The Age Gap

I don't really have a problem with that.

Not really doll-related case: When I was 15 I joined a forum that interested me. The forum was 13+ and had members from almost every age. At age 19 I was allowed by my parents to go to my first meetup, at the place of two of the moderators there. After that I go there at least 2 times a year, always for at least 2-3 days :p Those people are almost 30 years older than me, but still very good friends.

With the dolls it's the same I guess. Age doesn't matter, the difference in age makes things a lot more interesting. People have different views and opinions on things.

 

Well I am 14 and my cusin is 10. All the meet up people some times are older but there are a few my age.

My aunt knows them and trusts them. They are all nice people!

 

I myself am 15, and since getting into the doll hobby when I was 13, I have friends that range from 11 to in their 60's! xD For doll meets, it doesn't bother me one bit. It can get a bit awkward at times. But we're all doll people. We all have this wonderful hobby in common, something we can all discuss and care about. Online interactions are no different. Dolls in general sort of bring out the "inner child" in everyone. So does the "age gap" really matter that much anyway? I mean, I can understand, you wouldn't want your child hanging out with someone twice their age unsupervised, I wouldn't want that either. The only doll meets I've gone alone to were ones with fellow teenagers. To others, I've had my sister accompany me.

 

Many of the users here have kids. So, as parents (or imagining yourself as a parent), how would you feel to know that your kids are hanging out with much older people from the hobby to play with dolls?

This is hypothetical, since I'm not a parent. However, I would not let a young teen hang out with strangers -- I would support their interest in the hobby, but I would go to meets with the my hypothetical kid. With an older teen, they're at the point where they're doing more on their own and associating with a wider range of people, and I would be ok with them going to meetups without me, provided that they let me know where they where going to be and how to contact them if need be. Obviously I'm in the hobby anyway, but if I weren't, I would take the time to educate myself about my child's interest and try and get an idea of what the community is like.

As a non parent who goes to doll meetups, I do feel that hobbyists on the younger end of the spectrum should go with an older trusted person. Not only is it safer for the child, but it also reduces the liability that the adults at the meetup could face if some kind of issue arose. However, since kids under the age of 16 can't drive themselves, they would have to go to a meetup with someone older anyway.

I think it's neat that the hobby draws people from so many different demographics -- it's nice that dolls can be a way to bring people together and give them something to share. I see no reason why younger folks can't fully participate -- it's more just a matter of people using common sense in order to make the meetup experiences positive for all involved.

 

Up until recently, I've always had problems getting along very well with people my own age. The thought of letting a teenager (with the supervision of a family member or friend of the family) hang out around people that can sometimes be considerably older than them isn't at all foreign to me. In fact, that pretty much sums up most of my life. I wound up hanging out around my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and my parent's friends. I was even about ten years younger than my siblings, and my youngest cousin was still five years older than me!

Also, because of some issues with medications and high-functioning autism, I matured a bit slower than my peers, mentally. At age 19, I got along better with 14-year-olds than anyone else. At age 24, I'm only now starting to level out and develop the social skills to get along with people in my immediate age group. Even then, I lean towards the geeks and the slightly immature ones.

So, I've sort of been on both sides of the spectrum. I don't really see any issues with it, although I would hope that the child would have better social skills and mental development than I ever did This is all hypothetical, though, since I don't have kids and I don't really go to meetups since I just recently joined the hobby.

However, I personally would try to go out of my way to make younger members of the hobby feel welcome at a meetup. I think that's the important thing, really. As a kid, I never felt like I was truly 'part' of the conversations that went on when I was around, and that the older people in the group just humored me from time to time. Make the younger members of our hobby feel like they're really a part of it, and age shouldn't matter.

 

Speaking as a mother, who works in a prison, my children are never unsupervised. Though I share this hobby with them, I feel they are to young to go to meets (12,10 years old) even with me there. If they are still interested by the time they are 14 & 16, I may consider it then.

