Not bonding with a doll. :(

Don't worry, this is all part and parcel of this hobby. Very few of us get the chance to hold and play with a doll prior to purchasing it, so there is always the chance that it may not work out. Sometimes it is just the initial face-up or styling that causes it, but other times no matter what you do you just can't bond with a doll. This has happened to me twice out of the 12 dolls that i have bought. It was horrible the first time it happened, but i accepted it and moved on. I traded the doll for one that i love, so all ended well. It helps if you have an idea as to what it is that didn't work particularly - just so that you don't buy a similar doll and have the same problem.

Don't let it get you down, it is just a blip and we all live and learn x

 

I went through this too--and the worst part is, it was with my very first BJD!! I bought a 5Stardoll Mu Ran having all these great ideas for the character and preparing for 3 months before he finally arrived home--and when he did, I quickly realized that I didn't like him as much as I had when waiting for him. I bought him a couple of different wigs, tried to even see if mentally changing the gender of the character he was meant to be worked--but I couldn't connect.. I had begun to hate him because I felt he was a failure to what I had meant for him to be. But over a year later I had given up on him...I had changed his character but the character I gave him had nothing that pertained to his character. So I just settled for buying a new BJD and leaving him in my shelf. while I bought my second BJD, I bought him a new wig that would fit his new character, thinking that that was the last thing I could do for him, and if it didn't work I'd sell him...and it was amazing to me. Because I had started to love him. It was a slow process, first changing the wig, then making him new clothes and things, and I learned how to fall in love with him. Today, I wouldn't trade him for anything.

What the moral of my story is maybe changing the character of your doll again, give it another faceup, buy or make a whole new wardobe, etc. It sounds like you've been doing that, and honestly, when it comes to this, it's the best you can do. Some people who sell dolls feel guilty for deciding to sell the doll if they cannot connect with it, but it really isn't that bad of a thing. You're just giving the doll a new home where someone will love it just as much as you, if not more, and hopefully connect with it. :3 it's not a bad thing if you choose to sell her, and though I think there may always be a tiny bit of guilt, giving her to someone else is not wrong of you if you don't end up connecting with her and you are not a bad person for doing so.

 

I had this same issue with my first doll when she arrived back in September 2010. She was a Doll Love Alice and I kept trying different wigs, clothes, names, and nothing ever felt right. I put her away and would occasionally pull her out and try again. It wasn't till I bought a AkagiDoll Ban head last month that she finally clicked and now I am in love with her.
I always suggest putting the doll away for a bit and then revisting them a short time later. If you still can't bond, then try figuring out what exactly isn't clicking for you and replacing/fixing it.
Good luck. I know it can be hard in this hobby when your doll just isn't working out.

 

It happens sometimes. You can love a doll's look & aesthetic but still not bond with them.

I normally try a new faceup & new look (different wig, different eyes, clothes, etc.) & if that doesn't work, they're off on a sale or trade towards another doll that I want.

 

Has happened to me 3 times. My first bjd I was so excited. As soon as I opened the box I knew she was all wrong. Sold her that same day. I was so upset. I cried all night. My husband wouldn't let me give up. I bought 2 more. They were ok but still didnt bond. Sold them. So now I have no dolls. But 2 are coming in this week. I have high hopes for these. Dont give up. You will find the right ones for you

 

It's happened a lot, but I recently had this issue.

My sister got a free 5StarDoll Bright head with an order of hers, and since I had expressed my interest in that sculpt in the past, and she had no use for him, she gave him to me. i knew this during the waiting period, so I created Luc's character, based much on my own teen years. Got him home....nope. I couldn't bond. Tried a faceup, hated it. The sculpt wasn't as pretty in person and I felt like he was squinting at me. I just didn't know what to do, especially since he was a gift. So I tried a new faceup. Carved on him to open his eyes a little more. Got him in his outfit (blackshirt, jeans, trenchcoat, combat boots...basically a replica of my teen clothing). Tried roleplaying him on Facebook. I ended up playing him out more with my sister and working on him, took some pictures, and now I really like him. I have a whole story going with him and he fits right into it.

Other times, regardless of what I tried, I just couldn't force the bond, and ended up selling. No shame in letting one go to get something you like better.

