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Other People's "Playing" or "Attachment" or lack thereof - Does It Bother You?

Mar 21, 2010

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    1. I suspect that people are "up in arms" about the charity comment you made because it appears to impose your values and expectations on someone other than yourself. That kind of imposition, or the hint that such an imposition might be intended, even when it is not, often makes people testy and defensive, or worse.

      As an example, I don't give money to charity. This is not to say I oppose the idea of charities, or that if I come across one I agree with at some point in the future, I might not give something to it. But I do not consider myself a charitable person, nor do I feel any desire to be one. I'm selfish, occasionally cold-hearted, and I am quite happy with this state of being. I consider myself a productive member of the society in which I exist - I do not ask others to support me, and I do not offer of myself to support others. Without getting into some of my more radical political views, suffice it to say that I think that many charities serve largely to weaken our species, and I wish to have no part in that. If someone tries to lecture me about the need to contribute to charities - lectures which inevitably fall back on either an attempt to cause me sufficient guilt to sway me to their side of the argument, or which do their best to make me feel as it I have an obligation to somehow better myself by improving the lives of others - it serves only to aggravate me, because their arguments are not based on the things which I personally believe, and are an attempt to force their values and way of viewing the world onto me. It's not going to win them any ground, it's just going to annoy me.

      And none of that has anything to do with my doll collection, which is well over the "10 dolls" mentioned previously, and which brings me considerable satisfaction.

      I suppose it comes down to this:

      I don't believe that any of us have the right to determine what is or is not "a waste" of another person's resources.
       
      #61 Kiyakotari, Mar 22, 2010
    2. OK, Kiya has answered so vividly I don't need to bother. ~^ Yes, basically, the reason people get "up in arms" whenever you tell them to spend their money in any specific way = it's because their finances are none of your business. Or mine. Or anyone else's. Nobody likes being told (or hinted-at, or suggested, or insinuated) how to live their lives or spend their money.

      Or how to play with their dolls.

      Imposition with good intent is still imposition.
       
      #62 JennyNemesis, Mar 22, 2010
    3. I know this post wasn't directed at me, but I do feel the need to comment. I don't think that collector in particular exists. The owner that just buys a doll to buy one and have it serve no purpose? These are a little too pricey for anyone to just buy and neglect completely and totally/ not want. No one willingly purchases something they don't want at any point, $0.05 piece of gum or $500 doll :/

      And most, if we don't want them anymore, sell them to someone that does want them.
       
      #63 Somnambulist, Mar 22, 2010
    4. Of course, I'm sure a lot of people can be slightly iked at first seeing what some people do with their dolls, whether it be doing nothing but owning or doing alot of 'interesting' mods and things.

      I don't think anyone is necessarily less attached if they don't do much with their dolls, for some it's in collecting that they get their fulfillment, we're all different in that way.

      In the end everyone has to shrug their shoulders and move on. I realize that if whatever people decide to do with the doll/s they own makes them happy, then I should appreciate that. I like to pose my dolls all the time, take pictures, change their eyes, clothes and all that, but that's just me. I won't bug others for their choices in they don't say anything about mine.
       
      #64 reaperofleaves, Mar 22, 2010
    5. This. Besides, these kinds of impositions are often very judgemental towards others, when at the same time, the imposer doesn't include himself.

      And QFE.
       
      #65 Silk, Mar 22, 2010
    6. "I'm not bothered by people buying a limited as long as they're playing with the doll and enjoying it after they get it."

      I've read that a lot too. I just roll my eyes, really, because it's no one else's business why a person buys a doll and what they do with it. I guess it makes the person who says it feel better somehow.

      "I don't mind if other people have a lot of dolls as long as they love and properly care for all their dolls and aren't just buying them just to have them."

      Again, I guess it makes them feel better to think that--but they really have no control over why people buy dolls or what they do with them, and they SHOULDN'T have any say. Maybe it's also a control issue? There are some people who just wish to have a say in what other people do??? *_*

      1) Setting the above two issues (scalping and damaging dolls), is there anything else that you feel someone who buys dolls should or should not be doing with them that constitutes proper "enjoyment" or "appreciation" or "love" for the doll? Do you feel that people are obligated to do any of the following?