 

I am in that "middle teen" range (15~20, I won't specify ^_~), so I suppose I represent that "younger" side of the spectrum. I certainly can't speak for all the younger owners out there, but I'm sure my personal opinion is shared by some. I've gone to conventions to be a part of BJD panels and meet-ups, and I've hung around doll people who are considerably older than I am. At these kinds of places, though, I can always get away to a friend or to another part of the convention if I so wish. I believe my parents trust me enough to not wander away with anyone, and I am cautious (read: paranoid) enough never to go far with anyone I don't know well. As nice as the doll community I'm (sort of) a part of is, I feel a little awkward hanging out with people more experienced in all things BJD and, by extension, life. I don't know if I'll ever go to a meet-up without having a definite friend there; at least, not until I'm older and more secure in my conversational skills/BJD ownership/general maturity. :P

 

Speaking as someone who has absolutely no friends her own age, I can tell you that there's nothing you could say or do that would bother people when it comes to the hobby. I think one of the greatest things about this hobby is that there so many people, with so many experiences all at different points in the hobby. For example, I'm 22 and have been in this hobby since this past March. The friend of mine who got me into this is about ten years my senior and ordered her first doll about a year ago now.

Besides, I find the best well to learn those conversational skill/BJD ownership skills is to go out there and experiement. God knows I've made a lot of social blunders...and even attempted to restring a doll within my first week of owning one

 

I have friends who are either the same age, so around 17, or people who are older. I can get along with people who are
older than me much easier than people who are younger. Somehow younger people quickly irritate me. Maybe that's
because I am the oldest child in my family. While my sisters, nephew and cousins still play together, I fall out of that
group. So I got used to sitting with the adults and talking more with them than with my sisters from since I was 12 or
something.
After me, the oldest one is my sister, who is two years younger, and the youngest, my other sister, is 5 years younger.
While my sisters, cousins and nephew get along very well, the gap between me and my youngest sister is too big for me.

 

I really think that you should be at least sixteen to go to any sort of meet-up.
I'm only fourteen, but I usually get along with people much older than I am. My classmates generally irritate the heck out of me because they usually won't listen at all. My brother is about twelve years older than I am, so that's probably why.
I won't be going to any sort of meet-up until I'm able to drive myself.
And I know some older people who are into the hobby wouldn't want someone half their age attemtping to relate to them at a meet-up. It would just be a bit awkward.
But some people are fine with it.
I guess it all depends on the idividual.

 

Fair enough, that makes sense to me. You know, I think there is a distinction to be made here about just 'meeting folks' from the hobby to older people 'seeking out' younger people to play with. I'm 32 and it's actually been very difficult to meet people in the BJDs. As part of an anime club in a college town I've always had older acquaintances but I met them when I was in college and able to better tell the difference in the undercurrents and nuances of social interaction.

So I think the extra uncomfortable factor we're touching on in this question is why an older individual would be interested in playing with dolls with kids instead of sharing their dolls someone who might collect for similar reasons who are closer to their own age? I don't think I would allow it either if I had young children- especially if this was someone from the internet. It begins to sound a little 'To Catch a Predator-y'... which may or may not be the case but it's just how it sounds. It's not worth the risk. I would never let them go unsupervised.

I have no interest in sharing my dolls with any younger children. My dolls are for me and I don't mind taking them to meet-ups but I don't play with them in the same way a younger child might. This is my personal preference ONLY and no reflection upon how responsible your children (nieces, nephews, cousins, brothers, sisters, etc) have been with your dolls. By the time I have kids I may have calmed down a bit about this. ^^

 

I'm a parent and if my children wanted to go to a doll meet, I would just go with them and get to know the people there as well. I guess this is not a problem for my kids as I am in the hobby too. Also, people in the hobby are generally focused on that so there would be no other dangers involved, but I would still want to go and meet the people there - whatever their age.

