When to call it quits: bonding dilemma

With me it is hard to say. My first doll was a DZ Fei. And because he was my first, I was a little clingy and made sure he had everything he needed. So, needless to say, I was hooked. Then, in late march I got his older sister (AoD Juli). With her, I feel I am not bonding at all with her. But then I also think, she isn't anywhere near being completed (clothes, eyes, wigs, etc). I cannot stand her eyes, but have yet to find the perfect ones either. So, I wonder if that may be a problem too. Then, I also wonder if I do not spend as much time with her simply because of her age. My first is 16 and she is 20. So I feel she doesn't need/want me doting over her every five seconds. In which case, it's not that I am not bonding, just that we have an understanding xD (I know I am weird) haha

Recently, I got my "last" one! I love him to pieces! He, just like the first one is 16 as well. So, I can get away with snuggling him (even if he doesn't like it). 3

 

A member here on DOA had the same issue, sort of...she fell out of love with one of her dolls and considered selling him. Rather than do anything rash, she sent him on his "world tour", where he stayed with a few friends of hers who wanted to "try" him, since they thought they wanted his sculpt.

Two weeks later she knew she couldn't sell him, she missed him too much. He's still on "tour" right now due to some circumstances, but she will get him back in time.

Perhaps if you sent your doll "on tour", ryochan, to a trusted friend, you would be able to figure out if you could live without her, and make sure before you sell her.

EDIT: I feel I should share my own experience. I bought a Dollmore Rosee Asha last year as sort of an impulse buy. She was sent straight to the faceup artist once she was paid off. The faceup artist (a friend who did not charge me) took much longer than expected, so I lost three months. When I finally had her back, I found that she continually ended up being "the other doll". As in, she seemed to have no place among the existing group, despite technically being the third doll I purchased. As I am her fourth owner, I did not want to sell her on anymore, I wanted the cycle to end with me, but I just had no idea. I tried bonding, and it did not work. Several months ago, I bought a cute little girl mini that I fell in love with from her photos. I decided, before she came home, that she would be the Asha's girlfriend. Then the girl came home and I put them together...suddenly, my Asha had a new take on her character, her life, and everything. I changed her hair and style of outfit, and then I found the perfect eyes for her here on the Marketplace. That was it, she was officially "in" and I couldn't dream of ever giving her up now. It took about a year, another doll, AND an appearance revamp, but my "other doll" is now part of the group.

 

I would wait on it. Try getting some things for your doll ,doing some photo shoots. I would try to give it a go first before selling.

Bonding can some times be quick and other times slower.6 months is a long time to work ona doll just to sell her right away.Give her a chance!

 

This just recently happened to me. I tell you its sucks like no other. His whole character was set and finally I had the doll that I chose for him. I did his faceup and put his wig on and everything. Then, the love wasn't there. I'd loved the doll, when he was just a picture online, but now that I had him. It wasn't what it was like with my other ones.

I didn't want to think about selling him, once I had finally got him. So I tried to make this work out. I avoided him, cause his eyes would always look at me with this pleading face. then I just took out his eyes. I then redid his faceup with a more natural look and such. I put scissors to his wig and well changed everything about him.

It took a long time, but I finally refell in love with him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, even when you see a doll you love and you finally get them; you still have to give them love in the beginning. Just gotta spend some time with the doll and get to know it again. Obviously you loved it once; hopefully the flame isn't gone forever. I'm so glad I kept my doll and roughed it out. He's precious to me because of that moment, when I just wasn't sure about him.

 

I think that what some people have said about going back to company or owner pictures that made you want the doll in the first place is a great idea. I haven't really had bonding problems myself, but when I was preparing to order my Dollstown Seola, I realised that I needed to be careful, because I hadn't fallen in love just with the sculpt, but with the way she was presented on the site. this was not a doll who I could have gotten a faceup for just anywhere--I think I could have been severely disappointed! but I spent a long time looking at the site photos, trying to figure out which were the aspects of the face that appealed to me and how to describe them, and it worked out perfectly!

so I think if you're having trouble bonding with a doll you previously loved, try looking at pictures you love, and figure out what it is you love in them. it might be something other than what you think, or something that can be expressed in a different way than you've been trying.

 

A lot of people think of their dolls as little people or friends or children and the doll companies encourage this. Therefore, it would make sense you would get to know the doll more over time, as with a real person, as you work out details of your doll's persona.

I'm in a tough place right now. I bought a larger doll and the lack of appropriate clothes and shoes makes it hard sometimes. My doll is also of a historic time period. This pretty much means I need to learn to sew to make her clothes. I feel that until I get her into her correct clothing, it won't feel right.

I do love Lucie...I just am not fully enjoying her because she isn't what I envisioned...YET.

 

I think it's best to give doll more time before branding a bonding dilemma.

