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Is there a lot of Drama on DOA?

Jul 20, 2019

    1. I'm a little bit scared whether or not it's a bad idea to ask this question here. I'm always scared about saying the wrong things but I feel I need to talk about this... One person in the YouTube comment section mentioned that she have stayed away from DOA because of all the drama. And personally coming here does not always help on my depression. Coming here get's me a bit angsty because I feel that I don't belong. There were a time where I felt that I belonged and I could talk to anyone, but with the years it became harder. And then I start to think about my ADHD and Aspergers diagnosis and wondering if maybe it have something to do with that. I started to wonder if I've said or done anything wrong. And then I curse at myself for being so stupid.

      There are of course some nice people here to talk to and one person who I talk a lot to prsonally about life and everything really. And if I remember it correctly we both feel the same(ish) about being here from time to time. Not all threads are bad, but there have been some where you just feel like crying. Sometimes I try so hard to be a part of the conversations going on in certain threads, or trying to get information on the dolls that I'm interested in, dolls that for example I might want to get oneday, but I feel like I'm talking to a wall :(

      I just wonder if anybody else feels like this?
      • x 1
    2. I’ve been here years & not encountered any drama. Everyone has been very nice & civil. I also have adhd & Aspergers. I struggle to make proper friendships, but I’ve not had any problems or had anyone be unpleasant.
      • x 7
    3. I've been here over a year now, and haven't seen all the drama I keep hearing about. Everyone seems nice and polite here that I have came across.

      I'm a newbie in the hobby, with diy-faceups, homemade doll clothes, and I can't answer a lot of questions for people, because I don't know a lot. I participate in conversations that I can, and just read the ones I can't.

      A great way to learn and get used to the hobby and forum is my observing rather then doing, and then when you feel comfortable about something join in. The only way to get to know people on here is to interact with others when you feel comfortable. If they interact back that's great, and if they don't try not to worry about it. Maybe they are busy and didn't see your message, or maybe they are feeling shy.
      • x 5
    4. I always seem to get this bad feeling in my stomach when I try to talk to people in the threads and nobody responds. It always makes me think that there's something wrong with me. But it could be as you say.

      I feel so bad, of course I don't expect people to have to respond to me. I guess I just don't know how to react because of things that have happened to me in my past. There's been a lot of trauma and bullying in my life that went on for over a decade and a half. It have made me uncomfortable around others. The way I were treated by others made me fear people but at the same time I do want to talk. At least on social media. I have one good friend irl but besides that my place to go have been on the internet. And when you feel as if you don't even belong there, it's hard.
      #4 manabusama, Jul 20, 2019
      Last edited: Jul 20, 2019
    5. In all of my years here, I think I've only seen real drama a couple of times, and the mods put an end to it when it devolved into pointless rudeness and name-calling. I definitely don't see DoA as a heavy drama forum - generally I've found the majority of conversations and people to be friendly and helpful. BUT...I think in a forum this huge, it's easy to get lost in the crowd - hence the feeling of "talking to a wall." If you're having that issue, it might help to either quote something that someone else has said, or use @whoeveryou'retalkingto, so that you're aiming your question at a specific person. Most people are inclined to respond when someone talks to them directly. :thumbup
      • x 8
    6. Been here 12 years and I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never (or at least extremely rarely) seen "drama" here. Debate, yes but not drama. What are these threads that are so bad it would make someone want to cry? Never have I seen such a thing here. Could you perhaps elaborate?

      Also to offer a possible explanation for the feeling of talking to a wall - Its important to remember that this is a forum, not a social media page. Forums are extremely slow moving (sometimes even appearing to not move at all) by comparison to most of the types of places people are used to communicating on these days. And this place is Massive. So many members and so many threads, its easy for a post to get overlooked.
      • x 7
    7. I am here since 2011 and faced a lot of drama...not personaly, but reading. And bad thing is, sometimes names make it to "Bjd Confession", I tumblr-blog about BJDowners...and not a good one. I also found my name there because I had a clash here on DoA with a person I got a doll from.

