Unconditional love or Actual possessiveness?

I think I love my doll, because it represents the character(from one of my original stories) I chose the sculp for. That doll IS the character, and even if I sold that doll and got another one of the same sculp, it wouldn't be the character anymore. I've had some serious money problems, I've looked at that doll and realized how much money it's worth, and how useful that would be now. Then I thought about if I had sold it, and got the same sculp when I was more financially stable. I can't do it, another doll wouldn't be the same thing, it wouldn't have the same little flaws, just be from the same company and have the same sculp name. It's like if I sold my pet and later on got the same breed, it wouldn't be the same pet.
So, as childish as it sounds, my doll is a person to me, maybe it can't talk but because it has a personality it's like a little friend, we made memories together. ^_^ I don't display it to admire it's beauty(I have to keep it in a box most of the time, the animals think my doll's fun -.-) but we watch TV together and that doll has more expensive(and weird>.>) clothes than I do.

 

I'm wild about my dolls and they give me pleasure and countless hours of fun. Of all the things I own and collect, they are my favorites and I treasure them above anything else. If, God forbid, something happened to them, I would be sad and very upset, but would eventually replace them with others. Family, friends, and pets, however, are totally different. I would sell my dolls in a heartbeat (and have, once or twice) if necessary to help someone I love. I have to say, though, that would be a last resort for a very grave situation.

 

My feeling as well on all counts. Though I don't have children, I'm pretty confident I'd feel the same way if I did.

 

I havent had my bjds long enough for that to be put to the test, but i can give another example - ive had 3 soft toy cats since i was a child, and i do love them unconditionally, their personalities are so strong by now, that even tho i know theyre just toys, i feel guilty keeping them in a cupboard, and i took them to uni with me even tho i knew id get teased, becase i felt guilty leaving them.
So yes, it is possible to love inanimate objects unconditionally, but i think it takes time and i think they have to represent something bigger, be more than "just a doll" to you - maybe get you through a time of hardship or something?

 

"I hate being alone, having my dolls and plushies around make me more relaxed. They calm me, they give me a sense of security."

I can't agree with that quote more!

I think personally for me, it's a mix of both, I love my boys like crazy, for so many reasons I wont even begin to name them, but I can be a pit possessive. I have trouble with them around other people (whether doll owners of not) and I just feel safer when they're only with me.

Hard topic to describe personally... but a good topic to think about!

 

all human beings are selfish... but in many different ways... to love one thing that make feel us better even if is just a doll , is became WE feel good but at the same time this happen even when you are in a relationship.. you feel good with that companion... but is good because you feel so good also knowing that that other person feel good to stay with your company so there are double good feelings.

 

There are many levels of love and each comes with its own independent feelings. On some level it is unconditional love as a doll can't concivable do anything to hurt you. It can only not do something. And that's because at the end of the day it is a doll. It can't love you back.

 

Well, to begin with, you're buying the doll for yourself. It isn't like adopting a child because you love him or her and want them to be happy, it's because you just want the doll. Eventually you may become attatched to the doll, but I don't think you'll ever truely love the doll the way you would love a human being. I think the satisfaction comes from owning the doll in the first place and all the work that goes into place. =)

 

Not to sound crazy but for me, I think I have a unconditional love for my dolls. Specially my chiwoo, Ame. They're all my characters but... sadly I think I'm one of those people who would be homeless instead of selling my dolls. Granted I think a part of this comes from the fact I'm not close to my family to any degree and seek comfort with my dolls since they are very calming. Plus I've been through so many rough patches with them that they're closer to me than my own mother.

So granted I sound crazy I guess.

 

Hm... this is a really interesting discussion. I never really thought about the differences between unconditionally loving a doll and simply loving the fact that you own one.

I do think it's true that everyone is different in the way they feel about their dolls. Some treat them almost like children while others consider them models or collectibles. One woman I met claimed her dolls were like models, she bought new ones and sold old ones as her inspiration grew dim from the ones she owned. She needed to rotate them because her entire income came from making clothing for dolls though she did have her favorites that she refused to sell.

Now I have yet to actually own a doll, he's still on his way here and already I feel very attached to him just because I've been working so hard to bring up my grades and beg my parents to get him. The wait is only strengthening that bond and I'm sure the day I get him is only getting sweeter and sweeter as I wait. It'll be so worth it once I see that box on my doorstep.
To me my doll is a sign of accomplishment. Whenever I think of him I feel that sense of achievement that I hardly ever get from daily life. Just knowing that I've made it this far makes me feel really good inside. I know that when I get this doll he'll be a sign of something I've done with my life, he'll mean something to me... and as I play with and customize him more he'll gain even more of a personality, I'll become more attached because I own him, I poured a bit of myself into his character much like I have with my characters I've created and spent so many years drawing and developing. To me this doll is a very important part of my life and I don't even have him yet.

