Anyone out there ever get fed up?

Thankfully my family are all very understanding of my dolls and why I enjoy them (my partner and mother actually both have their own dolls now and my dad came up with the idea for everyone to pitch in and get me a doll this Christmas). I do expect that I won't spend as much time or money on BJDs once our kids come along but when they're adults with their own jobs and families I'm probably going to fill the house to the rafters. If my kids complain about my dolls then I just won't get them any luxury things and say it's because 'they're a waste, too'

 

Oh! My dear we need to talk. I'm 47. Been collecting dolls for quite a few years. Have to admit I started out with Tonners. I have a few different types of dolls that aren't bjd but I like the bjds because you can customize them and it could increase the value.
Our house is paid off, the other is getting close, we have no kids and I'm not well. My husband doesn't bother me about my dolls because he knows I really enjoy it and I haven't got much of anything else. I mean I have other hobbies but this is the most expensive and I'm still trying to get a handle on bjds and which direction I want to go.
I have had people be totally shocked when I told them what I've paid for dolls. Also, there's my age. Most collectors are younger than me. Makes me feel a tad odd. But I've met some really nice people that don't seem to care.
You know, though, I get more things said to me over my tattoos than my dolls. Had one guy tell me one day that I should have my arms loped off because I have tattoos. Nice to say to anyone much less someone who could end up losing limbs eventually anyway. And my ink consists of butterflies, roses and a ladybug. Really offensive.
So, my dear I do get it. I don't talk about the dolls much to people who aren't dolly people. Some of them just don't get it and probably never will. I do though.

 

Growing old is required, growing up is optional.

I'm in my early 30s and I still cosplay, I have pink/purple/blue hair, wear game tshirts, watch cartoons, and collect all kinds of toys. Once in a while I hear the 'grow up' comments, but the key is confidence. Don't let them shake you. Don't let other people tell you how to spend your free time or what to like. You need to be happy too. If you like it do it and don't let anyone tell you you are too old. I met a 70 year old woman with purple in her white hair and it was amazing. We met at a doll show even. I'm gonna be 80 and still rocking the cotton candy hair if I have my way. I do once in a while wonder if I should stop with the dolls ocause I don't always have the time I want for them, but then I remember I like looking at them. When I do have time I enjoy it. I enjoy the hobby and I found friends who do appreciate my ways and hobbies and I actually help them when they want to do something that's considered too childish or weird. Cause I don't care. I do what I want cause I'm an adult and I take care of my stuff so I get to do what I want. Stay strong! Find some friends in the hobby (and don't think that them being younger is no good. I have a friend your age who goes to doll shows and stuff with me some times and we have a blast)

 

The hobby is expensive and I go without dolls if I can't afford them and need to save for other things like work on the house, my upcoming wedding and honeymoon etc. it's a balnacing act.

As to other people's comments about the cost of dolls - well, other people have expensive hobbies, I don't have an expensive care, I don't go on skiing holidays, I rarely go on holiday at all, although I do occasionally travel to events. I don't take part in sports that need a lot of expensive equipment, or a gym membership, or eat out at expensive restaurants, or go to the theatre regularly.

Just because some people see paying out on some hobbies as more "normal" than others is no reason for me to buy into that myth.

I occasionally have a break form my dolls, because I have other interests and only so much attention to go around - I had an 8 year break from dolls and toy making when I was new to historical reenactment and Science Fiction Fandom and a new home owner, in my first job and struggling with money in a pace that needed a lot of work done to it. But once my dolls came out of storage, when I had somewhere safe to keep/play-with/display them, they were back as an active interest.

Teddy

 

Maybe it's cause I'm young and I live at home, but I always feel guilty that not every cent of my money is going towards education, but at the end of the day, I really think that if you're not starving, and you can afford a roof over you, you should be allowed to spend money on things that make you happy.

 

This is long and might seem like a tangent, but bear with me:

So, I did my undergrad thesis on cultural differences (specifically, American and Japanese) in attitudes towards cuteness and the lifecourse.

In short, it comes down to very old, deeply-engrained societal views on what it means to "grow up."

The American perception of cute things, toys, etc as "just for kids" comes from a complex mix of religion, industrialization, and psychology, which took the Calvinist idea of "original sin" (the fall of Adam and Eve, which resulted in all humans being born corrupt) and eventually shifted the point of "corruption" from birth to adulthood, so that "growing up" was intrinsically linked with the loss of the innocence and wonder of childhood. That's why American society views "kidults," or adults who maintain "childish" interests like cartoons and dolls and video games, with disdain; "adulthood" and the "wondrous innocence" of childhood are seen as incompatible concepts, so if you've somehow managed to hold on to some of that innocence, then clearly there's something wrong with you because you have obviously failed to cross that threshold and enter into adulthood (and therefore you won't be able to contribute to society, you're a threat to social order, etc etc etc).

On the other hand, Japanese society doesn't see "childlike wonder" as something that is lost with adulthood; you are expected to put your own desires to the side when you reach adulthood so you can pay your dues as a member of society, but they'll be there waiting for you when you reach your "second childhood" in old age. Innocence may be "buried" under adult responsibility, but it's not gone, and the mass appeal of cuteness comes from its ability to "dig up" that sense of wonder so that individuals can indulge in it from time to time, as a respite from the stress of adult life. (Basically, the consensus seems to be: if decorating your stuff with toys and stickers will help keep you from going insane at your tedious job, then it's a win-win for you and the social order.)

