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"Sell your dolls" says the potential mate

Apr 24, 2010

    1. I got the idea when replying to the "Overpriced Crap" thread.
      On more than one occasion, when interested in someone as a potential life partner, the quote "You should sell your dolls" was heard.

      While it only happened twice to me, it was enough to tick me off. Then when talking to someone new I'd be hesitant to mention my hobby, because I don't want to hear the same thing again.

      I was wondering if many of you had to deal with this sort of thing from a significant other/potential mate? It just makes me really sad. I'd never ask someone to sell the things they worked hard for. That's like asking someone to change what they're about, what they're into.

      Edit: I'm not dealing with this situation anymore, as I've met someone totally understanding and curious about the hobby. However I wonder if some of you ever heard those words. Seriously...who dares say stuff like that?!
    2. Nope. My boyfriend actually ended up getting dolls of his own. lol. But if hypothetically someone I was interested in seriously said something like that to me, well, I think my feelings would shift pretty quickly into the negative.
    3. I have never had this situation come up. But I love my dolls so... I think a compromise would have to be reached. Especially if potential partner has his own hobby that he is really into and spends money on. A 'you do your thing, I do mine' sort of thing.

      I could compromise. Keep my dolls where he won't have to see them too often, refrain from discussing them with him, not ask for a doll as a gift (I know some SOs will do that for their partner), always spend my own money (never his) on dolls, not hold doll meets with him around. That's fair, right?

      But if he were really super negative about them... Like insulting them and me for liking them, he's not worth it, and I'd dump his butt. Telling me what to do is not cool.
    4. My boyfriend doesn't govern my hobbies, and I don't govern his. So if he were to tell me that I needed to sell my dolls it would be for a very good reason, either because money was incredibly tight and I was wasting cash on them, or if I were doing bizarre things like talking to them or preferring their company to him (haha, as if). Otherwise, he has no business telling me what I can or can't collect.
    5. my response would probably be along the lines of, 'Fine. Sell your (insert expensive hobby here -- video games and consoles, sporting equipment, enormous DVD collection of doom) to make things even, though. Oh, and you can't buy more to replace them later. Because some of these, if I sell them, I can't ever replace them should we break up."

      mostly, it would be an exercise in pointing out the unreasonable nature of such a request. because when it comes right down to it, the only reason i'd ever sell any of my dolls would be if there was no other way to survive (ie, put food on the table and a roof over my head.)
    6. I agree with everything above. If someone tells you to sell what you love.. when you have already bought it and paid for it especially, that person isn't worth your time. Especially if it is a -potential- mate.. Why sell your dolls for someone that might -Potentially- be around in a year or so? You could sell them, then find him cheating on you two years down the road, then dump him and feel stupid for ever selling your dolls. Or things might just not work, and there you go, wasting your dolls on someone who doesn't care for you.

      I say keep what you love, and if they have a problem with it, they can get over it. As long as you discuss finances and plan out future purchases so that money isn't tight enough to become a problem that'd ruin the relationship, it shouldn't matter. My hubby never gripes about my dolls. He has his hobbies- Magic cards and D&D. :P Again, someone who starts off trying to change you in the relationship isn't going to work anyway, so keep the dolls!
    7. Hehe sorry I should have mentioned, that since having dealt with that, I did meet someone who is totally accepting of them and even said 'We'll even get a room for the dolls!'. I'm basically wondering how many people have met 'outsiders' who dared say lame stuff like that, simply because they cannot understand the hobby.
    8. Well my fiance introduced dolls to me...welll I wouldn't say introduced he actually was just the mode which I found them. He introduced me to anime and conventions which is how I became interested in them. I know he thinks spending so much cash on a doll is pointless, but I just can't help myself. I often tell him he was the one that got me into them. He laughs and says "I wish I wouldn't have." For me though, now I don't feel as...outcasted during conventions. I feel like I'm part of something, like he's into anime and manga so that is his thing at a convention, my thing at a con is my dolls. The nice thing is when I bring my dolls they get noticed and people want to see them and talk to me about them...it's nice.

      Now if my fiance and I ever break up and I met a guy who told me to sell my dolls I would be very put off since they should accept me for who I am, dolls and all. I can see them asking out of curiosity("well they are worth a lot of money, why don't you sell them?") which I could see the question arising at which I would tell them "Your car (or game systems or whatever expensive hobby they have) is worth a lot of money, why don't you sell it?" If they honestly wanted me to sell my dolls I would say your not the right guy for me.

      I want to make a quick edit...
      There are certain circumstances I would consider selling my dolls...they include I/we need cash, medical bills or something dealing with my son. I've had times which I need some extra money asap because my ex husband suddenly wants to be a jerk with custody or when I was diagnosed with UC and needed to sell my dolls to pay the bills...It's a sad time because a lot of those dolls aren't replaceable, but my child and our needs are important.
    9. I'm glad I posed the question. It's nice to hear stories of people who are not into the hobby, accepting our 'follies'. lol
      I'm also going to add, the moment I heard that evil quote, I responded negatively "They're with me and that's that. If you really think that you should just leave. They were here before you sorry pal." Weird of me to put dolls before people?

      Please note that I'd totally understand if a SO asked me to sell them because money was tight. Survival/Basic needs above all.
    10. Well, I got interested in the hobby while my husband and I were dating... I didn't even find a doll that made me feel "omg must has" until after we were married. He knows that he has his own expensive hobbies, and neither of us would ever try to dictate what the other does, hobbies or otherwise.

