The Age Gap

I can definitely understand the parental concerns about letting kids hang out with the older crowd and considering the wide variety of ages we see (I've heard of an 8 year old, all the way up to 60+), it might just be cause for concern. Sixteen and younger, I think it's well within the parent(s)'s rights to want to know who their child is going to be hanging out with, especially if they're carrying around a doll that costs anywhere from $200 to $900.

 

My parents are very protective :/
I'm fourteen years old at the moment, I would never be allowed to a meet, especially not with older people.

Well, my mum would insist on coming with me so yeaahh.
Does that ever happen at meets? Mothers come along? Lol.

 

I have 12 and 15 year old children. I would not mind them chatting on a forum with adults (both do that all the time, on game-related forums), but I would not allow either of them to go to a meetup alone.

As an adult going to meetups where some attendees may be the age of my kids... I imagine that I would be polite and compliment their doll and perhaps as questions about it, but I would not feel comfortable making friends with them as if they were on the same developmental level as me. In other words, all our conversation would be about dolls--which is fine, because it's a dolly meet. I would not ask them to visit my house or get together outside the meetup (heh, though I might set up my son to meet one of them! )

I volunteer at my son's high school, and spend a lot of time talking to teens. I genuinely care about many of them, and I really enjoy talking to them, but cannot imagine relating to them as if I were a teen myself.

 

Yes, all the time. If you look through the thread a bit, a lot of people actually said that's the only way they accept minors at meetups/the way they prefer it. I'm 18 and every time I go to a meet up my mom goes and we all have a blast. Even though she doesn't like dolls, she laughs it up and has a good time with a lot of the women.

 

I've been thinking about these questions lately...
I imagine if I have a kid one day and she loves bjd, too...and i wonder if i take her to dollmeet...hmmm...I can't imagine that will be great...I mean, she, can see, but about the talk...I don't know...some talks may enter 'adult' topic (not that kind of 'adult'...but like doll relationship and such)...I, personally, don't feel comfortable kids listen to that (-.-)'''...I can't explain to them while the people who's talking is right in front of us...aside from impoliteness, it's a dollmeet that full of adult, so, I can't really restrict the topic for my kid and I can't ask my kids to adjust the dollmeet members...

unless, it's kid's dollmeet...I will escort my kid and adjust to kids bjd topic at the same time...

 

As a parent of a ten year old it's my responsibility to make sure his friends, on or offline, are appropriate. Right now he's not allowed on forums or chat groups, but in the future this will be something I supervise. (I already have the software...) I don't think the bjd fandom is any more or less dangerous than any other group out there. There are adults masquerading as kids in every online venue, and it also has to be said that there are plenty of messed up kids in every age range as well. So if my son wanted to meet an online friend of any age, it would be with supervision. Period.

 

Our local group has members ranging in age from 10 on up through. There are a few younger teens who do come with their mothers, but the mothers also collect, it is like a family thing. I don't mind the younger teens honestly even though at 28 I know I'm considered "old" by many (at least my 12yr old niece always says I am). However being older and being a mom I feel responsible to look out for anyone younger who is in a group with me. This is even more pronounced when the meets are in my home. I would not appreciate a parent dropping off a teen under 16 whom I didn't know. It makes it seem like I am expected to watch out for them and I don't like that. If I knew the parent and teen and they asked I wouldn't mind doing it, just don't want the responsibility for a stranger. I can just see the kid being exposed to something their parent doesn't like and then the parent making trouble for me. Plus it just seems like as a parent you would want to know who your child was with. Everyone has different comfort levels for what their child is exposed to, just seems better for the parent to be present for at least the first few meets.

 

Being the 'baby' of my family I was used to having much older people around me. My oldest brother and have a 15 year gap between us! So I had my share of olders acquaintances and boys around me.

