What if your boyfriend/girlfriend does not like your dolls...

THIS is one of the reasons I choose to stay single. (Did that married thing already)
I don't WANT to have to justify to a partner anything anymore. They are my dolls. It's my money. If I choose to spend my lunch money on doll wigs, that's my doing. No one elses. No one yells at me that my dolls are creepy or stupid or a waste of money. Calling them names is just going to get you text messaged pictures of them doing socially inappropriate things.
It's just easier for the people around me to play along with me.

 

Well, even if my so didn't like my dolls, I would be OK with it depending on how they would react to me being in this hobby. It's no problem if two people don't like the same things equally, I certainly don't like all my so's hobbies. But it's his hobbies, so even if I don't like them at all, I would still support him or at least tolerate it. If someone's a dick about what you do for fun in your free time or even wants you to deny it, they aren't worth your time imho. ^^;

 

Gosh, I feel pretty lucky considering all the horror stories thus far! :/ My boyfriend is completely accepting of dolls, and even my lolita wardrobe - he never questions the prices, nags about how "stupid" or "unpractical" things are, none of it. It may come because he also collects some pricey hobbies (Gunpla and mountain bikes), but this thread is reminding me not to take any of that for granted now!

I do have to say that my ex before my current boyfriend (several years ago) wouldn't have approved of dolls at all, despite having his own supremely expensive and "useless" hobby (collecting/competitively playing MtG). I'm pretty sure that was just his personality, though. He was kind of an ass in any case. uvu

 

When I discovered BJDs, I had been with my boyfriend for 4-5 years or so, and we kind of went through the price shock together. I didn't think I would be able to afford them, then one of my favorite companies had a sale and I bought my first BJD. Now going on 4 years in the hobby, I am and always have been very upfront with cost if there's a doll I want. I always run it by him to see if we can afford it or at least do layaway. He's been more than willing to help fund my hobby, and I am willing to help him fund his expensive hobbies. We try to take interest in what the other person is doing because it brings us closer together. I don't think we would be together if he disliked what I like, and vice versa. It's all about understanding, compromise, and wanting the other person to be happy.

 

I don't think it's fair for someone to question the hobbies or interests of the person they're supposed to care about. Just because they aren't interested in it doesn't mean that they should look down a person upon it, especially when they're close to that person as a romantic interest, partner, or friend. I've had plenty of past relationships where significant others have questioned and even ridiculed the things I've been interested in, and well, I no longer speak to those people. It may seem like a small issue, but it's a small tear that can get bigger and bigger because it violates a foundational rule of respect. Talk to your partner, and try and get them to see that the root of the issue here is that it's not about the hobby, but that it's about respecting you as a person, and respecting you enough that you can make your own decisions about what is or is not worth your money or your time and attention.

 

My hobby is a part of who I am, so I don't think I could be with someone who rejected my hobby. I'd feel like they were not accepting a part of me. That being said though, if the dolls are causing financial strain, then i can understand why it would upset him if youre both sharing bills.

I was actually already in this hobby when i met my husband so he knew what he was getting into. He picks at me about how much they cost, but then he will turn around and buy one for me. He brags about them to other people, making sure to tell them all about how i painted them and such. He seems proud, and that makes me so happy. He doesnt mind the dolls as long as we can take care of our bills and children and everything too.

 

My hubby doesn't love the dolls, not by a long shot, but he understands that they're part of what I really enjoy. He is bothered by their eyes and is terrified of me having a huge collection, so he digs his feet in the ground when I mention the possibility of getting another one. But he sees me have so much fun with them, sewing and blogging, that he'd never take them away. Unfortunately, his first face to face experience with BJDs was a friend's big collection, which freaked him out. I think he still has flashbacks from seeing so many dolls in one place.

I try to be understanding and accommodating to him. I keep my dolls usually stored, except for one on my computer desk at a time. There's never one in the bedroom "looking" at him. Out of sight-out of mind really helps. If they're in his face all the time, it would bother him a lot more. I also keep my collection very modest. If I have dolls that I'm not attached to anymore, they get re-homed. I also respect and support his hobbies, even when it means spending lots of money on a new graphics card so he can play more videogames. And we both make sure to have time spent together, just the two of us. We go on dates every Thursday night, and play World of Warcraft together.

So yes, he should accept your hobbies, but it's a two way street. You have to care about his feelings too (as long as he's caring about yours).

 

Luckily, my husband and I both have fairly expensive hobbies so we don't argue about that...but he is seriously scared of my dolls. I think he watches too many scary movies. lol

 

Sounds to me the dolls aren't the problem. The problem is something within your boyfriend, I'm guessing some sort of control issue or insecurity. As others have said, talking it out is the best thing. If it's a control issue, better to know now, so you can cut things off and get outta Dodge before it gets ugly. If it's an insecurity thing or something else, then once it's out in the open, you guys can work on it.

No one said he has to love everything you do; I imagine there's a few things he does you aren't wild about, either. But love doesn't mean you've got to be in perfect accord on everything. You're both still individuals. You guys maybe dating, but you both need your space, too.

