The Age Gap

I am fifteen myself, and reading this thread I am starting to understand that I would most likely not be welcomed at a meet-up because of liability issues and overall awkwardness in not being able to connect with the older members of the hobby. My mother is very cautious and would not let me attend a meet anyways, unless it was with someone that I already knew, which can't happen as I don't know any others even remotely interested in this hobby. I guess that waiting three more years is the only solution here.

 

Huh... with this hobby, I guess I never really thought about it. I'm in that collegiate/childless adult sweet spot, so I have a smaller age gap going both ways instead of one intense age gap, and I tend to get along well with people who are either a few years younger or a lot older than I am provided I share an interest with them.

I guess if I did have kids, I wouldn't have to worry since I'm also in the hobby. But I know when I was younger and involved in fandom stuff, my older relatives had a very protective 'watch out for people you meet on the interwebs' attitude. (but I've only ever met really nice people, both through fandom and through dolls, so I guess I'm lucky!) Actually, going back to the 'wouldn't have to worry because I'm in the hobby', that's an excellent solution for worrying parents-- go with your kids to the meet-ups. Bonding experience meets safe kid insurance. Even though my siblings and I are now all out of our teens entirely, my mom tags along to meet-ups and cons because it helps her understand what we're into, and she often finds she has fun, too.

=^__^=
Anneko

 

Actually I think you would be very welcomed at a meet up if your mom came along, at the very least for the first couple times. A lot of people just don't like minors suddenly being dropped off at the door, as the phrase goes. (And you would be amazed how many people actually do this at meetups) Going to a meetup isn't like going out to the movies, where it's acceptable practice to just throw your kid out the car door and drive away.

Walking into someone's house and dropping a minor off and walking away is a very different matter, it is that which a lot of people have a problem with. Most have absolutely no problem with minors being there as long as they have a family member there being responsible for them. People just don't want to end up as forced babysitters at a meet-up, which is what it can seem like when unsupervised teens get dropped off. It's just not a very nice first impression.

 

As a 26 year old, I wholeheartedly agree.

I don't mind attending big functions with younger people like anime conventions, but when it comes to more personal interactions in smaller groups I really prefer people closer to my age.

 

I don't have kids, but I would never dream of letting them go somewhere without me, or with a trusted family member/close friend, until they were 16. And then, they would have GPS in their phone! Call me paranoid, but you lose your child, and you are lucky if you get them back alive, let alone unharmed. When I go to Wal-Mart and see all the little kids running around on their own, I just think, man someone could just take them, and that would be it. It's better to be safe than sorry and be the "bad guy" to your kids than the other side of the coin. Course I also saw a kid left in their care seat, in the car with the car running. Stupid thing to do.

 

I started going to meetups when I was about 16. The other members of the group that I still belong to never once held back their delightfuly raunchy behavior, which was fine by me. My mother was never a stickler about what I was exposed to when I was younger, as she knew I could handle it. She actually came to a few meets and was just as bad as everyone else. XD I would have been sad if my being there had toned down the fun. However, I have encountered younger people who were not so exposed as I and myself and other 20+ people had a hard time controlling the things we said. It was quite awkward.

I guess it really just depends on the child.

 

I'm 18 and finally at an age where my parents are a lot more comfortable if I go somewhere on my own.
But reading parental opinions about children younger than 16, I understand why my parents were so fussy when I wanted to go somewhere alone at that age. ^^"
I'd probably be the same if I had children. Being careful is a good thing.

 

With my different hobbies, I end up hanging out with people of all different ages, and I think it adds an extra dimension to my life. I'm always glad to meet people who are interested in a fandom that I am, and I don't mind if they are younger. If you're talking about someone as young as 10, I'm not sure I could have a whole conversation over a cup of tea, but at a meetup with other people, I wouldn't mind telling them about my interest and recommending things they might like.
I agree that parents should be careful of who their children are hanging out with, and whether it is at a public or private place, but it should apply to people of every age. I know from when I was 14 that kids the same age can be trouble, maybe worse than adults.
I've never been in a situation where parents drop off young kids without at word, so I can't comment on that.

 

Speaking as someone of 46 who is only just coming round to the idea of meet-ups because I'm a bit reclusive... I hadn't even thought of this angle! I am used to being round much younger, and older, people, having been a student, then a mature student and finally a lecturer, but that's all in a controlled environment where we all had roles to play. I think at a meet-up I would definitely feel uncomfortable if there were un-chaperoned under 16's. I'd worry that they would get into trouble and I would feel responsible.

