why are doll collectors so "creepy"

*pat pat* Relax, relax. Everything's OK. Nobody's asking you to change your collecting style or your playing style! You're happy as you are, relating to your dolls as you do, while being seen as creepy-- but there are a lot of people here who aren't happy with that. For these people, there's 3 choices of action: (A) stay as-is, and be miserable with themselves; (B) give up their dolls or go into the closet about them, just so that other people won't think they're creepy, which I doubt anyone really wants to do; or (C) realize that they're OK just as they are even if they are seen as creepy.

I don't cart my dolls around or pretend they're alive or talk to them in public either, but that doesn't keep me from being branded Creepy-- merely by dint of being a Doll Person. As Lulu said, that's just the way it is. As such, I go for option "C", because it simply makes the most sense.

I have no idea where you got the "GTFO if you don't match this play style" part, because that was never even mentioned-- I think you just extrapolated this & added it in there because you're upset. Which is OK, because this is a sensitive hotbutton for a lot of people.

 

Thanks for the patronizing lecture. I've never gotten flak for owning dolls, I've never been called creepy or looked at funny for it either. Saying you're guaranteed to be some kind of social outcast so you might as well embrace it and be as creepy as possible is a very off-putting and strange concept to me.

 

True, and implying that anyone who's had a highly judgemental experience flung at them and wants to own that is off-putting and strange is also pretty harsh. It may just be possible, maybe-maybe, that your experience is not the norm or the only way when it comes to collecing dolls, and that you're actually incredibly lucky to share your hobby with the world and get no negativity back for it. As for me, I've had someone I considered a pretty good friend run out of my house calling my collection 'devil-children dolls' and saying I was going to end up in hell for collecting them (needless to say we are no longer friends), and other people tell me it was all right and 'just a hobby' to my face, only for me to learn later that they did not think this behind my back (also not needed in my life).

So no, I don't share with the world I interact with daily that I do collect dolls, the way I can tell folks comfortably I collect crystal or fine art. At my current workplace, which is pretty liberal, I've told one person (it slipped out accidentally) who's, er, out there herself creatively, and she was pretty much 'so you can make clothes for them' about it, which was good, but she didn't like the painting faces on them as much, and she's an artist dammit. I would never be able to, say, introduce her to fantasy parts dolls easily, I can already tell.

Now I work in a mostly-guy industry where I'm already considered a weirdo just because I'm there, so believe me when I say I would be stomped on verbally if the guys knew I was truly girly-girl doll collector behind the scenes! Weirdo is a context as much as anything else, my sister, who's also in the hobby, works in a different branch of the company and has shared her hobby openly, and people are very supportive and curious, and don't think it's odd at all. I think if you can be open about your hobby and get no flak, more power to you. But just like my experiences don't invalidate open acceptance, someone's open acceptance doesn't invalidate that I get a lot of hate for this hobby too.

.hlp

 

Rejecting everyone before they reject you, turtling up and pushing everyone away, branding yourself a "creep" and deciding you will never be accepted...none of that is going to make you feel good, it might keep you safe for a while but when you're the only one inside that shell it's pretty lonely. You can be a normal person with an excentric hobby, you have to have confidence in yourself.

 

I think maybe you're reading a bit more into this than people are saying tbh. Personally, I don't "reject everyone before they reject me", I don't really feel the need to bring up my hobbies with people on the whole and should the subject arise, I don't hit creepy mode unless the person I'm talking to suddenly kicks into an extreme reaction like the one heidipay mentioned. Then, frankly, it's fair game on them since freaked out so much over nothing *snort* Anyone with a reaction outside of flailing idiocy just gets a perfectly normal explanation of what they are and why I collect.

I kind've resent the implication that simply because I don't pander to the ridiculous crap people throw at doll collectors, I must also surely be lonely and unhappy in myself too btw, that's a pretty massive leap to take! I'm quite content occasionally freaking someone out with my dolls because they behaved like an idiot when they found out about them, thanks! It's actually quite fun!

 

Not to speak for anyone, but the issue that people are taking with this is that it isn't necessarily the way it is. It might be, and I'm all for everyone embracing their own truths, but a personal truth isn't necessarily a universal one (I know, that's probably obvious, but when the personal is expressed as an absolute, it shouldn't be surprising that people will take exception to it). Take this part:

I think for a lot of people, there isn't a "Doll People" identity - collecting is a hobby, and nothing more. So a dramatic "You'll always be creepy" is a little over the top (I'm not sure if it's supposed to echo certain film references, and if so which ones, since changes the tone as well). For the people for whom it is an identifier, that's awesome, but the "always" makes a universal claim that I don't think is reflective of reality.

And it's the same with the idea of "Normals" - I don't think they exist. What would they even look like? Is there such a thing as someone who is perfectly average and standard in their every interest (and demographic grouping)? People tend to judge anything that differs from them, but that doesn't make them normal - someone is probably out there rolling their eyes at whatever it is that they do in their free time as well.

