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Why the "Animosity" From (Some) Non-Doll People? (Revised opening post)

Jan 15, 2011

    1. I think it's far more the whole "too old for dolls, if you play with them you're creepy" thing than it is money. Most of the time they have no clue as to how much they cost until you tell them, in which case they've already got the "they like dolls?" thought in their head before the price registers. Part of it i think stems from popular movies and tv shows with serial killers and what not, and they end up thinking that since we're mostly adults (or at the very least on our way out of highschool) that if we like something "childish" and "creepy" like dolls and seem treat them with more care than most other things, unintentionally giving off the idea that we see them as living, that there must be something wrong with us mentally. This also ties into the "that's abnormal behavior i don't understand therefore i am afraid of it." and then there's the oversexualization of everything these days, at least in the US. There is at least a very small linking of these dolls to sex dolls.

      I once had a conversation with my SO, jokingly asking if i could get a bikini (for my dollfie dream, i had not directly verbalized it was for a doll) because summer was coming up and his mother was in the room. She immediately knew that it was for the doll and said that it was incredibly creepy that anyone would even consider getting a swimsuit for their doll, but regular clothes were perfectly fine. So there does seem to be some sort of sexualization applied to the dolls that we as owners don't always see.

      That said I've not seen much of this at all, abeit i don't go bringing my dolls out to random places and the dolls are mostly out of sight from the rest of the family.
       
    2. Not long ago, my husband mentioned to some colleagues at a party that I have dolls and when someone asked me what I did with them, I said without thinking that I make clothes for them, photograph them, and post the photos on online doll forums. The looks I got were kind of funny. Some stared at me blankly, as if I had replied in gibberish, a couple looked puzzled as if trying to take it in, and one or two looked faintly repulsed. I wish I had just said that I collect them because they're pretty and left it at that. It makes me tired to explain the appeal to people who will never "get it".
       
    3. I really like the Rolex analogy. I wish people would understand that everyone has their own thing and leave it at that, but people tend to get uncomfortable with things they don't understand. I, personally, have a $10 digital watch. It's functional and has an alarm so I don't forget when it's time to take my pill. When it breaks I can just shell out another $10 for a new one. I don't badger people with Rolexs about their spending habits on an item I don't get the lure of, so I wish people wouldn't badger me about my doll.

      My mom is cool about him cuz she knows how happy he makes me and she knows that I save most of my money and spend/ask for very little for myself. My dad doesn't know anything about my doll and he would freak if he knew it cost, and to say that AODs are one of the more inexpensive brands wouldn't help anything with him. My husband... tolerates it. He doesn't hate Tovi, but he doesn't really get it either. He's just happy with anything that makes me happy. My sister flat out said "Isn't that an awful lot of money to be spending on a DOLL. I thought you were saving to get your own place. You're supposed to be the saver between us."

      All in all, I think everyone else has pretty much nailed this topic on the head. People don't understand why we'd spend so much on 'a hunk of plastic that doesn't do anything' or parents worry that we're spending all our money frivolously and we're going to end up in the poorhouse cuz we don't know how to manage our money (even though most of us know perfectly well how to manage our money and how to prioritize our spending). They just plain don't get it. None of it. I feel blessed to have such a supportive family that gets me if not exactly my hobby.
       
    4. I agree with everything Cibihaku says. Fear and misunderstanding cause most of the problems in the world, I think.

       
    5. That's what my mom said to me when I told her I wanted to buy another doll (I needed her credit card to make the payments but pay her in cash each time I make one). She said, "Ya know what? You don't drink or smoke or do drugs. Any of these things would have cost a lot more in the long run than what you're spending. You never ask for anything or spend money on yourself. So if getting a doll will make you happy then go for it. Just don't tell your father cuz he'll have a cow and it's really none of his business anyway."
       
    6. I think that's WHY they're afraid to admit they have the phobia. Phobias are irrational. They know it's just a hunk of inanimate plastic and they shouldn't be afraid of it, but it still makes them feel really uncomfortable. They're probably afraid of being called a baby for "being scared of a cute little dolly" as we are of being picked on for "playing with dolls". I understand why someone would be afraid to admit they were scared of dolls. Not to meantion, some people are just sadistic. My father knew I was really scared of spiders so he used to shove the tissue with the dead spider in it in my face. I can see some doll owners (not all or even most but just a small few) holding out their doll and shaking it around saying "what you're afraid of this?" and chasing someone around with it. Some people just can't help themselves.
       
    7. Yes, I've found that even when presented in a way that a non-doll person might understand best, it seems that there are always a few people who are put off by dolls because they look like people but are inanimate. Sculpture is okay with them because of the aesthetic distance, but not dolls because one interacts with them. And then, of course, the most put-out non-doll persons keep to the boundaries of those broadest social categories of what they deem "art" and what they deem is "for children."
       
    8. DISCLAIMER: While my thoughts below have arisen through reading this thread, I'm NOT targeting any one person, or group of doll owners, in particular. I'm just speculating and thinking out loud (so to speak).


      If fear and ignorance lead to animosity... why not do something about that fear and ignorance?

