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[Out of Control?] Unsupportive Friends and Family

Apr 27, 2011

    1. (couldn't find a thread about this so i started one lol ^^; )

      While talking to a non-bjd friend of mine the other night the topic of dolls came up, i was talking about plans i had for my resin family.

      And they told me "you're not allowed to buy anymore"

      now of course like any other person i asked why because well its my money so i should be able to spend it as i please right?, and they replied back "because you're out of control"

      i was a little taken back by their statement, because in no way have i ever thought i was out of control. :?

      over the period of 3 years i now own 6 dolls with one on the way, but every purchase i've been careful with, putting money for college, travel and up coming events first before doll funds, and i've only bought dolls home that i've researched on and am 100% sure they're perfect for my character, family and im completely happy with them :D

      Still my friend says im out of control :| but i honestly dont think i am, its not like i bought 20 in the space of a month or something :o then i think someone would need to tap me on the shoulder and say something lol

      so i guess my question is,

      Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?
      what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?
    2. You don't sound out of control to me. Two dolls a year seems decent, right? I've been in the hobby for two years and a few months, and in total I think I've had 20 dolls coming and going. At the moment I have 7. I think I'd be more out of control than you are xD I;m not afraid to buy a doll and then later 'trade it in' for another one.
      I have to admit tho, there have been times I needed to take a step back. It didn't really bring me into any financial troubles, but I felt I was doing too much at the same time. But I wouldn't call it out of control. And no one has ever made a comment to me about anything of the sorts, for as far as I remember at least.
      I don't think I've ever seen anyone who was out of control when it comes to collecting dolls, but then again I don't know most people well enough to know whether they have debts because of dolls or something similar.
    3. Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?
      I think both my mom and other half thought I was out of control when almost having 100 dolls but no one actually said anything bad to me. My mom told me "no more xD".

      what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?
      At the time honestly I didn't care, I just thought well, saves me buying anything that wont last, ie wine or...I dunno, eating out all the time.
      Now I realise I did have a few two many, hence my selling!
    4. It sounds like from the viewpoint of your friend you are out of control. They see you buying one doll after another and for a price they probably find hard to understand. Imagine when your friend has 6 game consoles and wants to buy a 7th. Or has 6 eReaders and is going to buy a 7th. Does that feel like out of control to you or at least make you scratch the back of your head? What is someone going to do with 7 game consoles or eReaders? What are you going to do with 7 really expensive dolls? Isn't one enough?

      You don't have to be out of control to appear out of control to someone with a different point of view. To people who are not into the hobby an ABJD is sort of like an expensive luxury item like a game console or eReader (or smart phone, etc. something in the same price range) and people usually need only one of those. For people outside the hobby there aren't many things they can compare an ABJD with (meaning things that are expensive and it's more common to have more than one of those) so they end up comparing your dolls with items you only buy lots of when you are "out of control".
    5. Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?
      Well, I would take tone into serious consideration. Hell, even with RP characters, my friends have said: "No more, you're out of control!" or something along those lines- however, it's been in a very joking manner.

      what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?
      Because I've been in that situation before (I believe only with my yaoi doujinshi...), I generally just laugh it off as no big deal. My friends have no real power over what I do or do not buy. Yes, I do value their opinions, but most of my friends wouldn't seriously judge me on buying dolls/doujinshi/whatever. I think that laughing it off IS the best thing you can do. Your friends may be joking or be seriously concerned. But, ultimately, it's not their decision. If they become hostile or snarky, I'd suggest to stop bringing up the subject of dolls with them when you get a new one or plan for a new one.
    6. Boxie, i don´t think you are getting out of control. I think your amount of dolls is very reasonable. There are many collectors who have even more than 20 dollies. And if you use your money otherwise wisely, and don´t get into dept because of your hobby then I say go for it, even if you would have more then 20 of them.

      Two of my best friends have told me, that I most be crazy for buying even one doll, not to mentione three! But money is not a problem to me (meaning that I can still by everything I need, even though I would by one doll couple times a year) so I don´t really care what they think. We all have our hobbies and interests.

      So I just told my friends that luckily I am an adult, and it´s my money so I do what I want with it. I don´t have any children or anyone who is depending on my money, so I don´t feel bad, even though I sometimes use it to byu a doll (or two).
    7. Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?

      I actually have been out of control once, a few months after my mother passed away. I was buying antique dolls like crazy, not so much because I liked them (which I still do), but because shopping was a substitute for dealing with my grief. After a while, I figured it out and stopped. Now, it doesn't sound to me like you are out of control at all. When people are out of control, there is usually some underlying reason or mental illness.

      what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?

      Part of the fun of the hobby is to make elaborate plans about dolls. I do it all the time. When I find dolls I think are wonderful, I add them to my wishlist, which I revise constantly. I actually don't end up buying half the dolls I put there because I find more I like better, or I change my mind after I see owner photos.