I'm happy chatting on the internet with all ages but there is that stigma, more so for a man I think, that you might be grooming younger members for something unsavoury. It's a horrible thought, but you really don't know who you are chatting with on the internet. Maybe my first instincts about not going to meet-ups were right?

 

My children are 7 & 5, so there's no question of them going to meets right now.

The main concern as a parent is always predators, but I would also go with them to any meets they might want to attend so that I can help them deal with anything derogatory that someone might say. Not that I've heard any of that about doll meets, but you never know. One of the things that I would be concerned about is them making 'friends' who make snide remarks about their dolls or their sewing abilities or just meeting shifty people in general.

That goes for any hobby, though.

 

I often forget that in the scheme of things, I am technically now considered old at 29, and as I am childfree, this isn't really something I'll ever have to deal with myself, but looking back on my own experiences, I would say it would depend on the child and what the situation was to me. Growing up, I was very independent, very intelligent, and possessing of much common sense. I was always able to self police myself well, and because of this, my mother rarely looked in on me and displayed a lot of trust about my personal choices of friends and activities. And I was involved in a lot of things, like equestrian competitions, where I was essentially left unsupervised for large periods of times away from home. My younger sister was lucky if my mother let her go to the mailbox alone because she was someone who could not be trusted on her own.

From the perspective of someone attending meets, I really am uncomfortable around other people's younger children. I'm always waiting for something to be broken or a discipline problem to arise, which places the non-parents in a very difficult situation. Children left unattended...sorry, I am not your child's babysitter, and neither are the rest of the meet goers.

 

I have friends of all ages and none of them conform to stereotypes of their age groups, I judge everyone individually rather than thinking in terms of age group etc. If I had kids I'd be cool with them hanging around with sometimes much older people or strangers in general because I don't believe in wrapping kids in cotton wool or joining in with all the paedo-paranoia. In fact someone I know was wrapped in cotton wool and the boy is as wet and naive as Snow White whereas my sister and I were most definitely not and we can spot a creep a billion miles away even in disguise. I know my kids would be strong minded and not easily fooled by weirdos, and I would find out about who they were meeting anyway, as a precaution.

 

There are just as many unsavory teenagers as there are unsavory adults, who can wreak just as much damage on a fellow-child's life (I am sure some of you remember the notorious x_Kazakai_x, who was 14 at the height of her criminal career...). So age is definitely NOT the only factor in deciding that a certain person/group isn't safe for your child. It's the parent's responsibility to decide who the child hangs out with, and where, and when.

I'm childfree, but-- if I had a minor child who wanted to join ANY hobby group, it's common sense that you accompany that child to that meeting, & you get to know everybody in that group yourself. Personally. If there are grownups present who are talking like grownups (i.e. adult topics or raunchy language), and that bothers you, then you don't let your child join; you don't get to ask the grownups to change their behavior to fit your childrearing preferences. If the group doesn't seem a good fit for your child, then you remove it from the group.

 

I have attended meet-ups with people much younger -- and much older -- than I am. Many of those meet-ups were attended by minors, and I had a great time with them and their dolls! But I have never attended a meet-up at which there were minors in attendance without guardians, and I admit I would be uncomfortable doing so. There are too many liabilities involved.

For example, if a minor shoplifts while at a meet-up in a book store, the adults in the meet-up group can be found liable for improper supervision. The same can occur if something is broken, or, heaven forbid, the minor is injured in some manner. And what happens if the minor decides to behave in an inappropriate manner? Strangers open themselves up to some very ugly legal realities when they try to reprimand another person's child.

Some adults may be willing to take on the risks of liability for minors they barely know. But others, like me, are not. It doesn't mean we are closed-minded or that we judge entire age groups the same way. It just means we are not comfortable with playing roulette in a world that tends to litigate first and use common sense afterward.

 

If I was hosting a meet with people under the age of sixteen-eighteen, I would *expect* parents to call me, minimally. I would expect them to want to meet them beforehand, and I would not be surprised if they wanted to be at the meet themselves, or if they wanted to send along an older sibling as a chaperon. I know I'm not a creepy pedophile with a hidden camera in my bathroom, but how do they know? Not trusting me is just good parenting.