      Such as explain, calmly and rationally and reasonably, why you're into dolls, or why you think that other person has a wrong view, and in what ways. Granted, it's hard to stay calm if someone is behaving irrationally like being all annoyed or mouthing off your precious dolls... but sometimes the heightened emotions of both parties simply impedes communication, so we (general "we") end up talking past each other and just perpetuate mutual misunderstanding. You (general "you") being reactionary never helps you, or the other party. Sure, "I don't care what others think, I'll just enjoy my dolls" is a good attitude to have -- but why not make an effort to educate and explain your point of view as well? It's easy to write off people as being "irrational" or "set in their ways" -- but people do have reasons (good or bad) for their attitudes, or believing what they believe. Even if it's just that they've never seen a different perspective before (ie. ignorance). In that case, communicating a BJD-friendly perspective may change their attitudes and dispel their ignorance, or at least make them stop and think a bit more rationally about their attitudes.

      (And of course, there are those who are set in their ways and won't keep an open mind. That's when "I don't care what they think" comes in handy!)

      Again, I'm not targeting any one person in this thread. Yes, I have read (in this thread and elsewhere) and understand that this just hasn't worked in some cases. And I may well be talking into my hat because I've never encountered overt animosity or irrational negativity from anyone who's seen my dolls. (Not even those who find out the cost -- they may be taken aback, but never become hostile. Maybe I just run with a different crowd.) But in other, more heated matters -- such as discussing religion or politics, which I do a lot of! :lol: -- keeping a cool head, asking "why?" a lot, taking the time to explain my position, and keeping an open mind to new perspectives, really does help me and the other party understand each other and gain new insight. And I've discovered many times that some attitudes that my discussion opponent had that I once thought was "irrational", turned out to be legitimate and be reasonable, even if I may not agree with it. And even if we don't agree, if anything, we can be reasonable and calm about our disagreements while still respecting each other, instead of getting all emotional and hurt.

      Be it politics or BJDs, a bit of level-headed rationality never hurt. And even if the other party remains irrational, you can say that you've kept your head and acquitted yourself (and your dolls) well!

      Okay, time to stop rambling!
       
    9. Money mostly.

      For us, we may think that the money we spent on bjds are just similar to others spending on jewelry/any collections.

      but for my family/anyone who do not have any collection hobby, the above reason cannot calm them down....

      money, money money...........isn't what you earn should be used in making yourself happy? I can't see why one has the right against ones' hobby if the hobby do no harm to anyone.



      some people are afraid of dolls that look really like human...
      for chinese people, they tend to think that dolls that look like human will attract bad luck/ghosts..etc.
       
    10. In regards to my other dolls and toys, and most likely towards this as well, a lot of people, including my friends, see this as something grown up people just do not do. I suppose it's sort of like a crazy cat lady syndrome, or something, in their eyes. I always get asked, "Why do you have such and such?" WHY? WHY? They don't understand why someone would keep something that is considered childish, or even collect anything at all. A lot of these people are the same people who ask why I pursue a career in art. They just don't get what's not in their own backyard, so to speak.

      I've tried to explain myself to others, but I can tell from the blank and sometimes incredulous stares that they just cannot connect the dots, or refuse to, so I just settle with, "Because I want to/like them." And I will change the subject and move on.
       
    11. Since posting this, I've become more aware of how my family acts when I mention dolls.

      My parents highly disapprove of absolutely anything - and everything - having to do with my doll, or BJDs in general. Whenever I brought her around them, they'd give me that parental disapproving look. Maybe a joke or two. It ended up with me not bringing her out when they were around.

      Price, as I said, is also an issue. A college-age person wanting to buy something that costs hundreds of dollars - that isn't a cellphone, computer, or iPod - usually concerns people now-a-days. My parents felt that I should want other things, but that always left me with wondering what those things were? I had all three of the items I mentioned, and while yes, they were useful, I wasn't *all* about that. They thought my doll had been a waste of money because they had no idea what I was doing with it. I didn't bother to even mention that I had restrung her a few times, as well as sueded her joints, and struggled to defrizz her wig; I was working on her storyline, as well.

      But what they don't take issue with are hobbies. It's fine to have hobbies as long as they're practical, like photography. Someone in my family used to collect coins. Having a hobby is good; when I sewed, no one scoffed at it. No one scoffed at my stint with jewelry making. But collecting anything expensive is cause for concern.

      I did this with an OT doll when I was a kid. A girl in our class was scared of my doll, but I didn't believe her. When we were all having a good time, and I felt brave, I took my doll from the CD player (we were in school, during a class party, and my teacher was really into my doll so she sat her near her and the CD player) and held it out to her. She screamed bloody murder. But I was 13, and pretty dumb (as most kids are at that age). I wouldn't do that now, though. But this is a definite reason no one confides to others about their phobias: because sometimes, they're very strange, and people think it's funny to see if it's true.
       
    12. I've gotten that a few times from my SO's stepfather (with whom we currently live with), and I too always wonder what in blazes I'm supposed to spend money on then, if not dolls. I have technically three computers (a macbook, a laptop and an old desktop), a half bunked Ipod, complete access to my mate's Ipad if I so wished to use it (though with two computers, I don't really need to except for use as an ipod), I don't have a need for a cellphone, I don't drive yet... So what is it I'm supposed to want?

