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When Friends Mess With Your Doll?

May 24, 2010

    1. This topic might have been brought up before, but I couldn't find it recently when I tried looking.

      I love my friends, but I don't think anything annoys me more whenever they mess around, or handle my doll in a way that I really don't like.

      Don't get me wrong, I think it's OK when you have a friend new to dolls and they want to see it for a minute, but when they start to play around with him/her, I get really ticked off. I despise the way that they might handle my doll, a bit too careless and they sometimes touch his face, which really, really, irks me. Like most BJD's, part of my doll's head is held in by magnets, and if you're not careful, that part can fall off really easily. When people are handling him a bit recklessly, like trying to put him in a certain position, that part can fall off, and it's happened to me a few times before. His ears can also fall out too, and if I paid over $300 for my doll, I will not stand for people to handle him that way.

      I also find it extremely sad that I actually have to hide him now whenever I have people over, because they think messing around with my doll is "funny." There have even been cases when I tell people to cut it out, and they still think it's a game, like running away with my doll, which makes me scared to death that there is a possibility of dropping him.

      I'm not sure how clear my point is, but I bet you people have felt the same way too, right? I've even gone as far as to putting my doll in a different room. If friends won't listen, even when you tell them not to touch your doll at all, why bother?
       
    2. I find it disrespectful. -_-*

      I don't go to anyone's home and start rearranging the furniture, going through their personal space or antagonize the household pets. I would expect my friends to respect my home and belongings in return. I'm also 26 so I don't really have friends that play around with me like so.
       
    3. I totally hear ya!

      Yeah..friends won't treat them the same way YOU will since they don't really have the same love for the art as YOU do. Maybe if you explain how intricate the faceups are and the skill that's involved in the whole process of the BJD creation, they will see them in the same light as you do and treat them with a light hand like you do. (like 3 dimensional art) I have done this and have had really good results!
       
    4. I get what you mean. I find it very annoying when they start poking him or well ask silly questions like oh is he a boy or girl, why is he dressed that way. Why don't you do this / that. And honestly there are even those who enjoy pulling his wig off just to laugh at him bald =_= It's just. Irritating!
       
    5. This isn't really a debate since most here would agree that meddling friends are annoying.
       
    6. I'm not really sure where the debate is, but here is my opinion.

      I'm all for giving people a chance, but after they've proven themselves unworthy, they no longer get to handle my possessions. Folks who are new and overly curious usually will respond to a request to not touch certain parts and handle them gently. With various items of mine, I have had to remind people that they are fragile/sharp/alive/ect and usually a quick descisive request will be listened to. Getting agitated and saying things a bit late can get the wrong sort of idea across, like "it doesn't really matter about the object but I don't like that", which is very different from "don't treat that like that". Running with a doll? Now that's really childish, and I assume they're trying to get a reaction out of you. I only deal with two people who actively antagonize others to attempt to get a reaction, and they are my Dad and my sister. I'm stuck with them, but they also have respect enough for another person's items that the dolls aren't of any interest to them.

      When my friends were over, the dolls are kept in my bedroom. I'm not real comfortable with most people entering my bedroom, and seeing as the whole apartment was mine, there was no need for them to go in there in the first place. They only time a swarm of my friends entered my bedroom was to take a good look at my cat, then backed off when she decided that she'd spit at them. My friends don't have to deal with my dolls, and my dolls don't have to be tormented by my friends. Friends know I have them, as they occasionally see pictures, and if they hold interest, they ask about them. I was happy to bring in my girl for a curious friend to get a good look at, but for the most part, I keep them put away.

      In all seriousness, I did have to lay some ground rules down with friends in the past, and perhaps your friends need to be restricted to a different part of your home.
       
    7. Hm. Don't understand where the debate is, but here's my two cents:

      My friends don't care about them (though they're mostly guy friends, and that's to be expected). I'm a little worried about taking them to college in a few months, however, because of the whole roommate-and-all-her-friends thing. I think I'll start out just taking my tinies and see how that works out, 'cause if worse comes to worst I can always stick them in my hoodie pocket and take them with me when i leave or hide them in a drawer.

      I let my 11-year-old sister handle my dolls sometimes, but she only seems interested in the tinies and she knows not to touch the faces.

      Also, uh. Most adult people are respectful of other peoples' property. I'm guessing your friends will grow up eventually.
       
    8. I dunno, my friends don't act like that. Even the goofier ones are aware that these dolls don't come cheap. The only friends of mine that do handle them are fellow doll people so they're careful with them. Sorry you have to deal with that.
       
    9. This is a personal boundaries issue. If you don't want to hide your doll, you could look at getting a display or individual doll case.

      You could reword the OP to make this more of a personal limits/assertiveness and boundaries debate i.e. what do you consider being assertive about handling dolls and what's overreacting?
       
    10. I'm pretty possessive and protective of my stuff. My friends know this. When they see this doll (I haven't told them yet and she's not even here yet) I will certainly give a warning when they notice her. I'll explain to not touch the face and that she costs about as much as my PS3 and 360 put together (when you add up the clothes etc). I'm betting with that explanation they probably won't even touch her. :P That might be overreacting to some, but I think it's better than having something you care about damaged.

