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What do you do when you feel disconnected from your doll?

Feb 28, 2012

    1. I see people selling dolls left and right because they can't bond with their dolls. I have three dolls that I'm struggling with because I can't feel a strong bond. I have plans for all three of them that will hopefully make the bond stronger. One is getting a new faceup, tattoos, and blushing. Another is probably going to become a demon. Finally, the last is going to become a centaur.

      I'm going to fight for the bond for a long time before thinking of selling. I was just wondering what other doll owners do when they can't bond well with their dolls.
    2. Just like you wrote, they sell them. But if it's a doll that you would really like.to keep, i would.play with
      them. Make them clothes, do a faceup, or dress them in something that will fit, or.take pics of them that helps
    3. I'm also the type to fight for that bond by playing around with different characters and personalities for them, wig and eye combinations, faceups till I find something that just makes them click with me. It's mostly worked. There are also some that I've just put away for a while and when I take them out again, I'm able to see them in a new light and rediscover what it was that attracted me to them in the first place.
    4. I usually take a look at what is making me not bond to the doll is it the doll itself or the character thats taken on the form of that doll. I have one boy that due to a falling out with a couple of friends on here that seems to be reluctant to reasert himself in my group seeming distant. But I don't think its the doll itself I love him no matter what but the connection got messed up. I would try like what other people said and what u suggested for your self. I would also think about if it is the character of the doll that isn't fitting or if there is a reason behind the character being distant from you that may be making it hard to bond or stay connected. I would never sell my dolls or my one doll that is giving me issues I just figure be paitent and he'll come back. So hopefully that will be the same for you too.
    5. There's no way I would sell mine either. I am more curious about what some people do when they can't bond. Or, if they just jump to selling the doll then why? I can't imagine selling any of my dolls.
    6. I'm not a big believer in "bonding" per se, so that's probably going to color my answer quite a bit... but when I'm not content with a doll, even after a lot of tinkering with its look, I tend to pack it away for awhile.

      If I find myself going back to unpack and play with it again within a week or two, I'll keep it and keep trying. If I don't, that's a very strong indication that the doll just isn't going to work out for me for whatever reason, and it's time to sell it on.

      There's nothing wrong with a doll just not working out for you, and no shame in admitting that, selling it and trying again. As the living, sentient half of the pair, you get to call the shots on that. Don't let your toys bully you. :lol:
    7. I know there's nothing really wrong with selling a doll that just doesn't work, I just want to be sure that I can't bond with it. My dolls are all very special to me.
    8. I try changing their looks -- different clothing style, wig, eyes etc and see if it makes something click. Sometimes having a small detail that's off can really make a difference. Also, (and this is something I've done with some of my own dolls), you can try packing away your doll for awhile and see how you feel. If you really don't miss him/her then maybe that's a sign that you should consider selling, but if you feel like you can't bear to keep your doll packed away maybe giving it another go is in order. Also, sometimes not having the doll in plain sight for awhile makes it easier to look at them fresh even if you know you don't want to sell.
    9. Sell it. I find buying new wigs, faceups, spending more money trying to like it....they're all a waste of money and time when I could be selling the doll and putting that towards one I do like or something else entirely. I am supposed to derive enjoyment from owning the doll, not stress over it. If it's not working, it's time to move on.

      There's nothing wrong with admitting you just don't like a doll as much as you thought, or even as much as you used to. I also don't believe in the whole bonding thing, and you'd be surprised how much more fun and relaxing this hobby becomes once you stop caring about that. In my doll owning infancy, I thought I had to do the whole bonding thing, and it just never worked for me. Then I realized I was an adult and didn't have to play with my toys like everyone else, said screw it, and feel much better about my hobby in general.
    10. Usually, the only reason I sell a doll is because it looks different in person than it looked on the doll website, and I am a bit disappointed in it. If the doll is really nice and I want to like it, I keep it a while to think about what I could do with it. Sometimes, the doll grows on me or I get a great idea and decide to keep it, but if not, I find it another home. In this hobby, where one buys dolls without ever actually seeing them in person, it is bound to happen once in a while.
    11. While I usually say "Sell it if you can't bond", sometimes it is a case of not liking the overall character than the sculpt underneath. For instance, I'm not too fond of my Priscilla atm, but that's because she has no faceup. If you can explicitly pinpoint what you don't like about your doll, then you know what you can do to change it. If it's just an overall sense of blarghness, it's best to keep it until you know for sure.
    12. It depends, in my case, on what is causing me not to bond with the doll. In my case, size is a thing I can't get over; specifically, I can only bond with my MSDs, and with them, I'll do a lot to keep the bond (I get attached to them really easily).
      The problem starts when the doll is a different size. No matter what I did, I couldn't bond with my YoSD, so I traded her off. I'm also thinking of selling my SD, I'm only keeping him because I like to have many sewing models - I'm not as attached to him as to my other dolls.
      So, in the case of MSDs, when I can't bond, I try to change them, to make them into something I'd like; in the case of other sizes, I don't bother and just let them go to someone who will appreciate them more than I do.
    13. It depends on why I'm not bonding. If it's because the character upsets or bores me (big role play dork here), then I might try a complete overhaul to redo the doll, new eyes, new wig, new faceup, etc...new name...and start a new character from scratch. If I'm just not happy with how they look, again, change what I can. If the sculpt just really isn't what I thought it would be, it's pretty hopeless for me. I've bought dolls before that were beautiful in pix and I thought were downright hideous in person. No amount of changing and retrying could fix that, so I sold them.

