Why the "Animosity" From (Some) Non-Doll People? (Revised opening post)

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I am new to BJDs and waiting for my first, but at the same time I collect other dolls as well and have experienced a lot of reaction from it, and to any suggestion of adopting a BJD.

My mum has a lot of issues with it that I think a lot of people share but don't voice. Lucky me - my mum is quite vocal about these sorts of things!!! She thinks that it is a waste of money - a lot of money to spend on a 'doll', and that I should focus my finances on other more practical things. Also, if I like dolls why can't I buy a $30 doll from Big W? She also thinks that as a grown up I need to focus on grown up things - furnishing, renovating the house, buying new plants for the front yard, having money saved for bills or retirement or the kids' education.... to have a collection of 'dolls', to buy them clothes or dress them up or pose them for photos (play with them) is immature and silly and I should be cleaning or playing with the children.

The idea of collecting doesn't sit well with some family either - I have been told only 'rich' people have collections, or collections are really just hoarding stuff, or that if I am going to collect something I should collect something that has an obvious value to people like glassware etc that people recognise as having value and artistic merit OR that requires effort and intelligence to locate like antiques or old coins etc.

I think the word 'doll' has a lot of stigma attached to it. A doll is something you buy a small child. These days little girls aren't encouraged to play with dolls once they are past toddlerhood as much as they used to be. And when we DO look for a doll for a little girl, once they reach 4 or 5 the dolls all seem to be heavily made up with adult interests or clothing. I asked a fellow mum whether her 5 year old girl might like a doll I had recently found at a 2nd hand store and she looked at me disgusted and said "my little girl is too old for DOLLS....are you SERIOUS?". I was stunned!! I was given my favourite childhood doll when I was 7 or 8 and I dressed her up, talked to her, slept with her at night and so on till I was a lot older! So if a 5 year old is told she's too old to have a doll, a 30 year old definitely is!

The other issue that is more specific to BJDs is that some look so lifelike and others are more fantasy based. Family of mine can't stand the idea of an adult buying a doll to display that is an elf or fairy or vampire etc. It isn't just a 'doll' but a fairytale one. There's a LOT of emotion and reaction to that! And at the same time my mum and brother hate the lifelike ones because they find some creepy because they look too real and others creepy because they look based on real people but somehow NOT real and it makes them uncomfortable.

I have been told it is a waste of money I should spend on sensible things or not spend at all, immature, frivolous, creepy, childish, strange....people have tried to make me feel ashamed for wanting a BJD and thinking about buying one. BUT lucky for me, my other half is wise enough to believe that if something makes me happy, and if I am using my own 'pocket money' to buy it then who is he to judge or complain? He says as long as I don't take money out of our bills money or savings for it and as long as I don't spend so much time with my dolls that I ignore housework or spending time with the kids then my hobby is my business and he wants me to enjoy it and be happy. At the end of the day as long as he isn't uncomfortable with it and as long as it makes me happy that's the main thing. I can understand some people having a reaction to it, and understand their points. BUT at the same time I just wish that they would take the time to think about it from another point of view and perhaps see where I am coming from too. Without a hobby I'd go mad! Some days at the end of the day I feel exhausted and flat and a bit down, and it makes me happy to see a smiling doll on the shelf and pick it up. Maybe part of it IS because it reminds me of being a little kid and carefree, maybe I COULD have bought new curtains or a couch by now. But I don't drink, I don't smoke, my hobby doesn't impact on anyone else and I'm happy. I think I deserve that.

 

I'm some what new to the hobby (I have one doll at home and my sister has one on the way) and usually my parents don't care what I spend my money on. But now, out of the blue, they've been ripping on my poor dollies. Me and my twin sister are going to college in a matter of months, so suddenly everything is "save save save" around our house, so you can see how one $180 doll and one $230 causes problems. The other day, I brought up some money saving ideas with my parents (getting rid of t.v. and netflicks) but because it would be cutting into their entertainment, they flipped out. Their counter attack is always something to do with the dolls now. I just don't understand It's not like we're not saving on our own. the whole time I was saving up for Tacori, I also put the same amount into my college fund.
They also make it sound like I have a problem. It's not like I'm addicted to spending my money on my dolls (Tacori has one cheap wig and is wearing clothes I've sewn for him with scraps of other sewing projects). I know my limits, but they always make me feel like I don't.
I also had a problem with my best friend. She complained that I was spending too much money on myself for Christmas and needed to think about others. The problem with that statement; Tacori was my BIRTHDAY PRESENT, not Christmas present. It made me so mad because she bought herself an expensive Nikon camera for her birthday, but because her birthday isn't a week before Christmas, she can do whatever the heck she wants.