      My friends are good people and we're all beyond the age of really worrying about peer pressure and image, so I'm not to worried. We'll see how it goes though.
       
    11. It sounds like you need new friends my dear, you shouldnt ever have to ask friends more then once to cut their crap out. I would be livid if my friends ever did that to me. besides its not fair to you or your doll to be mistreated in such a way.
       
    12. I'm somewhat lucky in that my close friends are either terrified of dolls or polite enough to ask first before they touch my dolls. In fact, one friend was in complete awe at my Dollfie Dream (mouth agape and speechless, :lol:) that I had to sit my doll in her lap. My friends know how much my dolls cost and are respectful.

      If your friends are good people when your doll isn't around, I wouldn't say to drop them completely, ZeldaCake, but perhaps you could start making friends in the doll community as well, and that way you would have some friends to share your dolls with who will know not to play rough.
       
    13. My friends are creeped out by them but I use to take my Dollfie Dream to work and my coworker would wrap her up in napkins and hide her places. I'm sorry you don't touch peoples things without asking first. I think it's rude! I am still scared to touch other people's dolls but if I do ask I will do it very politely.
       
    14. When you tell your friends about the doll, do you do it in a calm, rational way explaining the costs, or do you overreact and seem unreasonable? Because getting irritated just because people are handling them is overreaction to me and not something I would take seriously.

      My friends know they're expensive and to not touch the face, but beyond that, they are free to handle my dolls should any of them be out.
       
    15. Would it help if you tell your friends "This doll costs $XXX. If you break it, you pay it."

      Sometimes people are just clumsy. I once asked my boyfriend to hold one of my dolls and I held out the doll in such a way he could grab the doll around the waist, but he just grabbed it at the head squishing an eyelash. My boyfriend really doesn't think about things like this, but still I was not amused and told my boyfriend that's not how you handle these dolls. Since then he never touches the heads of my dolls.
      People can make honest mistakes, but you have to tell them what they do not know. If they continue to do what you have explicitly told them not to do with your stuff, they are jerks and have no respect towards you. You could do without friends like that.
       
    16. I'm sorry to say this, but maybe you need to find new friends :| I can't tell
      by what you said if you've told them that it's upsetting how they handle your
      doll, and they still don't care, or if you're at all afraid to ask them to be nice...
      because you're worried they'll think it's funny that you care so much about
      your doll? Friends really should know to be respectful of another friends
      "property" which is what your doll is. If they can't understand it upsets you to
      worry that your doll might fall & break by looking at you when they have fun at
      your expense & you're like this ~~>:sweat or :( then they should at least understand
      his monetary value. Would they accept it if you messed around haphazardly with
      a possession of theirs (cell phone, car....child? (joking!)) and injured or broke it?
      If they would be upset then they should understand your feelings. If they would be
      OK with it then you're probably out of luck in hoping they'll be respectful of your doll
      (& your feelings)
      Sadly, IMO, unless you plan on doing any of the following: ask them to treat
      your doll/property with respect (for you) or find new friends..... your best option
      is to simply tuck your doll away safely out of their sight.
       
    17. Have you told them how much they cost and if they break it, they buy you a new one?

      Luckily, my only friend who comes over a lot is my bf and he leaves my dolls alone because they're usually in their chest. But if he decides to mess with them, he's very careful. When I first showed him my dolls, he didn't want to touch them because he was afraid he'd break them so I had to literally force him to hold one and even then, he stood there with hands held outward and a doll laying comfortably across them. 0.o

      But my gma was obsessed with touching faces when she first saw mine and my sister's dolls but she's forgotten that we have them now. I don't mind rough handleing with mine because I do it all the time but I get a little figety when someone touches their faces.
       
    18. For the people who've recommended getting new friends: really?

      Anyone who disrespects you or your property constantly I would say, yeah, you might think about keeping that person out of your life, but I'd try to talk to whomever it was depending on how close they are to me before going that far.

      People can be immature and any sort of attention might make the issue worse. If you know your friend(s) won't respond to any sort of talking to and you're willing to endure that type of personality, then put your expensive things away when you know they'll be around.
       
    19. lol I have no idea if other people said it or just myself...
      but if your friends messing with your doll upsets you enough
      to write a thread about it...then yes, maybe you need to re-evaluate
      your friendships!! If on the other hand you enjoy or even need to
      have toxic relationships then go ahead and keep them as "friends" But
      people who don't care about your feelings and wouldn't understand if
      you tried to tell them something upsets you, well, are they really the
      kind of friends you want in your life? Or better yet...are they really friends?
       
    20. Really really. Friends come and friends go. After you reach a certain age you realize that only the respectful ones are gonna stick around, and there will always be other new friends ready to take the place of the disrespectful ones.

      Personally, my experience with MY friends is telling them "They're not THAT fragile, guys...you can play, honest!" But then again we're all adults who work hard to pay the bills and respect other people's property. My friends know what the dolls cost and they know how many hours they'd have to work to afford one. So they're going to be careful, like you would with anything expensive. But I like it when my friends eventually get over the fear of breaking them and play with them responsibly. It's fun to see men in their mid-30s plonk down on the floor and start playing with dolls, for example. :)