Social Status

Following that logic to the end, everyone with a custom, commissioned, or default faceup, clothes they didn't make, wigs they didn't make, eyes they didn't make, and a doll they didn't make can't be happy with their doll . . . which means, you know, everybody in the hobby.

A certain amount of this hobby is just plain buying stuff, and getting hold of a fullset is a set of skills all on its own. Acquisition is a major activity in BJDs. I'll admit that any time I get something that not that many people have or was kind of hard to get, I enjoy that feeling -- the more so because I have a lousy track record for getting anything like that. I may even tell someone about this LE whatever because I'm happy I got it. That does not mean that I equate what I own with some sort of superiority over anyone else. I wonder how often what's perceived as lording it over others is actually just "Look what I got!!!" squeeing.

 

I would hope not often since everybody does that to some extent or another when they get a new doll. Getting a new doll is freaking exciting no matter what kind of doll it is, and so much of this hobby is sharing stuff with the community.

 

This, I feel like, borders on the reverse-elitism I've made a few vague references to.

It doesn't matter the cost, one way or the other, everyone has the right to enjoy, display, and yes, brag about their dolls. I make no secrets among the local doll group about how much my Vesuvia cost me. I'm VERY proud of her. I worked my tail off for this doll, I waited for six months for her, I worked through the flu and a horribly nasty cold for her. I cut all the fun out of my budget for her. Damn right I'm going to brag about her, to anyone who wants to listen.

The same way I brag about the 7-month wait for my CustomHouse Yeondu, who is absolutely gorgeous and perfect, and her ChiyoMiwa faceup, as ChiyoMiwa isn't taking commissions anymore. The same way I brag about my DollZone Shoyo, who I worked as a ChaCha guide for literally pennies to save up for. The same way I will brag about paying $30 a month for my DragonDoll Dragon Girl when she gets here.

Because I am proud of my dolls, and what they represent to me. I expect any other collector to brag just the same.

The elitist is not someone who brags proudly about their dolls. the elitist is someone who looks down their nose at another collector, regardless of why they're looking down their nose.

 

*shifty-eyes* ...I thought there was someone in the house the other day! (Say hi next time.)

Except this is predominantly a myth. As people have stated repeatedly, almost no one thinks like this because anyone with half a lick of sense hates this way of thinking -- and that includes people who have one $80 third hand doll that is falling apart, and people with 100 high-priced fullsets who also are sickeningly talented in all relevant arenas.

Seriously. Where are these people bragging about how their limited fullsets are better than anything else? Where are these people telling (generic)you that their dolls are better than yours? Because I see a lot of people fearing this and treating the idea of these behaviors being prevalent like common knowledge, and I would really like to know where that is coming from.

 

Maybe it's the people who own the inexpensive dolls who are expecting others to look down on them? Just a bit of self-protectiveness. It's similar to when you meet a well-known doll customizer/costumer and you subconsciously expect that such a talented person will be snobby... then you're surprised when they're not.

I've never met anyone who was brand-elitist, but I have met someone who was money-elitist, and would talk about how much her doll's faceup and specially commissioned outfits cost. And I've met someone who was age-elitist, who felt that the BJD hobby "belonged" to younger people. But I'm sure those people are a tiny minority amongst BJD people.

 

Oh well, better your house than mine. Seriously.
I always love seeing the box openings where people have a beautifully
empty looking house, neat, tidy, sparkling carpet..but now I'm admitting
too much

I've never been to a meet...I've never met other DOA members or ABJD
owners so I have no personal experience or accounts of dolly elitism...but
I have seen what may come off as that in the forum.
And as others have pointed out there is reverse elitism, too. Which oddly
enough I feel may be more prevalent. The "I ONLY buy basics" or "I don't
believe in limiteds" the list goes on & on.
There are people who feel bad that they can't afford $1000 dolls so they look
down on people who "can". Then there are people who feel bad about other
aspects of their life so they compensate by gloating about their extra-extra LE
or OOAK doll. IMO neither reason is acceptable. But there is a HUGE difference
between showing off your doll and showing your doll!!
If I could attempt satisfactory faceups on my dolls I would be SO HAPPY..but I
wouldn't feel the need to put down others who had to pay for theirs.
If I see a gorgeous outfit that comes with an LE or basic that I'm getting why on
earth would I instead choose to attempt sewing one that was similar?

Honestly I was a much happier person before finding ABJD's and joining the
community, it's very easy to get swept up in the feeling or belief that our dolls
say more about us than what comes from our hearts and mouth and in most
cases here, our keyboard.
I love looking at box opening threads. It's so much fun to see how excited someone
is over acquiring a doll and I've seen the same joy come from holding a $100 dollar
doll as the joy someone has from getting their $1000+/LE/OOAK/grail doll!!!!

