Would it offend you as a owner?

I have a few dolls in my collection that have garnered these types of messages.

Some have been polite - along the lines of "if you ever plan to sell, please let me know, i'd love to purchase". Those are fine by me and I genuinely do try to keep track of people who have expressed interest in certain dolls if they ever make it to the chopping block (though the one doll has a list of about 10 people haha).

But I've also gotten "sell me x" "don't you want to sell me y" "could you sell me z" or other various messages of people asking (or trying to demand) me to sell specific dolls or asking me if certain dolls are up for sale (when there isn't a sales post, or asking if I'm willing to sell any of my other dolls that aren't listed as for sale). Those I don't take as kindly to.

 

Yes. It comes off as self entitlement. I think if I am talking to someone and they say 'if you ever think about selling this doll let me know' is fine.

But if your first message to me is 'is your doll for sale' then yeah. Its very rude. I have no problem in people asking 'Can I still buy one' or 'what sculpt is that?'

 

I don't think it was their intention to offend you. They like your doll. Just compliment, I guess. It's okay. Just a question. But something similar happens to me when I share photos and a person comes up and (without commenting on the quality of the photos or anything) asks point blank where I bought my doll's jacket from. Then I think it would be better to comment on the doll photo first, and then spark a conversation about other things. But I guess everyone sees this differently... I try to see these things as compliments. I'm actually flattered when someone likes my doll so much that they want to buy it.

 

I understand the temptation- there are several dolls that belong to other people that I would give my left arm to own. But at the same time, these sorts of messages do kind of annoy me. I'm not offended, per se, just a little irritated. I think it's relatively clear that I care a lot about my dolls, and I put a lot of effort into them, and the idea that I'd just sell them because someone asked... yeah.

I don't tend to take it out on the person, though, unless they're rude about it.

I have a couple of dolls that use to garner this sort of attention regularly, but I have messages around my doll blog that indicate that none of my dolls are for sale unless otherwise noted, so that does mitigate the amount of messages I get.

 

I hope that's not bad manners because I do casually ask that sort of thing.

 

@lutke Asking sculpts not bad manners! It takes a long time to recognize sculpts at first glance. If you can easily find the info (like in someone's profile), it might be a little annoying (to me at least). Asking if you can still buy one if you already have the sculpt name would not get a response from me. I can google it just as well as the person asking.

 

@nyaaain Oh yeah I meant asking what sculpt a doll is. I generally try to find things on my own first.

 

@lutke there is nothing wrong with asking what sculpt a doll is!

 

@RozenMaiden_Girl I always trust Shinku on doll etiquette

 

I've never been asked to sell a doll, but knowing myself I would probably feel a bit flattered, and definitely not offended. However if I were open to selling the doll in question... well, I wouldn't sell to a complete rando that seemingly isn't even in the hobby no matter what, but, if that someone clearly is in the hobby already, I would probably make extra sure that they already have a good reputation in selling/buying and so on, since it is a bit odd to ask without being prompted. I mean, I'm myself terrible with unspoken rules but even I immediately picked up on it generally being frowned upon to ask to buy someone's doll if it's not already listed as being for sale, so despite me not minding if someone asked me, it would make me a bit wary of them and therefore somewhat less inclined to sell to them.

If being asked to just keep someone in mind if I ever were to decide to sell a specific doll, I would be happy to, and would be more inclined to sell to them.

All that said, now that I've thought of this more, I guess the issue at its core for me isn't so much about how it's being asked, but rather whether the wannabe buyer seems to follow the rules of the community, like, if they break that unspoken rule, then perhaps they are more likely to also break the rule of not being a Scammy McScammerson as well? Or something. After all, if directly asking to buy was actually how it was generally done in this hobby, then it itself wouldn't make me more wary of the person asking like it would now.

 

Someone did this with lolita fashion once, and it was more awkward than anything; only because I was a people pleaser and I’d torture myself over how to say ‘no’ in the best way

I’d never be offended, but intention and tone matters.
It’s not rude to me say: “Hey, if you EVER want to sell this, please keep me in mind”, but it would be tacky to say: “I want this, name your price.”