 

Ok I was kind of un-certain about my reply as you talked about people and dolls. So I will start with people.

So as for loving people selflessly? - I think humans can do that despite there selfishness. I love my friends and those I don't always get on with simply because they either need to be loved. I more then likely don't get this love back or anything in return and sometimes I can't always help my friends. But I do it anyway. And I simply can't believe humans are that selfish. Well all of them anyway.

As for loving dolls selfishly?- I kinda see that as the main point being selfish when buying a doll (for me anyway) I have a longing to look after something since I have found out I can't have a baby until I get physically seriously better and that could be a while. Plus I have uni so stuff like that isn't an option anyway. Getting a pet? I know the dolls are expensive but really all those health bills for an animal. And I'd be working and or at uni all the time wouldn't have been fair on the pet.

So I got a doll human enough for me to get attached to and company enough to fill the void. Though I did buy this doll for myself to help make me feel better I do see that as selfish. But I am buying it so I sort of have someone with me to love and look after so not entirely selfish. Either way if the lil miggits could or can love back I am sure they'd understand. I know I don't have a doll yet as he has not yet come. But I have had plenty of time to relies why I am getting him.

As for the movie... I think the dolls where more selfish in that. All but Damien he was my favorite.

 

I know this is an old thread but here are my thoughts. Some vaguely adult themes explored here but no sexual talk or language ...just to warn...

Scroll down to read...








I am a spirit worker and in my training, I am learning that all things have life in them, energy if you will. Dolls are no different to me.

When I got Gene I was single, always getting emotional battered by pretty people and hurt. I craved the attention of pretty men, because I'm a dominant and used to dream of playing dress up with a real boy, it was my fetish. There was a problem, real people can be shallow, especially in alternative lifestyles. People after all, subby or not - are still real and as such, can't be exactly what you want. Regardless of what you tell them to wear or how much you guide their behavior. My thought was, if I had a doll that could beautiful and silent, then perhaps my taste for real pretties would be put into perspective and my real life relationships would become healthier.

What I'm trying to say is, based on my beliefs, Gene is very much alive to me and as important as any other relationship I have. Why? Well, because after I got him, I poured all my painful crap on him, held his little hand, began writing for him. looked at him and saw the beauty I'd always craved in his peaceful eyes - his was a beauty that came without any selfish conditions or needs.

I started seeing real people differently, looking inside them more and as a result of that, I met and fell in love with my fiancee. Who is short-haired, geeky and stocky. Yet, he feels like the RIGHT person for me on so many other levels. Despite the fact that he'd NEVER wear eyeliner or grow his hair (and would look damn silly if he did) I credit Gene with helping bring that about. Gene and I have been though so much, you see. We helped each other heal, after all. His history is well known here on DOA. He had a shaky start and so did I. So, he is so much more than a doll to me, I love him like a confident and a friend. I'll never part with him ever!

My new boy Ethan on the other hand, IS a real person - my spirit guide. The doll however is not the guide, instead he's a vessel for me to focus on. As you might think of a statue, or rosary beads. It's like the Romans, who used to make crude statues of their dead, made small enough to pop in their pockets. They would bring them out at times of great decision so that their spirits could be take their rightful place in the family.
So in his case, Ethan's doll is a tool for spiritual growth. If anything happened to the doll, I would feel ok replacing him with a new one, Ethan himself is with me all time. He has my love, the doll is NOT him. However, I believe that the doll has a soul but only because I will encourage my guide to use the doll to TEACH me and allow for a great connection between us.

I hope all that made sense & that I don't sound too nuts.

 

For me... it's not "unconditional". "Unconditional" implies exactly that; that there are no conditions required. I love my family without conditions... heaven knows there are times when they irritate me or make me angry. But I will always love them, no matter what.

For my dolls, there are very definite conditions. They are beautiful toys/art projects that make me happy. If I wasn't enjoying a doll, I'd sell it. I had to do that to one of my dolls, but I'll admit I didn't give up easily. I gave her multiple faceups, different eyes and wigs, re-wrote the story behind her character. None of it worked, and she just didn't bring me as much joy as my other dolls did. When I sold her, I was more worried about what other doll owners would think of me, rather than the doll's feelings. As much as I like to joke around and play that the dolls have personalities... I don't believe that dolls actually have feelings, as they are inanimate.