So true!

And just as an aside, since this has come up here (and in the piles of other "creepy" threads) if someone calls a doll creepy, that's certainly not the same as calling the person who collects those dolls creepy. Again, I'm all for claiming it if you love it (I call my doll photo folder "creepy dolls" because it amuses me) but I think it's worth pointing out that it doesn't need to be made more personal than it really is for people who are uncomfortable with it. You are not your toys, and all that.

 

Now that, I don't believe. You may not be receiving words per say, but are you getting looks? Never know what people are thinking of you and your 'creepy' hobby.

 

Since not everyone takes their dolls outside, where would those looks be coming from?



Also, I wouldn't be surprised if lots of people don't consider a little mild teasing to be insulting/taking flak. A response of "Oh, creepy" or "Wow, that's insanely expensive" is often just a throw-away comment and not actually a sign that they think you're a creep or insane. I could easily hear those things and not consider them to be even remotely insulting (or a sign of the speaker being a "Normal").

 

Non-collecting family/friends who come over to visit. Not everyone is crass/rude enough to say what they think is 'strange', creepy', 'immature' out loud to another person's face, it doesn't mean that they are aren't thinking it.

Edit: which brings this to mind:

 

Man if I said half the stuff I thought I'd be in trouble, and I know I can't be the only one. There are a lot of things I don't care for or just think are plain stupid, but don't say as such because what other people do with their time money, whatever whatever is none of my business.

 

If they're keeping it themselves then who cares? And how does that invalidate the experiences of someone who hasn't been openly insulted?

 

Honestly, i went to my first meetup a few weeks ago, and the people passing by (we were in a very public state park in a large city (Cleveland) seemed most curious. Some stopped and talked for up to 15-20 minutes about the dolls, where they were from, what sizes, colors, etc, asking questions about the hobby. Only one dude going by on a bike said anything weird or rude.

A lot of people asked if the dolls were for sell / seemed interested in them themselves. Non doll people, all different ages, skintones, nationalities, etc.

And the people at the meet were equally nice and open in explaining about the dolls to the non doll people.

I have heard and seen other examples though too of people being less accepting.

I talk openly about my dolls, and all of my hobbies. I even talked about them at work before. What people think about them or me is fine. people are entitled to their own opinions it doesn't bother me much.

I find it very, very weird / odd /unusual that people IN the hobby (IE on this forum) find the "lingo" to be "creepy" as it is very err "standard" to refer to the dolls as him/her and refer to them as having personalities, hobbies, interests, likes, dislikes, etc, but to each their own. At the end of the day they are just dolls and how one member chooses to reference or behave around their collection is not the only way there is

 

Well, I own dolls and I don't think I'm creepy. -resumes stuffing a dead rat-

Okay, maybe just a little. -drops rat skull into boiling water-

But it has nothing to do with the dolls! -looks down at pile of faceupless floating heads-

 

To be honest, when I first learned about BJDs, I thought they were creepy, and kind of made the assumption that their owners must be a little, too. Of course, I've since learned the error of my ways, although of course there are cases where some dolls and doll owners are a little creepy, but as people have said before, you'll have that with anything. Calling your doll "my girl" or "my boy" or by their name or something makes sense to me, since you've put a lot of time, effort, money and imagination into these. Admittedly, calling them your "children" is a little weird. I definitely agree, though, that someone someday is going to think your weird for being a doll collector no matter what--it's just the stigma that goes along. You can either deal with and roll with the punches, or perhaps try and change their viewpoint. Admitting this potential scenario does not make you "Rejecting everyone before they reject you, turtling up and pushing everyone away, branding yourself a "creep" and deciding you will never be accepted." Rather it is just preparing for potential scenarios so you can deal with them in a constructive way without taking a hit to your self confidence.

 

I feel like one can easily avoid the "creepy" tag with a little discretion. I have a few dolls. I live with one person who collects them and two people who don't. The two who don't are totally cool with me and do not find me creepy because I made a point of living with people who I count as close friends (one of the two who doesn't collect them is my boyfriend, durr). Being close friends, they aren't the sort of people who are going to judge me or saddle me with labels.

It's pretty obvious to anyone who meets me that I'm a nerd. I love video games and comic books and the like, and I'm pretty open with those sort of hobbies because they're things that the general populace understands. No one thinks I'm creepy for being a nerd. I have friends who aren't nerds and I'm a pretty social person.

The trick comes in spending a bit of time getting to know the people you are friends with. Not everyone I'm friends with would understand the doll hobby, and so I don't bother talking about it to those people. They can't judge what they don't know. I don't consider this a bad thing. Anyone who's had friends from various groups of people should understand how to filter things. Say you're into sports but also comics - you don't talk to your sports friends about comics and you don't talk to your comic friends about sports, unless there is some over-lay.

