Unconditional love or Actual possessiveness?

To those who are sentimentally bonded with their dolls, do you reckon your 'love' is an actual unconditional love or is it really a dictated possessiveness on your behalf?

Bonding: (1) To join (two or more individuals) in or as if in a nurturing relationship, as between friends; (2) a relationship that usually begins at the time of birth between a parent and offspring and that establishes the basis for an ongoing mutual attachment; (3) a close friendship that develops between adults, often as a result of intense experiences, as those shared in military combat.

I put these definitions up here because I don't believe in "bonding" with inanimate objects. To me, bonding has to be a two-way street. There has to be give and take. And I'm sorry, but I don't think a doll can nurture me or offer me mutual attachment or a close friendship. In the end, they are what "we" make them. They are our projections, our perceptions.

Yes, they comfort us when we need comfort, because that's what we make them do. They bring us joy when we need it, because that's what we make them do. They are a very safe outlet for our stress and fears, but because we project that onto them, not because they are capable of doing it themselves.

I guess I'm one who is in the camp of dolls - inanimate objects. Do I "love" them? Yes, the same way I love the new purse I just got (and the shoes to match). Do I love them the same way I love my husband and kids or all the other humans who are important in my life? Definitely not. And I can only truthfully say that I love my children unconditionally -- nobody else (well, maybe my mom). There isn't anyone else I can say I love unconditionally, because I know in the past I've been hurt by people I loved and that affected my love for them. I can't even say that I love my my husband unconditionally, because if he ever was unfaithful to me, I wouldn't be able to "love" him the same way ever again. It's nearly humanly impossible to love someone unconditionally. They always have the power to hurt you and then it taints that love... Just like the eskimo language has numerous words for snow... I think we have numerous meanings for love. But I have separate meanings for real live people and for my possessions.

So, no, I don't love my dolls unconditionally. I look at them as possessions only. They don't "give" me anything in return on their own. They can only give to me what I bestow upon them. They can only project what I want them to have. I appreciate them for their value, beauty, and the joy that I feel because they are mine. But that's all.... (and it just so happens, that's enough for me!)

 

With Kaiden,I fall under the 'Unconditional Love' category.

I know I'm 14,but I'm really shy,and Kaiden has helped me get over being so shy,since people ask about him..

He's also the only 'person' I can tell secrets to.

I absolutly couldn't sell him,no matter what.

All my other stuff, (mp3 player,skullcandy headphones,ipod,portable dvd player,gameboy advance,etc.) could go,but he could never be sold

 

I think I love Kaesu as more than just a possession; I'm not sure if I would say 'unconditional', though, because dolls aren't really capable of meeting conditions; they do what we want them to do. They can't leave, or do something to hurt you, because they don't have a choice. I think of Kaesu as a kind of companion, something between a pet and the characters I create in stories and art.

 

This is a really interesting topic. I think along these lines with every purchase of a doll/for a doll. As far as unconditional love, I think.... I dunno, I don't think people can truely love (anything) unconditionally?

I've aquired a few dolls in the last few months. I haven't had dolls for a couple years now, but when I last had them, I had this issue. I feel like I did really love them. I bought them for different reasons though back then. I did buy them to fill this void I felt I had in me, so I was a lot more attached to them and treated them as more alive characters, or roommates rather. They were never in their boxes, had their spots all over the room and had everything their little 'hearts' could desire (in my mind) because I was lonely and in a bad place with my partner and it was my escape. I eventually had to sell them all though because of getting out of that bad situation and needing money to move with. So I didn't love them so much that I would put myself out for them.

I think now it's different. I'm happier now with a new loving partner and I'm starting my new collection for a truer love of the hobby rather than the doll itself. But of course people are going to bond with their dolls in different ways, depending on their reasonings for having the dolls. I haven't bonded with my new dolls in the same way as the old, so right now it feels more like just a posessiveness. They will always be 'alive' to me in some way because I'm putting a lot of myself into them, and I will always call them my 'children', and I think however people bond with their dolls is fine (except people willing to live on the streets and starve than to give up their doll... which I had someone chew me out on, because I didn't do that! that's unhealthy to me..). It's all to me right now just justifying love enough to keep spending all the money....

 

As I believe that everything in this world is in a way alive, I believe that my dolls do have a feeling of love for me as much as I do for them. Each doll I have purchased has struck me in a way. When I purchased the first of my Recalls, a voice in my head told me to buy one, after I had someone wanting to sell me a Normal skin head, the voice told me to hold out for a short while longer and I ended up with a white Recall and as soon as the money was paid he told me who he was, a character I had long forgotten about, I am happy I held out that extra week.

another doll, I have yet to buy, he will be purchased this year(money permitting) he told me who he was in the middle of my history class, he has plagued me ever since

there was a point where I lost my job and needed some money, I was ready to put my floating head up for sale, but I could just not do it, she kept telling me that it would be okay and to hold on a little longer, in the end, everything worked out well.

