When to call it quits: bonding dilemma

Each person is different, so it could take a couple of weeks for the bond to show up, or a few months.

Personally, I had a difficult time bonding with my Nanuri girl straight off - when she arrived she was clearly never going to fit as the character I wanted her to be which made things difficult. I had no idea who she could possibly be, and trying to force her into an existing storyline wasn't working.
I had her a few weeks in her un-faceupped, basic Nanuri look before I decided that the way she looked really wasn't working, and that I had to do something before I thought of selling her. I ended up modding her eyes open gradually over a few months - trying several looks to see which would work - and during that time she finally gained a name, and by the time her mods were done and cleaned up she had a bit of backstory.
I'm still not completely bonded to her in the same way as my other dolls, who I've adored as soon as I got them out of their boxes, but she's getting there now....but it took nearly 8 months for me to start actually wanting to do anything with her.

I still get occasional moments where I wonder if I should sell her on thanks to my limit and one-out-one-in rule that's now in place, but the more time I spend with her, the harder it gets to think like that

I think, really, people need to think about why they were drawn to the doll in the first place and spend a bit of time finding the right look before thinking of selling them. It seems like some people have their dolls a matter of hours before deciding to get rid of them, and that's not really giving them much of a chance. They might not be the character you want them to be, but that doesn't mean they have to go

 

I'll give it some time, if you decide to sell or keep her, it's entirely your choice. Don't let what other people think dictate what you do, there are too many different opinions and trying to please everyone is never going to happen.

I bought an El during the nanuri event just to get an nanuri. I really liked him on the site and even had the perfect name, hair, eyes waiting for him. I was going to do his faceup and buy him a body. When I saw owner photos I disliked him immediately. It took me months to work up the courage to sell him, he went from being called 'Seiran' to 'Nanu' it told me that I'm never going to bond with him, despite hair/eye/faceup changes.

Similarly it took a good while to bond with my El. I loved him when opening the box but he didn't feel 'right.' Although I had been wanting an El for ages he was too pretty, I had thought of selling him at the start. I tried carrying him everywhere, playing with him and finally found it's his eye colour i dislike and not him, I've yet to order them but I've found the 'perfect' colour after a good 9 months. But after a rough bonding time, I've bonded with him the best now. The harder it took to bond, the more we bonded. I could tell from missing him so much while he was away for a week being sueded.

Give it a little time in case you regret it but whatever your decision should be made by you and not for other people. Each person has a different opinion towards bonding, at the end of the day it's just a doll. If you don't like it, sell it. If you do, keep it. It's that simple.

 

I'm coming at this from the other end of the spectrum...please don't ever feel guilty for selling a doll, no matter how limited, if you aren't bonding. I was the fortunate recipient of one of these dolls in the marketplace...my DD, Gothica, painted by Evenstar. When Evenstar does a doll, they are unique and wonderful. She initially sold my DD on eBay...I couldn't possibly afford her then and watched as she sold to someone else. But the new owner didn't bond. Then she sold again in the marketplace...then again...(I'm assuming it was bonding issues.) When she came up the last time I finally did have the funds! So this bonding story has a happy ending. My point is this...never feel guilty about whether you bond with a doll or not, and certainly never worry about what others think about what you choose to do. That doll is meant for someone. If it isn't you, then the entire community benefits by selling her to someone else who will bond deeply with her and love her like I did my Gothica. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Always the love at first sight isn't the best solution. You buy it, you get it, you play with it and then realize that it wasn't for you/was too perfect. But when it slowly grows on you, then you one day actually know that it's for you. I think giving time is the best solution.

 

I agree with a lot of what's said already. If you don't *need* to sell her now then maybe give her a chance. Play around with her look. Maybe you just didn't get it right the first time. I had to go through about 4 faceups on my first MSD before I realized she was NEVER going to be happy as a sweet lolita in light colours.

Also try having her interact with your other dolls (if you do more than just pose them for display?) and maybe once she warms up to the others you'll see how she fits with them. Or since you did say you have so many maybe do something with just her. Get to know this doll better and take her for a photo shoot or something and see if you like *her*.