      But he's a strange man who sometimes buys random useless things simply because he can, so I tend think his opinion is pretty moot and that he says it just to bug me. *shrug*
       
    13. I think I am fairly fortunate in that I haven't actually faced any anymosity from people. My closest friends either actually collect BJD's themselves anyway, my family seem to collect things; my mum BJD's, my brother comic books and figures related to them, my partner has his things (football, WOW, stuff like that)....I seem quite fortunate then that no one has acted agressively towards them. Any friends I have or family members who aren't into that sort of thing has just sort of given me a glazed look, or needed reassurance that they are not porcelain dolls lol! My partners sister is terrified of dolls, but seems at ease with mine.

      I think if someone did start spouting off about them, I would promptly stop the conversation. If they want to be rude about the cost, or freakiness or whatever then that is their prerogative not mine. There is little point in being drawn into an argument. Some people think cosplay is pretty weird and freaky, but I would never got up to someone who does that and be nasty to them.

      So, mock me behind my back, who cares really? They're just dolls and they're my decision in life, I do not see why that should offend anyone; I know they're not creepy sex dolls, or an overextension from Anime or whatever the other negative links seem to be, tough on someones negative view.
       
    14. I think that confuses people, too. Because this hobby is relatively young, most people don't understand what you're talking about. I have no idea how long ago stamps and coins and trains got into the spectrum of 'normal' collecting habits, but I bet it began similar to ours. Heck, most people still don't see the reward of those hobbies, either, so I guess we have a long way to go. :)

      BJDs are made of resin, can be customized, painted, dressed, posed, and used for other hobbies like photography, art, and sewing. Most people, when they think "DOLL COLLECTING" think porcelain dolls that stay on their stands, and just stare into the abyss, freaking some people out. You can't even change their clothes, for the most part, because they're either too fragile, or the bodies aren't meant to be on any more display than the dress they're currently in. You put them on a shelve, and you're done. Maybe you dust them off, and maybe you take them down to look at them at times, but that's about it.

      And most people associate doll collecting with old ladies who take their collecting habits to some extreme measure - doll collectors are especially good fodder for scary movies; just look at the movie 'Dolls'.
       
    15. This totally cracked me up :) I'm fairly new to the doll collecting in general and don't have a BJD yet, but I've been a "Crazy Cat Lady" for many years. So far my dolls have been pretty private and only my hubby and close friends know much about it, but I suspect I'll receive similar disapproval from my family about my new hobby as I've gotten for my cats. I'm extremely lucky that I have a husband who accepts my love and obsession for certain things even if he doesn't always understand them himself, so I try not to worry too much about what other people think. But I agree with everyone, people are just afraid of what they don't understand and people tend to get hostile when they're afraid. I guess I'm doomed since I'm now the crazy cat lady AND a crazy doll lady. LOL!
       
    16. For me, the biggest obstacle I've run across when dealing with friends and family outside of the BJD community is the simple cost of the dolls. Most people are all right with the dolls until they find out that I've spent over $1,000 on some of my boys, at which point they tend to clam up or get extremely irate. I think it's a shock factor for people. No one looks at these dolls and sees them as art: they're toys to non-collectors, things to be played with but not enjoyed the way so many millions of people relish fine music, lovely art and ballet. A man can spend $100,000 on a painting and be thought prudent, but we spend $500 on a doll and it's a waste of money. I've always found that an entertaining contradiction, especially given the fact that the majority of dolls don't lose their value but instead gain value over time (especially limited dolls).
       
    17. This goes back to me and my friend who collects cars. No. Not model cars. Real cars. The ones that drive.

      He doesn't drive all of them. He just buys them, and redoes their bodies, modifies them, paints them, add decals to them, and takes pictures of them.


      ...Well now. That kind of sounds similar to what I do with my dolls. But he gives me a hard time of spening money on something that doesnt do anything. And he says at least his cars can "get him places." ....but he doesnt drive any of them, and a lot of them are actually immobile. But whatever.

      It think it has to do wtih the money, sure. But I also kind of think it may have something to do with the fact that dolls are often seen as "child toys," and that adults shouldnt be playing with dolls, I guess.
       
    18. my friend and i took our dolls to the mall once.... all the people glared at us.... im used to negative feedback from people, so it didnt bother me, but they should get over it.....
       
    19. I don't know. :( Sometimes when people ask how much my dolls cost, and I tell them (only occasionally. I stopped though...:|), they freak out as if I had used their money to buy them. It's so annoying. >_< I think maybe people are intimidated by them, and how different and unique they are.
       
    20. Wow! What an awesome thread! I've enjoyed reading everyone's comments! It helps so much to know that other people go through this crap too! Fortunately, I have a lot of dolly friends and my hubby is generally supportive, but I get the "looks" from some family members too! Most of the time, unless discussing my dolls with my friends or hubby, I just simply don't talk about my incredibly awesome hobby or what I do! I guess the reality is that I really couldn't care less what people think about my doll collecting... I have enough close support that I'm happy!!!