He has to respect your hobbies and what you do with your money and free time. By doing that, he shows he respects YOU as a individual that is capable of running her own life. The only time he has a right to complain about what you do with your money is if it is directly impacting him, like say if you two lived together and you couldn't pay for your part of the expenses because you blew all your money on dolls.

To answer the question, I wouldn't have an issue if my boyfriend didn't like my dolls. But he doesn't have a right to tell me to get rid of them, either. We'd probably have to work out some sort of compromise, like I store them where he couldn't see them. But what I do with my money and my free time is MY choice, not his. If I'm dating a guy, chances are we have other interests in common. We could concentrate on that when we're together, and when apart, we each do our own thing. I'd go nuts if I had someone that wanted to be with me every second.

 

girls dislike me because of the dolls lol
but I didn't choose the doll life, the doll life chose me

 

My boyfriend doesn't really like my dolls, but he tolerates them. I keep them in their boxes most of the time, and he only slightly avoides the room when I have them out.
He tried guilting me over the money a bit, but the reality is I cover most of our cost of living (lucky boy), he has his own expensive hobbies (console gaming and high tech laser pointers), and unlike his hobbies, mine holds it's value a lot better and longer, so if we needed the money back it would be somewhat possible. Also, it's my money, we don't have a joint bank account, so it doesn't come out of his wallet in any way.
Each situation is different, but maybe if you can at least prove that the dolls can hold value he'll feel a bit better about it?

 

Unless you're living together and both of you are pooling money to pay bills and your doll money is taking away from your ability to pay your share than it's really not his business at all. Since you don't mention that you're arguing over money is about a situation like that I'm going to assume that it's not. Sounds to me like you have a jealous and controlling BF and the way he attempts to control you is to control how much you spend on your hobby and how much time you spend doing it. As some have said, if it wasn't the dolls it would likely be something else. Gently put your foot down and demand some respect and see what happens. If he totally freaks out and won't listen to you at all then you'll have your answer. Respect is a 2 way street. If it's not going both ways you have a problem. I would seriously think long and hard about this guy and whether or not he's good for you. It doesn't sound like it.

 

I don't love all my boyfriend's hobbies. He's a big sports buff, especially soccer, and that is totally not my thing. I'll stick with swimming. He loves movies and owns a lot of blurays, while I can't sit through a five minute video on youtube most of the time. But that's okay.

I think ultimately, as long as it's your money that's being spent and you're not going into debt/failing to pay your bills/etc, your SO should have no say in your dolls. (Unless they were seriously, seriously terrified of dolls, like full-on phobia, then that's probably an issue of inherent incompatibility... Sort of like a cat lover and someone with terrible cat allergies, or such.) They don't have to like them, they don't have to be involved, but being someone's someone's significant other doesn't give you the right to lord over them and tell them how to spend their money and time. Most people have hobbies, and a lot of them cost quite a bit of money. Dolls are no different.

 

There's a couple of routes you can take:
1) If you're not serious about this hobby but serious about the relationship...then just stop collecting dolls and sell them.
2) If you're serious about this hobby but not about the relationship...then it's time to boot him out the door and find someone who actually supports you.
3) If you're serious about this hobby and the relationship, then the two of you need to find time to sit down and talk about this and work it out. Coz in the end, both of you are not going to be happy. (It would be easier to sway him if he had a hobby of his own, whether it be cars, models, making money...whatever)

 

Life is too short to spend time with people who make you feel bad about things you enjoy.

 

That's tricky. I'm not dating anyone right now, but if I were to, I would make it very clear right from the start that they have to accept it, because dolls are important to me.

 

Lots of great responses here. It's a tricky wicket, especially when we on the forum can't know the details about your relationship.


Only you can decide whether your boyfriend is right on any level. It might be a control issue, which is a serious red light. Or he might be signaling that he wants you to spend more time with him.


I try to remain open to suggestions from people who love me, but that's because I really know those people and realize they have my interests at heart. If my fiance or my family started complaining about the time and money I spend on dolls, it would be a sign I'm going overboard. But that's because they generally support my hobbies. Some people have a hard time understanding hobbies and how expensive and time-consuming they can be. One of the reasons I knew my fiance and I were compatible, when we were first dating, was that I saw he wasn't averse to spending (sometimes large) amounts of money on unusual interests, as long as we had the money to spend and were generally frugal in our day to day lives.


The trick is finding out if there's any compromise that would make both of you happy, and not just leave you both resenting the other.

 

I just think it sounds like he isn't a very considerate person.

Even if he doesn't like your hobby, he is meant to give you some personal space.
Although it is ok to remind you that you might have spent too much time on them, saying that they are not worth it is simply rude and inconsiderate.

 

PROBLEM SOLVED!

No, seriously though, I wouldn't care if a partner dislikes my dolls, but they have to respect me. This is my hobby and my money, and if you can't handle that, then you can't handle me...end of story.

 

I don't have this problem exactly, but it is noted when I spend over the agreed upon budget. Maybe you should find out exactly why he thinks these things and see if there are any compromises that can be made? My husband doesn't exactly like my dolls but he likes that I have a hobby and has been very supportive. However, he does have a line in the sand for when he thinks things have gone to far.

I hope you find a way to work things out.