If it all fails and you just don't bond at least you gave it a try. No harm in being wrong! I was afraid when I ordered my first 64cm DOT since I had decided they were too big for me, but I loved his face. I saved up and decided why not give it a shot? There's no harm in trying and if it doesn't work there is someone out there who's willing to love him more and I know they really aren't for me. Like you said. There's others out there willing to have her if you just don't bond. And you know you didn't buy her just for resale value. If other people do that's their problem and they don't need to buy her.

No matter what happens make sure it makes you happy! Good Luck!!

 

I think you should call it whenever you are comfortable doing so. Whether that is right away or later, is just up to you. You shouldn't feel guilty about it regardless.

Personally I think if you want to be the most comfortable (all around) with your decision, I'd hold onto it for a short time and see if you really don't want it. Temporary "buyer's remorse" isn't unusual either.

 

I once bought two small dolls that I really loved, but couldn't decide at first what color skin I wanted, BW, or normal skin. I ordered the BW and as soon as they arrived, I took one look at their paper-white skin and knew that I had made a mistake. I sold them after about six months, but I could just as well have sold them immediately because I knew that I could never "bond" with them. I don't think you have to explain anything to anyone if you decide to sell your doll. We buy these dolls, for the most part, before we ever see them in person, and sometimes they just don't work out when they actually arrive.

 

For me, it's at the point that I realize the doll is now frustrating me. For whatever reason. I give them some time, but if after a while, I just can't look at the doll without feeling frustrated or even a bit angry, then... it's time.

 

I usually am thrilled when I get dolls in that I have waited for..but I recently received one, that I waited 3 months for... and I am not sure I really like her...unfortunately she is an off topic doll here, so even if I wanted to sell her I have few places to do so.. but I am not sure why I don't like her, it could be she is in Lilac color and its hard to find a wig that looks good on her, and taking pics makes her look greyish..and her face plates magnet isn't very strong and it keeps coming off....maybe its just a bunch of things...and i know I am not bonding with her....

 

I figure it's a good time to sell when you just don't care anymore. When you look at the doll and say "...why?" Why did you buy it? Why did you like it? When you find yourself casting it aside and forgetting all about it, it's time to sell. There's always a chance to fall in love again if you keep trying, you may find that that wig doesn't work, but this one does.

Whenever you feel that you don't care anymore, it's time to sell.

 

Oh wow!
This is actually a really good topic to talk about.

When I got my DZ Wing it was like "OMFG!!!" because I'de never seen a BJD in real life before and it just shocked me! (in a good way)
I really liked him when he first came.
But as time goes on I find I'm falling more and more in love wih him. To the point that if I go 3 hours without seeing his face I start worrying about him. (yeah, i'm wierd XD)

So I think that even if you start off with a "like" then love can grow. If you just give it time and try real hard (as in spend lots of time with him/her, play, photoshoot, make clothes, talk to him/her etc etc etc)
But if after a really long time you still feel nothing then I think its best to let him/her move on to a new home where it can be loved properly. I know they're "just dolls" and they can't feel but its more for our own peace of mind that we know they are in a good home and being loved.

 

bonding dilemma- when the doll starts looking like my ex....for sale-cheap.(LOL) I had that happen for real.

 

I feel the same way about my Bobobie Cookie. There's nothing wrong with her, she's a sweet doll and beautiful...but she just isn't my Lleucu and she deserves much more than living with me when I wish she was more than she is...but then sometimes I look at her and I think "maybe"...so she's up as a feeler on the Marketplace to see whether there is any interest in her and maybe that will make me make up my mind.

I just feel sad and like a bad dolly owner for not naming her...but if I do name her, maybe I'll get attached and then I won't be able to sell her? It's a hard one to call, but at the moment I feel like I won't be able to bond with her because she arrived on such a bad day.

 

I feel the same way about my Hebe, she and Snug arrived at the same time, so they both count as my first doll but I find myself not really playing with her at all. I mean, she is a beautiful doll, but I just find myself waaay more into my Puki. She deserves someone who loves her and knows how to take better care of her then me.

 

It's hard, isn't it? I seriously think it depends on the doll, actually.