      Personal experience time!

      My worst bonding issue ever was with one of my favorites, actually. I absolutely could not part with him! But I role play, and I had allowed an rp that was going bad to drag out far too long and it nearly ended up destroying my character and the friendship with the other person did end very badly. When I looked at my doll, all I saw was his poor destroyed "soul" and my lost friendship. It hurt too much to even look at him. But! BFF to the rescue here, she convinced me to work on his character with one of hers and helped me pull him out of the slump in character. Pairing my MSD with her SD made me start obsessing over scale....and I upgraded him to SD and OMG I love him more than ever!! He just needed a complete overhaul and to get rid of the negativity attached to him. As for the actual MSD doll, I had always hated his body, so I sold that, but I kept the head. I wiped the faceup, as if wiping old bad memories and now plan to use the head as a son to my original character. I now look at the head and see this adorable kid of his, not my poor depressed guy or my failed friendship. And I no longer want to toss him in a woodchipper...>.>
    14. I think that people expect a little too much when they buy a doll for a character they have in mind.
      When I got my first doll, I was thrilled but she wasn't exactly what i had in mind, because I had been staring myself blind at the product pictures.
      But I went with this and bought her clothes, and eventually she had to grow into character. I had to discard certain parts of her personality that I hade made up that didn't fit her.

      For example: I wanted her to have green eyes, I was very clear on that part. But when I got her, the green eyes looked good, but I had a pair of pink ones that suddenly suited her better.
      I had to tweak my expectations on her. She had to almost develop herself, rather than having me forcing her my thought-through personality.

      This is a mistake I won't do again. I will lower my expectations, and see what fits the doll best when it arrives.
      I was actually kinda lucky that she fit well in what I had in mind, but it scared me a little. It felt like I kinda lost a little control over something I spent so much money on.
    15. I'm finding it difficult to understand the concept of bonding. What is it like? Being attached to an object? Or is it simply having an interest in one? :S

      Either I am not 'bonding' with my doll in particular, or just simply cannot 'bond' in general.
    16. I do have to agree with LaceandBlood on that a little ^u^ Not that I had something in her appearance entirelly set, but her personality. As a character, she was supposed to be mean to everyone and be distant but she turned out to like one of my friend's boys and be really cute with him. She also likes to cuddle when feeling down hahaha ^u^ Maybe let your dollies show you who they are instead of trying to make them something by yourself >u<)b

      On that note, I did have bonding issues with my boy at first. His height was a shock to me (he's a JDF at 56cm), because I find even MSD tall *_* And even though his first wig was all soft and cute, it really didn't help me bond with him at all. But when his second wig came along, I finally started bonding with him >u<~ It really suits him and brings out the character in him uvu I'm still not a huge fan of his height, but I'm a little used to it now, doesn't bother me as much as it used to >u<;
      And if I have trouble with anyone else again, I think I'll go along the same lines of changing appearance around (hair, face-up, clothes, blah) till I find one that works with the doll and with me UvU)b
    17. I tried different wigs and names on the doll that I couldn't bond with. I held onto her for months and she had numerous names and different looks but nothing ever really "clicked" the way it did with my other dolls. I was about to send her off for a default face-up and buy another wig and new eyes for her, but I decided that it just wasn't working and I put her up for sale. I haven't regretted my decision yet, she just wasn't the right doll for me.

      knightjeran - I'll try to explain what "bonding" means for me. The dolls that I feel a bond with are special to me, I feel an affection for them and I can't imagine parting with them. I enjoy having them around. The doll that I never bonded with never really felt like mine, if that makes sense, and I did not feel any sadness when I sold her. It's sort of a difficult thing to explain, and I'm sure it's different for everyone. I suppose it is an attachment to an inanimate object, in the same way that my camera is very special to me but my TV isn't.
    18. I had trouble bonding with my first boy too. I've tried sending him to have his face paint, painting himself, making a storyline for him, then I try buying him clothes and even making them myself, but I didn't matter what I did. I just didn't like him the same way I thought I would. After trying all of that, I decide to send him off to a better home.

      From my personal experience, I find that dolls that I have a character for, does not bond with me as much as doll that gain personality as I play with her/him.

      Like, my mnf shushu, who I intend to be a cute girly girl, but the moment she arrived, the way she looks at me and a few problem I had with her... it become clear to me that she already had a character of her own a stubborn tomboy And i love her!
    19. Ah, this does sometime happen, but don't panic! I find it happens if I buy dolls too quickly- don't think about it long enough, or bought one too soon after another. The way I like to buy dolls is buy the head first and body second- I find that way it's easier for me to bond as the head doesn't have all the worrying financial investment of a full doll, but has enough personality to begin the bonding process. If I can't bond with a doll immediately, I wait a bit. Sometime a doll has the instant "OMG I LOVE YOU" but sometimes it's more of a gradual, tweaking, getting-to-know-you process. Sometimes I find focusing on the "problem" doll is the best idea, other times I just wait and see.

      But some people don't bond at all with their dolls, which is fine. Not all doll-owners care about the bonding process and it could be simply that they see their dolls as simply dolls, whereas bonding may occur in a more emotionally-charged setting. Either way is fine and people should ultimately do whatever makes them happy, including selling the doll if necessary.
    20. I usually sell them :sweat I am too poor and has too little space to afford keeping dolls I don't love. if I don't love them now, chances are I will never fully love them!
      but usually, before putting up a sale thread, I put it in quarantine and see if I miss it or not :) if I do, then I patiently wait until I can give them a proper faceup and buy them some clothes