I don't believe that anyone's opinion is right or wrong, though... just different. Some people see their dolls as real characters with souls, some don't even give them names and just like to admire their beauty. Neither is bad or ethically wrong.

However, I do really enjoy the stories I write and the characters I've created. I have a lot of fun playing and enacting those stories through dolls, as well as working on and customizing dolls to look just the way I want them to. That does bring me a sense of satisfaction. So yes, I do own dolls for purely selfish reasons. I have them because they make me happy. They are very treasured possessions and I'd be very sad if something happened to one of them... but no more so than I would be upset if something happened to my car, which my Dad and I built. I adore both the dolls and the car as symbols, testaments to all the work I put into them. Getting another old car or another doll wouldn't be the same, but I wouldn't grieve the way I would for a pet or a human being. The dolls are symbols of the characters they represent, and if I lost or sold the dolls, I would probably still continue to write their story.

As to the "are human beings selfish at heart", that's a much heftier debate. I have some opinions on the subject, but I can't quite seem to word them properly so I'll just sit back and enjoy the debate.

 

I believe that a person can love their dolls. But...undconditionally?
When my first doll came to me I was so excited. I walked 40 blocks to the post office and back carrying his rather large box in my arms. I didn't care if it looked weird. As soon as I got close to home I stopped at a random park and ditched his box as it was too big. I got to really look at him for the first time. He was just beautiful in all the ways that anyone I have ever loved couldn't be. I didn't care that he couldn't speak or that he couldn't move. He was their for me, to listen to me and to not judge what I had to say. So many of my friends before had given their opinions on my problems and others have tried to make their situations seem worse than mine and played it off as "oh, your not so bad....just look at me!" My doll would never do that....because he could never do that. About a week ago...he took a terrible fall and one of his fingers snapped off. I felt sad for him. Sure I could just get another hand and that would be all good...but I felt like he was suffering...although he can't really suffer. I think that silent bond that we share is love.
I compare my love for my dolls like my love for my pets. I had a dog a few years back who I would cry to when I was sad. He would sit their and lick my face, but never say his thoughts or tell me what HE thought I should do. That's how I like it...to just have something there to listen. It may be a little selfish, but what human is completely free of selfish desires? When in the world is love ever truely unconditional? We always ask for something in return...even if we don't try to. Even if that something is just to be loved in return.

 

"I hate being alone, having my dolls and plushies around make me more relaxed. They calm me, they give me a sense of security."

I couldn't agree with this more.

I know someone said this earlier, but I too know I have a writers soul and after years of writing and roleplaying I love that I have the chance to set my characters in a physical embodiment and not just as mental muses. My girl, Wrath, she's been one of my muses and one of my characters for close to 5 years now and I felt a great sense of happiness when the doll I ordered her to be came home. I love her to death, and since I'll be living in an apartment by myself starting next week, she remains my constant companion. She just has such a strong presence, and she makes me smile when I've had a bad day.

My parents say I need to grow up, stop playing with dolls, and just sell her. I don't think that is something I could ever do, for why would we get rid of something that makes us truly happy when someone says we have too?

I don't know if I can call the love for her unconditional, it's just hard to explain the strong, silent bond we do have.

 

I typically don't post in the debates, simply because I lack eloquence in writing, but this was far too good of a topic not to chime in on.

Mind you, this is coming from someone waiting for her doll, so all this may change.

I do believe that humans are capable of unconditional love. To use a personal example, my stepdad beat me and my mom. I loathe him, but I still love him. I know that makes very little sense, but it's truth. My mother wasn't much of a mother. I didn't like her for the longest time, but I still love her. I believe you can love things, people, and animals unconditionally. I don't expect my stepfather to change, I simply love him. It's a rather vauge concept, if you truly think about it. I'm not expecting anything out of him. There's things I'm pretty sure he'd do, but not expecting anything. Isn't that a form of unconditional love? Love without expecting anything in return?

That's the way I feel about my pets, that's the way I feel about my boyfriend, my family, and I know I'll feel the same way about my doll. I'm not expecting love back, I'll just love.

A doll is a malleable friend. If you need a quiet ear to listen, they're there. If you need a gentle reminder that you're working for something, they're there. If you just need to cuddle something, and your cat's a snot that hates to be picked up (like mine XD), they're there. I think, in the end, I'll love my doll like I love everything that comes into contact with me. Not thinking much of what they are, or who they are, I'll just... love. Because that's all I am.