      No, in short. No one is the Arbiter Of What People Ought To Be Doing, thank goodness!!! But on to the details, anyway...

      - Buy or make really nice clothing for the doll (i.e. best you can afford)?

      Well, I like doing that, but why should everyone be doing that???

      - Invest in a professional faceup for the doll, rather than a properly done (i.e. no magic markers, not awful) but kind of amateurish one?

      Again, I prefer having and seeing nice faceups... but heck, I've done my own faceups and some people out there may think they are crap, others may not... and if I wish to put up with my skills, that's my lookout. See, that's the thing--who gets to decide what is "properly done"??? Some people hate the default faceups, and those are usually quite properly done. What if someone out there is magically appointed as ARBITER OF GOOD FACEUPS? Will everyone agree with that person's opinion? I don't think so! So it HAS to be up to the owner. The owner has the only vote that counts when it comes to their own doll!

      - Interact or "play" with the doll somehow - by hugging it, making up stories about it, talking to it, taking it to meets, photographing it regularly, etc.?

      So, does that mean people can't buy dolls if they want to just look at them? What if people think that dragging a doll about and photoing it or handling it is "abuse"??? If you look at it logically, people who want to dictate to others what is proper or not, are leaving themselves open to those who disagree and think that everyone else is wrong... So basically, there can be no "right way" unless you want to follow someone else's wishes... and that would be no fun!

      2) What about people who buy the doll and then just leave it in its box (where it is safe from any physical harm) and look at it once in a while? Do you think that constitutes a valid "enjoyment" of the doll?

      Hey, whatever floats your boat. (I prefer to see all my dolls, rather than have them kept in a box... although I do worry there might be an earthquake, in which case they might be damaged if they are just out... but I still keep them out, but I certainly understand about keeping them safe in a box!)

      3) Do your answers change if it's a limited doll?

      No. (I have limiteds and treat them like any other doll, but that's just me.)

      4) Do your answers change if it's a fullset doll that comes with everything, so there's no need to customize, buy clothes, or get a faceup and wig for the doll?

      No. (Same goes for my fullset dolls and One-offs.)

      4) Do your answers change if it's a lot of dolls? For purposes of the question, let's assume that "a lot" of dolls means approximately 10 dolls or more.

      No. (I have 10 or more. I do like keeping some of my tinies wrapped up--but that's because they are very easily damaged by light of any kind, and some I just worry about them being knocked about too easily--but I STILL take them out and to meetups and such.)

      I feel that if I wish to have the freedom to treat my dolls as I wish, I'll have to respect what others wish to do with their dolls.

      Believe me, if I were suddenly made ARBITER OF WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD DO, you would NOT be happy campers! (and visa versa!) :D
       
      #66 april, Mar 22, 2010
    7. Except that an arbitrary number is taken and defined as "too much", for one thing, and a point after which someone should just start handing their money out to other people instead.

      That's pretty phenomenally arrogant and narrow-minded twaddle.
       
      #67 surreality, Mar 22, 2010
    8. Well, I have been on the opposite end of people telling me I play with my dolls wrong and why should I even bother.

      I don't like sharing them much. I don't like taking photos of them much or anything. About 90% of the time they're in their box but I bring them out and I change them. But you know what. I am happy with it. I like them to be in their boxes and it makes me happy. I would leave them in a cabinet but all of my other ones are filled with my other collections of figurines and other types of collectibles.

      I don't see how I am wrong in the way I like my dolls but every once in a while I am told I am.
       
      #68 Kaiser-Serena, Mar 23, 2010
    9. Hmmm, yes and no. Others in this thread believe keeping dolls in boxes in a closet for all eternity as wasteful. We all judge other's collections to some degree. Even if it's a passing "oh how sad an expensive doll in a sock dress" thought.

      So no, I think we have the "right" to have our own opinions about other people's stuff. However, we have no right to impose our opnions on others. I'm not going to march into somebody's house and expose their closet-bound dolls to daylight because I think the owner is being wasteful.