 

thanks, makes me feel better

 

I have to agree with you. I think a lot of it is just people wanting to fit in and the sentimentality that we have towards our dolls. Person A mentions they don't like a certain doll company or a certain doll sculpt. Person B has said doll or dolls from that company, and now it's, how could Person A NOT like my precious, blah blah blah. They must be a doll snob. People just read to much into things, or become to emotional to think things through. Or perhaps there's old baggage from a previous bad experience in another hobby. I think all that can add up to the "perceived" snobbery.

Perhaps I'll become a Dollzone snob. I mean why should Volks, Soom and Resinsoul owners have all the fun.

In the end this is what it comes down to. So they don't like your doll sculpt or the company you bought your doll from. Or they don't collect the way you do. Step back, realize everyone's different and move on with your life.

And after reading this and laughing for ten minutes, then reading again and laughing for another five, thank you.

 

Hahaha on the back of tamed turtles. It totally felt that way back then - communications were so slow.
But yes what you've said pretty much matches the general idea of what I was thinking. There definately are social classes here.

Unlike in highschool though I don't feel inferior to anyone here regardless of my budget or the kind of dolls I own - as long as they aren't an illegal copy. I think that is what makes this hobby great!

 

i'm glad!

 

A lot of times, people will hear one or two people in the (proverbial) corner of the room talking about stuff like that. Maybe they're secretly angry that someone else got to the limited they wanted, but don't want to admit that it's all about the luck of the draw. They would rather mark said others as 'elitists', or something quite silly. Only thing is, when they complain loud enough and frequently, enough people catch on, and more people think that X is going on when it really isn't.

Or maybe they just want justification that their doll is THE BEST EVER... and that they should be *praised* for having said awesomeness in their possession.

Who really knows?

If I had a dime for every scenario this has happened with on DoA...

People who don't want to dress their dolls in socks seem to be 'elitist', for example. I, too, have asked about who was claiming that they were elitist, and where this has ever gone on as proof that it's true - no one's ever said a word.

Some people just like to play victim. I can't see the reason of why someone would want to be in that roll all the live-long day, but it's silly. Just silly. If people get on my nerves with stuff like that - on DoA, or anywhere - I avoid them, because I simply don't have time to hear about how something else is keeping them down.

Why can't we just enjoy the doll we have?

Yes, I've told people the exact amount my doll costs, but all my friends are non-doll people, so it helps to put things in perspective. It's not like they're all doll people, and price tends to be irrelevant most of the time. They think $350 is really crazy, while I think it's actually cheap in the BJD hobby (and I find it funny when they freak out about it.)

^^This, exactly. I will gladly tell anyone who wishes to listen the story of how I saved for Emma, especially since she's my first doll, and I think first doll stories should be told until ears bleed . I'll tell anyone willing to hear. And I have, somewhat, too. I also cut all the fun out of my life for my doll (which I think might have been easier then, due to the fact that it happened over the summer, and I become a hermit over the summer.)

I LOVED spending anything I had in my wallet, so I'll even tell the story of how I stopped wanting to compulsively spend. Anyone who has had to save for something they really wanted, like a BJD, and had to make some crazy sacrifices, deserves to tell that .

 

If you looked at my box opening pics, you might *think* my room is all nice, neat, and tidy.

Let me tell you, you couldn't be more wrong! Some pretty creative cropping out of certain sections that snuck their way in occurred. And it was just by chance I decided to make my bed that day, because I never make my bed.

Clutter, by far, is an understatement if you wanted to describe what was in my room. But I also get envious of neat and tidy spaces.

 

-shrugs- If you want to go on and on to me about how special and unique your Super Awesome Mr. Fluffy-Sir Limited One in the Entire Galaxy who can not possibly be replaced or replicated ever because after he was cast you personally smashed all the molds and sculpts and destroyed all pictures from the company, and after he was faceupped you chopped off the hands of the faceup artist so they could never paint a doll as amazingly as they did yours, and there can never ever be a doll more wonderful as yours or more expensive because you had to sell both you mother and your mother-in-law AND your husband just to afford the down payment on the doll and therefore this makes you the most super-special doll owner in the whole world and no one's doll can EVER come close to yours, figuratively and literally because you have him in a germ free-climate controlled, armed laser beam shooting glass box in a safe in your bomb shelter- more power to you. I'll listen, I'll smile and be polite, and ooh and ahh.

Then I'll hold up Siah, and tell you how he's the most special doll in the universe and no other doll could compare. I'll show you how dirty he is because I change his clothes all the time and I haven't had time to wash him properly. I'll show you the chips and nicks on his -gasp- CHEAP FDOLL body, from restringing accidents and him falling into the others in the collection. And you know what? When I'm telling you all this? I'll still feel like your equal, and not be ashamed at all.

