical meets, we want to be a part of the group, and we want to be praised/accepted. That's the basis of all group-specific social behavior in humans.

 

People naturally seek approval from others. Approval and validation of action of behavior, people seek it out.

I feel many of these "Is it okay to...?" threads are just that: someone either seeking approval for something they are unsure of, or seeking validation, wanting to see if how they think or act in this hobby is in accordance with the majority so as to get approval. I have seen several threads that just scream this to me...and while it does irk me a bit... it's just fact that people want approval and validation, or maybe assurance that what they do it normal, or at least not "wrong".

In terms of the doll hobby, I am on the side of "to each their own". This hobby and how it is enjoyed is up to each person. There is no high authority that judges what is right and what is wrong. You can choose to go your own way, do what you want, or you can choose to conform and do what others do because they do it.

 

...it could also be that in some cases they are trying to ask another question, but phrase it poorly. What the person might REALLY want to know is if what they're doing will damage their doll... Not everyone's very good with words, and you can get a lot out of an 'is it okay' question than just 'if it's okay' in this community. DOA members often offer more information than what's being asked for and try to be very helpful, recommending products, linking to threads that discuss your concern... what people want is to be taken by the hand when they're afraid to try something new, and shown that they're doing okay.

 

We're a creative bunch. We paint & mod, sew, write, take photos, etc. Those processes are very personal, and I think it's only natural to suss out what people's reactions will be before you reveal your doll creation to the interwebs. I'm in the "to each their own" camp. I believe that if you enjoy your doll that's all that matters, no matter how you choose to present it. I don't always enjoy every mod, dress, or faceup shown on the forum, but I'm totally able to use the back button. I think people who cut down other people's dolls or dolly skills are really insecure about their own.

 

Where do you feel the question itself comes from?* Is it a desire to be accepted by one's peers? To find out what might shock them? Insecurity with one's own wishes or choices and/or a need for reassurance?
Yeah, I'm guessing it's a worry of those who want to be accepted by their peer group. Or perhaps by people who don't trust their instincts? Or by the insecure... All those sound likely.

Is there anything like this that you have wondered about personally?
Not really. I don't actually care about things that much. However, it's sometimes interesting to see what other people are thinking about certain ideas.

Do you personally go with the "to each his own, it's your doll, do what you want with it" theory? If so, are there any exceptions to that? (Beyond the things noted below, or things that are outright illegal.)
I am totally into doing what you want with your own dolls. I think anything else is none of anyone's business.

*Please note, I don't mean questions like 'is a good idea to use a Sharpie on your doll's face' or 'is it OK to huff MSC'; those are questions with simple answers that aren't really open to interpretation in the same way if at all.

Hey... if someone really wants to do crazy things, I'd say it's their choice, too. I think it's a stupid choice, but as I said, it's none of my business...

 

Weirdly BJD is a really community-esque hobby, so I guess most people will seek for approval, because they want to be a part of it.

There are a lot of other hobbies that are not so-community driven, this is not the case with bjd.

 

I can understand a lot of viewpoints poited out here, but to be honest, one can't really fault people new to the hobby to feel a little insecure and want to know if this or that is socially accetable, or when it comes to modding, perhaps it has a more logical meaning behind it, in that they know nothing about how resin works and such and want to know what would be the proper materials to use on a doll for certain modding or faceup projects. I don't think they're looking for approval there, but advice before they go and do something they might regret.

I've never posted a "is it okay to.." thread myself, but I've read a few of them because I'm guilty of being very insecure with a slew of anxiety issues, and so when I read debate threads that are anti-something that applies to me or my doll, my knee-jerk reaction is usually..."Oh no, everybody is going to hate me." It's because of a lot of hate on certain visual styles and character designs and such that applied to my tastes that I was afraid to post here for the longest time. I had in my head that the second I posted my doll or said anything about him and his background, that I would be jumped on by a pack of angry, rabid dogs. Yes, this is how my mind thinks, and I still think that sometimes.

I think a lot of this approval seeking may also stem from rumors of elitism within the BJD community, and that may scare some people. The last thing anyone would ever want is to be happy with their doll, only be shot down and/or snubbed.

Heck I've even started to ask myself if it was considered a bad thing to own an off-topic doll since they're a nono on this community, but that's a whole other discussion all together.

I think I lost track of what I was trying to say....but anywho...

My view on others with their dolls is the same as many others. It's your doll; do what you want. I have my personal tastes, but I'm not gonna bash on you or tell you that you're not allowed to do *insert random thing* just because I may not care for it.

Every hobby has its fair share of social rules and things that may be considered taboo, and it makes sense for new members to want to know what -not- to do before they get immersed in a hobby.

 

Mithredath;

you bring a SO VERY VALID point here about off-topic dolls. I wonder how many people didn't buy an offtopic doll because they couldn't post about it here.

 

i think people will ask those questions to see what other people in the hobby deem as "good" or "acceptable" to be more "accepted" in the community. they don't want to be the person that people say "oh god, look at that poor doll"