      Stormie is entitled to her own opinion. If she thinks over 10 dolls is too much, that's fine. Just don't come over to my place and throw out the "extras", OK? ;)
       
      #69 Ostrich, Mar 23, 2010
    10. Hahah! excellent post. I hate the guilt trip schtick charities hit people with. I actually do give to charities I trust and care about and yeah I could give more but anyone on this forum could sell all their dolls/spare clothes/dvds/kidneys, give the proceeds to charity and survive. But that's extreme and no one can say when a person has too many dolls so it's a moot point to me.

      I'm glad the majority opinion on this thread is that we all have our own way of enjoying our dolls. I think it can be intimidating for noobs who want dolls but feel there's a lot of peer pressure as to how you ought to behave as a doll owner.
       
      #70 disco biscuit, Mar 23, 2010
    11. Thank you. It is just an opinion of mine. I wasn't asking anyone to sell their dolls or anything. It feels like everything was taken out of proportion anyways.

      BTW, I didn't pick 10 as too many; it was a number given in a pervious post. Too many differs for anyone, right? I'd probably have too many with 5, but that is my own personal abilities. Someone can have 20 and not have too many.
       
      #71 Stormie, Mar 23, 2010
    12. Speaking as the person who started the thread, the "charity" comment is very jarring because I was expecting to see comments more along the lines of "it's not appreciative of the sculptor's art if you leave the dolls all alone in a box rather than at least putting them on display" or "you're not fully participating in the hobby if you have dolls sitting around and not being worked on, photographed, used for creative story ideas, et cetera" or even "dolls belong with people who have the time to spend on them." Please note I don't espouse the above viewpoints - I'm in the "do what you want, you have every right to set it on fire and run it over with a truck if you paid for it" camp. I just thought the above viewpoints are the kind of thing other people would think and seemed to me to be reasonable points for discussion. To me there's some validity in the idea that we should "honor the gift" of nice things that we choose to buy, by using them; not that I'm perfect at the myself due to lack of time, nor would I want to go around imposing that on others, but it's something I think about.

      But to have someone pop up with the whole tired "charity" argument again that we already had on another thread, and that plays into the concept of whether spending on dolls is a waste of money, wasn't the type of discussion I was wanting to have. I know that these discussions pretty much leave the hands of the thread starter once you make the post so if it goes down some brambly road that you weren't thinking, too bad, deal. To me, though, if we're going to have a "charity" argument then a level of "too many dolls, you should be giving your money to the poor" would kick in at some point whether or not you're playing with them in some community-accepted way. And heck, you could even conceivably think that ONE doll was too many because let's face it, some needy person could use that 450 dollars.

      Stormie is entitled to her opinion, but it seems peripheral to the main point of this thread, which is really what people think constitutes "acceptable use of a doll", not where people who've been deemed not to be acceptably using their dolls should be putting their money instead. In other words, it's off topic to the thread, in my opinion.
       
      #72 bunnydots, Mar 23, 2010
    13. 1) Setting the above two issues (scalping and damaging dolls), is there anything else that you feel someone who buys dolls should or should not be doing with them that constitutes proper "enjoyment" or "appreciation" or "love" for the doll? Do you feel that people are obligated to do any of the following?

      - Buy or make really nice clothing for the doll (i.e. best you can afford)?

      I think dolls look best in nicely made clothes, but don't much care what other people do with their dolls. If someone posts photos in the galleries of their doll in badly-made clothes, I am unlikely to take a second look.

      - Invest in a professional faceup for the doll, rather than a properly done (i.e. no magic markers, not awful) but kind of amateurish one?

      I wouldn't want an unattractive faceup on my dolls, but feel that since these dolls are designed for customization, no one is obligated to do anything.

      - Interact or "play" with the doll somehow - by hugging it, making up stories about it, talking to it, taking it to meets, photographing it regularly, etc.?

      People enjoy dolls in many different ways. I know several people who have dozens of these dolls that are displayed in cabinets or on shelves and are never played with or named. Their dolls; their choice.

      2) What about people who buy the doll and then just leave it in its box (where it is safe from any physical harm) and look at it once in a while? Do you think that constitutes a valid "enjoyment" of the doll?

