Why the "Animosity" From (Some) Non-Doll People? (Revised opening post)

To be honest, I've experienced very little animosity from anybody -- I think this is one of those things where it just depends on who you run into. You might have bad luck with family or friends, or you may never have problems with anybody. Even when I've had a doll out in public, people have been either genuinely curious or they've kept their opinions to themselves. I would not assume, that animosity is rampant among the the non-doll population.

But when it comes to the cases where people are rude about it, I think it comes down to this: People don't always understand other people's hobbies and interests, and usually don't care enough to try. Therefor it seems strange to some that a person would want to shell out all that money on a doll. It doesn't matter if they themselves happen to spend uber amounts of money on electronics or handbags or lots and lots of time playing video games or whatever, because to them that seems normal where as an adult buying dolls is weird. It's just one of those things.

 

If I went about town carrying dolls and prattling on about their names and personalities to friends and strangers, I have no doubt that I would get hostile reactions. Adults who collect dolls are disturbing to some people because they consider it strange that anyone would be interested in "toys" unless they are a child or mentally challenged in some way. I think that most people have no imagination whatever and they seem to resent people who do. I avoid it altogether by not discussing my dolls unless I am around other collectors. Most of the people in my family seem to have the acquisitive gene in some form and collect something or other so they understand me even though dolls may not specifically interest them. I avoid telling anyone except bjd collectors that I make up names and personalities for my resin people because I hate that glazed look that comes over people's faces who don't "get it". I am comfortable about my eccentricities but I dislike explaining to people who aren't capable of understanding.

 

I think it's because A. It's adults playing with dolls and maybe customizing them in a way others dislike and B. Spending 250-1000 dollars on a DOLL is appalling to them.

 

If I'm around primarily nondoll people, I don't play with my dolls the way I would if I were at home or at a meetup. There is a time and a place for everything -- and you're right, some things are harder for people to understand. When talking to nondoll people I find stressing the artistic aspects of the hobby really helps them understand -- that's something they can get without having to stretch their imaginations too far

 

I do think some of it has to do with the belief that dolls are childrens' toys- but then I never quite understand why some other hobbies which deal which are arguably just as "childish" are somehow OK (or at least perceived as somehow more socially normal). I'm thinking particularly of model trains/cars/boats. There's a group here in town that get together every Sunday to sail their model yachts in the park duck pond and everybody thinks it's wonderful. And these models certainly are not cheap! There's another group that make small locomotives (big enough to ride on) and they are obviously really, really into their hobby (which again, costs a lot of money).

 

I think the issue here is that there's a real life equivalent to a model car, or boat or plane. That is, of course, a real car, or boat, or plane. Here, it's like laws of equivalency: I can't afford a Jaguar, but I can afford a model of one to show my appreciation for the real thing. Or in the case of my brother: I like planes, this is a model representation of my favourite one.

Try applying that to dolls. The 'real life' equivalent of a doll would be... well... a person. So basically, it's like you have a mini, lifeless person that you're wandering around with. There is no full sized equivalent that doesn't border on the uncomfortable for the average person - therefore it gets a more perplexed response.

The grey area of course comes with figures of animals. People are a lot more accepting of these because of the non-human nature, but you still get the person who is creeped right the **** out because it's a non-living, 3D representation of a living thing.

 

Neither does a walk-on role on Fair City (really crap Irish soap opera, nicknamed Fairly S****y, a nickname which was started in the RTE (the station which produces FS) staff canteen) but some of the people who would think someone was mad for spending a couple of hundred dollars on a doll wouldn't see a problem with someone spending IR£4000 for the FS thing (someone did spent £4000 on this)

I was on FS as an extra (the walk-on role would basically have been a glorified extra), but I got paid for it

I'm the opposite, expensive pair of shoes (got Miu Miu shoes on eBay for $150 including shipping to Ireland, which I had previously seen for €350 in Brown Thomas, Billion Dollar Babes sale got a dress and skirt for €90 each, both retailed at around €1500), they will be my go-to pair of shoes for most special occasions

There are some guys who would whinge at their partners for spending so much on a doll, yet they would have no problem buying a $50+ video game every month.


Also, some people who are jealous are parents, you get snide remarks like 'if had kids you wouldn't be able to afford that' or 'it's good for some'
Um yeah, you made the choice to have your kids, don't be whinging at other people because you now can't afford to do/buy the same things as childfree/childless people.

LOL, there are far cheaper ways to sublimate a desire for kids, one could always do a Selma Bouvier and buy a Jub Jub of their very own.

 

I personally don't care if people (in my case, more my parents... specifically my dad ) don't like my hobby. in fact, when it comes to my dad, since he finds my boy creepy (though he won't really tell me why), I like to leave him around for my dad to find and scare the crap out of him. It's quite hilarious. I'll be in another room, and my dad is a loud person, so I know exactly when he finds Daiyu

That is hilarious.

 

I think a lot of it varies by the age of the person making the criticism, and the age of the doll owner.

There is one thing I haven't seen mentioned, which disturbs me a lot. From the PoV of a cranky 60-year-old anti-establishment holdover hippie, I see the Gen Ys and younger being literally bludgeoned into a consumerist name-brand-only culture, in which it is perfectly all right spend huge heaping amounts of money on things that have the right branding, and NOT on anything else. BJDs in the eyes of the indoctrinated do not have any brand they recognize, at all, and therefore you are insane for spending the same money on one of them that they do on an iPad. But if Sony came out with a BJD, you can bet they'd be toting one around in their Nike backpack.

