What to do if any of your friends/roommates/significant-others hate BJDs?

Eh- I dont think so. But that could be the fact that I dont really have that much friends outside of the hobby.
I have one friend that finds them a bit creepy.. but doesnt necessarily 'hate' them.. shes just a bit unnerved by one of them I guess and my boyfriend, who is essentially a friend right? Is fine with them and respects them, thank god. The rest of the friends are in the hobby.

 

I think first you need to sit down with yourself and decide just how much you're willing to put up with her insults. Some people in this thread have a higher tolerance for rudeness, and so you need to decide how much tolerance YOU have (for her comments). Then I think you need to sit down and talk with her, as others have said, before moving in.

If she has a real doll phobia, you two do not need to move in together. It would be better to find another roommate and save your friendship with her, especially if she's a good friend otherwise. Then in the future if you decide you're no longer interested in BJDs, you'll still have your friend. Even if you decide to stay in the hobby, you'll still have your friend.

However, if your friend does not have a legit phobia, you might have bigger problems when you two move in together. It might start with her trashing your dolls (verbally and/or physically), and then move on to her harassing you about other stuff. I can say from personal experience that I had two ex-boyfriends who pretended to have a phobia of dolls because they were jealous I was not spending the money on them. Eventually they tried to control other parts of my life, even my contact with my family members. Trust me when I say that you do not want a person like this in your life, period.

I hope that when you two talk, you'll both be able to work something out. Wishing you the best of luck!

 

I've never known anyone who hated my dolls, but I did have a friend who constantly hated on the idea of me spending money on dolls and similar things. I'm not sure why this was a problem to her, since it was my money and not hers. I've had a lot of people question me since BJDs are so expensive, and I guess it's because they link dolls to children and want me to "grow up". I've also had people being scared of my dolls or not wanting to talk about them, but that's it.

I think you should talk to your friend about their hate for your dolls and personally I wouldn't recommend you to move in with this person.

 

Most of my friends just don't think it's worth the money, AT ALL. I just tell them I love it, it's my hobby and they spend money on other things, like make-up, going out for coffee a lot more than I do, clothes, games, etc etc etc. That usually makes them see my point (although they still make it clear that they find it ridiculous I spend so much money on dolls xD)

 

Yep. My best male friend hates my dolls. It's not that he is confronted with them very often, but when I post a picture of one of the dolls on my blog, he will post comments saying that it's creepy, and he will make off-hand remarks about their creepiness too. I make fun of him for being afraid of harmless, inanimate objects like the dolls, but at the same time I feel hurt that he hates things that I care for and craft with love. It's not a big enough deal to influence our friendship, but I'd be happier if he felt even just neutral about them. Then again, I go all "eeeewwwww" about his zombie comics/tv series, and he'd probably be happier if I liked those as much as he does...

 

To me, someone behaving so aggressively to something I love would mean they're no friend of mine. My best friends love Kingdom Hearts, Rocky Horror Picture Show and and Hetalia, things I really don't care for at all, but as their friend, I just shrug it off and move on. You need to have a nice chat with your friend about how that kind of reaction is immature and hurtful. SHe doesn't have to like them, but she also doesn't have to be a snot about it.

 

Some of my friends are okey with the dolls, some less okey. I don't talk about the dolls so often either because of the lack of intrest. But when I do, they show some support and joy to see me be happy about something. One of my friends who are least okey with it joked about it would eat his soul, I got the joke but talk about them less towards him because I understood he had som discomfort about it, and he appriciate it.

I think if you don't get bothered or hurt about her comments just ignor it, but talk to her if you do

 

Yeah, someone who's that openly aggressive doesn't sound friendly at all. People who go 'you can't like this because *I* don't' are more than a little self-centered >

That said, none of my friends actually hate - contempt or simply not getting why anyone would spend a lot of money on a doll are more common. While that's annoying sometimes I keep telling myself I never spent a fortune on cds or big expensive illustrated biographies

 

I think it's more rare for me to find a friend who *does* like dolls. The majority of people either seem to think they're creepy or just a waste of money, or both... however, if you have a friend who takes every opportunity to talk badly about your hobbies in a way that is obviously hateful and not just teasing, perhaps you should reconsider the friendship. :/

 

I seen a thread asking what people do when their significant other tells them to get rid of their dolls, but not something like this. Sorry if this is a repeat thread!!

I live with my boyfriend and roommate who are pretty tolerant about things, until it comes to these dolls. I'm getting one anyway, but every time I'm here on DoA or other places looking at dolls they make noises, call them creepy, and keep asking how I can be into something that is so "creepy" and "weird".

I'm not offended by it but it's really starting to annoy me. I think the boyfriend is starting to get it bugs me and doesn't do it as much but my roommate won't let up. What would you guys do in this situation??

 

Honestly? I wouldn't put up with it. It's rude, condescending and manipulative. My hobbies and interests are mine, not something someone else can choose for me. It's not just about the dolls, it's about their respect for me as a human being. I may not be interested in everything my husband or friends like, and, admittedly, I might think some of their music or movies or games are annoying, gross or pointless, but I'm not going to put them down for it. It makes them happy and it's not hurting anyone, so what right do I have to be negative about it?

I spent my preteen and teen years being ridiculed for liking "childish" or "weird" things, and quietly suffered a lot of pain from bullies at school, and always, I'd either deny my own interests, or apologize for them. Now, I've learned that I shouldn't have to apologize for what I like or be something I'm not, and I simply won't surround myself with people who put me down for it. If they're important in my life, I'll try to talk to them first and tell them how I feel and try to understand their perspective, but if nothing improves and they just don't care, I'm done.

 

Well said! That's my stand on it too.