Granted I don't avoid talking about my dolls to my non-doll (or really, non-nerd) friends because I'm afraid of being branded "creepy". I actually like creepy things, and I don't really give two butts about what anyone thinks of me. I just avoid talking about my dolls to non-doll folks because it's polite. I know I'd be bored to tears if one of my friends decided to regale me with epic tales of some sport I didn't care about.

I really think a lot of people want to feel persecuted though. Yes, there are always going to be the occasional Negative Nancy trying to piss in your cheerios, but for the most part strangers will approach you more with curiosity than derision. I find that the people most likely to react negatively are teenagers, and in that case they're usually just trying to act tough (because being a jerk means you're tough and cool, amirite?). As for the people who have had friends react with violent and judgmental reactions, I can't help but wonder why you were friends in the first place. I have friends who might think the money I spend on dolls is absurd, but none of them would ever react so rudely. I try to choose my friends carefully, though. Quality over quantity!

As for assuming that people in the hobby are creepy because of what you can find on the forums, I'll just throw my vote in with the "there are weirdos in every hobby" crowd. As someone who has played a ton of MMOs, it's common to refer to your characters as almost living creatures. "I need to get some new robes for my girl, the one she has now sucks. " "My guy really needs a sweet new suit!" And if someone wants to view their doll as a surrogate child, well, I'm not judging. It might be strange, but it's not my place to condemn them as crazy or something. The diversity in this hobby makes it interesting.

It just really isn't worth freaking out over things like labels or whatever. If you don't like the more eccentric people in the hobby, well, no one said you had to hang out with them. And if someone is being a jerk to you over collecting dolls, well - don't talk to them. :v

 

lol where I come from we don't call it 'creepy' it's 'having an imagination' which somehow seems to be lacking nowadays.

You think the doll people are bad. try the model horse hobby thirty years ago! Didn't do us any harm and frankly keeping yourself young and imaginative is a pretty good way of keeping your brain active in later years.

 

The notion of anthropomorphizing dolls as being creepy honestly puzzles me. This is such a common thing in so many areas of life.

Children's dolls have names and are typically not referred to as "it" by their owners. The same goes for fashion dolls. Barbie, for example, clearly has a name! Dolls are sold with characters or the potential for characters; Cabbage Patch Kids came with a name certificate. Dolls definitively represent people, to the point where it's a bit hard to see them like, say, a toaster.

I was hardcore in anime/manga for years. Fans refer to characters as if they are talking about RL people. Water cooler chat about TV shows, even when conducted by very mainstream folks, involves talking about non-existent characters as if they are real.

It is technically correct to refer to animals as "it." How many pet owners have you met who do that? In my horsey days, we would all discuss our horses in ways that could easily be mistaken for talking about other people.

If a computer or other electronics break down, the users very commonly refer to them as if they had some sort of will or motivation: "No matter what I do, it just won't boot. Maybe I hurt it when I downloaded that stuff off the torrent site."

Personally, I anthropomorphize more than dolls. Electronics, appliances, I will give it a name . (I'm currently typing this on my laptop, Stephen.) Hobbies with no element of character/playful pretense of life don't interest me.

 

Indeed! The term "creepy" just seems like a semantic failure after a while, like using an ordinary four-letter expletive when you could could evoke something much more personal and colorful with an entire descriptive phrase.

As timid said, it complicates things to collect and anthropomorphize objects that happen to be shaped like people (mostly), but it's no different than any other collection of symbols. The possessiveness and emotional attachment of the owner just seems more apparent because there's a face on the object for observers to focus on. There are huge philosophical and psychosocial tomes written on why humans believe in the recalcitrance of inanimate objects, so we're hardly breaking new ground here even when someone chooses to think that their doll kicked them intentionally.

When people say, "He's mortified!" it's shorthand. We all understand that it's not real, but we don't bother to preface the character information we're trying to convey with, "If he were a real person, he would be the sort of person who would be very embarassed to be seen wearing this shirt right now." The shorthand could be poor public social skills, it could be lazy phrasing, it could be just not giving a crap how it sounds.

 

i felt like your entire post was awesome and extremely well thought out (love that point about MMOs, haha) but for me this line is the most important. this, this, a thousand times this! there are so many people in the world LOOKING for something to be offended about, because otherwise they cannot feel validated (personal insecurity and lack of firm self-identity is usually the root cause)

also, i couldn't agree more with timid's post either. in my house, even our computers have names (my s/o is kind of a tech guy and has been naming his computers long before he met me). all our computers have female names so we essentially have a 'harem' haha. people name their cars, too. the list goes on....

 

Most people I know are just flat out grossed out that someone, like me for example, would spend so much for a doll. What they don't understand is BJD collecting is pretty much like photography or cosplay (considered as much more normal hobbies here) expenses-wise! :/