My kid delf bory is a good example, he was a birthday present and he arrived almost 2 months after i ordered him (totally missed my birthday >_> when he arrived i'd just gotten back from a stressfull weekend and when i opened the box i didn't feel anything for him. I took him to meets and had his socialise with other dolls and people but nothing worked. So I put my other boy away (i only had the two dolls at the time) and decided to spend a month with just my new boy~ I even tried new clothes on it, new wigs, new eyes, i changed his name, i changed his character, i tried everything. I even considered changing his gender! But the time come where i thought "i think i might need to sell him..." So i put him away in his box for a month. I didn't miss him at all, whilst i love the Bory mold it's just not the right doll for me. So i sold him on and i actually sold him on to a friend of mine so i'll still be able to see him and she even puts him on webcam every now and then. His gone to such a loving home i actually feel happy i sold him, otherwise she never would've gotten him~ (He even had a custom luts face-up which they no longer offer)

So the best method:
Try some one on one bonding
Try new things
Try the box away for a month
Then do the selling if nothing works.

 

I couldn't sell my Little Mish, but probably because she's my first doll. She was, however, an impulse buy (I had been planning on buying another model entirely - then saw her pictures and HAD to have her there and then). I had a lot of buyer's remorse afterwards, and I still get it on and off, where I consider selling her. But I know I couldn't really. I find the cure is spending lots of time with her, changing her appearance periodically and photographing her (I'm a photogrophy geek...)

Because she's so small (25cm) it's easy for me to just carry her about the house and have her with me while I cook or write or sew or watch TV, so having her with me all the time is really easy, and has helped me bond a great deal. I had the initial rush of love when I first unpacked her, then some more remorse, and now this steady, growing bond. So I think it takes time. I would give it a year, with some time spent just with that doll, changing its appearance and clothes and maybe even character until you find something that fits. Take photos and hang out for a while - see if anything clicks.

 

I'm still trying to bond with my AES, I've had her a few months, tried clothes, new eyes, different wigs... I ordered her from Luts because I liked the look of her but now she's here...it's just 'meh.'

The others have either been love at first sight or their characters have opened up to me within 2 weeks. Even the one I didn't choose myself, (birthday present, yes, I know, very lucky indeed,) wasn't difficult to 'find' once I'd played around with her a bit.

I'm giving her a new face up and trying to link her character to one of the girls I've bonded well with in a last ditch attempt to 'find' her. But I'm wondering if we just don't get on.

 

I have never in all my months (now 16) of being involved with BJD ever had a case where if I didn't bond with a doll I made a profit. I have lost as much as $200 on a doll between, PP fees, adding clothes, eyes, wigs just to get the sale. And if I did a long layaway we are talking even more loss in having to pass on other dolls at bargains because I feared I wouldn't be able to finish the payments on it due to people who seem to abuse Layaway with me. So If your able to buy a doll, get it, do what needs to be done to it, esp if your adding the face up yourself, then your entitled if you can get more for it to try. After all factories can charge as much as $65 for a face up, and it's not anything special compared to paying a artist to do as you like for same or even less. So if you can get more more power to you and please share your secret as I would love to stop losing money and maybe break even.

 

Edit: My apologies, off-topic

 

I personally have not had such a dilema.
When I ordered my Tender Too and Tender Bee-a, I mainly just wanted the Tender Too and really didn't want my Tender Bee-a. At first when I got them, I didn't like either of them at all and thought I'd wasted a lot of money on dolls I was not meshing well with.

After I finished my Tender Too's face-up, I fell in love with him. It took a few outfit changes until I really liked my Tender Bee-a. Now I adore taking pictures of both of them. XD

I think I'd give myself some time and try makeovers until I was happy with the doll I had. =3

 

this happened to me recently as i ordered a girlfriend(for my boyfriends BJD) and a little sister(for my soon to order BJD)

I was obsessed with her when i saw her picture on the net an despite the at she was extremely cheap was cute and perfect for the role i had in mind

she arrived late and when i got her (eventually)
I opened the box and for some reason i was'nt as excited as i was with my boyfriends doll(as i ordered him for him and am still waiting for him to pay me back)

despite the fact she was truly mine i felt mildly happy but not half as excited as i did with the boy

it did'nt help that she wasn't strung properly as she didn't feel like she had any life if you know what i mean and felt just like well...a lifeless doll

i felt really upset as she was very cute and pretty but i just couldn't bond with her

It wasn't until a few days later when i looked at her again that i began to become really excited about her being with me and thus our bond began and since then i love her too bits

i dont know what caused my sudden obsession with her but whatever the reason i am glad i have her now

 

I would try putting him/her aside for a while. Just like with people in relationships, time apart may be the best thing. Perhaps let her/him visit with a close friend for a while. Then come back and see how you feel, spend a few more weeks/months trying to bond and then decide to keep or sell.

