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Should She Worry What Her Friends Think About Her Having Dolls?

Apr 7, 2012

    1. Hello, My Sister Is 12 And Really Wants A Doll. She Has Told Me Multiple Times About What Her Friends Might Think Of The Idea And She Worries That They Might Be Creeped Out Or Think Shes Weird By It. She Is Really Confused About It But Still Really Wants A Doll. Can Someone Give Me Advice To Tell Her Or Some Suggestions? Thanks -Riley:)
       
    2. If she's really interested in something, then it shouldn't matter what her friends' think -- it's inevitable that not everyone (even close friends) are going to share the same interests. Granted, when you're young, that can be easier said then done, however, in the long run I really do believe people are better off following what their own interests are and worrying a lot less about what other people are doing or thinking.

      If she's not sure of her friends' reactions, then the best way to handle it is to not make a big deal about getting a doll and the hobby in general. I have some people that I share my doll stuff with, but with other people I just don't bring it up. It's not a matter of hiding it or being embarrassed, it's just that I don't expect everyone else to be interested. Now as soon as someone walks into my living room they are going to see them, and if they want to talk about them that's fine, but I don't push the subject. Not acting nervous about the hobby and treating it like it's no big deal, is going to help make it seem more 'normal' (not that it's actually abnormal) to the people around her. The more you act nervous or furtive about something, the more other people are going to assume there's something wrong with whatever it is you're doing.

      I was always the weird kid growing up, but as an adult I simply hang around people who don't mind and that I have things in common with. It's a big world out there with lots of different people. High school is a very artificial environment in many ways. Eventually being different doesn't really matter anymore.
       
    3. From a personal standpoint, I can understand what it's like being worried about what friends think. One of my best friends is scared of my doll, and she always requests me to put anything bjd related away when she visits. The thing is that she shouldn't take it personally, like what Taco said her friends aren't going to have the exact same interests. Just let her in enjoy the hobby and if her friends are weirded out with it, then don't involve them in it?
       
    4. Good advice, Taco. I think it's hard, especially for young people, to be different than their peers. I've also been a Star Trek fan forever and proud of it, but I certainly have gotten static from friends, family, and coworkers, but I love Star Trek and BJDs.
       
    5. That's a difficult one. As she is just 12 years old the good opinion of her friends and peers means a lot more to her than for someone older. As you say she is finding the whole matter confusing, maybe she should wait at least another 6 months and see how she feels about it then? Patience is a good skill to have if she doesn't already, so it won't do her any harm. Maybe your parents can get involved and the doll can be a Christmas present. That way she can plan ahead and maybe her friends will get on board once they see her mounting excitement as the big day approaches.

      I think it would also give her time to adapt herself to any disapproval her friends might display, without it destroying the buzz of the dolls actual arrival.
       
    6. It's a difficult thing to say really, there's a debate on children owning BJDs which I think you should read: http://www.denofangels.com/forums/s...quot-wrong-quot-to-let-younger-kids-have-BJDs Especially considering just how expensive dolls are. When I was 12 I would go from one toy to the next like any other kid, I think she needs to decide if this is just a little phase or if she seriously does want one.

      If it isn't a phase and she really does want a doll, then there's nothing to say she actually has to tell her friends about it. She could just move it into a room where her friends are allowed if they come around.
       
    7. I am bored at work, and after reading through other threads, a question came to mind...

      How many of you honestly do not care whether other people like/dislike your dolls, whether you have BJD-owning friends, or about taking your dolls out in public?

      I notice there are many, many threads about being embarrassed, about hurt feelings, about taking your doll out in public, and about having dolly friends, and about the emotional diffictulties of this hobby.
      I like meetups and all of that, but really, BJDs is a personal hobby for me. I do not understand the agony some people seem to face because their friends do not love their dolls. I am nervous to take my dolls out in public because children are attracted to them, but other than that, it does not matter. I do not want to take them out for the sake of carrying them around, but I do not mind taking them out to pick out appropriately sized things for them.