 

You've hit the nail on the head.

 

I encounter....not animosity....but seriously violent disrespect. Of me. As though I'm ridiculous and short a screw or three. It's insulting to say the least and generally I do NOT share my hobby with most folks. The dolls that are on display in the main parts of the house are so over-the-top arty....that visitors assume they are part and parcel of the rest of the artiness of my abode. I don't let the average visitor into my room where the more normal dolls are and I would NEVER let anyone see me squee over a SoSo.

Mmmm....it's different, C. I've got plenty of expensive "hobbies" - books, mules, cameras....but my SO doesn't really look down on any of those things. Books, he doesn't care about. Mules, he enjoys riding, too. Cameras, they can make us money. But the dolls? He finds them so bafflingly stupid that I think he really looks at me sideways every time another one arrives. He does NOT like them used as "decoration" and really does not like them in the bedroom. I don't think it's fear, I think he really just thinks the dolls are....stupid.

 

Interesting--and different from any relationship I've ever been in or around! What do you think makes (in his mind) the dolls more stupid than other things?

 

Heh. Much of what others have said in this thread - dolls are just....ridiculous to non-collectors. In his case, he's very Functionalist - if it doesn't serve a purpose, it's useless.

It is the pervading law of all things organic and inorganic,
Of all things physical and metaphysical,
Of all things human and all things super-human,
Of all true manifestations of the head,
Of the heart, of the soul,
That the life is recognizable in its expression,
That form ever follows function. This is the law. ~ Louis Sullivan

 

People love to judge others (period, exclamation point) They judge anything they do not understand. I've encountered judgers of the hobby but the most I get is a look on their face which tells me what they feel. And since I don't care.....it hardly effected me. I choose not to put effort into judging people but if/when they do so to me, I'm quickly reminded of my ability and can find 150 plus things to VOID their judgement. I think that is a self-protection mechinism for me.

If you are encountering people with hostile remarks or people saying cruel things, it says a lot about the person's character and less about their views on BJD collecting. It's one thing to "not get it" and another to show animosity. My goal in life is to build people up and not tear them down......I don't have time for people who try to tear me down and I'm unwilling to spend much time analyzing their reasons for such disgusting behavior.

My mother didn't understand the money I spent and shook her head many times until finally, I reminded her of things she enjoys which are costly and non-functional to me. Over time, she accepted my less conventional hobby.

 

May I just add another part of this that I've just thought of?

People are more likely to talk about when things happen to them- it's part of story telling culture. Therefore, the stories we get of 'amniosity' are probably far outweighed by the incidents where nothing happened. But it's far more exciting (and evoking of emotional response in a listener) to tell about that time that 'my friend grabbed my doll and threw it in a pond OMG' than 'I walked down the street with my doll and no one did anything to me' which is more likely to happen more often.

So it's not so much that non-dolly collectors as a whole are rude or nasty, more that we only hear the stories of those select few individuals who are.

As a whole, the human race is fairly magnanimous. It's only those few jerks that reinforce the stereotype.

 

I think a lot of people don't mind about this hobby! We just tend to remember the few who DO think it's a bad, strange, and ridiculous hobby that's a waste of money. For example, clothes for a doll are more expensive than some clothes you buy for yourself...The same could be said for things like purses and brandname things too, though!

It really depends on your hobby, if it's not what you're into, you wouldn't understand how they feel. I'm the same with hobbies that I'm not into too, like 'Oh, why are people into sports it's dangerous and this and that' or 'Music? Why, it's just a waste of time' could be how someone might think when viewing hobbies they're not into until they try it out themselves and see how fun it really is. I was like that too when I first heard of ball joint dolls. I first saw dolls in person in Japantown in San Francisco, and when I saw them I was pretty creeped out. I was confused as to why they would carry them around and why they thought buying an expensive doll was worth it. But I researched for months before my view changed and I thought 'Yeah, it's not such a bad hobby after all'.

I told my friends about how I bought a doll and I got mixed responses, ranging from 'They're really pretty, congrats!' to 'Why?!! They're creepy, and expensive!', a difference in the openness to things

I don't think this answers the question aahaahh but yeah...that's how I feel!

 

Honestly, I think the most "animosity" we (in general) get is from our friends, family, and significant others. Most of the time, when I read threads and posts detailing animosity, opposition, or just plain rude disapproval, it's from friends and/or family members. Strangers on the street, even if they're severely creeped out, won't do anything about it. It's ingrained from early on that you don't stare, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, and treat others how you want to be treated. And so forth. However, our friends and family are comfortable enough with us to be able to tell us how they feel about what we do.

 

I agree 100%. You see it pop up in other areas too. People being afraid to use the marketplace because of stories, people afraid to go to doll meetups because of stories etc, only there are far far more people who have positive experiences with those things than negative ones. However, the negative stuff gets brought up more as people need to commiserate or get advice so you get negative stories outweighing all the positive experiences that people have.

 

No question that human beings are amazing, wonderful, kind mysteries! But I disagree with the rest of your thoughts here. There ARE several threads on the forum for positive and upbeat experiences with your dolls - have you read those? This thread is particularly about the opposite of that. I had a friend come over once and she was AMAZED by the dolls and she said "It's like art you can play with". However, that in no way negates the overwhelming amount of negative, tense, uncomfortable reactions I get. And we're talking about DOLLS here - and why it can fall into a category of negative reactions. There are many "hobbies" that garner gushing accolades by everyone who comes in contact with them...