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Unconditional love or Actual possessiveness?

Nov 9, 2007

    1. I don't know.

      Right now as I'm sitting here I'm saying that I love Bella and it is love, not just a desire to have pretty things to call my own. I know I want her to look pretty, but I can't say that it's because she as a person wants to look pretty, or if I just want to enhance her appearance to me. I know that I take care of Bella, and that I want to do it well, but whether it's because I want her to look nice for her sake or mine I couldn't say.

      But I don't think it's wrong to love your doll like you'd love a person, because a doll is sometimes a lot better than another person. They can't yell or scold, and you can tell them your problems. Sure you can't cry on their shoulder, but they will keep all your secrets forever. And that's the sort of thing people bond over.

      So basically, I'm making this entire post to say I don't know the answer to your question. XD;
       
    2. I've fully bonded with my dolls and I do love them very much. To my, though, each of my dolls has a personality and soul, if you will. I've always believed that the things I spend alot of time with, that I pour my energy into, become a part of me. I feel guilty when I ignore my dolls for too long or if I make a promise to buy a pair of boots and then can't because of money. It sounds strange, I know, but I've always been that way. I know that in Japan it was always a big belief that dolls have souls and that they must be respected and cared for... There is even a annual festival called girls day that revolves around dolls. At some temples or shrines in japan you can find hundreds of dolls (usually from Girls Day) that are no longer needed or wanted. You didn'y throw them away, you left them at the temple...

      I think of my dolls as a part of my family, just as I would my significant other, or my pets. They are always bringing me happiness and I am happy just to have them around me. I, of course, like it when my dolls look good so I can show 'em off, but people do that with their children, their significant others, their pets.

      I'm babbling... Final note.... When I am looking at my dolls, I can sense their mood. Sometimes their facial expressions tell me what they are thinking. I'm sure most of it is in my head, but who's to say that means it's not real?
       
    3. I value my dolls and feel blessed that I've been able to afford something so nice. But I still view my dolls as dolls.

      Though they do provide a stress release. There are days when I've had to deal with people fussing all day. And being able to take them outside and take pictures is relaxing for me.

      But there are some people who project their emotions onto their dolls because they want to have a connection with someone.
       
    4. Possessive, totally.
      I know I am, because I grew up with an older sister who would take my toys and claim them as her own. :X

      I do have an 'emotional' connection to my dolls, though.
      Dolls are what is called an 'Emotional Design' object; they are objects made with the purpose of evoking an emotional response from the user/owner. If the doll/object did not stimulate an emotional connection with its user, then it would be a failed design. :/

      Yeah. Dolls are great. I enjoy having them. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
      And they're MINE. XD
       
    5. I think perhaps another way to look at this would be: would you love your dolls as much if they belonged to somebody else?

      I mean...in human terms, the concept of unconditional love implies adoration that doesn't change, no matter the circumstance. For example if one were to fall helplessly in love with somebody, and the relationship ended, the unconditional element of that love would continue even if they moved on to be with someone else.

      I really don't get the impression that that can be applied to dolls, if only because people talk about loving their dolls pretty exclusively. Sure, we all admire and maybe even feel affection for dolls that belong to other people, but (perhaps because much of the love we feel for our dolls seems to stem from their more immagination-based qualities; ie. their character, not their face-sculpt) most people only seem to love their dolls.

      And that makes sense, because unconditional love in the human sense is related to who a person is, not what they look like. It seems to me that part of the 'bonding' process is finding out this 'who' part of your doll, and because that's pretty much dependant on the individual immagination, I don't really know that that could happen with a doll that didn't also belong to you.

      So I guess I'd have to say that in my oppinion...unconditional love, for those who feel it for their dolls, is probably more than a little dependant on ownership and possessiveness anyway.

      I, for the record, don't think I do feel unconditional love for my dolls. They're certainly very precious to me, and, for example, I would have a very hard time parting with my F-16 because of the special circumstances under which he was bought...but essentially they're just material objects. Beautiful, beautiful material objects; and I'm not a very material person, so...*shrug* If I had to get rid of them I'd be sad, but it wouldn't utterly destroy my heart the way losing a person I love would, and I think that's a pretty sure test. I probably love their characters unconditionally...but that in itself suggests to me that my love for the dolls is at least in part possessive.
       
    6. I adore my doll. She's beautiful and I worked hard to get her and convince my Mother to let me buy her. For me my doll has become part of my family of toys, they're one of the constants in my life, they haven't changed. When we moved a lot of my old toys went and I worried if they felt betrayed. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I'd worry about my dolls 'feelings' if I ever thought to sell her on or such, it would be very difficult parting.
       