 

This is a very interesting topic.
I feel myself in this idea :"we always know they can't betray us they wouldn't lie, they're always there for us".
Yes, I love them unconditionally cause I know that they are me (in a certain way) and they can't betray me or lie to me.
This is basically something I have always found in living people, beside my parents and my twin sister: other people can betray, lie or simply can delude me and this is how the world goes. Dolls can't and this is a great good reason to love them ^^
Another reason is that I love to give them things, to have them in the look I love and basically to have my original characters alive, that is the first reason for me.
Paiting or writing about characters is a wonderful thing and to complete it there is nothing better than have these characters almost "alive" in a doll form (cause I am in love with dolls since childhood).
I can say I am between unconditional love and possesiveness with my dolls... ^^

 

I love my dolls like I love my possessions - they make me happy to own, but they aren't people, and I don't love them like I love people. They make me very happy from time to time, but it's a different emotion from the happiness I get from people.

I'd sell my dolls to help the people I love, if it came down to it. And I never feel I'm 'hurting their feelings' by selling them, or not playing with them, or dressing them badly.

 

This is my view about them based on developing their characters and having them become that, or getting them and having their personality form.

I think humans attach themselves to things as part of their nature. Of course it is harder to think of them as inanimate objects, because they are so lifelike. You may love them, but how far does that love go? They are really just parts of you! You develop their personalities, so you know just what to expect. They will never do anything you don't know about. It's not true love!

There's nothing wrong with that though, because they are not merely possessions, they are the closest thing to a miniature human version of the characters that live inside your head. They are not people, because you can't control people like you can a doll.

Humans make decisions for themselves. Even if you do something for other people that is unpleasant to you, you're still making the choice to do it. So, in short, they are there and you are doing things for them because you want it and it gives you pleasure. If you love them, they don't need to love you back, because they already make you happy.

 

Its wholly possesiveness on my part. I dumped a lot of money into these things, and I'd be miffed if $600 just vanished (i.e. if one were lost). Yeah, I could get another just like it, paint it the same etc. etc., but that $600 would still be lost.

 

To those who are sentimentally bonded with their dolls, do you reckon your 'love' is an actual unconditional love or is it really a dictated possessiveness on your behalf?

As much as I love my doll, I don't think it is an unconditional love (so I think my 'love' falls under possessiveness). I don't think it's possible to love objects unconditionally. They are, ultimately, objects and once it loses those aspects that attracted you to it, you will stop loving it eventually.

To me, unconditional love is loving something/someone so much you would do anything for that thing/person and would never stop loving it no matter what. I think most people would not run through a burning building to save their doll, no matter how much they say they love it.

 

Dolls are more than just possessions to those who become attached to them. I don't consider it bonding, but... try to convince a child to even let you *hold* one of their favorite dolls. Tricky. Now ask if you can TAKE it. Even if you offer to buy them a new one they will resist, because it holds a sentimental value. An author can treat characters like real people but to become attached to the words they're made up of on paper is silly- you're attached to the character and not what they're 'made' of. It isn't unconditional. If I get my finger cut off or something while working on my doll I'll probably chuck the doll aside and call 911, not apologise and set it down first. If it's dolls or food, it'll always be food. If it's dolls or a phone call home to my mother, I can always get another doll. I've only got my mom once.

 

I collect many toys, its my hobby it makes me happy and keeps my mind occupied, I don't think that I could ever get rid of any of the toys I have but I also don't tell many people outside the inner few that I even collect toys and even the inner circle are extreemly taken aback when they are finally shown my toy room.
I think its very personal, I just like having things around me, it makes me feel happy.

 

I believe it's a mix of both. Dolls are possessions, items that we own. While you can "own" a pet, a cat or dog is still it's own creature when it's away from it's owner. A doll is not. A doll needs a person around it to really be anything, to infuse it with the "life" we see in them. I would grieve losing my doll, but not in the same way I would grieve losing a pet, and definitely not in the same way I would grieve losing a person.

That said, I think humans are capable of attaching feelings of real love to objects, or to what those objects mean to us. It's not anything like mother and child -losing a child can mar and alter your life in insane ways that losing a doll could never do. But you can still love them.

So yes, it's a mix of possessiveness over an item that you worked hard for and attach meaning to, and a love for what that doll is and represents.

