When to call it quits: bonding dilemma

I don't think it's wrong to sell a doll that you're not bonding with... ^^ What you see online and what you see in real life are 2 different things. ^^;; When I'm going to buy a doll, I do research and I look at owners' pictures of the dolls in real life. They can help me decide whether or not to buy that doll I want. But then again... circumstances can make us NOT bonding with our dolls... >.> I recently bought a doll and it's still on the way here, but I already feel that I'm going to hate him. He costs me too much money and I want other dolls now... T^T So I'm thinking of selling him when he got here. But then again, it might become love at first sight when I open his box... Who knows? >_> If not... OFF to ebay you go!~*

 

I have recently had bonding troubles with one of my dolls. It was a tiny and I just don't like the face in person as much as I did online. I am selling her to someone who will hopefully give her more love than I ever could. I am also having bonding troubles with another tiny that I have...mainly because I have fixed her feet 2 times and it is getting rather annoying. But I think that if you have bonding troubles...maybe wait a bit...unless you just cannot connect whatsoever. I got the doll a day or so ago and haven't been able to connect with her at all. Instead of keeping her and putting her in a box somewhere to forget, I would like to sell her and get another doll I've been eyeballing for a long time. The other one with the foot troubles...I am selling her...but buying the exact same doll. Why? Because I love the sculpt and I just wanted it in newer condition. And wow...I wasn't much help was I?

 

I had it happen twice, one of the times after months things have fallen into place, the other...well, the tiny size is just to tiny for me, so he'll have to go.

I had hoped never to misjudge what I would want from a doll and have to sell, but there is no point in keeping that much money held up in someting you do nothing with, that someone else may happily take off your hands.

 

Well, when I got my EL - my first and only doll - a few weeks ago, I think we went through a bonding sort of "crisis". Not a dilemna, so to speak, because when I opened the box, I thought he was beautiful, and he is still beautiful to me. But then, a few days after that, I begin to think that he wasn't right for me, maybe he was too big, or perhaps I would've done better with an MSD, or something. I was close to selling him, I wanted to write him a feeler post and see if anyone wanted him. Which, looking back, was kinda stupid, because I'd only had him for, like, a week. Way too soon to call it quits.

But then I must clarify something: there was a mistake with his shipping, and before he reached me, he actually went to the wrong country, and I had to ship back the doll they sent me wrongly, and have the other person ship my doll back to Korea, and that added to the waiting, and was one frustrating week for me as I had to deal with the company and clear things up.

I have a feeling, looking back, that this trouble colored my bonding with him. But on another hand, it wasn't his fault that it happened. Once I got that into my mind and started to try and enjoy him, it got better. I started to feel more secure about actually cuddling him and being not-so-gentle, and he's in turn now demanding a new wig (shorter, and not so dark colored, methinks it would be the equivalent of a bleach+cut for a human xD) and he doesn't want to wear frilly white clothes all the time.

So yeah. I agree with the poster who said that sometimes it's due to the anticlimax you get after forming fantasies of how it's going to be like, during the waiting process. I had to wait doubly long because of the trouble, which only intensified the "fantasy" so to speak.

But now I feel like I can't do without him, and I want to smack myself for even writing a feeler post!

 

I also had a sort of problem like this.
It wasn't a limited doll or whatsoever.
But it was an impulse buy.
I loved her every minute I had her in my posession.
But she just made me unhappy, it wasn't the right charachter or mold.
I bonded with her in the beginning, but that started to fade and I didn't know what to do with her anymore.
I tried to give it some time and change her charachter and appareance, but that still wasn't working for me.
So I decided to sell her.
I regret that decision, it was a stupid mistake I made, I should've given her more time.

So the only thing I can say is give it some time, so you won't make the wrong decision.

 

It's really kind of one of those things that you can't quite define. My first doll, I had her for over a year and despite multiple eye, wig, and clothing changes, even body blushing and the full works... I was unable to bond with her. But because she was the doll that got me into collecting, it was hard for me to admit it.

I've had dolls that I've opened the box, with the full intent to resell, and fallen completely in love with.

There are some molds that I absolutely adore, but once they're in my home it's like....meh.