 

it's funny you should say this because last night, my gf and i watched a program called 'My Car Is My Lover' and we were thinking the same thing. in that program, these guys were genuinely in love with their cars, they made love with them, they spent hundreds of dollars and time and effort on these cars, constantly cleaned them and made them pretty, added stuff to them etc. etc...

so is this the same sort of thing with BJDs? i mean, after all, BJDs, like cars, are static objects. the only thing that gives them life is our passion and our imagination, the same as those weird guys who were making out with their cars and even helicopters

my opinion is...if it were unconditional love, you would never grow tired of it, never give it up (a bit like Rick Astley, only less cheesy) because that's what parent-to-child or husband-and-wife unconditional love it like. i have an unconditional love for pokemon. it's gonna be there for the rest of my life (i can safely say i would love my plushies unconditionally for the rest of my life the way a mother loves a child) so i guess it's dependant one how someone feels about their dolls. it was the same in the other thread about whether dolls have souls. it alllll depends on YOU.

wow, sorry for the essay.

next Wednesday at 10pm on Channel 4, Strangelove: The Woman Who Married The Eiffel Tower

(i cried with laughter watching the advert. some woman making out with a picket fence and saying "he's an amazing lover...!" just true brilliance i think)

 

This topic caught my eye, because this...is me. I actually was going through a really tough time with all my friends so far away right now. When I had saved up enough money for a new doll I knew I really should have saved it in case something came up, but I went and ordered my dream doll anyway. I already have a MSD and she helped me through a tough time living on my own for a year in Chicago a couple years back and I felt I could really use the new 'friend'. When he arrived I showed my mum him and I was gushing and cuddling him and she laughed saying now she understood why I didn't have a boyfriend. They couldn't possibly compare to this pretty boy. Its kinda true too....I have no real interest in dating like most women/girls my age.....but that's another story! Every fear I had about big dolls was gone as soon as I touched him. He's perfect. I love just holding him or having him sitting beside me. And lately I've been irritated with humans....I've been having issues with some 'friends' and it just makes me love my two resins even more. Its like no matter what happens they will be here waiting and they will never judge me or turn their back on me or make demands of me.

My Dad says this all the time to me...He doesn't actually know about my second doll yet because he complains so much about my first one. I haven't hid him, my dad just doesn't pay attention....He carries on about all my figures and manga and the fact that I watch cartoons because sitcoms bore me. I have to grow OLD, not UP.

 

Ever since i was a little kid, I have been very deeply devoted to my "toys." Up until I was about 12, I had this insane obsession with stuffed animals. I didn't have dolls (I think that's why I like them now ^ ^ but I had hundreds (literally) of stuffed animals. That's all I wanted. The thing is, I always thought of my toys as having "feelings." For example, even if I didn't really WANT to crawl out of bed and go get my stuffed seal from the living room where I forgot it, I'd do it anyway, because I felt like the toy would be "neglected" and "sad" if I didn't. Basically, I concidered my toys' "feelings" before I did alot of things. I never have once made a joke about my toys or handled them with anything less than complete care. Probably my most defining memory of this weird view I had/have was when I was about 10. I had 3 different hello kitty plushes (1 normal, 1 fairy, and 1 jester) that I would put on the pillow next to me when I went to sleep. I felt bad if a certain one wasn't closest to me because I thought that one would "feel unloved."

I tend to unusually maternal towards my dolls, which is odd, because I'm not a very gentle person. My mother often points out that I seem to regard my dolls as "children" in the way I think about their "needs" and safety. I'm one of the younger collectors (I'm 17 and a half) but my parents kinda think I'm too old for dolls and find it strange that I don't like to go on vacations or to my grandparent's house without bringing one of them. My dolls sit on my nightstand, next to my bed, so It's still kinda like a child sleeping with a toy.

I tend to think that I have an actual bond with my dolls and they regard me in the same way even though they are inanimate objects. I've always thought dolls had feelings like people because I assumed that when I was a small child. It never occured to me otherwise. I don't think of them as possesions really...but I wouldn't call them "friends." I'm not sure how I'd explain the relationship.

 

Holy Crap, Someone else who thinks like me!
I think it was a side effect of my parents teaching me so strongly to respect the feelings of 'others', Which included animals just as much as other people... so I naturally extended it to anything that had a lifelike form. (I put it far more into practice with stuffed animals than dolls as a child, as I was actually unnerved by barbies)
So as of today, I both expect and get a sense of feelings from my boys. They're not the same as 'real' people, But they're definately way more than say, rocks or video games.

Some things just resonate Energy better than others.