Though I also saw that It was a little uncomfortable to have a child around when you want to talk about 'adult' things. I felt bad for simply being there. Though I do enjoy the company of older people because of it, I always knew when 'to bug off' (not to sound rude)

So yeah as a kid, I'd feel for them and probably be verrry bored! As an adult, with a child, unless they had a sibling or an older friend I personally trusted, I'd be a tad uncomfortable. Though I'm not a parent so I don't know if that would change...

Heck, I'm only twenty and I still look fourteen! People 'coo' at me when I talk.

 

People in this hobby are actually the nicest group of people I've ever met. Its really surprising! The hobby seems to bridge age gaps quite immediately upon meeting a fellow doll owner. With my doll in arm, Ive walked up to random people with their dolls and thrown out all preconceived notions of 'oh you're an adult, i should act like a kid' or such thoughts. Everyone is always just so excited and trusting once they know you have a doll. Questions, compliments, comparisons about everyones dolls arise, and being that the doll collectors normally admire their dolls in such seclusion, everyone happily and enthusiastically chimes in with answers.

i think, possibly, its the fact that we're going out of our way, and somewhat out of our country, to buy these soulful little creatures/art pieces/dreams/WHATEVER you want to call them. We gotta have somewhat kind and loving souls for that. ALSO we're a minority in the world. We're all extravagantly odd and extremely eccentric. I thought I wouldn't have ANYONE who would understand why I'd spend $300+ for a 'silly little doll'. I thought I'd be completely alone in my school, community, EVERYTHING; The only insane doll owner in a society of normal teens who couldn't relate and would form judgmental opinions due to their lack of understanding. But here, there's a very vibrant and active collection of doll appreciators, a mini-culture beneath the common man's radar, bleeding out such a union between all types of people and between the common 'shyness' that us 'artsy people' normally share. To me, its beautiful.

Alright, alright . . . BUT, i will concede. allowing 10-15 years olds, or thereabouts, to hang out with unknown 25-50 year olds is generally a bad idea even WITH the safe atmosphere of the doll community. Going with them to meets until you, as a parent, feel safe letting them frolic around the doll community is the best option. That's what my parents do. They go with me to the meets i want to go to and frolic around with me. But when i get a car, boy PSHHHH im headin out to that bjd convention in Fresno (three hours away) and DOLL-ING IT UP! :3 har har.

anyway.
I thank you DoA community.
For celebrating, sharing, and empowering our little resin lovelies,
For uniting all ages (for real)
and for being a home where my odd hobby could flourish

tee hee i got way too dramatic right there XD

 

*stands and applauses*

Bravo!! I couldn't have said it better myself! *wipes tear*

You make me so proud! lol.

 

Well, I'm 17 and will be 'legal' later this year, however growing up I've always tended to get along better with people who were older than me. I can relate better to adults most of the time, but all the same I've got some 13-14 year old friends who I don't mind hanging out with at all.

I've never gone to a doll meet, but have met a few other doll owners, both adults, seeming at least 25+ and I don't feel awkward or anything. I just see myself x amount of years from now.


As for younger children 12-15 or whatever... well any parent who would let their child hang out with the 25-50 age group unsupervised shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. It could be the kindest person in the world, but that is irresponsible. I never went anywhere that age without a group of people, and there was usually a parent or someone who was at least 18 to help supervise.

 

Your positive attitude is to be congratulated, but I feel the need to point out that turning 16 and getting a car does not automatically make you a legal adult. In the USA, a minor is a minor until they are 18 (and for some legal purposes, until they leave their parents' home).

I don't point this out to make you feel bad or anything of the sort -- turning 16 is an important rite of passage and step toward independence! But you need to understand that at that doll convention you plan to attend alone, you would still be considered an unaccompanied minor. Some people may not wish or be able to "hang out" with you at the convention as a result.