      In the scene, I am since 2008 and I have to say a lot of things changed...ppl are all high-and-mighty, many just want to downsize prices, shame other peoples doll, steal ideas from others or simply never pay for a commission that is already made.
      What kicked the bugget for me was the fact that Mirodoll got a ban, just for insisting them do recasts. Fans claiming to ban companies who do not sale counterfits was the death of the scene for me.

      I am pro-artist and Mirodoll is a nice company.

      For me, I am leaving this scene this year but I do recommend everyone to enjoy this hobby the best he/ she can because at the very end of the day, our dolls belong to us...not to any other person. Them are our soul and love.
      • x 6
    8. I was going to say the same as @celga. Sometimes when a thread has a lot of people participating and someone asks a question, that question can get lost in the middle of the crowd. It has happened to me too, it's not your fault or anyone's. Don't think people don't want to talk to you, I've been in several forums and this one is one of the most welcoming. Just use the @ to mention someone specifically, and they'll most likely reply :)
      I've personally found only friendly people here, and those who talk bad about the forum on youtube or wherever, well, might have broken the rules too often and after the ban they got angry.
      • x 2
    9. I can certainly understand this. Maybe because it's social media, I don't feel as nervous here, as I would if meeting someone face to face. Honestly, I think there is only so much rejection that you can take in real life before you just stop trying. Maybe that's why things on the internet don't matter so much to me. I say stuff and move on. I've already assumed no one is going to say anything to me, so when they do say something nice, I get a little bit happy inside.
    10. I guess, but there have been a few times when quoting posts have not helped. But when you are being told something long enough by other people you start to believe it. And I feel that there's something that is wrong with me because of that. I don't mean to react the way I do, but often it can't be helped :sweatBut it helps a bit to get how I feel off my chest.

      I feel nervous no matter where I am, I have deleted countless Reddit accounts because of anxiety. But I guess I'm doing some progress as I'm determined to not delete any more Reddit acounts anymore. And I really love that username that I chose :)
      • x 2
    11. Haha! I love Mana! I have some old promo posters from Moi dix Mois that a shop owner gave me.
      #11 RabbidBunnies, Jul 20, 2019
      Last edited: Jul 20, 2019
      • x 1
    12. From being part of the BJD community on both DOA and Instagram, Instagram is definitely way worse for drama, it can get a little bit stressful on there sometimes! On DOA I really haven't seen much apart from bad transaction reports or when the mods have banned something specific and there's discussion but nothing personal like I see on Instagram. (Instagram however has been way better for communication as I met all my dolly friends on there :) )
      • x 1
    13. I've noticed that 95% of the drama actually comes from BJD addicts, instagram and truebjdconfessions. lol
      • x 3
    14. I was really scared to post here for a while because I used to be on other sites where the drama was horrible and made me too scared to try and make friends or even read through threads - but after finally browsing the site and making an intro thread, I've realized that everyone here seems so kind and welcoming as far as I'm concerned!
      • x 1
    15. Been a member here for thirteen years now and I’ve rarely seen any drama. Any that pops up is quickly extinguished. I keep hearing that this place is full of drama but, frankly, I think half the people that complain of drama are probably the ones who cause it in the first place. Perhaps disgruntled former members or such.

      I figure, if you don’t deliberately go looking for it, you won’t find it.

      Yes, DOA does have strict rules but on a forum this big they are necessary to keep order and some people just don’t appreciate or understand that. Lots of whining there. Trust me, on Facebook and other social media sites, the bjd groups can be much worse when it comes to drama, members a lot meaner than here. And with those stupid confession blogs it gives people free reign to act like assholes while hiding like cowards behind anonymity.