 

When I first got into BJD;s it was on account of getting a Narsha boy for my daughter. When I first bought my own, Soulkid Chase a few months later I thought she was lovely but my heart did no backflips.
I then saw pictures of Dollstown Seola and was smitten
I spent many hours staring at all of the Dollstown sculpts and thought I wanted each and every one. I ended up with many heads and Dollstown Soph who I actually thought was not my thing but turns out she is a constant source of adoration and since then a few other DT's but now I am not afraid to try buying a head and seeing how I feel. If after a few attempts at face and outfit it is not right. well then I have sold those ones on to people who may have different tugs at their heart strings. Oh well, I have lost a few dollars here and there but found what is lasting pleasure in having what I really enjoy. Not a huge family but a considered and content one

 

The problem is that once you order something you start rehearsing in your mind what it is going to be like to actually have it and hold it, and then when it comes you have a reality situation that might not quite compare to the fantasy version you've had months to build up and distort. The longer the wait the worse the reality can be.

There is alot of discussion in this hobby about bonding and talk of dolls as if they are alive, and much of that does wear off on others. I think sometimes even totally sane people can expect/hope there to be some kind of connection between themselves and a chunk of resin. And when they find the magic isn't actually there in reality, it can be a bit of an anticlimax.

I'd say give it the same amount of time as you've had to wait for it before deciding what to do.

 

Well I can finally post here since ive just had the same problem.

I bought a DIM Flowne doll back in march, I did a decent amount of research and had decided that msd would be the right size for me since I have such limited space.
I grabbed a tape measure and took it around the house comparing the size to other things so I could get a feel of what she'd be like when she arrived.
I decided on names and background stories for when shed get here and even though I had problems with parcel force not delivering her on the right day my excitement didn’t fade.

But when I opened the box I was struck by how big she was, it seems tape measures cant really give you a feel for how big bjds are after all lol

So I took her out and tried to play with her a little, seeing if the bond was there...but it really wasn’t she's very pretty but she's just not my type of thing, and her size was a big factor for me, I was hoping to have something I could sit next to me etc etc, but there's just no room for her

So after about 2 weeks ive decided to try and get someone else to adopt her, I know people say give it time and you may come around, but as they say, different strokes for different folks some people just know when they’re compatible or not in a very short amount of time and some people take longer.

So I think you should really just go with what feels right, if you really have no interest in the doll but your keeping it because your worried that if you don’t people will disapprove then I don’t think that’s right but if you genuinely think there is a chance you’ll grow to love it again and it may just be a phase, then keep it and see what happens

 

I've had the same problem with bonding and trying to like a doll that I had order.

I got my first doll, a CP Soony, and there was an instant love. I really loved her face, body and everything about her and never had any trouble bonding with her. But with my second it was completely different.

I spent a long time, around 18 months, saving and deciding on who would be my second and look at hundreds of pictures of soo many sculpts before settling on an AR Diana. When she arrived here and I got her out of the box I was really under-welmed. There was nothing there that I had seen on the pictures and I actually disliked the doll. Still I tried for about a month to bond with her, changing her eyes, clothes, hair, pretty much everything, but I still couldn't.

I decided that she should go someone who really liked her and sold her.

I would say to try changing the things about your doll that you can and try playing with them, if you still can't bond, sell them for a doll that you really want.

 

Oh, what an interesting debate ^_^

I myself have had bonding issues with a doll--my first one actually.

At first, I didn't know what was wrong. Since Godo was my first and only doll, I didn't know what actual "bonding" felt like. I guess you could say that I didn't know of feelings other than the ones I had for him.

Then, after several months, I ordered my second boy, Vincent. It was instant love. He would never leave my side, even at night or when I was at the computer. I even managed to get his supposedly stubborn DiM minimee body to pose and cooperate.

At the same time, things got worse with Godo. Whenever I took him out, I immediately put him away after a few minutes simply because I couldn't stand being near him. It didn't feel right holding him. I'm afraid that I can't explain it any better than this.

So in a way, my second doll, Vincent, taught me what actual bonding feels like. I realized then that I had been having bonding issues with Godo all along. I just didn't know what the problem was at that time.


In fact, now that I think about it, things were off with Godo all along. I didn't play with him much if at all. He would live in the little bed room that I made him for months--I didn't even miss him.

I was also constantly afraid of breaking or damaging Godo. WIth Vincent, I'm not afraid. Oh, I am still careful with Vincent, but I don't hold him as if he were made out of glass and could break at any moment. In short, I am more comfortable with Vincent than I was with Godo.

Lastly, although this might sound silly, I was afraid of Godo. Still am. I have a very active imagination, so I keep on worrying that he might come alive at night and get me Oddly enough, I feel safer with Vincent.

As of now, I'm searching for a better home for Godo. He's really beautiful and I still like him as a doll... but I really would prefer seeing him with someone who can love him and give him all the attention that he needs ^.^


In conclusion, I'd say to give your doll a chance (Godo had about 7 months with me). Try sewing for him or spending time with him. The apperance of your doll can also be important, so try changing his looks around, or going for different styles (ie: gothic, punk, fantasy, formal, etc). That might help. Sometimes, a second doll might help you realize your feelings for your first doll and whether or not you've been bonding. (Like my situation with Godo and Vincent).

However, when you can't stand being around a certain doll up to the point where you put him away after several minutes, or are afraid of said doll... then you are probably not bonding.

 

In my opinion it's possible to bond with any doll, you just need to give it the right look and character, if you can't get on with it then change it, that's what these dolls are all about.