One of the things that I discovered was the problem with all the dolls with whom I didn't bond was that I had a personality, name, style, etc, already in mind for them when they arrived. And those generally didn't end up staying with me. Either I ended up "letting the doll tell me" how it should be (tried other things until I found something that made me think, "Oh! There you are!"), or finding a new home for it.

Then again, there was one doll I wasn't sure if I was going to love, tried one faceup, and almost despaired... but after her second faceup, in a completely different direction, I knew how she was meant to be, and that she does indeed belong here.

It depends on the doll, and on how willing you are to try and try. If you feel like you might get pangs of guilt, it might be because something's telling you that the doll could be perfect, and yours. Keep trying!

...but I wouldn't recommend waiting a whole year before realizing it's not going to happen, like I did. I got so frustrated every time I looked at her, and now she's in a new home where she's VERY appreciated and already bonding!

 

Well... That's a tough topic !It happened to me two times. One time, I received my tiny and I adored her. Then, a month passed and I found myself playing less and less with her, I found her insignificant and no so attractive anymore. I gave the doll another month to see if she could re grow my attention. But it was the same and I decided to sell her. With the money, I got a new doll and for this one, it was love at first sight !

The second was a boy and when I opened his box, I did not fall in love at all. He was ordinary, too childish and without personnality. I kept him two months to see if I could bond with him. Then, one day i realized that I had never taken A SINGLE picture of him alone. That's when I decided to sell him, I never played with him !!! The result was that I traded him with another boy and I love this one much better !!!

 

Oh yes, the bonding dilemma. I've sold dolls because of lack of bonding two times, which isn't easy for me as I rarely do impulse buys so I'm pretty sure I'll like the dollie before she gets here. I'm pretty sure I would have bonded with the dolls I've sold as well if I didn't already have what I thought was "too many". I never regretted selling those dolls though. I'm happy I did actually, becuase I'm one of those doll persons who just can't be happy if I have to many. If you are not bonding with your doll, I think it's more than ok to sell her.

 

I'm a very fickle person... one minute I love the doll and the next they're up for sale. I tend to fall in love very easily with a doll, but sometimes it's like a "summer crush" that fades away over a rather short time. This is bad because I lose money, but I can't help being indecisive

One doll I had to get rid of because I didn't like her "duck" neck and her body was way too floppy.

Another doll turned out to have a very unattractive body and the head was too childish for my tastes. So off he went.

Yet another doll was again too floppy and I didn't like her default faceup (couldn't be bothered to change it). She was a limited edition so I did not have time to gage whether or not I really liked her and it ended up being an impulse purchase.

To solve this problem, I now will wait and see if I still love the doll at least a month or so from the first time I see their sales pictures. This way, if I find myself continuously returning to look at their pictures, that means I will probably love this doll forever. Of course, limited dolls are usually sold out before a month is up, so this means I won't buy them anymore...

 

I guess when it comes to limited dolls, or temporary opportunities, I have a very easy time realizing that the time constraints should never rush me into purchasing something that will not be available later. I always take my time, think it over, enjoy that process however slow, and if said item is no longer available by the time I have decided and saved up my money, then, que sera, it was never meant to be.
Lluvie, my Dolkot Leaf, was a limited item. At the time, she was Leaf Navy Ver. 02, and Dolkot told me she was one of a kind and that she would cost $1000. But the thought of her filled me with joy day and night, and I prayed about it, and decided, if I can earn that much money and she's still available, and I still want and love her, then I'll do it.
Turns out, I could order her through Dollmore, request special make-up, and only pay $650. If things had turned out differently, I probably would never have brought her home, but then, I would still have had no regrets.
For me, having now experienced the actual process of ordering and meeting a doll in person (seeing the differences between the vendor photo and the real-deal, noticing the small mistakes that can occur), I probably would not purchase any doll that I had not sufficiently bonded with long ago, and in whom something special to me already dwelt. Lluvie came to me with a slightly different face-up (somewhere between Limited and normal, so still one of a kind :P), a hairline crack in her knee joint, and she has never been able to stand properly...but she had already been a part of me, on my mind day and night, and none of these things made me love her any less.

 

I personally havent missed the few dolls that i have adopted out. I dont feel comfortable with a large family so its best to just keep the ones you REALLY like. So no there is nothing wrong with ' moving them on '.