      Again, my question is whether or not you care about these things. I did not put this in the debate forum because, while I do not fully get it, I do not want to know what is wrong with being emotional over BJDs, what is wrong about not being emotional over BJDs, or why any one thing is better than another. I am just curious to see how many other people on this forum feel the way I do. ;)
       
    8. I must say I agree with you. I'm not spending a huge amount of money on BJD's to make anyone else happy ;) (While some of my non-doll friends question my sanity, they can at least see that quality handmade goods are expensive)

      If people want to question my taste, or hate one of the dolls I've picked - it's not a problem at all. what would be a problem is if they were hostile or rude about it. If a doll is not to my liking, I'd be sure to be tactful about it, and then only if directly asked.
       
    9. Honestly, I don't care. I just want my dolls to look as good as they can for myself. Sure, I'm proud of them, especially the ones I face up myself, but I don't really need to show them off. The dolls I own, I own because I love the sculpt and want to make them my own.

      I love having dolly friends, and normal friends, who either like, or dislike, my dolls. The ones who don't like them I simply do not show them too. Just because I love them doesn't mean everyone else has to.

      There's a lot of dolls that I for example don't like. I'll talk to my friends about them, but I never insult them, especially to an owner of one of those dolls. It's not my business who gets what doll and why.

      One of the most rewarding things in this hobby to me is to see what I can do with a doll. That's why I love getting them blank.
       
    10. I don't get embarrassed by taking my dolls out in public.
      Anytime I have taken one out I actually had more people curious about him.
      I was shipping a doll off at the post office and the worker there actually decided that she wanted to buy one.
      People will be jerks to you over anything, but there is a lot of nice people out there, so I don't worry.

      I'm an adult now, out of highschool and more concerned with paying the bills and college.
      I'm away from that mentality of 'What do others think?'
      I could care less now, life is about what I want. And this hobby is nothing to be ashamed of for me.
      I got into it because I wanted to.
       
    11. I do care because I am the kind of person who seeks for others approval. if they don't give it, I will not give up something I like but I will definitely get sad about it.
      I'm a bit oversensitive like that :sweat
       
    12. I agree too. While I have bought a few pretty and popular dolls, most of mine are odd even to me, but I bought them for my own amusement and I don't care if anyone else likes them or not. I don't take my dolls out in public unless I am attending a convention or other doll event and don't discuss them with non-doll friends.
       
    13. Some people just need emotional validation from others. *shrug*

      I don't care too much. Although is is a bit annoying to have people get freaked out by my dolls, it's also kind of funny to me.

      I enjoy having friends who are into dolls the way I am, but I'd probably keep doing it on my own if no one else was interested.
       
    14. I like taking my dolls out in public. Sure, I get some odd looks, but most of the time people just seem genuinely curious. Its also nice to find the odd person who knows what they are and collects them too.
      It can be a good beacon for finding people with similar interests. ^ o^

      I often feel safer if I have a friend with me who also accepts my hobby or shares it. It creates a nice defense against the more ignorant people. (You know, the ones who make snide remarks, or pretend to be curious only to try and sound sarcastic and nasty.)

      Its not worth being ashamed. You want to make your dolls look pretty for you, why shouldn't other people see them too? Not everyone is going to "get it". I've had people call my dolls creepy and weird before, but I just kinda laugh it off and say "Yeah, they get that a lot".
      I've learned to sort of make a joke out of the whole "dolls are creepy" stigma surrounding the hobby. Sometimes I make my dolls be creepy on purpose, turning their heads so they are staring at people. -evil laugh- I just make it fun.

      Honestly, not all my friends share my hobby, but they accept it and can understand my appreciation for it at least to a degree. I never force it on them, but I do like to subject them to it occasionally for my own amusement. :3

      I love to show off my things. That's just me though. I'm a collector of a lot of different things (dolls, anime figures, posters, plushies, trading cards, video games, movies, music, etc etc, and honestly, I find a lot of amusement in entertaining people with them if they are willing. Part of the fun of having a hobby is to be able to share it with others and possibly pique their interest as well.

      I would be bored to death if I kept all my hobbies solely to myself.
       
    15. Ouch! Have you considered going to therapy? I ask because I often feel the same way, and I have myriad different mental illnesses, which I'm getting treatment for (some of which is actually helpful). You might find treatment helpful too!

      To answer the question, in some ways I care and in some I don't. I have hypersensitive threat perception, which would be great if I were being stalked by a sabre-toothed tiger, but as I'm usually free from vicious animals is a bit debillitating and pointless. It means that I too constantly seek for support and approval and if I don't find it can often get anxious and upset. I won't change my dolls to please anyone, but I always get inordinately upset and angry over negativity.