    7. Oops, gotta add to this one. While I agree that most people really do only seem to unconditionally love their own dolls as moomintroll stated, for exactly the same reasons, I've seen other people that unconditionally love other peoples' dolls. I won't point fingers :D But I remember this one doll I would see in galleries and photostories, etc, and he always got such amazing responses. I rather liked his charm, too. But the owner had to sell him.. So the little doll went to another owner, but stayed rather the same (there were some differences), but a few people still commented on those threads just as eagerly and lovingly as they did when he was with the other owner.

      I think it's rather sweet that people do that :D Although, I suppose it's also difficult to unconditionally love a doll that may be sold or completely re-done. I think in this way, the doll becomes someone else entirely, and thus it's impossible to unconditionally love them the way you did the last persona (does that make any sense? T_T)

      And maybe it's just because I super love Bermanns (even if they're not my own. :lol:), but I've got a great deal of affection towards helene's boys ;)

      This one focused more totally on unconditional love D: So I'll say for the record that yes, there is still posessiveness in all of this :aheartbea (But isn't there posessiveness in almost any given relationship? The mother doesn't want to hand the son to the bride, the girlfriend gets jealous, the brother is protective of the sister... etc..) I think the posessiveness shows the affection, just as the affection feuls the posessiveness.

      And once again, I'm rambling. (oops;; )
       
    8. There are so many different types of love, in Greek terms Agape- to be in love, Eros- to feel physical attraction, Philia- friendship, Storge- parental love and Xenia- to show compassion and hospitality.
      I have never felt love of any sort toward any of my other dolls, but my BJDs are far different than them. After going though the process of saving the money, waiting for them to arrive and the painstaking process of customising and perfecting the doll, I can't help but feel like that there is some sort of bond there. It's like the feeling you get when you finally mange to pull something off that you have been trying to master for a long time. You feel sort of proud, like you've accomplished something. Then on top of that, when someone compliments your doll you feel like that all the effort was worth while.
      I'm not to sure what is that I feel exactly. I can't really call it love. I suppose I could say I feel attached to them. I know that I would not be able to replace them and it would hurt me if I lost them. I think the best way to describe it is that I feel the same way about my BJDs that an artist would feel about their master piece.
       
    9. This has been a very interesting read for me. I don't hesitate for a moment to say that my doll is real and has a soul and that I do love her. She is not an inanimate object. She is my companion. I am happily married, have a wonderful daughter and grandchildren, so it is not about replacing human beings. It's about who she is and how we connect. Song lyrics explain it: "tis no body's business if I do.

      I was however startled by the idea that a doll would feel a loss of it's owner if sold. Now THAT is something to think about. It's not always about us is it? Humans tend to be so self centered as to be blind to the world that exists around them and the possibility that they may not be the only entities that are capable of emotions.

      Interesting.
       
    10. I'd say, love for me. I'm one of those people who thinks their dolls have a bit of something in them.. soul, whatever.. but not just an object. I think the only time I'm possesive of them is when someone's looking at them and I'm all "careful..... DONT TOUCH THE FACE!" - otherwise we have a fairly even ground.

      I don't know that I could ever sell my boys.. I don't have any idea what I'd want done with them when I die..
       
    11. Maybe someone else would call my love for my dolls unhealty. :/
      But I really need them in this time of my live. They will always stay with me. I don't see them as luxury items, I would get rid of everything else I own before them. Well... that's how I see it at this moment.

      I also need someone/something to cry with. I have friends and I love them very much. But they are not with me every moment. And I cry so much, they would go grazy. :P My dolls give me a little support, they are an important certain factor in my live.
      Maybe later when I have my life back on track again, I don't need them so much anymore (but will keep them).
      I think that if I didn't had my dolls I would suffocate my few friends with all my needs, and would be very lonely.

      About selling dolls, and how they would feel:
      I keep doll and 'soul' separated. Maybe that's only to make me feel better when I need to restring them. :P or other awkward things. When the doll is back together again he got his soul back. XD
      So I think I could sell my dolls if needed. (even then: I can only sell them if I want to, not if I have to and don't want it.)
      Their souls/characters would stay in my head. But after a while they must have a body again.

      I don't know what kind of love it is... selfish because I need them?
      They are part of me or what I want to be, they are persons I like and admire. Luciel is the most like me, he is badly dressed. :P (I don't want him to be like that) And I have the most problems with him.
      But I can change him, mod him, doing face-ups, buy other heads. And changing him is so much easier then changing my inner self. So, my frustrations have a way out.
      If I made new clothes or face-up for them they seem happier. :) Also if I make photo's of them.

      Sorry if my English is bad. And if my post is off topic, I don't know how to explain.
       
    12. I'm on the younger side (as in not even in college yet) and I know I want children someday. I'm a nurturing person at heart, and having Annette seems almost like having a child. Well, a small, child that sits quietly and doesn't make messes. Or talks. Or breaks things. Okay, maybe I put that wrong; she's something for me to take care of in place of a human child (which I'm certain I won't have for another ten years at least.)