Sure, I've had times when people in the hobby have made me feel ashamed, or guilty, or "wrong" or "less" than them in some manner. And then I've had times where I'm sure I've made others feel like they were less because I was going on and on about something I got or did for my dolls. But really? There's no difference in any of us. We're all doll people. And while I've heard rumors of these people who "look down" on certain companies or habits or actions..I have yet to come across these folks. And if I ever do- well, that's their opinion. And I'll know mine is inherently better because my dolls are the best ever. To me. And that's all that matters.

it's all just a matter of personal security in yourself and your collection. If it makes you happy- if it's what you want- then you are at the top of the food chain. But don't let the other top fish (because that's what we all are in our own heads when we're confident about what we have and where we stand in the ultimate and most respected Dolly-dom) knock you down because they want to tell you why they're top fish. Tell them why you are too. And everyone can get along juuust fine, and stare at each others dolls. In the box, or out.

 

Well, if they were cutting off the guy's hands... I'd probably try to get the heck out of there

 

That's quite a good point.

It makes me wonder, too, how often people are just sitting off somewhere chatting -- not even about such things at all -- but because they're off in a corner chatting for a bit, it's assumed that they must be talking about things that could be hurtful/bad/negative/exclusionary/etc. even though no one really knows.

I wonder how many times something like this is just 'where did you get that shirt/what's this recipe/etc., and it's just off away from all else because it's not doll-related at all. (I know I tend to do that -- I try not to interrupt group conversations with small unrelated questions, and will mention something aside if needs be.)

I think a huge part of this issue is people being concerned about acceptance when there's really no need to worry about it so much. People become trained to it in part because the people 'out there' don't always get it, and even among fellow collectors, that mindset can follow on a subconscious level.

 

This thread is great for the lolz, but truly I think Dolly Elitism = Human Nature, and what are you going to do about that? You can't change anyone else's behavior but your own, but if someone is trying to be provocative by looking down their nose at you, just don't bite. That takes the wind out of their sails, and really for me, if it gives them such pleasure to dis me, why I can just be a humanitarian and let them.
I may often feel seething jealousy over other's dolls, but that's when I have to remind myself to grow up and quit it. And try to enjoy vicariously through their pleasure.
You can't have everything. After all, where would you put it?

 

Truly, the golden words to live by! Thanks, SM!

 

This I can understand, and it's one of the reasons I try to be open and bubbly and friendly to new people at local meetups, even though it's really, really against my nature. I'm perky and bubbly, sure, but I'm also a shy-until-you-get-to-know-me type, and going up to a stranger and introducing myself is terrifying. But I can see how a new person, especially if they have a cheaper-end doll, would feel snubbed if I avoided them and was bouncy with my friends over in a corner.

But I believe that no one in this hobby should be made to feel inferior. I might not like someone's doll, or someone's style, and I might privately facepalm over it, but this in no way makes the collector an inferior collector, or a "bad dolly owner". There's no right way to enjoy this hobby. There are a few wrong ones, granted, like sharpie faceups and snorting toxic resin dust, but no right way.

 

Maybe I'm just odd, but I love when someone buys a limited fullset and brings it to a meetup, especially a really sought-after one. Because then I get to hold it and touch it and ooh and ahh over it. Like the last con I went to, this nice young lady had a Fairyland Chloe Amethyst. I am not a Fairyland resin or sculpt fan, but MAN that doll's outfit was gorgeous and if only I had an oddly-sized teeny thing like a MiniFee :P She let me hold her Chloe, so I got to see the whole thing up close and marvel at the design and quality. SO happy I got to see that. As I get older I find that I don't have to own everything, but I do perhaps want to hold what I wanted for a bit, just so I DID "own" it for a moment. (And maybe in that moment I discover I really DO want that doll and I had better start rearranging my budget and trawling the MP for a secondhand one.) I treat other people's dolls with a great deal of care so they trust me, and I've gotten to "own" a lot of dolls I otherwise wouldn't have that way.

It's the positive side of folks bringing those expensive limited fullsets to meetups...YOU get to see them outside of online photos! You might even get to hold them. Come on, that's cool. Isn't it? I think so.

 

I agree with Ophelia -- I for one love it when people bring out their rarities and limiteds to meetups. (A) It indicates the owner thinks highly enough of us that they will bring such a doll out into a group setting, trusting that we won't slobber all over it & break it, and (B) I get to finally witness that doll in person, see it up close, groove on all its details, take some candid snapshots, & learn something about it from its owner.

I live near some twin Ocean of Deep Black version Scarface Ceciles-- the hell I want them to stay home all the time! When they come to a meetup together they are something to behold. (And their owners are incredibly laid-back.) I also happen to live near that legendary Black Ducan one-off, but he rarely makes appearances except at small parties, so it's like a rock-star sighting when he does come out... I get a tremendous kick out of that. I even love hearing the re-tellings of what it took to acquire him; it's like the doll's biography. Or at least his resume'.

(And, just last weekend, I got to bask in the presence of a friend's Iplehouse Snake-Charmer Theo. Now that owner is lucky that doll ever found its way out of my arms! ^^)