      Any enjoyment is valid. I personally play with my dolls, but if other people don't, it doesn't bother me.

      3) Do your answers change if it's a limited doll?

      No.

      4) Do your answers change if it's a fullset doll that comes with everything, so there's no need to customize, buy clothes, or get a faceup and wig for the doll?

      No.

      4) Do your answers change if it's a lot of dolls? For purposes of the question, let's assume that "a lot" of dolls means approximately 10 dolls or more.

      No.

      I have lots of dolls. Some sit in a bedroom for months without being played with; some sit in carriers when I'm too busy with other things to play. One or two are out all the time near my bed because I like to look at them. I have some that I never play with at all, but just like the way they look. I love having them and feel no obligation to devote my life to them.
       
      #73 linakauno, Mar 23, 2010
    14. 1) Setting the above two issues (scalping and damaging dolls), is there anything else that you feel someone who buys dolls should or should not be doing with them that constitutes proper "enjoyment" or "appreciation" or "love" for the doll? Do you feel that people are obligated to do any of the following?

      - Buy or make really nice clothing for the doll (i.e. best you can afford)?
      Yes actually, I do think that this is a factor of the love you have for your doll. If you make a hoodie out of a sock and you can afford a company hoodie, then buy it. It makes your doll look nicer, and it shows that you care about it more. If you cannot afford it, then good for you for making something out of nothing and providing your doll with something to wear. I'm not saying everyone needs to buy Dollheart fullsets or something, but a 12 dollar Dollmore T-shirt is an acceptable price. Even if you have to save up for it, I think company clothes are worth it. Then again, if you're an amazing seamstress and you clothes look professional, then kudos to you.

      - Invest in a professional faceup for the doll, rather than a properly done (i.e. no magic markers, not awful) but kind of amateurish one?
      Either get a cheap faceup from the company, or commissioned, or practice and learn how to do it yourself. If you are devoted to doing your own faceup, take a few swings at the doll's face with pastels before you seal the final one up. The more you do it, the better you will most likely be. Everyone has to start somewhere. However, if you just leave it at the first try and don't do anything more, I think it shows a lack in care of the doll's appearance.
      - Interact or "play" with the doll somehow - by hugging it, making up stories about it, talking to it, taking it to meets, photographing it regularly, etc.?
      Well, I make backgrounds for my dolls so I have some guidelines as to how about making them come to life. I believe dolls look better when they are properly planned out, but that's only on the topic of characters. I don't talk to my dolls, and I rarely hold them. I take pictures occationally, but my camera sucks. And I'm not allowed to go to many meets. However, I love to just sit and look at them. I think they're absolutely gorgeous and I love them more than anything. As a collector, I like to enjoy every aspect of something with my eyes, not my hands. I think people see love in things differently.

      2) What about people who buy the doll and then just leave it in its box (where it is safe from any physical harm) and look at it once in a while? Do you think that constitutes a valid "enjoyment" of the doll?
      I think a doll should be bought to enjoy. If you get enjoyment out of leaving it in the box...then go ahead...? In that case I assume people are keeping it safe to resell in the future, but that's just my assumption. Who knows, maybe they care so much for the doll they don't want any damage to come to it? I am not them and don't know what they're thinking, but I personally keep my dolls out of their boxes.

      3) Do your answers change if it's a limited doll?
      Absolutely not. I have a limited doll myself and keep him out of the box. He's mine to enjoy, not the box's.

      4) Do your answers change if it's a fullset doll that comes with everything, so there's no need to customize, buy clothes, or get a faceup and wig for the doll?
      Kind of. I really can't take a stand on this because I personally would never buy a doll like this, with one or two exceptions. I feel like I wouldn't be able to bond to it as well, and that may affect my attatchment to it, but I can't speak for this until I own one.

      4) Do your answers change if it's a lot of dolls? For purposes of the question, let's assume that "a lot" of dolls means approximately 10 dolls or more.
      Yes and no. If you have 10 dolls, and all of them are completed with faceup, eyes, wigs, shoes, clothes, and a story, then sure. Go ahead and buy more dolls and stuff. However, if you have two dolls sitting there naked with no faceups, your attatchment to them seems weak. I think you should properly take care of a doll before buying more additional dolls.
       
