Why the "Animosity" From (Some) Non-Doll People? (Revised opening post)

Why, thank you... Occasionally I think I can provide some sensible words. ...But only occasionally. *grins.*

 

I've started to bring one of my girls with me to work recently, which has caused a lot of funny reactions. I don't tend to care what people think of me, so I just roll with whatever they say, and sometimes even play up the weirdness in the way I talk about her (deferring to the doll for all questions about her, etc). I had the weirdest experience the other day, though, when a coworker finally cracked and started lecturing me in a very angry manner. She was complaining about how I have the doll but am a male (and an adult), about how I change her clothes every day (why wouldn't I?), and about how I change her poses throughout the day (well, she's certainly not going to pose herself!). This person seemed extremely upset, and I'm not really sure why. All she had to do was not look or talk to me and it would never affect her. I really don't understand what makes people feel like they need to do these kinds of things.

I also frequently get questioned as to why I do something so creepy. It's amazing how these people think their feelings are universal. I wouldn't be doing this if I found it creepy, now would I?

 

I am a single woman of almost 50, have no children, have many pets, many more dolls. People have always thought that there is something wrong with me, but I am happy and generous to others. I have always loved dolls, had many loved dolls as a child but succumbed to the peer pressure of other people and abandoned my adored dolls as a teenager when being perceived as normal was far more important to me then than it is now. Over the past several years I have returned to my love of dolls and have collected many that I lost after childhood. It was not until I found the BjD hobby that I felt animosity from my family and friends. I have over 200 Living Dead Dolls and no one said more to me than those are creepy. I spent 6 months and tons of money building a dollhouse and no one said that was strange. But the first beautiful Bjd I brought home had my friends and family talking about how she was surely my substitute for not having children or a partner. Yuck! I don't care for children much, never have wanted one for myself. I am happier without a partner actually. I find it very disturbing that people who have known and loved me for years think I am so unbalanced that I would bring home a plastic object in substitute for children or a lover. I am not pleased with their thinking and am spending less time with some of those folks than ever before. Thankfully, I have found a wonderful community of new friends in the BJD hobby that I have tons more fun with than the "partying" crowd I had before. I am thankful for this change in my life and want to encourage all younger hobbyists to follow your own hearts, seek out like minded friends and be happy with yourself. People won't always understand and that's ok.

 

The worst I've gotten was from my parents. They either give me s--- for 1) spending so much money on a doll, or 2) my age. Because apparently 19 is considered too old to be playing with dollies. Never mind the fact that I still mess with my old Barbies and Bratz, and if they disapprove of THAT, they don't say so.

I can kind of understand people being afraid of them, since I'm recovering from a doll phobia myself, but I suck it up and try not to let a silly fear get in the way of something I love. As for people who DON'T have a doll phobia, I just don't understand why people feel the need to be outright rude about someone's hobby. If it's not hurting you/the doll owner in any way, then why the hell should it even matter?

 

I wish I had a clear, concise reason to offer for this... but the reasons people do things are rarely all that clear, and almost never easy to explain. I think a lot of good points have been touched on in this thread, though, and it's been really interesting for me to read everyone's thoughts and opinions.

For me, the majority of the animosy that I've encountered has been in response to the amount of money I spend on my dolls. My dad and I have a good relationship, but he's an extremely frugal person, and when I first expressed an interest in the dolls, I could tell he was taken aback by their cost. I doubt it was really any judgment on what I wanted to spend money on, but more the fact that they really cost THAT much.

My brother, too, seemed to react mostly to the money. He hates dolls of any kind and considers them "creepy" (he refuses to visit my Granny because he's terrified of her enormous doll collection that spans her entire home), and when I told him how much they cost, he became incredibly hostile. He actually yelled at me and told me how stupid I was to spend all that money on "some weird doll," when I could spend it on other things. He actually started going on about how he could buy a new guitar with that money, or a new iPod (things I assume he sees as "useful").

My parents became more understanding when I explained to them that the dolls are more of a creative outlet for me. For example, I've been slowly learning to do face ups, and I use my dolls as physical representations of characters from stories. However, they still are quite shocked by the cost... and at this point, I find myself lying on reflex when someone asks me how much they are. When my mother's friend innocently asked how much each of my dolls cost, I was very uncomfortable telling her. I ended up using their "base price" (no face up, naked doll), which is actually a fraction of what I spent on them.

I don't know. I think sometimes one bad experience can color the way a person reacts to everything in the future. It may make reactions of innocent confusion or baffled curiosity come across as something else. I know I have to really stop and think at times how someone meant something. "Are they really being rude, or are they just surprised/confused? Am I applying my own fears and embarrassments to the situation?"