      If I told my sister or some other non-bjd person about all these plans, I can see where they might get the idea that I was off the deep end. In my experience, people not in the hobby generally don't get it at all, so I don't discuss my doll plans with people unless they are as enchanted about them as I am. My husband mentioned my doll collecting once in front of some of his colleagues, and they looked at me as if I was from outer space. I don't care what people think about what I do, but I don't want to feel I have to defend myself either, so if someone says anything about my dolls, I just say that it's one of my eccentricities and if they want to be friends with me, they will have to deal with it. The reason I have almost 4000 posts on DOA is that it's a safe place to chat about dolls with people who "get it". I think that people who don't have any passions in life are kind of boring.
    8. Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?
      Yeah, just yesterday when I asked my dad to help me order two new dolls (siblings, same company) from MY money.
      He was complaining and then asked me in a serious tone if I had everything under control, and he wanted to make sure I wouldn't break down if I didn't have money to buy new dolls anymore.
      I had a hard time explaining to him that I'm only spending doll-funds money on them, with discipline, so if that's not having it under control, I dunno. And also that even if I don't have money for a period of time... I'll have my dolls. I want a few, but it's not as if I buy every doll I stumble upon and that I like.

      what were your thoughts and opinions on it? how did you handle it?
      Honestly? I was upset and annoyed that he wouldn't let me spend my money the way I like. I mean, its not like I am moneyless after buying a doll.
    9. I've never had this happen to me. The only time anything even close happens is when I get a new dollie come in the mail and I haven't finished one of the others, mum gets a bit miffed. But that's more because she wants to see them -complete- before I spend money on another project. (And I do have a horrendous track record of not-finishing-what-I-start, so it's understandable.)
    10. this has never happened to me, and honestly, i think your friend was totally rude in saying that to you. and in my opinion, rude is worse than out of control any day. (which i don't think you are at all). even if you did buy a hundred dolls in a month with your own money, if you can feed yourself, shelter yourself, and have your sanity - it's no one's business.
    11. Has this ever happened to you, or something similar?

      Well, my Mum keeps telling me that I really got enough dolls now. I got three big boys (70 cms range) and two tinies (in the 15 cms range). And the other three in the 30 cms range that are off-topic on DoA. What can I say? She's right. I got a very small flat (one room with bathroom and kitchen) and I can't possibly accomodate any more dolls. Even the fourth big boy will be tricky, once I got him. I still wanna get a Realpuki for Christmas this year (and the body for Big Boy No. 4) but then, that's it for the next couple of years.

      What were your thoughts and opinions on it? How did you handle it?

      It's my money that I use to buy my dolls from, I'm living in my own flat - but still, my Mum's right. Those two dolls mentioned above will be the last ones for quite a while. Cos, in all honesty, I oughta save the money for other stuff. Like, being able to buy a new, bigger flat (two rooms with kitchen and bathroom would be nice and a bathtub instead of a shower). Would have the added benefit of being able to make room for more dolls. ;)

      Plus, those two dolls - the Realpuki and the body for my floating head - are the only dolls, right now, that I really, really WANT. I also got a Shiwoo on my list and an Ante (Pukifee or Pukipuki, not sure, yet). But those two aren't really "must have". More like "would be nice but I don't really need them".

      So all I could do when my Mum told me that were enough dolls, was to agree with her. She IS right ...
    12. My boyfriend worries about me going out of control sometimes. Being a dealer, I tend to be more easily tempted to buy dolls for myself, because then if I don't like them once they arrive, I can usually sell them at a convention or something similar. However, recently I have been working to sell off dolls I haven't bonded with well, and I've ended up with a grade total of 6 dolls at home with 2 more paid and on the way ( with a forseeable 2-3 more possible this year.) I guess I'm odd, as I am one of the few doll collectors who see myself with a collection goal. I want my main character cast filled, and then I'll begin to think about adding in more dolls. My current cast list has a firm member list of 13, with an additional optional 5 members ( who I will most likely get.)

      Do I see myself as out of control? No. However, my boyfriend does remind me to slow down a tad on collecting, and I plan to do so. I'm holding off on buying anymore dolls until more funds come in from selling. Do I currently have enough money to buy a doll from my list? Certainly. If I wanted, I could easily buy a couple of dolls on my list right now, but I think I'll hold off for now. Maybe once I sell off a few items I'll feel more comfortable with bringing a new doll home.
    13. Maybe if you have over 50 dolls, and are planning 50 more... maybe then can someone really tell you you're out of control - however, there are people who have 40-50 dolls who are completely sane individuals.

      Being that all I have is one doll, and 2/3 saved for the second (being bought in less than a year, if things progress like this), I haven't been told I was out of control.

