Mental Block regarding selling

Mar 30, 2021

    1. I don't go around talking about my personal issues, but I really need to sell some stuff, so I need to "unlock" this mental status.

      Because of a buyer and payapal I almost lost 200 euro (I didn't lose my money just because usps sent the package back home after someone suggested me there was this option on their site) and now I can't really bring myself to sell again.

      Partially because of paypal: I didn't expect the backstab. PP gave the money immediately back to the buyer, even if the tracking was still working (the package was just stuck in a postal office near buyer's town).

      I also committed a mistake: I had to be more firm and insist on using EMS instead of accepting to use the slowest method and help her saving some money. I will never, ever ship something oversea via slowest method ever again.

      I could use some advice to really bring myself back to sell. I'm just too scared to find myself in another similar situation and we are not talking about 10 euro items here... I was lucky once, but what about next time?
      • x 4
    2. You really need to have thick skin to be a seller. Way too often I see buyer's trying to push a seller around or scam in any way possible. Set rules and stick to them. One excuse is fine but multiple becomes a hard no. Only ship in ways you're comfortable with and don't be afraid to tell a potential buyer no if you don't like the situation. Check feedback! It's ok to only sell to those with feedback. It's also ok to only sell within your own country. That could be a good start for you as well.
      • x 15
    3. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience. I'd suggest to only sell in a way you are comfortable with in the future. Only offer shipping methods you agree with regardless the cost.

      Personally if a buyer pushes me outside my comfort zone I usually suggest they either drop the sale or that they carry all risks. Via Paypal this usually results in them paying through F&F.

      So far I've been very lucky to have every package arrive but I really dislike the personal stress the cheaper shipping methods tend to carry with them.

      Just take it easy and start small once more. Offer it up within your own country, expand to some neighbouring countries, ... Not all buyers are as quick to file Paypal claims. You'll find there are sincere people out there as well.

      You can do it! :3nodding:
      • x 1
    4. @Cap'n @Siara Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm not new to sell: I used to sell a lot of figures on MFC and I had no problems kicking out from a split group a member who kept finding excuses; what triggers me the most is that for once I wanted to be kind and tried to give her what she wanted. I guess everyone else will pay for her behaviour.

      Guys, your idea is pretty good, thou. I will sell only in Europe (can't really sell only in Italy, because I'm not sure how many italians are there in this community xD), thank you :3
      • x 2
    5. Definitely put up front the only options you'll use for shipping. You can always raise your price to cover about half of what you think the shipping will be too, and if the buyer asks for lower shipping, offer to knock that extra bit off the doll to cover a portion of the shipping. Just an idea. Only do what you are comfortable with.
    6. I agree with what everyone else is saying, only do what you are comfortable with. Right now with how shipping is everything is slow, even the "faster" methods, so that is something to consider. I always ship the faster way with full insurance, and if the buyer doesn't like that, then I ask them to carry all the risk or I move on. You have to protect yourself, I feel the buyers have more rights than the sellers. In a perfect situation, everyone is covered and on the up and up, but there are those few rotten apples that spoil the bunch. I completely understand your hesitancy to sell. As someone suggested, for now maybe only sell to people that have solid feedback until you are comfortable taking chances on those with no/less feedback?
    7. As a buyer, I want to know what the buyer did wrong to not do the same. I don't understand what they did.. so they made a claim because shipping was slow? That's very weird.... even EMS can take over a month to arrive so a slower method like surface would take 3+ months. Why would Paypal would side with the buyer if you provided tracking and proof that you sent it?

      I have no feedback and I often choose slow methods like surface, so I feel personally conflicted when people say not to do either of those things, but I can understand.
    8. The best thing to do is sit down and figure out what you are comfortable with and stick to that. You are only comfortable sending with one courier, write that down. Require insurance and tracking? Yep, write that down too. Figure out the way that you feel safest and most prepared in case something were to go south. For example, I screenshot every conversation I have about sales the moment the money hits my account or at the end of the day if conversations are slower. They get logged chronologically and I include a word document breakdown of what the sale is and the conditions. They all get stored in a folder on my computer for later use (I haven't made many sales, but this was easier for me than writing down notes in a notebook). This is how I feel protected and safe while doing transactions.

      Viewing doll sales as business transactions is another way to save yourself from falling victim to being too nice. In this hobby we often view everyone as our 'friend' because we have a common interest, that needs to be forgotten about when selling. Unless they're willing to send things via Friends and Family (which is what you would do if you were selling something to someone you were truly friends (or family) with, then it is a business transaction. This is not me saying to ask for things Friends and Family, just pointing out if you don't know them enough to trust sending the amount of money to them as F&F then it is a business transaction.
      • x 2
    9. The buyer specifically asked for the slower shipping to save money then put in a claim because it was taking too long (if I am reading it correctly). The seller was able to reroute the package back to themselves or else they would have been out the money AND the item.
    10. Paypal has it in their TOS that in a buyer's protection claim, they will only accept a proof of delivery that includes the recipient's signature. So as per their rules, any tracking/ shipping methods that do not include a signature are not valid to them. They explicitly say to make sure as the sender to chose a shipping method that comes with that service.

      Edited to add :) Proof of shipping something means nothing to Paypal at all, sadly.

      And @Demiurgo : It's your turf, you set up the rules! Read up on all the safety measures available to sellers, there's a lot of good info here, and trust your instincts: say no if you feel uncomfortable with something.
      #10 Mandagore, Mar 30, 2021
      Last edited: Mar 30, 2021
    11. All of these suggestions are great! Thank you @Demiurgo for bringing this up!

