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Not sharing? Hostile with your dolls?

Apr 25, 2011

    1. Is anyone like me? I love talking about my dolls. But Now my friend wants one and I completely freak out? NO way. I'm the only one in the world who can like these.

      I just want to add this for some, Please don't feel too ill towards me, of some of what I'm feeling is jealousy (By the was the Volks thing was an analogy.. I don't want to get too in to the real situation, I wasn't posting this for advice, just to see if anyone can relate with me.) Some of what I'm feeling is just unexplained hostility and that is why I posted it, to see if anyone else feels it. I'm not a completely horrible, Immature person, in fact, I like to think I'm rather decent. That sounds rude but I don' know how to phase it other wise... And I would also like to add that I regret posting this in the first place but am still interested in your opinions.
       
    2. You are the only one in the whole world? O___o Being on this forum must kill you. :lol:

      To answer your question, no, I don't mind if my friends like BJDs. I don't want them to have MY dolls, but they can buy their own.
       
    3. I had minor issues like this with a specific friend of mine when I was in high school, but it's not really been an issue since. In that case, it wasn't any specific thing, but a pattern of finding something I liked, and the friend immediately having to do the same thing in a more ostentatious manner... over and over and over again through a period of five years or so, on through college. It wasn't any of the specific interests that was an issue to me, but the behavior pattern of 'I always have to try to outdo you at every single thing you enjoy' that was the actual problem.
       
    4. I'd be careful with people holding the ones I own, but other than that, I'm an avid converter. I try to tell everyone who seems to have a chance of liking it about them, and hope it sticks.

      So far, it hasn't worked, but I'll keep trying!
       
    5. As surreality illustrates with her example, I think it's a an issue with other people colonising your interests. I also had a friend in high school that did this. So for me it's the person that's the problem. These days I tend to only keep people around that I really like, so I'd be perfectly happy for any of them to suddenly join the hobby, because they'd be doing it because they genuinely wanted to. :)
       
    6. Its a little odd you would feel that way and maybe there's an alternative reason behind it? Try sharing the things you like about bjds with her and encourage her to get one.
       
    7. It is sort of like that but more like.... I am completely broke and your dad owns an airport so your getting a Volks and I'm dreaming of getting one... Sort of her out doing me is a no brainer... It makes me irritable..
       
    8. Aah I see what you mean....like you've wanted a Voks BJD for a while, and your friend who only got into it recently can get it while you can't, even though you've wanted it longer than them? o3o And this makes you irritated and a bit jealous.

      If I were you I'd just not let it get to you. ^^ I actually don't know ANYONE irl who is into BJDs, so I'd actually find it cool if one of my friends could get one too! Then I could take photos of my boy with their doll, and we could exchange gifts for them, and ect. ^^ So I'd just look at the positive side of it, if it bugs you like this. ^^
       
    9. I'm sorry you're feeling that way, maybe you should try and be joyous with your friend about it? At the very least, I hope the feeling will go away with time. I've personally never felt that way, I guess I am lucky in that respect. I live by the motto of "Don't share anything you're not willing to lose.", which seems to have worked so far.

      I know a few people who took interest in hobbies of mine, but I purposely told them about them trying to get them involved lol. I've converted at least 6 people over to the dark-side of doll collecting and at least 3 are on this forum, even! I take pride in it and am happy to know I helped someone else so that they can feel the love and excitement of ABJDs that I do. Almost all of them got their dolls before me, but that didn't make me sad - it made me excited even more for mine and I got to see all sorts of different sizes and dolls of different companies before getting mine. Try to think of it from the positive and not just the negative and I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon.
       
    10. If they're genuinely interested, I think it's a little selfish to say they're not allowed to get one because you had one first. If they're just trending since you got one, sure it may be frustrating, but ultimately it's not your place to comment (it's not your money nor your time wasted).

      As for your second comment, no, it's not always fair when some people have nice things handed to them on a silver platter because they can. Yes, it is upsetting that some people don't have to work as hard as others to get things. However, that doesn't mean they all won't appreciate what they're given.

      Your beginning post is pretty vague and doesn't really sum up the situation background - honestly, it reads a little like you're not even giving your friend a chance. Why don't you talk to them about things, look at dolls together, and try to enjoy the hobby together if she really wants one? I dunno about you, but that sounds more enjoyable than complaining about it.
       
    11. No. Nobody holds a monopoly on the doll hobby or owning dolls. No matter what the circumstances are, nobody has the right to say whether or not someone else is allowed to get a doll. I think it's a bit selfish to say that you don't want your friend to have something that she might really want just because she won't have to pay for it herself. If you want a doll that she's able to get easily, just save your money and buy the doll instead of being upset that she's getting it first, and more easily than you can get it. No big deal.
       
    12. I dunno, I think it totally depends on who the friend is.
      On the one hand there are friends who I would be elated if they were to join the hobby. I know they would understand and respect how the hobby works and they would make a reasonable effort with it.
      Then on the other, I have friends who I would hate to be in this hobby. I know they would treat it like a fad, which essentially is their own business but I know it might also spoil my enjoyment too. I'd have to bite my lip so often and that can be a little stressful :sweat
       
    13. I think it's okay to be disgruntled without acting on it. There's a difference from complaining a bit to someone not involved and going off on your friend for it. I don't know they full situation, so I'm not going to judge.

