Sense of Entitlement to Dolls?

I have to agree here, I think it's an overall personality defect not specific to the hobby, it probably permeates the rest of their life as well.

 

I also think it's got a lot to do with the costs associated with the hobby. You can throw an aweful lot of money into dolls - and there's always the potential to throw more. Limiteds and well, new dolls in general are coming out at an increasingly rapid rate, so there's more opportunity for jealousy over not being able to have it all.

I think people need to appreciate that everyone goes about life differently, and what is outrageous for one person is just okay for another. Especially young people, who don't have that much disposable income or the autonomy to do what they like... there are a lot of older, self-funded collectors that can do what they want with their money and choose to buy the dolls they like. It's sad that people victimise themselves or make those that have managed to snag the doll they wanted feel bad for doing it. Fact of life people, sometimes someone else is just that much quicker, has that just much more in the bank. I don't really see how you can be 'entitled' to something like a doll, which is purely luxury... even if there are a lot of emotions tied up with this particular luxury.

 

The thing is that when it comes to especially limited to hard to find dolls, luck is as much or more a factor than money. Some people act like wanting something enough will cause the world to shift on its axis for them. But luck of the draw is luck of the draw and has nothing to do with how much you feel you deserve something.

There are also those who act like they deserve preferential treatment in other areas of the BJD fandom. There are people who complain or get mad when their photos or posts don't get the kind of comments they want. People who don't feel they should have to wait as long as everyone else for their dolls (I remember one buyer who was FURIOUS I was shipping her doll on Monday instead of Saturday after she paid late Thursday night. Forget the fact she took a week to pay.) Like others have said, people who feel entitled will act entitled regarding pretty much everything.

 

I really agree with this. The funny thing is that some limited dolls are actually much more common (in terms of actual dolls owned) than some standards... some of the non-limited dolls I was looking at buying I hard a really difficult time finding owner photos of because they just weren't all that popular (and I suppose to a degree people don't feel rushed to buy them like they would a limited, because they know they'll always be around for that price). So even if limiteds were all made nonlimited there would always be some dolls that are more exclusive... but I do think it would cut out a lot of the jealousy/entitlement. Some of it will never go away, though- there are a lot of people who find even a cheap standard too expensive and will feel upset if they can't get their hands on whatever it is they're after. : /

 

1) Do you feel that some people have a "sense of entitlement" to certain dolls, such as limiteds or very popular dolls?
I don't think anyone is more entitled than others.

2) If you believe that this "sense of entitlement" exists, do you think it is always wrong to feel "more entitled" than other doll owners?
I think most feel more entitled than others. They can of course think this, as do I, but as long as I don't share this thought it's okay. So when someone starts saying they deserve a doll more than others, to me, I'll just ignore that person because I find it greedy.

Or can such a feeling ever be justified by factors such as:
- The great love of the person wanting the doll for that particular doll?
I don't think so. In my eyes anyone can come up with a good sob story to make other people pity them and so make them feel you are more entitled to own one.
But dolls aren't a need they are a want, so entitlement doesn't count because it's not an important life saving object.

- The role the person plays in the doll community
Also no, having more friends or a more important role doesn't make you more entitled I think.

- The person's financial status
When this is the case all I can say is "bad luck!"
If they can't bring themself to save money for a expensive doll they shouldn't moan about it. So either save or just scratch that doll from your wishlist.

- Some other factor?
All no, I don't believe in being more entitled than anyone else. You are only more entitled to one if you have the money and/or luck to back it up.

Sabriell

 

Nutshell!

But I think that most of the "lording" offenses of this nature are probably imagined.

A person with a jealous heart who looks at somebody else's rare/LE doll is more naturally going to have thoughts slanted towards "This person is ungraciously flaunting this doll that I don't have, and is shoving it in my face because it's rare"... A person with a lighter heart may see the same picture and think, "Oh, what a lovely rare thing, thank you for sharing it with us".

Jealous-type people tend to be hairtrigger sensitive, and likely to read offense into places where it is not. Such people are responsible for scaring off some rare-doll owners, who are afraid of mob treatment if they dare post a picture of that Bermann or whatever other rarity. This ends up depriving the rest of the forum from getting to see owner pictures of a rare doll. You can see where that Collector Mentality may be spawned reactionarily, if people are turned off enough by public outcry whenever they photograph their dolls. It's illogical for someone else to think that the doll's owner "deserves" that doll less, because s/he falls short of meeting some imagined list of criteria, but that does seem to happen frequently. Since jealousy is a gut emotion, it's powerful, doesn't always follow logic, & can make intelligent people sound like howling banshees.

Since you can't please jealous people, and you can never please all people... SOMEbody is going to hate you & your stuff no matter what you do... you may as well post whatever pictures of your doll whenever you want to.

 

Oh yes, there is a sense of entitlement in most any hobby. Dolls seem to have a higher percentage, but that may just be because I have more experience with dolls than any other hobby. There seems to be a huge elitist attitude in the world of artist dolls. It doesn't help when the artists have favorites and are sure that certain people get their dolls or the chance to have them, before anyone else in the general public. I am speaking of other mediums, as I don't think doll companies do that? Maybe they do, anyone know?

