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The Need To Reassure

Jan 19, 2011

    1. Never saw anyone asking this question, but if it's been asked, please direct me.

      Anyway, like probably everyone here, I like reading the posts on DoA about how people have taken their dolls places, or shown people like parents, and teachers, or classmates, etc,...

      While reading these stories, a lot of times I'll see someone include "Don't worry, the doll was fine..." (or something along those lines) in stories centered around really benign situations. I'm not talking about having actual incidents where there's a real reason to tell someone the doll was fine - like falls, near falls, and the like - I'm talking about situations where there's no info given that the doll was in any danger.

      Now, while I can't say nothing that day didn't warrant a scare, but I can say that nothing like that was mentioned in the story.

      So, why in your opinion, do you think that a lot of owners want to tell other members that the doll was fine?

      Do you think it's to reassure other members? And, if that's the case, why do they think they need to reassure them?

      In Addition: Do you think it may be a reaction to the "elitism" that is perceived, or real within the DoA community?

      I'm curious to know what everyone thinks, because I've overlooked this situation until now.
    2. I think it's mainly to let people know that dolls aren't as fragile as they seem.
      Also, some dolls actually have fans. I would be a bit sad if one of the dolls I loved would get damaged :c
    3. I think it also serves as a sort of testimony to the resilience of BJDs in everyday situations. :)
    4. A cynical way of reading it would be to think that it’s a disclaimer in the event that they sell the doll in the future. Maybe they assume that potential buyers won't be as likely to look at their old photos and make assumptions about the doll having been handled roughly/spent too much time in sunlight/etc?
    5. This is a wild guess: Maybe people are afraid people will attack them on exposing the doll to potential dangers like sunlight, grabby children, school bullies, etc. and they want to counter possible comments like "Didn't you know your doll could have been [X] if you do [Y]?" before they happen by saying the doll is fine.
      This would be a matter of insecurities of the author of the post combined with (imagined) annoying know-it-alls who like to point at how they know things better.
    6. Muisje, I pretty much think you're spot on, and it's sad that that's the reason. But truly, so many people are afraid of being flamed or attacked they have the desire to prevent it in the first place.
    7. hmm yeah, i think i'd have to agree with this, and add in that a lot of people who are the ones saying "don't worry, they were fine!" are the type of members (either young, immature, or otherwise) who are also just seeking attention and have a tendency to make a big deal out of nothing to put more focus on themselves. and on the other side of things, some of them might be new to the hobby and don't realize that something they might see as a big deal is something that everybody has dealt with (and actually isn't a big deal at all).
    8. I was thinking that it was somewhere along the lines of fear, too, mendokusai.

      I'm guilty of this, myself, but what if it coincides with when people post those little blips of not being sure if the topic they're posting has been done before? I have actually had someone give me a snide remark on here when I started a topic that had been done (I don't remember what it was, but it was last year).
    9. I think people do it to head off potential "OMG you did WHAT??" moments. There's no way to know how squeamish potential readers will be or how new to the hobby they are either. A simple "The doll was fine!" might encourage someone to try something new. :)

      I do that because despite trying all the term combinations I can think of in the search feature, there's always the chance that I missed one. The "disclaimer" is a way for me to show that I did try first before asking. I look at it like asking a teacher for help: you do all you can do *first* so that when you ask for help you can show that you tried. Buuuuut since there's no real way to know someone actually tried to search first it's down to whether you choose to believe the best or worst senario.
    10. Very true. I do it mainly so that the mods don't think I'm a jerk for putting up an unusable thread (again) if they need to move it, lock it, or remove it.
    11. i can understand why people would do this (for obvious reasons) but it drives me insane when they do it at the top of the post, because personally i'd really like to be able to hover over the title in the thread list and be able to read a little of what's written, rather than just reading the babble (on every single thread!) about whether or not the thread's already been done. at the end of the post would be better, imo!
    12. I noticed a lot of people saying "don't worry the doll was ok". I was in two minds about it - are the writers feeling nervous or guilty about taking their expensive, precious dolls out into the real world where there may be a chance for them to fall and get scratched or damaged? I have to admit, for me $300 is a lot of money, and I will be VERY nervous HANDLING my doll when she arrives, and definitely nervous about taking her near concrete, rocks and ponds!!! I am not sure that I'd feel guilty if I did though - I mean, I bought it to enjoy and intend to enjoy her. Maybe they say it just as much to reassure themselves because it was nervewracking taking their doll out to the local park???

      But maybe you guys are right. Maybe it is more because some collectors strongly feel that the dolls are works of art that should be displayed in cases and not taken out and about where accidents may happen, and perhaps there IS an underlying feeling that you need to apologise or justify your actions when you DO take them out into the real world??

      Or maybe the fact that, as discussed in another thread, so many people who don't collect BJDs have a reaction to it and collectors seem to be divided in terms of what they feel the dolls should be treated like (and some feel it very strongly), so there's a constant feeling of needing to tiptoe about our dolls. Explain everything and justify everything because whatever you do from buying a doll to leaving it in a display cabinet or taking it to the zoo - SOMEONE is going to have something to say about it. By covering all the bases "I took photographs as a form of self expression and art, the doll is completely fine as a work of art, I had a great time and look how cute the doll looks" everyone is appeased and you can get on with enjoying the pictures and the time you had??

      Maybe that is really cynical....I've just been exposed to some really nasty behaviour from collectors in the doll community and been surprised by how freely some attack other collectors for their choices about how to treat their dolls.
    13. I think Muisje, enchantedlily, and others with similar things to say have probably got it right. I think this sort of insecurity is even more apparent in new doll owners. I've seen some really catty remarks made to new doll owners. It doesn't happen frequently. Most people are really understanding when it comes to people with questions or sympathetic when someone does something wrong and their doll is damaged because of it. But there are a couple people, just like anywhere else, that think they're perfect and are more than ready to jump down someone's throat if something happens to their doll. And since it's hard to say when one of those people might turn up, some people get really self conscious and feel the need to over explain everything they post with emphasis that their doll is ok to try to avoid getting belittled. It's a defense mechanism to try to avoid getting their feelings hurt because, if they say nothing happened, then no one has any reason to yell at them.

      I was damn near afraid to really pose my doll when he first arrived because I was afraid he was too fragile and I shouldn't push the limits of what he could do. Then my father-in-law hung him upside down from his ankle in a tree and that's when I realized that I could relax and have fun with him (to an extent) because he's not made of glass and nothing I would think of doing would be equal to or worse than hanging him from a tree by the ankle and he came out of that unscathed. I was even more grateful than annoyed because that really let me be more creative with posing him because I wasn't so afraid he'd break. My pictures went from all basic sitting and standing poses to climbing trees and rocks and trying all different poses, even if it meant he might fall if the wind picked up. My point is, I could have been afraid to take him outside again or let anyone touch him, but if I did then my photos would still be boring and not have any room for improvement. I think every doll owner has a moment when their doll falls backwards onto a hard surface (Tovi has fallen on tile a couple times) and they almost had a heart attack. But then you pick them up and look them over and see there are no chips or anything and then you need to get over it. It doesn't make you a bad doll owner if something happens any more than it would make you a bad parent if your kid fell down and scraped his knee, and no one has any right to act like you are. If you let the few people that think it's fun to make other people feel bad get to you, then you may as well just sell your doll because you're not really enjoying it if you're only worried about what other people might think about what you do with your own property.