      Personally, it was actually THROUGH a friend of mine that I got back into the hobby, and I'm glad she's in it because I can talk her about dolls! We tend to have different aesthetic taste- so I don't think I have to worry about us trying to make the same doll, either. I tried to get one of my friends to get an EID Akando at one point because I wanted her to have the companion to my Mars (though that's since changed because the character has changed.)

      The only time I would get annoyed with a friend about that is for me to tell them I was wanting to get a doll with a certain face-up with a certain wig and certain clothes... only to find out that they stole my character because they were able to get it before I was. Yeah, THEN I would be bothered because it's no longer about owning a bjd. I think you should try to be happy for your friend... and maybe try to get involved with the doll- see if you can take pictures of it and such for her. Part of the joy of the dolls is being able to play with them.

      I hope you're able to get a Volks one of these days, OP!
       
    14. I totally get what ur saying, I feel that way about games and manga. But with the dollies, its a little more okay since a friend introduced me in the first place so I can't really be sticky about it... But I totally understand the "mine, you can go find your own hobby and I won't cross into your boundary either" feeling XD

      I also have the feeling that the less people have the same hobbies as me, the better lol. But I can't really stop others... Its just wishful thinking...
       
    15. Mmm, it does seem a little odd to me to be any bit territorial about the hobby. Maybe if you knew she was getting one just to one up you. But if your friend is genuinely interested in the hobby, then I'd say try to support her! It can be grating when someone else has more money then you do, I know... but her monetary position is different then your, theres nothing you can do about that. If she's getting a Volks, well view it as an opportunity? Your friend will be getting a type of doll you think you want! Chances are being your friend she might let you play with them a little...So you can sort of test run a volks! See if you really like them as much as you think....and then jut think how much satisfaction you'd get when you buy a volks and knowing you saved up for it yourself?
      I have one doll that my parents paid for... and though I love her to be honest I get more pleasure from the ones I paid off myself.
       
    16. think about it this way - now your friend has one, now you can play with it!
      I used to be a little jealous when friends would get things that I wanted, this was more a problem in other hobbies than this one though. I mean, I used to collect my little ponies and was struggling to find vintage ones. My friend got into it and her mom was buying her 50 pony lots off ebay every week :/ (seriously...) and I'd get annoyed and jealous to no end. Especially when she'd just hoard doubles she had and of ones I really wanted too >___<

      But with dolls, It's a lot different. With all of my doll friends we're all very hands on with each others dolls, I have a lot of friends who have dolls that I really want. And Ironically enough, I even have a friend who's 3rd doll (only a month into doll owning) was a soom monthly, and I near died. Jealousy waved for about a week, mostly because she got a ridiculous deal on it, before I was like OMGSOCOOL! Now I get to play with it and I don't have to pay for it XD

      So just try and think about it like that :D make her dolly yours LOL! Talk to your friend XD she may event let you buy a wig and eyes for it and dress it up yourself :P
       
    17. No, I don't feel like that at all because it's childish. O_o Why'd you even tell her if you were going to get that terribly envious about it? I don't see how your friend is out doing you by being able to get a doll sooner than you; you haven't demonstrated that. I also don't get the animosity towards someone that doesn't do all but sell a kidney for these either. Maybe animosity is too harsh, but really. What does it matter *how* someone gets the doll? That's your own set of issues that you have to work through. -sigh- Just remember that this is your friend and be happy for her.
       
    18. I've been in this exact situation. I honestly have no idea why some people feel the need to do that, it's terribly irritating. Even worse? When you get someone interested in something, and then they turn around and treat you like you're not as 'cool' as they are, because they went and bought more of whatever it is you got them into in the first place. Childish, much? :doh
       
    19. Anyone can join a hobby and there nothing you can really do to say like no this is my hobby. I will agree on people getting dolls just to out do you or outfits because you wanted them 1st. I have known someone that did that when I 1st started out in this hobby. It was I really like doll X and then two weeks later she have said doll Or I like outfit Y and sure enought that outfit would be on one of her dolls with in a few weeks. It gets old you learn to ignore them and all after all it gets old and boring after awhile. I finally got to the point were I was like oh so you did and just moved on and mess with my boy doll whom I had for like 2 years at this point. They just do it to try and show off.

      If its a friend who generally wants a BJD and happens to get a doll before I do I be very happy for them and wish them the best.
       
    20. Um, no. Having friends in the hobby is fun -- it's nice to have someone that shares the same interests. I don't really get the whole 'I have to be the only one' attitude, to be honest. If it's something like what surreality mentioned where there was some actual unpleasant behavior with that particular person attached, I can understand that. However, from what little you wrote, it doesn't sound like that's the case. You certainly can't expect people not to get into the hobby just because you got here before they did. Besides, thousands of people got into this hobby before you did anyway.