      But there's a line. For instance, if we were in a financial bind, would I sell my dolls? Sure, but he wouldn't be the one insisting it, just as I wouldn't insist that he sell off some of his stuff. A truly solid relationship is an equal partnership, where each person does indeed have their own interests, and neither tries to dictate to the other what they do or do not do.

      That said, do I use household finances to buy my dolls or doll stuff? Nope. They're fully self-sustaining...to the point that I've actually used some of my doll-funds to pay for household stuff in a pinch. And, since none of his hobbies are remotely close in that regard, my husband doesn't mess with my dolls. He doesn't understand them, but he respects me and he respects them. Heck, he even attends meets from time to time. I know it's not his thing, but the support he shows me, well... there's a reason I snatched him up and married him! :P

      To all the doll collectors (or any other hobbyist) out there: if you're involved with someone who demands that you do something or give something up* just to make them happy, or because they don't understand... then you need to seriously reconsider whether or not that's a healthy relationship.

      *obviously this doesn't apply to people asking that you give up harmful things, such as drugs, etc. etc. By "something" in this case I mean an activity/pursuit that harms nobody and isn't illegal.
    11. nope. My hubby knew when I was getting into the hobby, and knows I'm staying in it. He may grumble and roll his eyes at me from time to time about it, but that's it. My mother-in-law on the other hand...well, she hasn't said anything to ME, but she has told my hubby to tell me to get rid of my dolls, and banned me from taking them into her house.

      Honestly...if my hubby had been against me having my own hobbies, we'd never have gotten beyond being friends, let alone the first date! I believe that everyone needs their own things to do, their own hobbies, that are something AWAY from their significant other. Without that, people spend TOO much time together, which can cause relationship issues, or the 'weaker' member of the relationship to 'lose' themselves by ALWAYS being with their 'other half'. I had it happen to me in highschool and just after with the first guy I ever dated. Now, instead of dropping things my other isn't interested in and picking up things he is interested in so we can spend more time together, I like us having a few separate hobbies. Given, he goes with me to doll meets (kinda need him to as I don't drive, but whatever!) and I go with him when he plays Magic the Gathering and hang out wherever he's playing...but he can still do Magic and things on his own if I don't feel like going, or he doesn't feel like having me tag along, and I can play dollies on my own in online communities like here, with my sister when she's home, or with my aunt (my dad drives me out to visit her so he can spend time with his brother, or my cousins...or my aunt) so while we show interest in eachother's hobbies, they are still things we do on our own when we need that 'relationship break' of always being together.
    12. Awww such a cute quote!!! XD That's what I'm thinking about this guy. It's such a plus when someone is like 'hey i don't necessarily it, but it makes you happy, and what makes you happy makes me happy!'.

      Ayas-Shadow. At least he accepts it. :) I totally agree on the having separate hobbies. Our own time is necessary! :)
    13. I've never understood why people would want to date/be involved with someone who does not share at least some of their interests, and who is tolerant of the ones they don't share. I'm simply unwilling to give up something I love to please someone else. I wouldn't ask it of them, and if they are that type of person, they are not worth my time anyway. And if it's an activity that truly bothers me enough to want them to stop....again, it's someone that I am not compatible with, time to move on.
    14. I would say no.
      If there is someone who you think may be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, they have to accept your hobbies and allow you to have something just to yourself when they don't share some of your interests. Unless they are responding to a true or perceived feeling that you value the dolls more than them, telling someone to sell their dolls, point blank like that, is trying to be controlling. What else will they tell you to do?
      There is always going to be someone else who respects and accepts, and possibly even shares, your hobbies and/or quirks! ;)
    15. That would be a deal-breaker for me. There are some things that are negotiable in my relationship, but giving up things I like is not one of them.
    16. Agreeing with so many of the above. If a guy, no matter how good he seems, wants you to dump a hobby/collection or ANYthing you love, a big red warning flag should go up--this is ALWAYS a sign of worse problems to come, in my experience. I could tell heart-wrenching stories from my friends' experiences of selling off entire collections at the guy's request and only later finding out that was just the tip of the Jekyll/Hyde iceberg where his behavior was concerned. (Heck, we even got our cat that way--the lady who'd owned him for years married a guy who then decided he wanted a dog and her cat must go. Poor furball still has abandonment issues from it.)

      It hasn't happened to me, thank heavens, but in my gut I just feel sure that a person who'd suggest you do that can't truly love/respect your real self.
    17. Why would anyone who is new into a relationship wants to tell you what you should do?
      It'd be a tell-tale sign of perhaps said person is very controlling and would like to have to say to everything.

      If say we are married and want to save up for a house or something. Sure, we can agree on "no more spending on expensive hobby" provided we both obey the rules. For no reason just "sell your stuff cuz I think they are piece of crap and cost too much", I don't think so.
    18. I've bnever had to deal with something like this before, but Lord, if I had to, I'd be pissed as hell!
      That's like telling a guy to "Sell the motorcycle" or something. -____-;; It's kind of a jerkie thing to say, especially if this person knows how much you lvoe the dolls. In response, I think I'd just say "I'll keep the dolls, and dump you. They don't talk back." xD;;
    19. No way. I would never ask somebody to give up a hobby or collection for me, and I would never be in a relationship with anybody who would ask me to do that for them. They don't have to like what I like, I don't have to like what they like, but we should still be able to enjoy what we like either way. My husband would never, ever ask me to sell my dolls. If he did, I'd simply tell him to sell all his crap first. : P
    20. No just no.
      I was lucky my ex-bf and still currently my friend accepts them and even helped with my hobby.
      If any potential mate wants me to sell them off, then he is automatically NOT a potential mate anymore