I think the only reason a person would be really entitled is if the sculpt is modeled after them or a design they created for the company. THen they should by all means have first dibs, and if not compensated with a percentage of the sale yield of the edition, then they should actually, in my opinion, be given one for their contribution. This is just my opinion, and I have no idea if this happens in the world of bjd's ever.

 

I think that 'sense of entitlement' we are talking about is not far off from plain arrogance. I mean, why would someone 'deserve' a doll more than an other person?

You can feel sorry for yourself because you don't have enough money/luck to get the doll you want, but that doesn't give you some sort of right to own that doll. If someone really thinks that way, he still has a lot to learn about the ways of this world o_O

(that sounded a lot more harsh than it was meant to)

 

I have heard of cases of owners being harassed by people who felt they had "too many dolls" and felt the need to inform them of that.

I can understand the frustration that comes from someone owning three of a doll where only 20 or so even exist- but I'm not sure I get the logic in sending someone a snide message informing them of what you think of the fact that they have three. Are they suddenly supposed to reply with "You are right, I am a selfish and horrible person, here, have my extra dolls at half of what they are worth?" What purpose does it have other than to let the other person know how much you think you are morally superior over them?

 

I think...everyone is entitled to getting what makes them happy, as long as they work for it(and it's legal O_o) and aren't trying to manipulate people to get it.
People shouldn't complain, if they want something bad enough they will have it. If it's a limited someone out there will part with it for a price(not saying money always talks, but if someone offered me 20k for my doll..), so just hit that "magic" number if it means that much to own the doll.
If you want something badly enough, you're gonna find a way to have it. That's how I live anyway. Maybe it's a bit bratty thinking "I always get what I want"...but hey, I do. I just work hard for it and keep dreaming.

Basically...I find the manipulation childish. Who cares if someone has more than one limited? They paid fairly and they wanted it just as much as you. Jealousy is normal, but I see a lot of drama come from it. X_x

 

Sometimes I think the sense of entitlement may come from people who lack personal confidence, patience, and manners. Anyone who tries to get caught up in outdoing the Jones's will find out sooner or later that there are heck of a lot other 'neighbors' to try and outdo in any given hobby or collecting forum I frankly do not care who has how many, so long as I'm enjoying myself thats really all that matters to me

So to that extent I've never been jealous or alarmed by anyone's size of their doll family, but I do sometimes wish people would know there is a time and place for everything, including their purchases. Whenever I hear of a seller stating they need to sell their items (not in just this community, but many others I belong to) for say food or rent I get a bit squeamish just wondering how they are scraping by. It is so NOT worth it to put your basic necessities behind a want for a simple luxury item. IMHO, that is a huge problem. I wonder if its that competitive "MUST HAVE NOW" mentality and sense of entitlement that got them in that predicament to begin with? Granted, planning slowly and surely does not snag you first grab at limiteds but geez, at least you are not robbing Paul to pay Peter so to speak. Granted in sales the situations of true emergencies I look at differently. In this past year to help pay funeral costs for a family member I sold a large doll collection, didn't regret it a bit either.

 

I think that you're entitled to purchase what you can afford, assuming that it is available to you in the first place. If you can't afford something then you are obviously not entitled to it -- simple as that. Somebody else who can afford it for a fair price is more entitled purchase it than you are in that event.

If a seller wants to give a certain buyer preferential treatment by knocking down the price in their favor, or work out a payment plan with them, it is their prerogative. But for a buyer to demand or insinuate that they not only deserve, but are entitled to a doll, is extremely rude and self-centered in my opinion.

 

The only doll I've ever felt entitled to is Brad Pitt. But Angelina won't let me have him!

I guess me old gran was right. We have to be happy with what we have or it isn't really happiness we are looking for.

Of course, she drank....

 

People often feel superior for a number of reasons. I talked to someone on this fourm who thought she was more knowledgable about a doll I had purchased simply because she was older and had been collecting longer than myself. SHE DIDNT EVEN OWN THE DOLL I BOUGHT. I seems pretty silly but one-uppers use this mentality in every aspect of their life.

And the whole "share with the community" argument is bull. You cant say that you would be better suited for a doll simply because you would take more pictures to post. Bull, bull. I may not spend a lot on my dolls at the moment but they are a part of every aspect of my life.

Silly.

 

1) Do you feel that some people have a "sense of entitlement" to certain dolls, such as limiteds or very popular dolls?
Yes, there are definitely people like that.. I, myself, am guilty of having this 'sense of entitlement' periods from time to time.. But i think that's just human nature.. And, to put it harshly, this 'sense of entitlement' thing is just a form of jealously, in my opinion.


2) If you believe that this "sense of entitlement" exists, do you think it is always wrong to feel "more entitled" than other doll owners?

Or can such a feeling ever be justified by factors such as:
- The great love of the person wanting the doll for that particular doll?
- The role the person plays in the doll community -
- The person's financial status -

Yes, I do think it is wrong to feel this way. What gives a person to right to say he/she deserves something more than another person? We're all people, we're all equal.. Such factors like 'want' varies with each person. How can you gauge how much you want a doll with someone else who really wants it, but is too afraid to voice out their want?

