When to call it quits: bonding dilemma

give yourself some time to become inspired and possibly bond. Sometimes when you've been waiting for something for so long, the actual achievement can leave you a little deflated & uninspired. If you're not in need of the cash, give yourself a few months. If you still don't feel a connection then it's probably time to re-home.

 

Give it some time. Play with her, try a different face up or two, and try different clothes/wigs/eyes.

You may find something certain will spark a more intense interest in her, or you may just end up having her grow on you over time.

Nothing wrong with keeping her around for a while though, even if you don't feel bonded. There's plenty of time to decide whether to give up the ghost or not, so don't feel rushed to make a decision on it now.

 

I've been in this position a couple of times and I just waited. I wanted to give them a chance so I created characters for them, got their outfits and wigs, etc, took them to meets, took photos of them... Everything I'd do with any other doll. But these two particular dolls just didn't work out, and after a few months you just know. Especially with the photos, actually, I felt no pride or silly happiness at seeing them and I LOVE taking photos, so that was a huge indication to me.

However, one doll I was considering selling after my wedding due to financial reasons and, now I see, stress, I came home to after the honeymoon and changed their clothes to get them ready to sell and... fell in love all over again! Those two weeks away from my dolls, when I thought I might come back and just sell them all (damn wedding stress), actually made me love them all anew when I saw them.

So yeah, it can go either way, but in both instances you just have to give it time. Good luck, I hope it works out for you whatever you decide ^^

 

Think about another doll concept you have and whether it would make you happier to have that one, if so it's worth selling and buying a new one
If you really cannot decide, put your doll all in the box and put them away as if your going to sell them. If you feel like they're saying "nooo mommy" then they're probably a keeper.

 

I can totally relate to you right now! I'm having the same problem with a doll that hasn't even arrived yet!

Try looking around at other dolls of the same sculpt. Find out what you like about them (maybe they have a certain wig, face-up, eye color, etc. that you would like on your girl)

If there's something about the girl that you just can't like, then sell her regardless of what people might "think" your trying to do. (You could even explain that you just couldn't bond with her if it really bothers you so much) Or just put her away for a while, maybe in a few days, weeks, months, whatever you'll like her more than you expected to.

Right now, I'm trying to keep my hopes up for a doll that my mother bought for me without telling me until she had already made a payment. I'm terrified that I'll hate the poor doll, and It would be rude of me to sell him since my mother bought him for me. But I know that looking around at other people's dolls has really helped me and got me to start thinking about what I "could" do to make the doll into something I really love.

Good Luck!

 

If you still don't feel any bond with the darling after so many months, it's perfectly acceptable to sell her. And if you explain that it was not bought to be re-sold originally, people will not think that! :3

Hopefully she will grow on you, and you won't be forced to sell her. But, all else fails, try other heads or sell.
And if she's as wanted as you say she is, someone out there will definitely find themselves bonding with her. So she'll go to a nice home!

 

When I first got Davey, I didn't really play with her much... I even slightly considered selling her. But now, I love her. It took a few months but now, I don't think I could ever sell her! I'd say it took me around 3 or so months to truely fall in love with her... My advice to you is wait for a little while... At least a few months... And see if your bond grows.

~Chaos

 

I'm only a beginner, with my very first doll, but I've experienced something similar with other things, usually expensive things like gothic lolita clothes.
In fact, I even sold one pink gown at a loss because I couldn't stand it.
My advice is, sell it if you think what you got was different from what you wanted (ie. doesn't look or feel the same). But if you think you got what you bought, and it's just that you don't love it *yet*, then keep it for one or two months before considering again, because you might change your mind.

 

I'm am too a beginer with my first doll and here is my story.

I decided I just couldn't buy online I just had to hold it in my hands. I had no plan of action other than maybe, just maybe, I'll talk myself into driving to the volks store in LA (8 hour drive) to buy one but the problem was, I didn't really like any of their faces.

A year later I found out about the dollectable convention in San Francisco (15 min drive away) how lucky was I! I did research and found that the dealers there carried the doll I had been looking for, soulkid: Ahee. so I got my cash and went.

When I got there NOBODY actually had one to sell at the show. After all that work and waiting and 40$ just to get in the convention I was going home empty handed? I was heartbroken, so in my pain I hastily bought soulkid Miribyeol on the rebound. I bought some accessories and got home only to look at a doll that just wasn't what I imagined her to be. I played around with her a bit that night and wondered what might of been if she was ahee. I even found myself doubting the whole bjd idea. How could people be so into this?. The posters on DOA are all so loving and involved with their dolls, and I didn't feel this way, should I settle for less. I went to bed thinking these things.

when I woke up that morning, and the first thing I saw was my doll wearing the outfit I had painstakenly sewn based on the measurements from the website, sitting on the doll bed from Ikea I had bought a month in advance, I noticed that I was looking at her at eyelevel for the first time, and she seemed to make eye contact with me.

Her hair was messy so i quickly fixed just cuz. I noticed her shoe fell off so I put it on. Then I noticed one shoe didn't fit right. Out of frustration I ended up spending an hour fixing that dumb shoe. When I finally got it right I felt a since of acomplishment knowing that I done at least a little something to make this doll a bit better than before.

That's when it clicked. I suddenly knew she was the doll i was meant to have. I like her more and more with every hour of effort I put into her clothes, make up, etc.
Sometimes its love at first sight, but most of the time, like in real life, you have to work at it.