 

it varies between my dolls, im sad to say

with coco, ami and lychee, it is more of a possessive thing; i do indeed love them but as chesiretiffy mentioned I'd be miffed if $600 just vanished but i would also be sad because of my sentimental bonds to them and the time i put into them.

but with cheri, i feel a little differant. her price never comes in mind to me. i just love cheri and id be heartbroken if i lost her or she broke etc, not just because she's a hard to find doll but because i am in love with my cheri as she is

basically, im with Sebastian on that its a mix of things

last sentance especially. i get pissed about losing money; i dont cry or feel longingly sad about it, as i would do if i lost one of my dolls.

 

For me, Noah isnt just a possession, because in that case I would feel as if I could replace him if something ever happened (like a cellphone, or whatnot). But I could never replace Noah, even with the same mold. because I do love him, and he makes me happy.

 

If anything happened to my dolls I would be extremely upset. The money aspect of it, I wouldn't care about at all. I have money, I can get more money. I can't replace the characters that my dolls have.

Yes, I could buy another EXACT copy of a Chiwoo, but it's like buying a replacement pet to me. Yes, there's a new cat that maybe looks just like your old cat... but it doesn't have those memories yet. Over time, things might be ok, but not right at first.

I would choose humans over dolls, but sometimes dolls are simply more comfortable and I love them because of that. But unconditional? A doll would have to meet conditions first and they are incapable of doing that.

 

I think mine may be unconditional love and overprotectiveness.

I plan on taking Shyler to a photo shoot that is also a party, and I'm not sure I want anyone there holding him.

I'm afraid he may be damaged for the most part, and for some reason I'm like a protective mother, I don't want anyone hurting my baby!

 

kittycatmom says it all.

I don't love my dolls "unconditionally" because it isn't able to fulfill any of my conditions. I do that for them. Much as I love my doll, I love him because of what I've made him to be, not because of what he is by himself.

Yesterday I decided that 4 things automatically brought a smile to my face: my dog is one of them. My doll is not. And while I love both my dog and my doll, it's not the same kind of love, because with my doll, he is only what I want him to be. My dog will always be my loving doggy.

As for unconditional love, it is nearly impossible to achieve, as our "love" is flawed and selfish. I suppose generally only God, your parents and your dog can give you unconditional love. Nonetheless, I believe it's something everyone should aim for - unconditional, perfect, agape love for one another. If only.

 

Though I don't own a BJD yet and can't say indefinitely what kind of relationship I'll have with mine when I do, I felt a strong urge to contribute to this thread, especially since my opinion is one sort of odd, but I feel strongly about it so I'm not afraid to speak out.

I'm guilty of having quite a 'childish' mind. I think of my dolls as small people, as little souls, honestly, and having them around me is comforting. I've always believed that objects that receive much love and affection from humans are blessed with a small sense of consciousness and feeling, and that feeling is especially strong with dolls, who have been cherished by human beings for hundreds of years. Yes, dolls are man-made, artificial - but I still feel that each one has a little soul inside of them that can be awoken with someone's love and caring. Robotic things are man-made and some people believe they have a consciousness, so why not dolls?
I feel like they appreciate all the love and attention they are given, and whenever I can I make sure they're in comfortable places and positions. I brush their hair and pet their heads, and dress them up in cute clothing and take photos of them, and sometimes I just hold one on my lap while I'm talking with a friend or family member or watching TV. As said once in one of my favorite anime involving dolls, Rozen Maiden;

"Sometimes they seem alive. Makes you think they might have a heart... Long ago, there was a salesperson who wanted to sell his dolls. He told me, 'I've treated them preciously and gave all my love to my dolls. I really loved them a lot. But dolls didn't give me anything in return. They just sat quietly... You wouldn't know the feelings from vanity.' That's what the salesperson said. But here's what I think. Dolls aren't really giving you nothing in return. They just can't give anything away. No matter how hard they try to deliver their feelings, they won't be transmitted to us. So don't hate dolls, and keep loving them more. That is my wish."

I really feel like that statement holds some truth. Perhaps I've freaked out many of you reading this, and that's okay. I'm sure a lot of you are thinking I've yet to really grow up or mature, but I really do believe what I believe, and I'm not forcing my opinion on anyone else - Just speaking my mind.
I know that on other forums, a few people have agreed they feel the same way about their dolls, but I'm not sure if here things are the same. ^^;

 

Thank you Kuma Smash! for typing that. You wrote it out so nicely and clearly and I absolutely agree with you. It's hard for me to explain the type of relationships with my dolls, but I don't agree with personally viewing them as simply objects. Sometimes people say I need to differentiate between the actual physical doll and the character they represent, and maybe that is one aspct of it. But that's just it, one side of the issue, not the whole as to how I view them...

Since I can't type as eloquently as the post above me, I'll stop. Just wanted to say how nice it was to read.