Ugh! He's not a girl!

I agree - the lack of observation gets really irritating - not just about dolls either. Just in general. People who don't even bother to really look, or just assume stuff - it's tiresome. There certainly ARE a lot of effeminate-looking male dolls out there but sorry, if a person calls my Dexter (beard, in a SUIT, totally buff) 'feminine-looking' then they simply haven't a clue what they are talking about.

 

I gave up this particular battle a long time ago. There's just no getting around the larger cultural expectation that "doll = girl". Not in any general sense, anyway.

The day that a group of otherwise very bright, very rational people (My coworkers at the time-) insisted... and I mean absolutely, positively INSISTED, even after I said "Err, no. Totally not a girl doll. Trust me." and then let a couple of them hold and see the guy up close... that my Akando was a lady was the day that I raised the proverbial white flag. If that crew not only mistook Palrah for a girl at first glance, but then stuck to their first impression with that much conviction after having a closer look? Nope. That's a war that can't be won, and if a doll like that's getting the it's-a-girl classification, what chance does something like a long-haired Delf guy in hanfu have?

So, I'd just say take a "She's pretty"-type compliment in the spirit it's given and don't worry over the details. You might be able to give a kindly correction to some people and have it stick, but until/unless the background noise of the culture as a whole changes when it comes to the expectations surrounding dolls as a concept, no amount of training individuals will really put a stake in the issue.

 

I had that happen at a restaurant; the hostess asked if Icarus was a girl. I said, "Nope, he's a boy." She asked if I just like 'say he's a boy' because she assumed the dolls were like Ken dolls. So I said, "No. He's a boy." She got all excited and asked me to show her so poor Icarus got his pants yanked down in the restaurant. She got such a kick out of it, it was hilarious, and she called over two waitresses to see.

 

My Alistair is a Kirill too, so I feel you.

 

I had to giggle at that, but I totally agree with you. I see so may boys dressed as girls I'm not sure what to call them anymore. I just say it's a nice doll. ^^;

 

I don't have a boy doll, but I admit I've been that person who thinks a boy doll is a girl by the way it was dressed and styled. I don't ever say anything, but when the owner says "he" I think to myself, that's a boy?! and then move on with my life haha For non-doll people, getting the response of my doll being creepy really grates on my nerves. I think it's so rude to say in the first place, I can't stand it

 

My male Luts Wintery13 was once called "girl". Granted, the sculpt could easily pass for either sex and his face-up wasn't overly masculine, but I was still a bit... disappointed, I suppose. After mulling it over, I realised that what made me upset was not the fact that he had been misgendered, but the fact that clearly he didn't look at all as masculine as the character he was supposed to have. So in a way I'm still grateful to that person for making me realise I had shelled him into completely the wrong sculpt (not the only reason, but it started me off).

In general, like has been mentioned, people outside the hobby tend to assume dolls are female and thus will be far quicker to use female pronouns even if they do notice masculine traits. I'll usually only correct people when I expect them to come across the doll in question more often and I'd like them to get it right. Otherwise I'm not bothered, and if I'm not sure about someone else's doll I will use "they" just to be on the safe side. I have yet to see anyone get downright angry about misgendering their doll, but the stories must exist for a reason...

 

I honestly kinda feel like freaking out over someone misgendering a doll is so... petty. It's not a person, it's an inanimate object, who cares? Even if it's a doll of your most preciousest character ever, it's still a figment of your imagination, not an actual person.

I've had boy dolls referred to as "she" (shoulder-length curly blonde hair, long eyelashes, and a dress-like winter coat... IDK I can totally see how someone might guess that to be a girl), and when I said "oh yeah he is whatever" the person got really freaked out and started apologizing like they offended me. It kinda made me sad, like, maybe this person got told off before for mis-gendering a doll before and that's why they were reacting so apologetic. IMO any kind of offense and that kind of reaction should be reserved for mis-gendering anyone who actually has feelings and to whom usage of gender pronouns actually means something. =/

 

I correct people, but I don't really mind as long as they call them male once they know. However I've always had what some call a baby face, and my Adams apple is basically none existent... so have been mistaken for a girl myself... so you could say I'm so used to it I don't care anymore! xD

 

I hate stupidity. If someone has SEEN the doll unclothed, then guess what? It is STUPID to call the male doll "SHE". I don't get bothered when people say certain of my dolls LOOK female - so many of the male sculpts are rather effeminate by Western standards. I do shake my head and LAUGH at the people calling the very buff, very masculine dolls I have 'she'. Cause it's STUPID, ok? I'd feel so stupid if I misidentified something which was obvious.
As for 'oh it doesn't hurt this chunk of resin' kind of nonsense, you know, that's not the point. It upsets the owners of the dolls. Calling dolls 'chunks of resin' actually does as well, very often! So congrats, those of you who like to do that all the time, you've upset people the same way those who misgender the dolls do.