I think I went a bit off-topic... but that's how I think!

 

I will say that I've never really felt any animosity, mostly just confusion and misunderstanding, but then again I'm speaking mostly about my family and to them I was already known to be insane. XD I have a long history of being (what the world interprets as) immature. I remember when I was twelve I was talking to an older relative and she made a comment about me getting big and growing up, to which I replied in a very mature manner "I know, I wish it would stop already. They say I'm too big for the ball pit anymore". I think it freaked her out as every other young girl in the family couldn't wait to grow up and date and get married. I dreaded it.

So even though they're expensive I've always gotten the reaction of "Well that's just Dawn being Dawn" when I've gotten one. I can't generalize my experiences because I seem so different from even the basic members of the doll community, I'm weird even here. Much in the same way it would be strange to generalize anyone else's experience to any other member. We're all so individualistic here that judging anyone's reaction is tough.

 

In addition to my previous post, I think that the two main reasons I personally don't see much animosity is that I already established a comparison to that person's hobby, and these people know me for being an "artist"- I like and do weird things and think in a weird way, so me liking something out of the norm is not that odd.

My SO is very supportive of the dolls, because they are like his hobby of airsoft guns- similar in both price range and customization. His mom didn't get it at first, but then he compared the dolls to her liking shoes and she seems to understand- only raising an eyebrow when I speak of a new addition, in which case I'll raise my eyebrow at her newest pair of shoes. My own mom was fine because she brought me up with collecting stuff as a whole, usually figures.

Part of it is that the dolls aren't usually brought outside the room unless I'm doing something with them. I don't bring em out.

 

My daughter teases me unmercifully (but then she does about anything) - she's always had a sort of love/hate relationship w/dolls. She gothed out her Barbies w/black electrical tape & collected Living Dead dolls, as well
I think BJD collectors do get a lot of flack because so many people are creeped out by dolls, plus the money factor. However, I can name several hobbies that get lots MORE flack (scrapbookers, beany baby collectors, those Real Baby collectors which creeps ME out, to name a few).
Guys collect electronics (my 2nd hubby was into low-end High End stereo equipment ~sigh~), model trains, models period, baseball cards, vintage comic books, endless endless on & on. So why they think doll-collecting of any kind is different beats me.
Most of my friends think its neat, tho. So does my mom! So no problems. Helps that I'm close to retirement age & my children are grown.
What really makes me smile - my grandmother collected dolls, right up till she died! She'd so love my dollies.

 

because most people don't like what stands out, what's "weird".
playing with dolls when you are a grown up is not considered normal, it is even weirder that we would pay hundreds of dollar for a toy.

I personnaly never had this problem, my friends and familly and very open minded
but "we hate what is not like us" is the answer to almost everything, I've noticed =__=

 

I thought I had grown quite accustomed to reading about the wide wide world of how weird we are - but I've not seen anything as strange as "I didn't get any pushback on still playing with Bratz, but as soon as I brought home a BJD..."

THAT, I seriously don't get and while on the one hand it makes me very frustrated, on the other hand it's so bizarre that it makes me want to laugh out loud. I wonder if it's that they move in realistic ways as opposed to stick-figure fashion dolls or floppy baby dolls? And I'll bet it happens a lot more often than we think.

I'm used to getting the "what? a grown woman playing with dolls?" from my almost 80-year old dad. But he collects golf hats. You tell me which collection is prettier . I don't even bother getting into it with him any more. BUT! I'm so fortunate in that my co-workers all appreciate and/or have figures, dolls of some kind or - in my supervisor's case - action figures of Marvel Comics characters. We are all weird and "un-normal" together.

Bah at what you're "supposed" to be. That kind of thinking (and a virus) causes ulcers.

 

I don't tend to bring it (the entire hobby in general) up with non-doll people/friends. Sometimes I'll show my very close friends something I've sewn and they'll be like "coolio! cute shirt. I want one!" I'm choosy about who I even mention dolly stuff to. All of my friends (who I didn't meet as doll-people) are just like "eh dolls.... Did you see that episode last night?" It's just not even a topic. Not that they don't like them, it's just there is no interest.

My parents are like "Oh, you bought a fancy doll. Good for you. What do you want for dinner?" I guess I'm not really experiencing the supposed animosity.

However, I think it's BECAUSE they're BJDs that my parents are being accepting. If I were sewing clothes and face-upping and photographing Barbies or Bratz, my parents would probably think it's childish. But the entire thought of BJDs being on the stranger/rarer side and being more "fancy" and unique makes it seem alright.