In this hypothetical meet, I wouldn't turn away anyone of any age, but I would insist that anyone under the age of sixteen be accompanied by a parent or a parent-chosen chaperon. I want to know that their parents are aware of what's going on.

If I was *hosting* the meet, I would probably want it be G-rated, since I would want my niece to attend- she loves ball-jointed dolls, and treats mine with appropriate care (if strange storylines), but she also understands the principle of asking before touching and not touching. I wouldn't necessarily be enthused about a strange five-year-old, but I believe that her presence wouldn't significantly impact the enjoyment of everyone. Part of that is, admittedly, the fact that her parents are socially progressive, so it would be LBQT-friendly and all-religion friendly and generally everything-friendly as long as it didn't get too graphic. Most of it is that I know *her,* and I know she's well-behaved. A fourteen-year-old, ( and I don't have anyone on this board in mind), on the other hand, will go through your medicine cabinet, help himself to all your milk, and use your work computer to show someone else something NSFW. And then he'll put your dolls in suggestive positions without washing Dorito-dirt off his hands. If he breaks anything, he's going to hide it. (I do not mean to imply that all boys are so destructive. I just wanted to include the male gender. Girls are just as bad.)

I grew up quick, so conversations with people my age tend to be very awkward. I prefer the company of people older than I am, because I can relate to them much better. I can't relate to "my mom won't let me spend my allowance on a doll," because my mom never gave me an allowance; I went out and earned my money. I can't relate to "I only worked twenty hours this week and I can't afford those doll boots/eyes/hair, I have to pick one," because I've got to pay the electric bill and so the idea of assuming I would be able to devote a whole paycheck to doll stuff is very far out of my experience.

On the other hand, I can totally relate to "my babysitter fell through and I can't make it to the meet," "I am bummed I have to sell my doll to pay this unforseen ER bill," and the perennial parental topic: poop.

 

I'm fine with most ages, but I prefer that anyone under 18 be accompanied by a parent. By accompanied, I mean supervised for the length of the meet-up... not just dropped at the door. Liability aside, I think it sort of puts the host and other adults into the position of babysitter/authority figure and makes it hard to interact with the kid (who's probably pretty awesome) as a fellow-hobbyist. It's kinda a bummer for all involved.

I'm 27 with no children (and none in the foreseeable future), but if I had kids I would probably not want them involved in the BJD hobby without supervision until they were 16 or so. Definitely no meetups without me going too! I got into a lot of trouble online as a young teen, largely because I was very mature and presented myself as though I was a lot older. There are a lot of things about the BJD hobby that I wouldn't want my hypothetical kids involved in either.

 

Imagining yourself as a parent, how would you feel to know that your kids are hanging out with much older people from the hobby to play with dolls?

Because I'm part of the hobby, I'd be accompanying them to the meets, so I wouldn't have much of a problem. If I had kids who wanted to go meet with their friends and do [whatever kids do] with another group of hobbyists of varying ages, I would definitely want to meet these people, and I'd try and be involved with the first several get-togethers. And really, until they're about 17, I'd better know the adults/parents of their friends who're going to these meets. You just can't be too careful these days.

And as a much younger doll owner, how do you feel when you meet much older people from the hobby?

Being 23, I don't consider myself a "younger doll owner" - I'm one of those middlin' kinds. No kids, just me and the resinites. But honestly, I've only ever met one person who was interested in the hobby who I'd peg to be over 40 yrs old. I'd be thrilled to have some older folks in the hobby, because my grandmas are in another state, and getting to that age where they might not be around for too much longer, and I miss that old-person interaction. Weirdly.

Was there ever something that bothered you about it?
And what are the things that you like about it?

Well obviously if you're gonna have kids hanging around ??-year-old adults, good parenting dictates that you're gonna check things out before you just hand your kid $50 and tell them to have fun in the old gentleman/lady's house with the dolls. :\ That ought to be common sense. (Not too common anymore, neither is common courtesty, but... eh.)

I love interacting with people of different ages, because it gives you a better perspective/new perspective on things. Someone who's 16 is going to appreciate dolls differently and think differently than someone who's 23, or 34, or 49. It gives you an opportinuty to talk about different things, and hear about different ideas. And not just about dolls, but about life in general. That's fun.