Like many of the suggestions on this page, i say you do something for her, make something for her and if you don't feel that sense of accomplishment and pride, then maybe it's better to give the opportunity to do this for someone else.
Good luck!


p.s. I've since seen owner pics of Ahee and she's not even as cute as I thought she was. things worked out for the best.

and sorry for the suuuupppper long response

 

i'd say keep trying...and if a year goes by and you still can't bond with that doll, i guess it's time to let them go. there's no point holding onto them, just for them to end up in the attic in a box where no one will love them.

i'm having a lot of trouble bonding with my Ducan. i always feel as if he resents me and dislikes having his picture taken. he always slouches and looks depressed and miserable. i don't know if it's meant to be part of the character he has chosen for himself, but part of me feels bad for buying him. i think he might be upset that his previous owner had to sell him

ok, now i sound crazy.

 

Could it be something about the mold that site pictures didn't show that's making you not bond with her?

I wanted a DoD Homme Ducan for about a year and then I was looking at some owner pictures and he was turned to the side and my God the nose.... I mean no offesne to owners who have a love him but I think if I'd have bought one and got him home I'd have cried. I'm just not a fan of his nose in the slightest.

 

I've fortunately never had to call it myself.

With my last girl, Brodie, I was near it. I'd had her for about a week and half and was just feeling nothing for her. She's adorable, but I just couldn't bring myself to really play with her or anything. It was a little heart breaking that I felt like I couldn't bond with her.

Then, I took her to a doll meet with me. I bought her some new clothes, a new wig, and some other things. Suddenly, she feels like my doll. Something clicked at the meet. She just suddenly "fit" once I had her in the right things. Actually, the things I bought for her aren't even the right things. They're just closed to what I needed for her. A lot closer.

With me, I think it was more or less I had this issue with volks nasia's to begin with. Every one seems to have the same personality, and the default face up. They all have "girl next door" names.




Maybe you just have to knock somethin of the same. A certain personality that doesn't fit your doll, but most people have for that mold, or something of the same effect. Because even though I could see Brodie as what I wanted for her, until she was closer to being there, the bond didn't happen.

 

My problem with my Bobobie Cookie was that I planned for her to be Gwenllian's beloved little sister, who is blind, but has superpowers

When Alaw arrived, I couldn't believe she was blind, she was just permanently asleep and she didn't have the live-wire personality that Gwenllian's sister was supposed to have. I couldn't do anything with her, the clothes were sweet but all wrong, her wig refused to stay on at all...and I despaired. She was also the first BJD that my friends saw and they were a bit "meh" when they saw her, which made me feel even worse.

I felt better about having her when I had to go to my uncle's funeral and really needed a companion, so I sneaked her into my pocket.

Then I saw Blue Ghost's dreadlock wig tutorial and just randomly decided to make Alaw a new wig if she hated her default so much. I bought some wonderful wool with blues and purples running through it and made her a lovely thick wig...and suddenly I knew who Alaw was. She was a rain genie, one-of-a-kind made by the God of a Thousand Names, to vanquish evil djinn and serve humanity.

When Alaw gained a purpose and a backstory, I started to really love her and want her to stay.

 

I have a hard time choosing dolls and bonding with them. When I get a new doll, my immediate reaction is one of three:

1) Um. Very nice doll, but so not what I was expecting.
I don't even try to bond with a doll in this case. This mostly happens when I buy a doll based only on promo pics (but I do it anyway, for dolls that do work out and would have been very hard to get if I'd waited). I've learned the hard way that some companies have more "true to life" pics of their dolls than others. ^^;

2) I really like this doll's sculpt in person!
These can go either way. But if after a week or so they don't find/fit a character, or I'm not feeling the love, then they will be sold. My Hewitt and Maki were both like this; Hewitt I kept, and now love to bits, but Maki didn't work. Sometimes loving a sculpt just isn't enough for me; the doll's character (or lack thereof) is important too. A lot of people give it more time than this, but I have tried waiting longer and it didn't seem to change the outcome. It depends on you though.

3) Eeee! Insta-love!
With some dolls, it really is love right out of the box. Like Nono and Kurumi for me.

 

If I'm having a hard time bonding/liking/enjoying something I tend to put it away and save making a decision of 'what to do with it?' for another day. That way you have time to miss whatever it was and when you see it again your mind has had time to forget what it looked like and your feelings can be more honest. If you still don't like it maybe it's time to let it go..

I haven't experienced a bonding problem with my BJD (I only have 1) but I definately do think about how I would feel when I decide to buy another one.

*hug* I hope it works out for you!

.::::.

 

Put her in a box and then in the bottom of a closet. If you miss her and want to take her out... then there is potential. If you forget about her and only remember a month later she's there... then you can probably sell her!!

 

The bonding process is probably a little different for everyone. For myself, if I were in this situation, I would try to have the doll out for a few months. If it didn't grow on me in that time, then it would be time for the marketplace.

 

i think you should keep the doll you don't love unless you find a doll you do love that you could buy with the money you get from selling the one you don't. and if it does come down to selling it, don't feel bad, she deserves a home where she is loved.

 

I waited just under a year. I called it finally and sold her. What happened I don't know but my doll is in a MUCH better home now and I have my ShinyDoll in her place. I am so happy I let go and sold that doll.

But I waited. I tried new face ups, clothes, photos, poses etc...I just could not love her I was so sad about it while I had her but once I sold her I felt much better. Her new owner loves her YEY and I love my new doll.

 

so far, i have no problem bonding with my 3 dolls. except for one, my DOI boy.
When i first saw him, i saw his picture at a forum, as someone wanted to sell him away. i bought it on impulse, because it is a DOI boy. and i wanted that brand of doll..
the prob is, after i received him, i can't bond well with him at the start. however, i did try to bond with him, through activities. and i tried not to force myself to bond instantly... and it slowly grew more ...