      #74 I<3MySD, Mar 23, 2010
    15. I should have clarified my statement there, I suppose. I actually meant it as a way to illustrate why I think many people aren't going to be able agree, in this thread, because some people fall on one side of that statement, and some people fall on the other side, and yet more fall somewhere in the middle. We'll just have to agree to disagree, as is the case with many debates. :)

      As I said, I don't believe we have the right to determine what is or is not a waste of another person's resources. But that doesn't mean that I expect others to share or agree with or conform to this belief of mine, nor does it mean that I believe people don't have a right to express their views about the actions of another, as long as they're not imposing their way of doing things on someone else, or lauding their way of doing things as being the "right" or "best" way.
       
      #75 Kiyakotari, Mar 24, 2010
    16. 1) Setting the above two issues (scalping and damaging dolls), is there anything else that you feel someone who buys dolls should or should not be doing with them that constitutes proper "enjoyment" or "appreciation" or "love" for the doll? Do you feel that people are obligated to do any of the following?
      I think people can do whatever the heck they want with their own property. However, I don't have a lot of respect for the "buy buy buy" attitude that compels people to buy expensive items, then quickly forget about them and go off to buy something else. I think people DO sometimes buy things they don't really want, just because they enjoy the "thrill" of buying. People who do that should probably sit down and think about how that money could be better spent - if you don't care about dolls as much as you thought you would, why not sell them and go on vacation or something?

      2) What about people who buy the doll and then just leave it in its box (where it is safe from any physical harm) and look at it once in a while? Do you think that constitutes a valid "enjoyment" of the doll?
      Sure. It's not the level of engagement I expect from myself - I buy things only if I will USE them somehow (in the case of a doll: take pictures, make clothes, write picfics, etc.) - but for someone else that may be enough. I certainly understand the pleasure one can get from just looking at something beautiful.
       
      #76 Bohemian, Mar 24, 2010
    17. I am in the camp of it's your doll, and how you enjoy it is up to you. It's all good.

      What does put a thorn in my side is that I see some people, especially on another board, judging and/or putting down what others do with their dolls. So what if you create intense storylines with loads of romance, or any other darn thing the owner wants to do. I really resent people thinking that their approach to doll enjoyment is the only, or "right" way to do it, and anyone who wavers off that is "stupid,lame etc etc."
       
      #77 gayle, Mar 25, 2010
    18. The flaw here is that for people who get a kick out of the act of buying, whether it be a new doll or another item - that IS what they care about. The excitement of choosing, paying for and getting something new. My guess is that when the thrill wore off they'd sell the dolls and then use the money to buy more dolls. The reason they don't "go on vacation or something" is because in a lot of cases they don't enjoy that kind of activity, unless maybe there are really cool shops where the vacation is located :) Seriously, travel or other "life experiences" are not equally fun for everybody, and there are folks who are not happy being out of their regular environment.

      I would guess that someone who buys a lot of dolls and then keeps them is not so much getting a thrill out of "buy buy buy" as they are in having dolls to keep. Otherwise why not sell them and "buy buy buy" some more?
       
      #78 bunnydots, Mar 25, 2010
    19. It's perfectly reasonable to expect to be able to do whatever you like with your own dolls... It's not reasonable to expect everyone else to share your tastes.

      Exactly. While I won't even pretend to speak for all of us on the collectors' side of the hobby, I do think that for most of us the pleasure isn't in the buying. It's in the having.
       
      #79 Brightfires, Mar 25, 2010
    20. That's me - I do like travel but there's got to be some retail therapy there as an incentive for me to go. I have to admit I'm very avaristic. Then again, I don't want a big collection of dolls.
      I was shocked when I first got into the online BJD community that there was such an emphasis on "buy buy buy" and that it was so materialistic, that LE's were such a big deal and how some expensive items become status symbols. But I guess it's pretty diverse - there are some BJD people who are all about the customisation and the creative side and others who get their kicks from aquiring new dolls and camping out in the marketplace.
       
      #80 disco biscuit, Mar 25, 2010
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