      However, if someone doesn't care for my dolls and expresses it in a polite and easy-going way, that's fine. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. It's when people shove their opinions down my throat that I get upset, or more likely, angry and then upset, and I will lash out at people. As far as friends go, I've come to be quite good at pin-pointing and eliminating negative influences in my life. I've enough negativity in my own head without it being foisted upon me by someone else.

      In short, I'm not quite mentally healthy enough yet to complete disregard what people think of me, but I know when I am, I'll be much happier. It really is much healthier not to give a damn, and much easier too!
       
    16. I like all those things - I like taking my dolls out to meets, I like it when other people say that my dolls are nice, I like sharing my dolls with my ABJD-collecting friends. And I'm delighted that this hobby has provided me with the opportunity to meet many of those friends.

      But my enjoyment of my dolls is not at all contingent upon those things. I would continue to enjoy them even if I had never been able to share a picture of them. I would continue to enjoy them even if I never went to another meetup or convention. I have dolls that I have never taken pictures of, simply because I prefer not to share my dolls until they feel "complete" to me, and these dolls still have a ways to go before I'm ready to introduce them to to anyone (so to speak).

      So yes, enjoying certain aspects of this hobby adds to my appreciation of the hobby itself. But those aspects aren't the most important parts to me, and losing them would not make me leave the hobby or sell off my dolls.
       
    17. I'm half-and-half, if that's possible. I wish I could say that I don't care what people think about my BJDs--but the case is that I do to some extent! For example, I don't want to show my dolls to just anyone--they're private things for my own personal enjoyment. Plus, their beauty moves me so much that it's hard for me to hear disparaging things about them. (I'm such a romantic dipstick, haha)

      By the same token, I'm still going to own them and enjoy them, even though other people don't understand it. I'll feel free to take my dolls to a public place for photographs or to shop (for example, to make sure a certain fabric looks good, or that a particular prop is the right size). Then it's MY business, and if people want to judge me they can feel quite free! ;D

      What I really would like are some BJD-owning friends. I can't talk about BJDs to anyone, really :/ So I'm thinking of attending a doll-meet as soon as I get one of my dolls properly prepared!
       
    18. I don't care... to a certain extent.

      It helps that I'm older and have been through all the worries about whether I have friends or if people will like me. Now--truly, who the heck cares??? But, I have to admit, after I do all the stuff I want to do, it still is NICER to get nice feedback than not. But I don't NEED it or SEEK it when I'm making decisions for myself.

      I don't need the bjd-owning friends at all. I happen to be lucky and I have some, and it's nice, but it's not at all necessary--and, again, I don't need them or seek 'em out, but I definitely think it's cool to have them. And they don't matter to my doll-decisions.

      Taking dolls out in public... I go to meetups with no problem. I'll go out on a photoshoot if I need to. But I don't like carrying my dolls out in public all that much. Not that it really bothers me what others are thinking, 'cause they are strangers and I don't care, but I'm just not into carrying dolls around. I have things to do and don't want to bother with a heavy doll (I have many large ones), and I don't want to lose the tinies. And overall--I don't want to have extra wear-and-tear on my dolls when it's not important to me.

      So, basically, I really, truly don't care. ---Strangers don't matter to me. Other people on DoA are basically strangers. Friends even, don't have to live with my dolls, so I don't care what dolls they get or don't get, and they shouldn't have anything to do with mine. If they DO enjoy my dolls, that's all good. But their opinions don't matter. Only MY opinion matters since I'm spending my money and my time on them. It just seems to be common sense to me.
       
    19. I don't care. if I did, I wouldn't be planning another doll purchase. I love them and who cares if other people don't that's not my problem.
       
    20. I don't mind if my friends or others don't like my dolls. BJDs are my hobby and my way of spending money. They might would rather spend money on alcohol and other stuff, and I'd much rather spend money on dolls. Not everyone is entitled to like and agree on things their friends like.
      I also don't mind if someone dislikes something I do with my doll, like how I dress them or the eye color I chose, or even their back story. I see it as it's my doll, not theirs. You should love your doll, and not bother with someone else's doll if you don't like it because it's their doll. ^_^