 

Dont worry hun. It happens to everyone. Try putting her in her box and if you dont have the urge to take her out...then maybe its time to say goodbye. I know how you feel right now since i bought my first doll and while i love her to bits i just cant bond with her character. I did the box thing and couldnt last two days but I really just need to redesign her character. If you want to give her another chance maybe look at face ups that might suit the character you have then choose something from the clothes and eyes you ALREADY have. No need to spend more money and give her one more chance. I hope everything goes well for you. Good luck

 

It has happened to me, too. I bought a doll I was super-excited to get, and the company face-up even seemed perfect. Then I got her, and boy did she look mean. Like, really mean. The face-up was so harsh and nothing like how I imagined it would, even though I knew I wouldn't be getting exactly what I was seeing online, and her head was just too small, which somehow made it worse (I tend to like bigger heads anyway). I tried sending her out to a talented artist for a new face-up, and got her back and she looked really great, but ugh. She was really well-made and a great doll, but we just never got along and she moved on.

Rambling aside, it happens. You can't beat yourself up over it. Things don't always work the way we want, and much of this hobby is about trial and error. I'm sure you'll find the perfect doll for your goals.

 

I have this problem with an Elfdoll Smiling Soah head i bought.. i really loved it... thought it was super cute.. but everytime i took a photo of the her, her head looked really big.. She has really big cheeks that sorta remind me of my younger sister and I dont really like it. I've made her new wigs, changed her eyes and face up a few times.. but still I'm just not bonding with her..
I thought about listing her for sale.. but then I really do love Elfdolls.. and I'm not sure i could part with her.

 

This happens to me too, I was so excited of his arrival that I bought all kinds of wigs and outfits ready for him and believed I would bond with him. But after some photoshoots I realize he doesn't really fit into my other doll's style. Right now I am still wondering if I should sell him or send him a face-up artist and try to bond with him again.
I know it's frustrating but I think this happens to everyone so there's no need to feel bad about it, this may be also a great chance to find out the style you like so you won't have go through this all again

 

This is horrible, I know how you feel because I went through this >_<

I was always a fan of that doll, and when I got him I was so happy. As time went on, I realized I wasn't happy with his face up so I changed it. Then I wasn't happy with his wig, eyes and nothing else worked on him. I refused to let go for many years trying to tell to myself that I was happy with him but when I played with my dolls, he always stayed in a corner and I didn't enjoy taking pictures of him. He changed styles and everything but he never spoke to me, he was like a real doll (you know, my other dolls are more alive in my mind) no life, no soul, no personality. Nothing. Finally I decided to part with him and I sold him.

I've have dolls I wasn't happy with in the beginning but it was because they had the wrong wig/eyes/face up etc, I knew what I wanted for them so I worked hard to get there. I have one doll who went through 5 face ups but I loved him because I knew who he was, I just needed it a little push to get him complete so the thought of selling him never passed through my head.

This is different, when you're unhappy because you don't know who that doll is and you don't know how to get *there* then I think it's time to let go.

I swear, not bonding with a doll is the most frustrating part of this hobby. :/

 

If I do not bond with someone I sell her. There are too many other dolls I want and will bond with so I would rather have my $ and attention on dolls I do want.

 

Hello! I'm sorry that there may be other threads like this one, but I need help in my particular position. So I bought my first MSD boy quite some time ago, and I've had his relative character for even longer. Ever since I first pulled him out of the box, I never felt a real... "Connection", so to speak, with him. And it's not like the doll itself looks depressing or anything, (he actually has a little smile and everything), but he always kind of.. Made me sad. I don't know if it's his backstory or his size (he's an MSD) or anything like that. Plus, I'm looking into buying a new doll, and I'm just worried that the same thing will happen. Any ideas on how to 'get to know' or bond with my Alister?

 

Sometimes restyling helps. Like new wigs, eyes, clothes, even face up. Personally I think the best way to bond is to make something for the doll. Like sewing a sweater or something along those lines.
Best of luck. Lack of bonding seems to be the most frustrating thing in the hobby.

 

Maybe you should try changing the character for the doll. I've had similar problems with one of my dolls before. I brought her, and tried to make her fit into the character I had in mind for her. Even though I just got her, I felt so sad and uncomfortable with her. I even had thoughts about selling her. I tried her on with the little clothes I have for my girls, different wigs, and took her outside and start taking pictures of her. After a while, I start to feel our bond starting to form.

 

Sell or keep him in closet

It's a fact that you're disappointed or don't like him anymore.

Don't waste more money on him.