 

I haven't experienced much animosity. My brother's accepted them very readily and remembers their names (which astounds me, and I adore him for it), and my mother's in the hobby as well. Dad isn't happy about them - he's easily creeped out and dolls push his creep factor button several times, apparently (I've managed to creep him out by staring at him too long, which gives you an idea of this tolerance threshold). My roommate doesn't care about them in the slightest. She saw two, shrugged and went on her merry way.

That being said, I can imagine quite a bit of animosity would stem from how collectors act when around non-doll people. Talking to them as if they were real, etc. etc. would get a bizarre reaction out of anyone, whether you were talking to a doll or a car or a table lighter. I think it comes down to behavior in a way (the money issue aside - that's a whole 'nother thing). I've met a lot of anime fans who wig out and randomly roleplay at odd moments so I imagine hostility would be the reaction no matter what the hobby is. If that makes sense. No harm intended by this post; it's just a few thoughts of mine.

 

I can only assume that this was partially inspired by my post. I don't understand it either. I still have my Bratz and my mom never says anything about that, but the minute I tell her a I want a(albeit expensive) doll, then she just doesn't get it. I think it's mostly the price of the dolls that makes her a little disapproving. Oh well, I'm an adult and am paying for it with my own money, so at least she's not trying to stop me ...

 

What's funny is I talk to my car like it's a real person sometimes and no one seems surprised or bothered by it. XD I guess it's because it's mostly like "apologizing" to it when I mistreat it (slam on the breaks or accelerate so hard that it starts to whine), or cursing at it when it doesn't behave or giving it encouragement when it's in trouble. No one seems at all surprised when I talk to/about my car like it has feelings, but I guess cars can almost come off as having "feelings" because of how they work for us and react to us (my car legitimately sounds like it's complaining when I make it accelerate too fast and will sometimes pretend that it has no gas in its tank when I do this, if I slam on the breaks, it makes the speedometer go all wonky for a minute or two to get back at me).

Having no dolls, I haven't experienced any animosity. My mother was shocked at the price of the doll I'm still waiting for (but she wants to make clothes for it) and when I showed my brother some dolls he complained that all the men looked too much like girls (though he did like Iple's Dexter), otherwise nothing.

 

So, why do you think the main reason people get so annoyed with BJD hobbyists?

I really don't think this is something confined to BJDs--I've gotten lectures about my body art, as well. I think that when it comes down to it, people just don't see the practicality of art ("It's not doing anything--it's useless!") and become frustrated that you don't share their same rationale? That, and I really do think that some people just get spiteful when faced with other people who actively follow their passions and don't balk and give up what they love in order to be "normal."

Also, if you're one of those people who have had people eventually accept your hobby, how long did it take, and in your opinion, what made them come to terms with it?

My partner and I had some awkward conversations when I was first getting into the hobby. He'd ask how much a doll I was planning for cost, I'd tell him, and there'd be an awkward exchange of, "...That's a lot of money." "Yeah, I know.."

It was a few months later that we had another big conversation about it, where he admitted the dolls really weren't so bad. I asked him what had changed his mind, and he told me that as he saw how dedicated I was to taking care of my dolls, how passionate, and how much joy they brought me, it really opened his eyes for him. (Plus, he splurges on tatts semi-frequently~ heheee) And that was another thing--after the dolls started coming in, he started looking around at everyone /else's/ passions--Mom's designer handbags, my brother's add-ons for his car, Dad's video games, etc. Most people shell out cash for the things they love. It just took my partner a while to really see how much BJDs meant to me.

Nowadays, it's not uncommon for him to come home, see me cuddled up with a few dolls around me, and ask, "How're the boys/girls/etc doing?"

 

I don't know... I haven't personally received flack for it, but I know that when my partner and mom were xmas shopping for me, she gave him some reaalllyyy weird looks when he picked out a couple Monster High and Lalaloopsy dolls for me. But maybe it'd be different, since BJDs are more "mature"-looking than that.

 

Please excuse me for interrupting your conversation. I'm new on DOA--at least new at participating. I'm nowhere near your ages, but it doesn't matter how old you are. People's reactions are pretty much the same. ) Jill

 

So, why do you think the main reason people sometimes get annoyed with BJD hobbyists? In my case, family is the price, strangers they think I'm crazy like another girl who lives in my building who carries her Ozzy doll with her everywhere and talks to it.

Have you ever encountered someone who put down the BJD hobby for some reason? yep, not in words just looks when taking my boy out for photoshoots

If you're one of those people who have had people eventually accept your hobby, how long did it take, and in your opinion, what made them come to terms with it? for one of my neighbores it was instantly(everyone thinks I am weird cause of my cosplay), she loves me showing her my dolls after my box openings and when I take my boy out she likes him the most and always wants me to stop and show him to her.