 

Reading the responses to this thread is crazy! I cant help but feel like many people are incredibly controlling and paranoid about their children even after they're old enough to be responsible for themselves. at the age of 15 I knew when someone acted strangely, I knew what was a bad decision and what wasn't. Most of the people I was friends with also knew these things. I understand its really dependent on the maturity and personality of the kid but holy cow! Bad things can happen, I understand this but you can't hide from life in fear of something bad happening.
(sorry that was off topic) I have friends ranging from 15 to 40 and most are college students so I don't really have any trouble with age gaps.

 

Which is great, but that's not the only issue. What if a 15 year old trips and falls down and is hurt and needs medical attention? What if the 15 year old goes home and tells their parents that people at the doll meet were talking about yaoi and the parents get upset? I'm sure plenty of 15 year olds can take care of themselves, but 1. some can't, and 2. either way I (and it sounds like LOADS of other people) aren't comfortable with the responsibility of an unaccompanied and unknown minor anyway. I'm about 30% concerned about the minor and 70% concerned about covering my own backside. I would be MUCH more comfortable if they had a parent or guardian or adult friend of the family or SOMEONE present, even if that person just sat in the corner and read a book.

The Seattle meets have had parents come a good few times. Sometimes they hung out off to the side and did their own thing and paid very little attention to us. Sometimes they were very excited about the dolls -- I recall one mother asking me questions about my doll's eyes and then bringing her daughter, who was waiting for her first doll, over to see the inside of my doll's head when I popped it open. It's really not as big a deal as it feels like when you're 15.

 

As I don't subscribe to the, "Protect the children!" point of view, I approach the idea of age gaps at meet-ups free of most age discrimination but not of common sense. As DoA is a PG-13 forum, I would expect anyone 13 or older to be expected at a meet-up, with or without supervision. If people feel the need to discuss heavier topics or are uncomfortable with younger people attending their meet-up, then I strongly believe that they should arrange a private meet-up.

That said, although I'm not a parent, I would think that it'd always be a good idea for parents to attend at least the initial meet-up with their child. After that, I think it depends on the child's own maturity and the people in the group. There may be 13 year olds who are completely capable of behaving like perfect adults who can be trusted to attend a meet on their own and not cause any problems. There may be 13 year olds that are not in any way mature enough to attend a meet with or without parental supervision. There may be adults who act like children and who will insist on forming inappropriate relationships with children, and there may be adults who absolutely would never.

For me, it's all subjective. Place and time comes into play too - if I had a 15 year old that wanted to go to a meet at someone's house or at night, I'd automatically say no unless I knew that person well. However, if that fifteen year old wanted to go to a meet at local restaurant at two in the afternoon, as long as the child was mature enough, I would probably let him/her go without me.

 

I have been to doll meets where there are girls around 16 years of age and I was around 24 and I felt very self concious being one of the oldest and the only male. I had no idea what to expect, I brought some of my similar age doll friends and brought my own mother along as she was interested in BJDs and some of the younger people there had brought their mothers, so it worked out nice as people had people of all age groups to talk to. Plus, some of the new and or young members found it easier to talk through their parents and connect with people. It was almost like each parent (even my own mum) sniffed out a suitable friend for everybody! I havent been to a doll meet up since that wasnt in my age range, simply because I do not have much in common with young people and plus I hate feeling like a creep, sadly.
Even though I made some friends afterwards I did get alot of unkind things said about me in relation to the fact I was older, male and with my mother. Its only natural, if I was a parent who heard a man came along to play with his doll with younger girls I would think that would be creepy but I think to come alone would have been even creepier. Thankfully I have found a more comfortable group of dollfie people who are my age. I hate to make any one else feel uncomfortable, it makes me feel uncomfortable too!

 

Let me just start by saying that I'm eighteen...at the moment...it changes too fast haha

Anyway, I've never really been a "child". I was always very mature for my age, and when I was about six or seven there was a period where I had to grow up, and I had to grow up fast. So I personally don't mind the age gap; I find it almost easier to talk to adults than people my own age I'm always willing to give people a chance, even if they seem out-of-place or shy. Of course, if I get a bad vibe from someone I won't go near them, but that hasn't happened at any doll meets yet