 

I'm going to say this as one of those younger members- The friends I hang out with outside the doll hobby are almost all older than myself; the people I befriend through the doll hobby have different ages. I've met kids younger than myself that are into dolls, and own their own, and of course, I've met people older. I don't really feel uncomfortable with people of a different age. When I went to CTcon a lot of the people were older than me, but I still felt like I was hanging out my my friends (Just for referance, I am fourteen. My main group of friends is about 16..to...21, I think?) even though most of the other doll owners at the doll panel were at least a few years older than myself. I don't think age matters all that much in the dolly hobby, because we all bond through it.

 

I go to doll shows and find that many of the collectors are much much older than the teens... like past middle age and into the autumn years or winter years. They are eager to share their hobby with other adults, even those younger than them, because they know they are talking to people who will have the "doll obsession" for the rest of their lives. But dealing with teenagers it's more of a "oh... that's nice." Perhaps because they know how flippant a teenager's interests can be? Let's face it, things go in and out of popularity and some will drop this interest thinking it's "childish." Others will keep with it in their 20's and adulthood and become lifelong "doll obsessed." Let's face it... there's a demographic that think that older people collecting dolls is childish and "disturbing." They often say, "I played with dolls but then I gave them up when I became an adult."

Or it could just be that they know the older doll collectors have far more disposable income than teens usually do and they are more likely to buy stuff for their dolls or new dolls on a whim.

 

I have to say, all my life I have gotten along much better with my elders than I have my peers. I am 22 years old as of last November, and I must admit that my best friend in town is my 67 year old Great Uncle in-law. We listen to classical music together, sing, perform together, drink wine, and watch the Vicar of Dibley together. We get sloshed together, and I dont have to worry about him not canceling plans at the last moment, or lying to me. And he has a head on his shoulders not to drive me and my partner home drunk, and is a dear enough to pay for our cab.

If my kids had friends like this, I would see no problem in it either. Of course as a parent you take the necessary precautions and take phone numbers. Drop them off, and pick them up yourself. And know the names of the people that your child is hanging about, and perhaps take note of the clothes that they are wearing that day. If my kid was a teenager - let's say 14-19, I would expect them to have a decent enough head on their shoulders, and to know that if they feel uncomfortable, to leave, and give me a call.

Also, I think its a great way to decrease the prejudice that kids are just little hellions, and are uncouth.

 

Being in my early twenties, I often find that my friends are getting closer and closer to 30. A few years back, I had most friends my own age, but now, a lot of them is around 30-35, including my fiancé.
In general, I can't really say I see a personal problem with an age gap, but I usually find I have more in common with people 10-20 years older than me, than people 5 years younger.

Of course you have to be careful with people, not only on the internet but everywhere, but at the same time, in a place like this, people are here for a very specific reason. I doubt there's many people here, using it as "hunting grounds", which is a really good thing. Parents should appreciate "safe havens", and teach their kids to be responsible, rather than being scared of everything

 

And as a much younger doll owner, how do you feel when you meet much older people from the hobby?

I like meeting new people--no matter their age. I'm currently sixteen and most of my good friends are Seniors in highschool, are in college, or are my age. I don't really have a lot of younger friends, as I can barely tolerate the level of maturity that most people my age have (To clarify, I can be extremely immature, as everyone can be, but the way people my age generally tend to act all of the time. For example, goofing off and not doing what you're expected to do at work, and expecting you won't get fired. Though, there are some grown-ups who do that as well. xD). So, I think I would really like meeting people slightly to much older than I am. After all, we already have something in common to talk about!

Was there ever something that bothered you about it?

As long they're not out to lure me in to their van, then I'm good with the situation of an age gap. :p

And what are the things that you like about it?

Usually, people older than myself have a good amount of experience, and have a fair amount of knowledge about the hobby to spread around.