      If you've seen the Doll Master, then I'm sure you've heard that other theory, 'Dolls have souls.' I believe that inanimate objects gain something through the love and caring of the person they belong to. Maybe it's a part of the owner's own soul, or maybe it's an aura of comforting feelings left behind.

      So if your the kind of person who believes dolls have 'souls'- or at the very least an imprint of their own emotions- aren't you more likely to love your doll unconditionally?

      I'm not sure about myself, weather my love for An is simply possessiveness or something more. But I know there have been moments when I feel she could have almost been alive.

      For instance, lately I haven't been paying attention to her as much as I should be, so today I decided to clean her up a bit with a warm wash cloth. When I was done I could swear she seemed to be smiling a little more than before.

      Scoff if you will, that's what I think. I seem to have gotten off topic, I'm sorry. If you feel the need to delete this post, then please do so. I just thought I'd get my two cents out there.

      ~~Star
       
    13. Heh, I just saw that movie, I do not have any doll myself yet, but by how I love my stuffed animals, I can tell I would be the type to love any I had too. I already refer to Lahoo as mine, even though I do not have him yet. (I still have Scotty Bear, the first stuffed animal I chsoe myself.. my very first easter alive..)

      My friend who has a Ducan went off to college recently, and he's her only bright speck there among all the new and scary things.

      Heh, I just watched Doll Master... it's good, but a little sad, I know I'd be a lot like the girl who took her doll to dinner, but I wouldn't freak out so badly. I know they're dolls, but I can still love one as if it's a person, because I'd put the soul of whatever I wanted him/her to be in it.
       
    14. I think that it depends on ones circumstances.Your dolls can become your friends with backgrounds and personalities. You canmake them real in the sense that they seem to have feelings and responses.Of course that is our doing in our head.So much so that you begin to actually feel that they are real. I have a stuffed bear that was given to me when I was a little girl that I still take care of because he is so special to me. I hope to always take care of my dolls in the same fashion.
      Is it easier to play with my dolls then interact with other adults? yes
      Do I prefer the company of my dolls rather then other adults ? yes *(but I love speaking to other bjd enthusiasts because they understand the special bond)
      Would I just want to live in a world where it is just me andmy dolls? no
      Do I freak out and have a panic attack if my doll gets a little dirty?no

      Again its just about balance and keeping the balance in life.Dolls are possesions that I am attached to but do not take the place of my human love ones(husband,mom,dad) Since I rarely leave the house as it is I have to be careful not to live in a vaccum more then I already do.

      I think it just points people have to find their comfortable space for their general well being.
       
    15. It all depends on how you view them, at a certain point in your life.

      Someone mentioned wondering if left-behind toys felt betrayed when she was a child. In no small part due to the way I was raised, I feel the same. Hence why I am 25 and still have the vast majority of my stuffed animals from throughout my life here in my apartment. It does not matter that I am not as attached to anything like that now, what counts is all the love and effort I put into them as a lonely child, and that lonely child, who is still within me, still very much believes her animals would be hurt and upset if she ever stopped owning them.

      My dolls are possessions. Pretty toys that I wouldn't give up without a huge fight. Everything they have in terms of personalities, names, attitudes, I gave to them. Satoru and I have gone round about how my dolls do not have souls before when she comes to visit me, actually. Her dolls have souls and she believes mine do too. To her, perhaps they do (although she will never convince me that my dolls have souls, because to me they do not). And that's just fine. I mean, most of us have read/watched The Velveteen Rabbit and we know in our hearts what it means for a toy to be Real. It may be selfish to focus so much effort and love on an inanimate object, but the Rabbit showed us all as children that toys do want to be loved. I think that every doll owner can agree with that, even if that love takes different forms.

      As for loving a doll like you would a living thing, why not? If it makes you happy and you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, why is it a bad thing? I simply don't get all these "moral quandaries" people find themselves in regarding dolls. If you have a roof over your head, food on your table, everyone you're responsible for is provided for, and your social life is what you want it to be, why should you care what anyone thinks about the way you enjoy your dolls?

      EDIT: If you have not read The Velveteen Rabbit or wish to reread it, it is available for free at the Gutenberg Project, here: http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/11757 It is a children's book and a very easy, quick read.
       
    16. To me dolls are valued items. Nothing more. And even though I like having them around and playing with them, I don't 'love' them. I do not think you can talk about dolls loving you back, because they don't. An animal does, I think we all know the moments when you come home and your pet is waiting for you, completely happy that you are back. A doll will just sit there and feel nothing, because it is not alive.