I’m personally generally too meek to ask, even over the internet, but you never know if someone was secretly thinking about selling or not. Maybe messaging them is the push they need.

 

I heard some people get really offended by this, but I never understood it. I would just say "This doll is not for sale, sorry!", it doesn't bother me any to type a short simple message like that

 

Once in the 00s I went to a ComicCon in my hometown and decided to bring one of my SDs (no longer with me). Of course, the doll caught people's attention and it was normal for them to stare at me. I just knew about BJD's from some girls years before who had their BJD's with them in the same ComicCon and I went over to talk. They were super cool they shared some websites with me.

I recall Volks and DOD.

When I took mine, people asked me questions and were very friendly, I could tell they were genuinely curious to see such a doll.
But one woman came up to me and asked me if my doll was for sale. I told her no and she started getting violent and touching the doll asking "Why I was carrying such a beautiful doll if she wasn´t for sale?".
She grabbed it by the foot stretched out her leg and let it go suddenly stretching her elastic. Nothing happened to my doll, but it made me very upset because the woman had crossed a boundary.

At that time I was very young and there wasn't so much information about dolls and I didn't know what to do.

Nowadays I pass on interesting links to people who ask me these questions and tell them that along with these beautiful dolls, it is also part of the hobby to spend months researching to find the perfect doll. They usually react positively to this.

 

I have to admit, it does bother me. Especially if it's a doll that I've had for a long time or am very attached to. I used to quite often get people asking to buy my Soony, and I felt like, to them she's just a Soony, and they want any Soony, but to me she is Blue. How could you ask me to sell Blue? It also irritated me because I have been in the same boat. I spent a long time wanting a Soony and wishing one would come up for sale. I never went around asking people for theirs. I saved up lots of money and was very patient. If you want a specific doll that is hard to find, I think you should just be patient and keep looking (and if you're not willing to do that, you obviously don't want the doll that much!)

I always reply politely but yeah, I do find it rude.

 

It doesn’t bother me at all. In fact I completely understand it. I guess to some people it’s like asking them if their dog is for sale? But to me they are just objects. Objects I love very much, but objects. If someone approached me with an interest in my doll/s I’d be happy to take down their information for if I sell them in the future. Especially because I collect very rare sculpts that may only come up once in a blue moon, I can understand it, I really can.

Nebo to me is Nebo, not just the sculpt. But if one day decades from now I tired of him I would not be opposed to letting him go to someone who would love him just as much as me.

Considering how rare some of the sculpts I have are, if it was a poorly worded message I might assume it was a you know what trying to get their hands on one.

 

I've gotten a couple of "if (that one) ever needs to move on, please keep me in mind" type of messages from people I know, which is fine. There was someone on a FB group, though, who kept flat-out begging me and someone else to sell them particular dolls, The admin finally booted and blocked them.

 

It would annoy but not offend me, depending on circumstances

 

Tbh, I would ignore the post.

 

When this has happened, I've just ignored the post. Asking for a sale I didn't initiate definitely rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. I think I would feel differently if it was a close friend and they knew how I felt about the doll, but I definitely do not enjoy the solicitation from strangers.

 

No, it does not offend me and yes, it has happened before (and I did sell them the doll). I think I'd have issue if someone sent me an entitled message and was rude and/or demanding, but a polite inquiry of, "Hey, if you ever decide to sell, please keep me in mind" is perfectly fine. If you don't want to sell, a simple, "Thank you for the interest, but my doll isn't for sale; best of luck to you" should suffice.

I move in other doll collecting circles/communities as well and, believe it or not, these types of messages are expected and often even welcomed. Knowing there's an interest should one decide to rehome a doll brings some people comfort as the resale market is pretty terrible currently. They feel they have some kind of insurance if they end up not bonding or financial matters come up. My best doll friend is ecstatic when someone expresses interest in buying one of hers because she won't have to deal with the anxiety of potentially reselling a doll, even if she has zero interest in reselling that particular doll!