      Granted, I've been told I was out of my mind for being a college student, and wanting to buy a doll, but that's another story.:lol:

      You were talking to a non-BJD person, who doesn't understand how collecting BJDs goes - therefore, they don't understand that what you're doing is pretty normal for being in this hobby.
    14. I agree all too much with Muisje, that is almost always the case with these sorts of things. It's the same as how before I had an (expensive) hobby, I thought an uncle of mine was "out of control" for having 6 cars that didn't run that he liked to fix up (very, very, verrrry slowly - he'd get maybe one finished every 7 years).

      Until I realized even if he never finished them, just doing the little bit to them here or there was a great joy to him and it was his hobby. He really wasn't out of control, he was perfectly in control of what he was doing. It just didn't make sense to me at the time because I personally couldn't imagine such a thing as needing 6 cars that didn't run and needed a lot of work done on them.

      It's all about the views of an outsider, they don't understand but they are truly concerned for you (even if it is placed somewhat ignorantly). You should take what she said with a grain of salt knowing she doesn't understand, but I think you should still be mentally grateful to her for caring enough about you to say something like that.

      As funny as this sounds, I've had people tell me I'm "Out of control" and then they follow it up with telling me to "Buy more dolls". :lol: I admit it, I have a doll acessory addiction... I own about $1,000 worth of doll items, but I don't own a doll yet because I keep blowing all my money on other doll-related items (mostly shoes... :|).

      So one day while I was putting away some doll items I had just bought, my mother saw me and said "You're out of control. You need to stop buying doll items and start buying more dolls that can actually wear those!" So yeah. :sweat Not sure if that case is better or worse than being 'out of control buying dolls'. It is an odd twist, to say the least.
    15. I have gotten to a point where I just don't care what people think. I'm sure my friends think I'm out of control and pretty much have all but said as much. In a way, I understand them because, after all, I got three within a 7 month span (which seems quick to me). But, to be fair, I pre-planned all of them for awhile before buying and I always pay my bills, rent, etc. before buying anything. I may not be the most perfectly responsible adult, but I definitely take care of the important things before buying dolls. Which is not how it was when I was buying all the stuff I was buying in previous years. I can only assume the problem my friends have with dolls is definitely that they are high-priced, "does anyone really need this?" items. But, I enjoy them and love this hobby and that is pretty much all that matters to me. Besides, I figure as long as I'm responsible with all the "adult" things I have to take care of, I could buy fifty in a month and no one could say one word to me. :D
    16. I think you are out of control if you don´t have the money for them but still are buyin O.o ... if i had more money ... i would buy more ... because i can xDDD ...
    17. It just happened to me a few days ago... T___T My partner, who is (silently) supportive of my collecting dolls, just out of the blue started giving me a very hard time about my newest edition to the family, LTF Leah... I have been out of a job since December, so he assumed I bought this doll with the last money I had, without considering groceries and electrical bills. I tried to explain to him I ordered her just before I unexpectedly lost my job and have been waiting for her all this time, but he put that aside as being excuses.
      Only when I showed him my bank account (I sold 3 dolls and did tons of commissioned face-ups since december) and he saw I had more money then he did, he stopped and apologized for assuming I bought the doll being flat broke...
      But he trampled on my heart big time, because most of the time he's the one that tells me "should you really sell that doll? I thought you were attached to it, I don't want you to be sorry about it" so this was like a nasty Jekyll/Hyde moment on his part...
    18. As long as you have the funds to pay for your hobby, it's really no one else's business. Otherwise you can start intruding on their [sports, video games, whatever] hobby and see how they like it.
    19. My viewpoint has totally changed. That's the great thing about time. You develop, and grow up and become more mature and your mind grows.
      Theres a lot of people saying 2 dolls a year isn't that bad, and numberically, it isn't. But think about buying 2 dolls a year for 15-20 years. Out of control, honestly doesn't really indicate the numbers you're buying (although they play a great part) but really the amount of time you're focusing on them.
      Hobbies are just hobbies, they're supposed to be a small part of your life you enjoy. But once you start being controlled by it and focus your life around it (I have the biggest problem with this btw), that's what it means to be "out of control".

      I'll be flat out honest here, I hate it when people say "It's your money, you should be able to do anything you want with it." Okay, sure it's your money. But this isn't your world. You live with billions of other people and should keep everything in moderation. I find that line to be one of the most selfish and self centered lines I've ever heard.

      People who get deep into things just keep setting their limits further and further and eventually, to them they're never out of control.... but I digress.
    20. Am I the only one who thinks this was rather sweet of your dad? He's your dad. It's his job to look out for you and be protective. I personally wouldn't have a problem if my dad said this to me. Even if he said something like "I don't want you spending any more money on dolls, you're out of control" I wouldn't be initially offended. Maybe he's right! Maybe I forgot about a birthday coming up. Or maybe he sees something wrong that I'm not seeing.

      If it turns out all my finances are in order and he's being protective, I'd thank him for looking out for me and reassure him everything is fine.