      I dó however think that dolls can give us selfesteem and therefore make us feel better. When you see how beautiful your doll looks in his new clothes, this can make your day. But I'd like to see it in the same perspective as when you've worked on a painting for weeks. It is special to you 'cause of all the work you put into it and result makes you feel good and you enjoy seeing it. But you won't call that painting your friend.
       
    17. I posess her so I love her for what she brings to my life. If this posession is
      special to me I will care for it and as time passes will become attached to it.
      I then may show unconditional love for this object regardless of how old
      or dated this object becomes.
      That unconditional love can be passed on to a new owner that can appreciate
      the love that was bestowed upon it by it's former owner.
      =========================================================
      "...That Place Between Sleep and Awake..."
       
    18. I can't really say whether the love I feel for Yuki is unconditional love because I don't think I love ANYTHING unconditionally, apart from my immediate family (mother, father, sister).

      However, I left Yuki in my flat with some friends while I went to the shop and when I got back they had picked him up and were posing him. They're all doll fans so I knew they'd be careful but my first thought when I walked through the door was 'MINE!' And it took all my self-control not to yell at them for touching him when I wasn't there - because my rational side KNEW they would be careful and weren't meaning to upset me. Not being owners themselves, they don't really know (i assume, since I was the same) how imporant a doll can be to someone. So that shows i'm definitely posessive of him.

      I used to live alone and I had actual verbal conversations with Yuki. Sad isn't it? I'd talk to him and my cat and imagine their replies, but it wasn't worded thinking, I almost heard their responses. I don't know if that's because i was going mental from living alone!

      I love my doll, and I want to keep him 'happy'. In a way, I believe he does give me 'love' in return, because I imagine that love, and it makes me feel happy. I know it's only fictional, but to me, the feeling of being loved is very important whether it's by friends, lovers, family or dolls.

      Yuki makes me feel like I have an eternal companion who will care for me always because he knows nothing else. Rationally, I know it's posessiveness on my part, or possibly delusion :lol: But irrationally, we love each other like mother and son because that's the relationship we're meant to have.

      Does that make sense? I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. Sorry :sweat
       
    19. What IS unconditional love? If it is just loving someone with no expectation of love returned? How does that differ from crushing on a teacher, or fixating on a celebrity? Is what a parent feels for a child, or a child for its parent, unconditional?

      I think that love requires an interaction. Respect, admiration, possessiveness and other feelings people call love don't require interaction.

      I love my dolls; they have distinct personalities for me, and we "interact" in conversations in my head. They add A LOT to my level of happiness. But, ultimately, they are THINGS, with value and "life" only as I have given it to them.

      When vases break, I throw out the pieces. When a doll breaks, I try to repair it. Dolls are posessions, and can only reflect what we attribute to them; they are a canvas for what we want them to reflect. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

      If there were a fire tonight, I would risk my life getting my family and pets out. Dolls, however valued, are replaceable.
       
    20. after reading some of the other posts, it kinda made me realize i don't love all my dolls the same way, Lina, Dynast (and their daughters), Miyani and Yumei, i probably wouldn't give up for anything, but the rest as sad as it would make me, if i had to let them go, i'm pretty sure i could.
      that handful of my collection mean more to me than the others for different reasons, Lina doll was a present to myself when things weren't so great for me in life, and it made me happy to have something again that i could love and pamper, i don't go over board with this, i only buy stuff when i can afford it, i've never gone indebt over buying things for her, and most of her stuff is stuff i've made myself for her.
      and some dolls do seem to have a life to them, when they get broken or "hurt" in someway, it makes you sad, so you do what you can to fix it.
      if your obsession with your dolls is, like mentioned above, ruining you financially, i think it might be best to put them in a little box room, and put them in your closet for awhile, and fix the problems that are in your life.

      i think another aspect of it is, sometimes dolls are something you can just enjoy when your alone, when your upset or stressed out, playing with them sometimes helps tremendously.
      i really like that it's not something that i have to share with my siblings or parents, making new dolls and outfits for them is a creative outlet that finally let me express myself without competition or intereference.
      so i love them unconditionally, because as i think of it, if they were magically granted a day of life, i'd like to think they'd be happy because they're spoiled and taken care of so well (it's be kind of annoying if they weren't :P).
      but at the same time, i'm posessive because i've worked so hard to make and maintain them, which is why i don't let others mess with them too much, they are pretty and i've found often, other people mess them up -.-

      but at the same time i agree with DarkRegrets, i love mine too and have bonded and intereacted with them.
      it is a mix of both :P

      Leyano i can actually relate to the sense of understand your dolls emotions sometimes, when i put dresses on other dolls that are "favorites" of lina, i sometimes sense it upset her a litte, which is why the things that were made just for her and worn by her alot aren't used on other dolls.
      maybe it's all in my head too :P