Teddy

 

Brilliantly said!! Thank you so much!! I will definitely have a talk with them about it! I believe THEY think they are just playing around but I'm not going to put up with it anymore!!

 

I find that it works wonders to sit the person down and calmly (!) talk to them on honest terms. Don't get aggressive or accusatory. Use "I" statements. Say things like, "Look, Bobby. You and I have been friends for a long time, we've done X/Y/Z together and I really value your friendship and the time we spend together. And I think you should know that it really, really hurts and upsets me when you say A/B/C about something that I am passionate and excited about. I don't expect you to understand, or to start collecting with me, I would just really like it if you could accept that this is something that is important to me and something that makes me happy. And if they truly make you feel scared and uncomfortable, please tell me and I will try to be accommodating when you and I hang out so that I can be respectful of any phobias or anxieties you may have."

This has worked on pretty much everyone that I butted heads with over my dolls. Honesty and genuine feeling disarms pretty much every one. My mother and my boyfriend don't really understand dolls, but they can be genuine about being happy for me if I get a new doll/something doll-related I'm really excited about. My boyfriend in particular used to think they were really creepy, but now he can actually take them out and play with them/watch me do things and not be bothered. And one friend, who was initially EXTREMELY hostile about my dolls and tried to wring me out about this hobby on a number of occasions, actually collects dolls with me now.


Also if you introduce your hobby to someone you just met, it really helps to do so in a confident and non-chalant manner. If you act like it's no big deal, most people will just accept it for what it is.

 

Thankfully I've never had any friends actively hate me for my hobby. If I did, I'd immediately reconsider if they were a good friend or not, and probably let them go as a friend. Nobody should have to tolerate abuse from somebody just because they don't like your hobby.

 

Awww it really does suck when friends aren't understanding because to me, that's the whole point of being a friend! Doesn't necessarily mean they have to like them, but they should try to understand why a hobby is important to a person, and keep their rude comments to themselves. My best friend used to dislike dolls because she's always had a fear of them, but when I showed her mine, she realized she actually liked their aesthetic and she eventually got one for herself! . And even though she used to be scared of them, she never said anything mean, which is awesome.

However, I did have a really nasty experience once on Facebook. I had a friend that wanted to see what DD KOS-MOS looked like, so I posted her picture on my wall. One of my friend's commented "oh god" and another pretty much just implied that they're a waste of money. Grrrr still pisses me off when I think about it.

If they choose to hate my hobby and show it, then are they really a good friend? In a way, it could be counted as emotional abuse :/. If I don't do it to them, I would think it's common courtesy to not do it to me too.

 

Playing devil's advocate here! I find doll collecting in general is considered an odd hobby to have and I don't expect that perception to change any time soon. Why? Because we're adults more or less playing with what is normally associated with children, only our "playthings" have a hefty price tag and can pop out their eyeballs to boot! I can totally understand why that would disturb or perplex most people.

My best friend also collects BJDs so I am fortunate in that regard. Most of my closest friends have either seen my dolls or have a vague understanding that they're a part of my life, but that's about it. My friends respect my decision to collect dolls, and I respect my friends enough not to talk their ears off about something they find about as interesting as watching paint dry. They're my friends for reasons that have nothing to do with dolls. Even if they hate my BJDs or find them creepy or what have you, it doesn't bother me as long as it doesn't become a personal attack on me (it never has).

I have three roommates, all guys. They like to sit around and watch sports together. I can't pretend to understand it or be interested in it, but I know that this is something they enjoy doing together. Likewise, I wouldn't expect them to understand or be interested in BJDs, but I do expect them to let me enjoy them in peace (and they do). My roommates are there to help me share the rent, not share my hobbies. What do I care if they find BJDs stupid?

Bullying in any form is intolerable. However, I think there's a big difference between bullying and having someone disagree with you. Because BJDs are such a personalized hobby, I think sometimes it can become hard to separate someone's dislike of your dolls from a perceived dislike of you. A real friend can and will respect your hobbies without having to personally like them. And yes, sometimes they may tease you about it; if you find the remarks hurtful, let them know!

 

Many people on this thread are over-reacting. You have to keep in mind that BJDs aren't at all common, and A LOT of people will dislike them, so just ignore whatever they say and move on. You don't need to play the victim card and get angry or feel hurt because of what they say because you shouldn't let it bother you. If you like the hobby, then what others say about it shouldn't make a difference, unless well they act upon their hatred like burn your dolls while you're away or something, then you should do something about it.

In life, not everyone will agree with what you do or like, and that's that. And it doesn't make them downright rude or "manipulative" like someone mentioned, it's just their opinion. I suggest a lot of people go and read about the Uncanny Valley, because it explains why some people feel uncomfortable with androids or humanistic dolls.

And this goes out to everyone who is facing a similar situation, not just the OP. If a friend simply doesn't like your dolls, ignore it. If they keep bugging you about how ugly they are, then point it out that you don't wanna hear anything negative about them and it'll shut them up. They're your friends after all, and just because they don't like a part of your hobby, it doesn't mean that you should downright cut all connections with them. That would be dumb coming from your part because it's not logical and is very exxagerated.

 

some of my friends are scared of dolls, because they think they own sprits or something omg...
but i never show them my dolls after all
fortunately i got other friends who really like them

 

I'm not sure this is relevant anymore but I have an interesting scenario similar to yours. I have two aunts - one is obsessed with bjds and has quite the doll family while the other finds them an utter waste of time and often scolds her for 'wasting money' on them. Even in my immediate family, there are strong differences of opinions. It's not a cheap hobby, although I try to keep it reasonable, but there are still family members who occasionally make hurtful comments about my involvement. In general, I try to ignore it and let it roll off or try to remind them to be respectful of other people's interests and hobbies. It can be difficult but mostly, it's not bad. I hope things worked out for you...