 

Why would anyone care if someone calls their own dolls or random company photos of dolls "chunks of resin?" If someone mistaking the gender of a doll or calling it a chunk of resin hurts someone then they really need to grow a thicker skin.

 

This only happened to me once with one doll. It was the time I showed my first doll to my mom. From a generational perspective I can see why her first thought was that he was a girl. I think he had a long wig at the time and his face up does read as "makeup" plus he's very pretty with soft features. But who cares.

I wasn't offended, I wasn't really surprised either. We both laughed and I agreed with her. In fairness if one considers the audience, the generation, cultural background and exposure - it really shouldn't be surprising in many cases. To be honest I don't get offended by the opinions or perceptions of people who aren't in a similar or related hobby. I'm not into sports; a hugely popular hobby/interest in the USA and I guarantee you that I have said some things that drive sports fans batty.

 

I would probably get a bit upset, too. But that is mainly because most people also misgender my dog just because he wears a red collar. I just dislike when people assume gender of anyone just because of colors and looks. Like when I wear a pink shirt, does it suddenly make me a female?
I think misgendering is just a big thing for me because some of my friends are transgender and I take that stuff too personal because I know how they feel when being misgendered and even if it is "just a doll" but they are family to me and most BJD owners, too, so that is probably why...

 

WHATEVER the reason, it is a fact that a lot of people DO get upset by it. Period. So be aware!

 

I'm aware that people flip out over a lot of silly things these days, I'm not going to go out of my way to cater to their infantile sensibilities. If I'm talking about my own beautiful, inanimate, unfeeling chunks of resin and someone butts in and decides to be offended on my dolls' behalf (what, because they think the dolls are real people or something?) I'm not going to change my ways to suit this random person, I'm going to be like "who are you and why are you trying to dictate how I speak about my own possessions?" They can refer to their dolls however they like. They can refer to MY dolls however they like. What they don't get to do is dictate my vocabulary.

 

My father did this to me a while back and ticked me off. Doll did have long hair, but also had a full freaking BEARD like omg?
"Oh she's cool" he said. "He's a boy. He has a beard." "oh I just thought her face was dirty!"
-_-
So offended. It wasn't so much the misgendering I think as the criticism of my faceup I think that got me upset. "dirty face" was not my intention and hearing that he just thought my work was a mistake was super aggravating.

ON a similar note, my off topic hujoo boy totally looked like a girl when I first did his faceup. He has SUCH a pretty delicate face. So I gave him a goatee in a vain attempt to make him look more masculine lol. He's still super pretty but at least to MY eye he looks like a boy. My dad will think he has a dirty face too i'm sure -_-

 

I can understand someone making a mistake the first time they see a doll, but after they've been corrected there's absolutely no excuse for misgendering to continue. It's ridiculous that there are people who refuse to listen to what the doll's owner has to say. So what if a doll looks "too feminine" to be a "proper guy"?? Guys can be feminine too!

Even if people don't mean any harm by it, I still don't think it's an okay thing to happen. In my opinion, it shows a huge lack of respect. And it scares me, too: as a trans person, if people won't believe my pretty doll is a boy when I tell them he is, how can I trust they'll believe me about my gender? Will they continue to insist I'm something I'm not, just like they insist a boy doll is a girl? It's a scary and upsetting thought.

 

I had a rather unsettling conversation w/a co-worker about my SoulDoll Onulharu (who is basically a mini-me sculpt of Lee Jong Suk, Korean actor & heartthrob...). Another person who just kept on INSISTING he was a she, and when I said, exasperated, that he was made to look like a real person, this co-worker told me that all the Korean guys (actually said Asian actors) looked like girls. I mean, that's idiotic for one thing and it felt very uncomfortable.

 

I can't imagine getting personally offended over it, but I also can't always tell a boy sculpt from a girl one, particularly if the head has been placed on a new body. My first doll was a Luts Harang styled as a female, and I've come to realize that I really like the boy heads from Luts/CP styled on female bodies.

 

I don't mind people mistaking their genders. I get it, why they're confused, but am too lazy to correct them