The role a person plays in the doll community definitely would not give the person more of a right to feel more 'entitled' to own a doll.. It doesn't matter how popular or how long one has been in the community, one should not be allowed to feel 'more entitled'[/b] than others..

Financial status is hardly a factor in this, IMO. If you can afford the doll, then good on you. If you cannot, then too bad.

 

I'm going to use 'you' a lot here; but I mean it in a general sense, and not a specific one

Do you feel that some people have a "sense of entitlement" to certain dolls, such as limiteds or very popular dolls?

I think everyone, in some way, is entitled to a doll. And, also in some way, everyone is entitled to a limited doll. Does this mean everyone will get one? No.

Personally, I haven't met anyone who had this sense of entitlement. All I've seen are people who have a limited doll (and are forever grateful), or people who bought them or something happened for them to get one, or people who don't have one, and are hoping.

I haven't come across anyone who feels they were deserving, more than anyone else, of a certain doll. But as I said, I think everyone's entitled to a popular doll. Sometimes there are lotto's for the doll lotto! That makes it totally random. But I haven't seen anyone go totally bonkers over how they deserved that doll more than anyone.

2) If you believe that this "sense of entitlement" exists, do you think it is always wrong to feel "more entitled" than other doll owners?

I think having the sense to feel more entitled than other people is normal for us all. Sometimes, you get so focused on something, you feel - almost know - you're going to get something you've worked for, and then you don't get it. You can swear up and down, but this doesn't mean the fates will grant you a doll.

But a sense of entitlement exists, but I don't think it really is prevalent in the BJD hobby.


Or can such a feeling ever be justified by factors such as:

- The great love of the person wanting the doll for that particular doll?

Just because you wanted this doll so much, does it mean you wanted it more than the other owners did? Just because you feel you deserve this doll so much, it doesn't mean everyone else didn't have the same feelings. And acting out of character, (ie. a sore loser), says a lot as to how you'd react in the future. I hate to get very spiritual, but it's karma. If you act like a brat because you didn't get the doll you wanted, the next time you enter a contest, or try to get another limited doll, karma won't be in your favor. But if you act like a rational human being, you may get lucky down the line!

- The role the person plays in the doll community?

As I said before, what makes you think other people aren't going to contribute to the DoA forums? I'm sure any owner would love to spam the forums with pics of their dolls. It's the dolly equivalent of whipping out that thing of pictures of your kids or grand kids.

I think it's selfish to think you'd contribute more to everyone's lives in general because YOU owned this doll, rather than the ones who were able to get it.

- The person's financial status?

Once again, what makes you think you're the only one? A problem with our society sometimes is that we feel we're the only ones inhabiting this planet. Some people who have financial issues are probably not going to waste their time with a limited doll. I know I wouldn't. They're too hard to get, and then I'd feel there was too much of a sort of pressure to keep it in mint condition. Limited dolls scare me in this sense. And as I'm just saving for my first one, and knowing how rare it would be to ever get a limited, I'd prefer to just stay away.

Therefore, I don't think there would be any situation where anyone would be justified in feeling more entitled than another, except if it were for legal reasons, but I really don't see how that would work. As I said, some places have lotteries for the lottery!

 

I think no one is ever 'entitled' to owning any doll. Dolls are a hobby. They are a luxury. They are a commodity and should be treated as such.

Most of the people who complain about the price of dolls, the price of second-hand sales, about scalpers in the various threads that keep springing up come across to me as 'entitled'. They attach morality to commercial transactions and believe that some people are more 'deserving' than others to own dolls. Even if they speak from a hypothetical point of view, that the 'someone' more 'deserving' of a doll isn't them in particular, it still reflects this idea of entitlement, that people deserve this luxury product for whatever reason, but I really and truly believe that NO ONE should ever feel entitled to ANYTHING, especially not luxury products like dolls!

 

Actually, I have seen this before. I can't remember who or where but there was a thread about not being able to have the doll you want. The person that posted that thread was complaining that she was in love with a doll and the owner of that doll wouldn't sell it to her. And she kept messaging the owner. Then she said that if the owner wouldn't sell, she'd have to buy the doll blank and commission the same face-up.

The way she posted it made me believe that the doll wasn't for sale and wasn't limited edition, like she'd just seen a pretty doll and decided she should be sold it rather than buying her own.

To me, this is narcissism/delusions of grandeur. No one is 'entitled' a doll for any reason, unless it is their own. You can't expect people to reduce the price for you or give you a doll over other people because you're nice or you want it more. There was a key word there, people might reduce the price for you, or choose you over others but then you should be grateful for the other person's kindness rather than expecting it because you think you're entitled to it.

I was sold my Migidoll Miho because his previous owner said she'd had a lot of offers she hadn't found the right owner, but could tell how much I loved him and so only felt comfortable selling him to me and I was over the moon, I felt so lucky!! But if she had sold him to someone else I would never have said something like 'but I want him more, you should sell him to me!'

I think it is a major personality flaw to believe you're better than everyone else. People are equal.