      I’m always nervous about selling, especially seeing what the mail has been like for the past year, so I decided on a way to protect myself. I decided to add in the cost of my chosen shipping method to the doll’s price and state in my listing that shipping via priority mail with insurance is included. That way I already chose the shipping method with insurance and none of my buyers had any issues with it. I also chose to sell only within my country. I didn’t mark my dolls up, and ended up selling them for the price I originally paid, minus the insurance cost. I figured that the cost of the insurance was something I’m willing to pay for peace of mind. No one else should feel like they have to do this, this is just what I did to feel comfortable. Not that insurance is fool proof.
      • x 2
    12. That's an ouch of a learning experience. Hopefully you're able to find the security and confidence to sell in the future!
    13. There's always a risk when selling, though in my 13 years in the hobby, I've never had anything seriously bad happen, just a few small things. I totally get the fear though, especially when you've had such a horrible experience before. Just know that the majority of buyers will be wonderful.

      Due to the situation of the past year, I've had to stop shipping internationally all together since even some shipping within my own country was taking up to a month. I'm shipping everything with tracked, insured Priority Mail unless the value is something I could afford to lose (like a cheap piece of clothing or something). Require a signature on large packages. Make your policies very clear and stay firm on them. Keep records of all communication between yourself and the buyer. If PayPal doesn't protect you, give them a call and see if you can get it fixed. I've heard of them siding with sellers when they can prove the item was shipped correctly. If a buyer can't accept your terms, they can choose not to buy from you. Other buyers will appreciate the protection on both ends.
    14. just wanted to add: the reason for this is because some scammers can give out false tracking numbers.

      it's been like 2 years and i still have no clue how this ebay guy got me a tracking number for a package that was never mine but was being delivered to the same city i live in. some weird obscure darkweb site devoted to tracking numbers, maybe??
      • x 1
    15. I'm a huge buyer for a lot of the people I know on instagram, and I gotta say that most of the time, if the seller says to do "x" tracking, its simply because that's what they're comfortable with. I absolutely despise it when I get stuck waiting for DHL to show up, but does my package get here? Yes. Is it safe? Yes. Is it a little inconvenient if I miss the DHL truck? Massively, but I know that my products are safe and eventually always get to me. So, take it from someone who's money burns a hole in their pocket; what YOU are comfortable with is what goes.
      • x 1
    16. She was actually the only one who wanted to spare money on shipping. Everyone else just went along with what I chose: even that time when I had to change the shipping method while I was at the post office because the package ended up being too big.

      It was totally my fault back then on one thing: I had to back down when she started to act like a neurotic instead of trying to help (yeah, it may sound horrid to say this), but I won't ever accept another person as a buyer who behaves like her.

      I don't even know why I was being soo nice, because I always stay logical when I do a transaction. I had all our conversation stored as well but the list is actually a great idea! Thanks!

      Yes, she asked me to save money on shipping, I tried different combinations, but in the end the slowest method was the cheapest (of course with tracking). Paypal instantly accepted the claim because "22 days were passed since the day of shipping" (to be fair it was less than that since I sent the package right before X'mas).

      Sadly, Paypal, my only ally in this backstabbed me in any way possible: they first refunded her and then they even mocked me (PP customer care assistant told me "surely the buyer will pay you back once she receives the package).
      Yeah, I will never be deceived AGAIN by someone, that's for sure. Also, my instinct prolly saved the transaction (I bought a yellow box and then took a lot of pictures - which I used to re-route the package - because I had a bad feeling).

      I was really "casual" about selling, it was a natural thing for me: never had problems (had more problems as a buyer). This accident really hit me hard.

      Thank you! You are really kind <3

      I called paypal. The person on the other side of the line told me this: first thing, the "22 days were passed since the day of shipping so we refunded the buyer" rule- that I didn't know (and apparently no one I asked knew) and then when I told her that the package was stuck in the post office near buyer's town she answered "surely the buyer will pay you back once she receives the package".
      There just wasn't any chance of opening from their side, basically.

      Yeah, I totally see my mistake there. Dunno what the hell happened to me that day. :/ Really makes me angry!

      Thank you guys so much! Answering all these messages made me think and now I feel better! Also, I remembered all those buyers who were honest and kind and symphatetic!
      #16 Demiurgo, Apr 1, 2021
      Last edited: Apr 1, 2021
    17. I have no advice, but I just wanna say reading this thread has been helpful for myself as I've also been mentally blocked from selling.
      • x 1
    18. It's always difficult to unblock yourself after a bad experience. I've been selling online for 15 years, and only have ever once had a buyer file a Paypal claim against me. I shipped the item to the registered Paypal address in the US, but apparently, that was a forwarding service. The forwarding service re-packaged the item and it arrived damaged to the buyer. Paypal still sided with them and forced a return, even though they clearly were in the wrong by not telling me about any forwarding service. I was furious. I had never had anyone do something like this in all my years of selling, but I guess that just made me lucky thus far.

      I find that MOST people in the BJD community are good communicators as buyers, compared to so many other collectible worlds I am in. There are always going to be outliers that try to make our lives more difficult. I hope that this can be a learning experience (sounds like it already has been), and can help you in the future.

      Because of my experience, I will now only send to forwarding addresses of people I know and trust, and layout in my terms that the address on the Paypal account is where my responsibility ends. Sadly, over the last few years, Paypal seems to disregard any terms set by us sellers and only goes by their own. There's only so much we can do, but being as clear as possible can help dissuade a bad buyer from trying to take advantage. There are some buyers out there that know the art of the scam, and will always try to seek out a partial refund or a shady return.