 

Adding something that I find funny
Dolls arent the only thing I collect.
I collect rubber duckys and books as well. And I know my mother has a collection of old metal wind up toys that she loves dearly.
It makes me wonder why she accuses me of growing up and getting rid of my dolls when I then point out her collection she proclaims that her collection is atleast tasteful.

and to add on to what enchantedlily said, I agree these days girls are pressured not to like dolls as much.
I remember as a kid I LOVED barbied so much, I had like a village of them in my basement. (I would set up all the doll houses like it was a mini town.) but I would ever admit to any one that I liked them. And I was only 6 years old. I remember that once I had brought a doll to school and had been teased and told I was a little baby and they ended up throwing my doll over the fence.

It's odd how dolls are seen less as playtoys and just something for a young young girl to bide her time with. I love my dolls all of them and its odd when I try to explain to others why it is that I collect a childs toy.

 

An adult collecting very expensive giant dolls is odd. I totally understand why some folks get wierded out, not to mention for some people dolls go into 'uncanny valley'.

Part of it I'm sure is because some doll owners do things with their dolls that could be considered strange, like talking about them as if they're alive, saying they have souls or carrying them around everywhere. I'm not saying this is wrong or you shouldn't do it! However folks need to try and see it from both sides. It is an unusual hobby and many people don't like things that are different.

I personally have never experienced any negativity at all in regards to my dolls. My dolls usually stay in my home and I really only take them out for meetups and Comic-Con. I've been to some meetups in public spaces and again, usually people are very nice and friendly and interested.

 

I also think there's bad reaction from within the doll community. People who are only prepared to buy basic dolls make comments about people who buy expensive ones or have a lot of them. People who only want them for display look down on people who talk to them or take them out and about, and vice versa. It is strange to me how strongly people react to the idea of collecting dolls and actually handling them and enjoying them!!

Anyone who doesn't understand/agree with an interest of someone else will always have something to say about it. BUT it isn't just dolls - when people find out about my FIL's rock collection some are curious and interested, some really have something to say about the amount of money he has spent on rocks and the amount of time he has spent looking for them online. The biggest difference I think between other collections and dolls is that dolls are newer - we are all used to the idea of rock collections, stamp collections, glass collections, antique or coin collections - and that people tend to think of collections as private and amassing 'stuff' not things you get attached to, so the sight of someone sitting in the park posing a doll to take photographs of it is confronting. I am sure if my FIL took his rocks to the park to take pics of them people would think he was strange too.

I met a woman who collects Blythe dolls and she said she was at the botanic gardens taking a picture of a couple of them and a little girl shouted that she thought they were creepy and scary and a woman actually had a go at her saying to put them away, grow up and find something better to take photos of!! I could not believe it! She argued that she was following her hobby of photography not playing with dolls, but I don't think it made any difference. Who has a right to judge someone they've never met over something so minor? Especially given some of the things people do in public these days!!!! I'd think posing a 30cm doll to take a photo is a LOT more harmless than a lot of things I've seen!

I am sure there's a psychology or social study type of PhD in this topic

 

To be honest, with the people I know, the only thing that seems to get them is that I change their clothes. They tease me a bit, as if they see me like an adult playing with Barbies. This attitude is coming from adults with porcelain doll collections who leave them sit in the case and admire them, and also from a man with a huge collection of Hot Wheels cars. But the reality is, other than a bit of ribbing, I don't get too much flack from non-doll people for having BJD. I don't bring them up in all aspects of conversation, discuss cost, act like they're real, or suggest I'm a tortured soul for having them and being mistunderstood. Most people just see it like any other collection, if they know about them.

 

I gotta say though that the "You're too old for dolls" thing makes absolutely no sense to me. Too old for dolls as opposed to what else? Too old to watch wrestling on TV? Too old to fly model airplanes? Too old to collect figurines and busts like the kinds sold at comic book stores? Too old to play videogames?

When exactly are you too old to be alive anymore?

If someone says someone is 'too old' to have a hobby primarily if not exclusively meant for adults then what is it that they do that makes them feel that they have interests appropriate to their age?

A lot of adults dont live very fulfilling lives.

 

I think you've hit the nail on the head Hovercrafty - a lot of people DON'T live very fulfilling lives. We tend to focus so much on wealth, investment, work...doing things to prove you work hard and are sensible and grown up and have the 'right' things. So few people these days have hobbies, do things for themselves that they find fulfilling. There's a real sense in the community that doing things for YOU, buying things that make YOU happy and indulging in time for a hobby are things we should feel guilty about, rather than the sanity saving, soul enriching things they really are!

 

I honestly think that if people see something that makes you happy, if they don't understand it or even if they don't have something that brings them the same kind of joy, they will give you a hard time about it.