 

I have admired BJDs for many years, but never purchased one for myself until this year, and I am 51. Sure, I've still got my original Barbie and Ken, but I was not much of a collector. We moved too many times as a military family to have a lot of stuff. So, I just admired from afar.

The BJDs are so beautiful though, works of art. I'm enjoying having these little people in my home. I know that some of the younger doll fans (under 30) think I'm just a crazy old lady when I approach them to ask questions. I guess that someone my age wanting them to be the teacher is kind of out of their scope of possibilities.

Anyway, I have always allowed my children to run around at Science Fiction conventions, since they were 10 years old, with limited supervision by me, because I know everyone there. My daughter, 15, takes acting classes in the city and takes the train in by herself and home daily. I think if a Meet-up is in a public place, like a library, then there should be little to worry about for older children. If it's a fan convention setting, that would be good too, though it is likely I'd be there with them.

 

I have no kids, so I am trying to imagine. Very young kids under 16 I would not want conversing with older members but only because unfortunately like every forum on the internet, you just don't know who you are talking to.
I tend to think of this forum as for older members 20 plus, but am aware children can access it.
I am an older (well over 30 ) female member and love BJDs. I would be happy to talk to any child about BJDs and give advice, although I would never arrange to meet a child.
My problem is that how does anyone really know the truth about who is posting. I could be a 50 year old guy with no interest in BJDs (I'm not!)
However that is a problem parents must face all the time, so I honestly don't know how you deal with it?!

 

Imagine that you are a teenager, walking into a doll meet, you bump into your choir director/guidance counselor/math teacher. Maybe you'd be pleased to see someone interested in your hobby... but you might also be uncomfortable and embarrassed! Okay, now flip that situation: the adult would probably feel the same way! I work with teenagers in a professional capacity, and I really, really don't want to interact with teenagers during my off-time. There are many mature teenagers whose company I enjoy (I wouldn't like my job otherwise), but, as several people have said, I wouldn't want to be legally responsible for those teenagers, and I wouldn't want their behavior to somehow affect me professionally. I know I'm responsible, and that teenagers aren't likely to be 'out to get me,' but some kind of misunderstanding could turn into a huge deal that could affect me much more than it could a teenager: losing one's job is a bit more drastic than being grounded (sorry, but it's true!).

There are a few under-18s who attend the local meetups that I attend, and most of them are well-behaved, friendly and articulate, if a little shy. I'm always delighted to meet parents, though only one so far has stayed for any length of time. I would also be delighted if the parents of a few more of the teenagers came, and if it were up to me, that would be required. The only real unfortunate behavior we've had came from a teenager who never brought parents, but did tote along a 12-ish sibling. The teenager left garbage in a public space until we reminded her to clean it up. She wasn't overly obnoxious, but her presence did alter the behavior of the rest of the group, and we were all much more careful with what we said or did than we might otherwise have been.

I, personally, am not comfortable with people under 18 being present at meetups without a parent. Indeed, in my opinion, it would be much easier and less embarrassing for a teenager to just *bring* a parent in the first place! This has many benefits. First of all, most of the 18+ collectors have stated that this is their preference, and catering to a known preference is certainly a great way to curry favor. Bringing a parent provides an easy "out" if the meet is boring or uncomfortable (blame your leaving on your mom!). Again, as has been stated, getting a parent interested in the hobby makes gifts and access to dolls much easier to obtain. And, finally, bringing a parent covers your own butt: if you break something/want to join the group as it moves locations for lunch/sustain an injury/etc., you have an adult present to offer consent/guidance/transport/insurance/etc. In the end, the older collectors in the group will like you *better* for being responsible enough to know when an adult presence is preferred.

The other alternative for under-18s is this: be so mature, kind, gentle, reasonably-volumed, non-obnoxious and generally fabulous that no one can figure out you're not 18, and cross your fingers that your math teacher doesn't show up to out you. Then again, don't lie if someone asks you your age, and follow the rules of the meetup you're attending regarding age limitations.