 

You just wrote how I have felt many of times. Or worse you love everything about them but they just sit there and you never "play" with them.
I once purchased a Dollzone Alister he was a LE and it was get him now before he is gone. I got caught up in the hype and really did not research him at all. When he arrived it was instant, oh he's nice and he really is a gorgeous doll he just wasnt for me and if I would have just taken the time to ponder it I might have not ordered him.
I have also changed my taste in what dolls I like especially the more I see dolls in person. They can look very different in person than in photograph's especially companies that do a lot of photo shop.
I do feel a twinge of guilt but usually when I sell a doll it is either to buy another or pay a bill which is very important.

 

Really, the best thing you can do is give it time. I got my E-an just under a month ago, and after only having her for a couple weeks I was considering selling her. There was another doll in the marketplace that was just killing me, and the only way I'd even be close to getting the funds for her meant that someone would have to go - and Feu was first on the chopping block since I didn't love her that much yet.

Fortunately, my roommate was around to point out the last word in that sentence - yet. I needed to at least give her a chance, since I was so excited about her for so long, and shouldn't be rash about getting rid of her that quick. Now that I've had some time to think about it, I realized the problem - she arrived while I had a LOT of stuff going wrong in my life. I was in the middle of a seriously tough time at school and was fighting off depression, and that was coloring how I saw her pretty heavily. Once I got a break and could see clearly, I knew that she needed to stay.


That said though, a timer is running. Dolls are an expensive thing to have sit around and go "well, it deserves a chance!" If you find yourself months down the line feeling the same way, then yeah. Sell away. Nobody will think anything bad of you if that's the case, since it happens to so many of us - and if they do, well, they're douchebags and you're free to ignore them since their opinion means nothing in your own personal matters.

 

For me, I give it time if I feel really mixed because I think it's gorgeous but I'm just not feeling them as is. I try some different eyes, hair, clothes. Sometimes it works. In the recent case I had with the SE Akando, I had mixed feelings about ordering him from the start. Despite the fact that his build and skintone are perfect for my beloved OC, the doll just isn't what I want. He's too big for me, too realistic to be with the delf we wanted withouth looking awkward etc. In that case I know it's not bonding, it's simply not the right fit and I don't believe time will fix that. I think you need to think about what your personal reactions are and read into it to decide if time may be the fixer or if it really just isn't a good fit.

 

I had mixed feelings with my dolls, too c:
I loved their photos, then when I got them I was unsure, but after a while of playing with them I fell in love all over again =D

I don't think it's a good idea to just say "Oh... I don't like it after all, so I'll sell it" right away. Always give yourself time. Us humans are a strange bunch, we tend to act without thinking or decide we don't like something without giving it a real chance.
I think that it's more likely you'll end up loving a doll you buy rather than still not liking it after a while of owning them (as long as you don't just lock them away and never look at them that is)
If you're sure they're not for you after you have waited a decent amount of time, then sell them on c: at least that way you won't regret it.
I'm glad I didn't sell mine =D

 

I know this doesn't neccessarily fit but I think waiting is always better. After all if it's such a coveted doll then when you need emergency cash it should sell soon right? That's what happened with me I searched and searched for over a year till I found one worth buying. I finally found one and it was one I just kept looking at through out the whole year. The moment I realized that I kept going back to her and fell I should get her I feel in love. So wait is what I think.

 

This pretty much sums up the truth of the matter.

Although I have noticed in the community setting there seems to be an emphasis on what other people will think which really should not come to in to the picture. You could even have a doll, keep it for many years, post several albums worth of pictures and still sell it to get a new doll. You're not a bad person for doing this.

The important part is that you are getting enjoyment from your purchase. If you aren't getting any enjoyment - why keep it?

 

I think keeping the doll for a while, trying to bond and continuing taking photos, dressing, etc would be the best option. I wouldn't want to regret a decision later. If in a months time or so i would probably call it quits if i still didn't get anything.

 

I did this with my first doll. To be honest, I just hated her body- loved her face, but hated her body. And, apparently, what I didn't know at the time is that bodies are really important to me when I choose a doll...
When my second doll came, I realised I was playing with her far more than my first... so I put my first away in a box, and enjoyed my second- lots of bonding, face-ups and body blushing etc.
When I got her out last week, I realised that i didn't really like her face that much anymore, and that she didn't go with either of my other two dolls (she was just too smiley!) so I am passing her onto my younger sister with no guilt at all.