Like what happened to my mom. I'm the first one in my family to go to college. The people she works with don't have children that go to college. She doesn't talk about me or brag or anything - she doesn't like to, and doesn't believe my life is anyone else's business, especially people that she works with. But when one of the other women she works with's son had the oppurtunity to go to college, she bragged and made sure to make my mom aware that her kid was going to school too. When he ended up in jail instead of going to college, she got angry with my mother, saying "well, not everyone can be as smart as your daughter." My mom didn't say anything for her to get mad at her about it, and why would you get mad at someone else for something they have nothing to do with? Sometimes when some people don't have what they want in life, they have to make sure to take it out on you.

I don't take it seriously when people express negative emotions or have negative comments about BJDs. It's something that makes me happy and all that matters. A friend told me today that we have to stop caring so much about people who aren't worth it. "They don't give two s**ts about you so why get hurt over it?" And she's right. In the end, those people don't really matter. (unless it's your mom or your husband or something, but then again, if its your money and you bought it, then screw them too. I'm sure they have things they spend a lot of money unnecessarily on to. Like your husband's $2000 television. That's like 2 super limited edition dolls. )

 

So, do you find that the reasons are, as you mentioned previously, that the dolls aren't functional (other than as dolls--they certainly function amazingly as dolls--they can't argue with that, I think)? So, would they critique everyone into collectibles? There's not much one does with a 1909 Honus Wagner baseball card, or an Action Comics #1? They can't accept them more because they are worth millions, 'cause dolls have monetary worth, too. (You mentioned that Art is more acceptable, even though it doesn't function other than as Art, otherwise I'd include it as something that isn't useful or do anything but exist.) Or is it just a nonsensical disgust of dolls?

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To everyone: I love all the answers. You are all a very smart and reasonable group and make me happy. I wish people would just try and be more understanding and polite and accepting of things that aren't harmful and illegal, and would try to mind their own business more than they are. The world would be SUCH a better place if that were so!!!

 

TO ALL DOLL OWNERS
You would be REALLY, REALLY surprised to find out how many people have a doll phobia. It's not even funny. There are many places where I have to keep my boy in a bag to not freak people out :/

Plus there's the Uncanny Valley thing. I think people don't like them because.. well think about it... it is kinda creepy if you don't like it. A hyper-realistic mini-human. And then there are gore mods and pupilless eyes and such to further the fear factor :P And the fact that we imbue our dolls with personalities and spend ridiculous amounts of money tends to make people think we're crazy and obsessed (which we are ;D but not like that hahaha)

I'm just saying, TO EVERYONE, PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE TO NON-DOLL PEOPLE! I don't think we should be getting upset if someone else gets upset at our dolls, no matter how rude they are. It's the whole don't-sink-to-their level thing

 

muzikluvr:

I agree actually. I have a lot of friends who are doll phobic so I dont take my dolls out around them. For instance I went to a party with friensd one night, my parents were out and I was leaving town the next day and I didnt want to leave her at home alone for days unattended so I asked if I could bring her with me. I didnt bring her to show her off though, and she never ever left her bag unless one of my friends wanted to see her at which I was glad to show them.

but as a rule I dont take her to places like school since I dont know how many people around me are afraid of dolls.

I dont think its the comments about how creepy they are that get to me, I think its more or less when the rude comments are directed at me and not the doll, or the doll gets hurt in the process of some one saying how bad she is (handling her roughly throwing her ect) I havent had that happen but I do have my mother for instance who hates my doll and never treats her well.

I mean if some one has a phobia of dolls they should just say "Im sorry im scared of dolls and yours is freaking me out, do you mind putting her away?" thats fine and ive been more than happy to put her in her box if thats the case.

but then comes the interesting thing, people with a doll phobia who are afraid to say they have the phobia think about it, it's just a doll, a hunk o fplastic. Nothing to be afraid of right/ Ive encountered people who dont awnt to admit their afraid of her and to mask it just treat the dolls rudely.

 

I think a large part of it may be a case of them not truly having enough to do and getting into things they should probably stay out of (ie other people's hobbies).

 

I would certainly agree about those who are doll phobic. But for the just plain rude? "Those that mind never matter and those that matter never mind."

 

Victoria:
as true as that saying is sometimes you cant help it.
I try to live by that but I often find myself hoping people like the doll or dont dislike her, and feel a bit sad when anyone says they dont like her
Dont care about those who say bad things sure
but often its easyer said than done. Sadly

 

So, why do you think the main reason people get so annoyed with BJD hobbyists?

I think it just makes people jealous to see, that someone dares to pay that amount of money of a "thing" that doesn't give THEM any joy. People just can´t see past the point, that the dolls actually make us happy, and we really do stuff with them. Besides almost everyone collects something. Like postal-stamps. What can you do with them? Just as much of a waste of money as our dolls. So if the person in question can't see what kind of joy we get from the dolls, they really don't understand that we do get joy form them.

I'm lucky because my family, and my boyfriend have no objections on me collecting these dolls. My dad sometimes wonders have I gone mad, putting that amount of money on a doll, but not in a bad way He doesn`t understand, but that does not mean that he would disapporve.