      In my experience, DOA is a pleasure cruise compared to other sites.
      • x 7
    16. I'm sorry I don't mean to dodge your reply, but I do not always know how to respond, reply to people as my vocabulary is far beyond what it should be for someone my age. And because of everything that have happened my brain is probably underdeveloped or something. The bullying started at a early age for me and things like that if happening long enough can affect the developing brain. I'm dependant on my siblings to help out as I don't function like an adult person should :sweat

      I'm really struggling to put together an answer right now, because of the social media vs forum thing. I could not diferinate between the two before you pointed out they are not the same. My mind is completely blank and I don't know what to say other than explain this to you. The bullying also led to health problems sush as CFS. And memory problems, losing words and forming sentences is not so unusual for someone with CFS. It's a bit frustrating when you can't reply to people properly. Sorry about that...

      I love him so MUCH <3 He's like the reason I'm here XD. He's like a doll himself and I've since I discovered him in early 2000 admired everything about him! I always have him as my profile picture, just being a fan of him have helped me through difficult times in life. His existence made everything a bit better :)

      Because of the negative view I have about myself I have sometimes found myself searching those confession threads to see if my name is there. So far I have not found my name there, but my anxiety makes me do silly stuff like searching these threads. I tell myself that it would not be a surprize if my name were there. But I also know that there's a lot that is just all in my head. Things are probably not all how I imagine but a part of me says to always be on guard, don't do any mistakes etc.

      I was sad to see Mirodoll get banned as well. I wanted to hybrid a doll head that I had on one of their bodies. If I remember it correctly they offer custom resin colors. I could have hybrided my Zeev wolf head on one of the male bodies.
      • x 3
    17. To me, DoA seems the least dramatic place from which to enjoy the hobby and that is why I’m here. I appreciate the effort the mods put in to keep things orderly and civil and I appreciate that you can’t get away with harassment, spamming, excessive rudeness, cheating, etc here. Honestly, I roll my eyes every time I happen across someone badmouthing this site. In nearly all situations they seem to be either sour over a ban or are simply parroting something they heard someone else say.

      As for feeling ignored, for one forums don’t give the sense of talking to someone in real time like social media platforms can and that alone can make people more likely to think ‘ah, I’ll get to that reply later.’ It’s like a bunch of people writing letters back and forth and things are bound to be missed. It can be a little annoying or disheartening when no one answers, but I guarantee it’s not intended as a personal slight. Maybe ten people read your post- five didn’t know the answer but didn’t want to waste a post saying something that amounts to ‘IDK’. Three saw the post from their phone while a bit busy and made a mental note to come back later which did not stick, and the others just assumed someone else would answer if they didn’t. I read intent into people’s thoughtless actions too at times. It happens, especially when you’re so eager to enter the group you overanalyze everything that is said or done trying to ensure you can fit in.
      • x 7
    18. I find that DoA has a lot less drama than other online BJD communities. And, when it does happen, it's generally started and perpetuated by people who are "drama queens" themselves. ;)

      Reading some of your comments in this thread, could it be that you're "over-sharing" personal details about yourself, and making other people feel too uncomfortable to respond?
      • x 7
    19. Idk, if so I guess maybe I do the things I do because of my Aspergers diagnosis? At least it have happened on Reddit before on some of my deleted accounts that I've said things that other people did not like to hear. It wasn't that I was over-sharing personal things, but more the way I said things. Not before people point things out that they don't like about whatever I said I get that I made a blunder. And then I freak out and feel horrible. People with Aspergers I've heard can be deadly honest. And maybe that's the problem.

      As much as I want to change my flaws it's not something that is easy to do if I have these social barriers. These social problems that I have are probably some of the reason I have such a negative view about myself. I feel that everything I do get wrong, it's a bit frustrating that :sweat
      #19 manabusama, Jul 20, 2019
      Last edited: Jul 20, 2019
    20. I've only been active here since January, but everyone here seems pretty nice so far.

      I think some people just see or cause drama wherever they go, and then blame others for it.
      • x 1