I got a Bambicrony who just fixated me every time I saw her on the board. Got her here and said "whups, THAT was a bad choice..." but I finally ended up swapping her wig about six times and giving her the antithesis of the "cute-Bambicrony-little-girl" look and I think she's here to stay. I have another one like that as well. Limited boy, long out of production, jumped all the heck OVER the chance to get him here, and said... "uh." But oh my that slight smile and those eyes ARE growing on me

And then there was the Dark Elf Soo. How I love looking at that face... when it belongs to someone else. Gosh she's beautiful. But when I had one - briefly - I felt seriously uncomfortable with her here. Absolutely nothing. Tried everything and finally gave up.

As I am doing with my Elfdoll Wu, a wonderful mold who I love dearly but who refuses to talk to me. I've had him here for over a year and tried everything... and finally just gave up. My daughter "Lizardbreath", though, produced a squee to shake the pillars of heaven when I asked if she'd like to have him by earning him through work around the house. (For a not-very-discounted price, let me add! I'm not just giving away a Wu for nothing, darnit all...) She already has a name and plans for him, and he's going to be adored.

OTOH, I had a Puki for about three weeks. Darn they're cute. I love them to bits. But there was nothing there for me.

Only you can tell when it's time to bolt. DO NOT feel guilty if it doesn't work. I think we've all been there. These creatues are too special -- and too pricey -- to keep around if they raise uncomfortable feelings or don't actively give you something back. And the character you have in your heart for them won't go away.... just maybe into a different shell when a better time arrives.

 

I've got this "not bonding" problem with my MNF Shushu elf. I bought her in a panic really because there was a one week order period. At first I just wanted to get the sleeping head, I even PM'ed someone about buying hers. Then I thought "it would actually work out cheaper if I bought a whole one brand new". So I did. Big mistake! I never really loved the Shushu sculpt the first time I saw it, I can't even imagine why I wanted her so much with elf ears.
I tried to give her a faceup, but nothing worked for her. She has no eyelids so it's really tough to paint her. I kept saying "if I can't work things out I'll sell her".
It got to the point where I was taking sale photo's, she was naked in her box and she just seemed to be looking up at me. I started to feel bad, like I hadn't tried enough love her. She looked so pretty and dainty, I couldn't bear to part with her.
I still have her, even though I don't like her a lot I can't give her up. I suppose our bond can't be too bad if I can't let her go yet.

I wonder though, is it possible to un bond? I wonder if I have un bonded with some of my mini boys. I don't even look at my DZ Megi or my MNF El any more. I just don't feel anything for them, even though I adored them a year ago. Sadly selling them will be impossible now. I don't think anyone wants a 2nd hand Megi (they cost so little brand new) and now that there is a new MNF body nobody will want the El. Thats fine with me though. I think I'll hang onto them for memories sake

 

Another facet to this discussion is recognizing when the thrill is gone. I've had a few dolls that I loved initially, that I gradually grew "immune" to over time. I'm in that situation with my Elfdoll K. I thought he had the most striking male face on a bjd when I first saw him. Now, his glower has gone from sexy to surly. I think I just convinced myself to go ahead and sell him. . .

 

I agree with what others said-don't feel guilty for selling but don't make a snap decision either. Sometimes you'll know immediately that you just "do not want!" and others it takes time for you to sort out your true feelings. If you have to put her away for awhile then do it-you might miss her more than you think!

Kuroraka-chan, I think it's definitely possible to un-bond with a doll. People's doll preferences change over time and it's possible that that's happened with you. Nothing to feel bad about-it just happens. I went from loving the heck out of an Saint to madly desiring an El to now killing myself saving for a DK Hara all in the span of 6 months. Just because my idea of a "perfect doll for me" changed

 

This is usually how i tell if theres a bonding problem or not with me and my dolls. xD

There was only ever one doll of mine i was sad to sell, and thats because he was an artist doll and i had watched the process of him being made. and i felt bad towards the artist for selling one of her babies.

I had terrible bonding problems. xD Too much of the buying "Love at first sight" dolls.
I really would not suggest doing that

And Like most people in here i agree, that one shouldnt feel bad about selling and unbonded with doll.

Eventually they will end up at the right home~
and hey think of all the places they get to travel to