I believe that understanding why people do or think things makes it easier, both to approach them with compassion AND to consciously decide whether we want to stick to the same path.

In this case, if you realize that the idea that "adults shouldn't play with dolls" is nothing more than a cultural bias, then you can decide for yourself whether or not you want to go along with it. (See? Relevant!)

(Of course, this won't make the people who haven't made that realization go away or stop being narrow-minded, but I personally find it easier to deal with negative people when I can remind myself that they're just trying to make sense of the world as best they can with the information they've been given--even if that information is limited, misguided, or flat-out wrong.)

~end sociology rant~

 

I've thought about this a lot. My best friend especially gives me grief, she knows that I've put off dental work that I need until 2016 because I was too broke for the copays, but I've bought a couple dolls. I didn't even tell her about the one I have on layaway right now. I plan to move in March and need to save money, but my heart has already bought three dolls on the Marketplace. If someone dumped $10000 in my lap tomorrow, I'd pay off my 2 credit cards, then the rest would go to dolls...even though I have dental work I need, and a move coming up, and other bills I need to pay, etc, etc, etc. I really struggle to keep a balance between real life needs and doll life needs, and sometimes I think I need to just STOP with doll stuff for a while. But...but...I have a floating head that needs a body, and my collector mentality wants that rare doll, and I need wigs and clothes, and stuff from Dollmore for restringing my current dolls, and it just keeps going. It really does come down to deciding you're meant to do more than work and pay bills then die. Dolls make me very happy, so I'm going to keep coming back to that as a reason to keep collecting.

 

Other peoples' comments about my dolls or the costs doesn't really bother me. Just tell them that they are being awfully rude and they should lighten up. Or you can smile and kill them with kindness like I do my dad.

 

As much as I love my dolls, buying them new things etc, they're never at the top of my list TBH when it comes to spending. I definitely set aside money for them, save up for a new wig etc, but I have other things in my life that trump them. My dolls, I figure, can always wait, (they're patient like that XD), but time sensitive things like home repairs, bills, trips and spending time/money with family and friends always come first.

It probably stems from some horrible guilt complex I have regarding spending money on myself, but I don't think I'd be able to enjoy this hobby if I put my dolls first.

They're a super fun second or third...sometimes fourth or fifth lol

 

Every time buy something none doll-related...I kick myself later coz I always think I could have bought something for the dolls. It never happens the other way coz the doll's needs are more important than mine.

 

I wouldn't say I get fed up but I am fully aware that many dolls i've purchased in the past be it BJD or standard play/fashion dolls, have cost too much money for what they are technically worth material wise and so forth. However I don't see that I have much choice if the particular doll I really want happens to be a bit pricey. Sometimes i've felt somewhat guilty about a purchase intially (especially if I've spent a lot and its just a head lol) but then felt better once said item has arrived and i'm super happy to have it. The doll hobby (and for me collecting nostalgic 80's/90's toys) is a rather expensive one but that can be said for many hobbies. I don't always spend my money on dolls so I don't feel my hobby has got out of control. I don't think the hobby is worth getting into huge debt over though so i'm careful to economise where I can. But at the end of the day I enjoy collecting dolls and that's what matters, I don't need approval from anyone else.

 

I am in an akward position, compared to most of you, since I am an 42 year old male, collecting dolls besides my other hobbies, wich are anime figures, Fairy figures and bronze (Veronese) figures. My wife and my friends are ok with it, but they can't understand me - a grownup man, collecting dolls!!? Hehehe .. Well I guess I have a weakness for the adorable and sweet, I always had (Just look at my cat on my profile pic ) I think I've got it from my mother, wich would, if she lived, be amazed by my doll, fairy, anime and other figure collection. She loved figures, and collected everything she could get her hands on, but that was more common cheap commercials, bought in ordinary shops. My daughter, she loves my hobby. she's 10, and I have allready helped her out building her own little collection with figures
I manage well, when it comes to economic priority. I don't spend more than I feel I am able to use on the hobby, and I am responsible when it comes to everything else, wich follows my family duties. So my wife respect my spending, since she know that I'm responsible.
I always calculate, and use lot of time, doing research, and finding the best price, before buying figures or dolls. When I was young I was more impatient, but nowaday's I'm patient, so I don't loose controll and do impulsive actions.
Slowly but patiently I am building my collection, for the future. And I hope to soon get access to the Marketplace, so I can buy something used from others, wich will increase my chances for a better buy, than always have to buy new dolls and accessories.

Best of luck to all of you
Male collector

 

I am 15 and my friends are always going out somewhere and buying new things from hot topic and getting new Doc Martens. My friends are always telling me how, if I didn't spend so much money on dolls, I would be able to do the same.
I don't think another pair of doc martens would give me as much happiness as a pukipuki though. I think I would rather spend my money getting a cute outfit for a pukipuki and not some more wonder balsam.
In the end, it is my money and my decision and for now, I am staying in the hobby even though I have had my doubts.
I am not leaving or taking a break until college.

 

I'm so bloody tired of hiding my hobby from everyone but my girlfriend and my ex. I can just hear the condescension in their voices "oh, you bought *that*?" Or "you spent how much on that?" I'm an adult. I pay my own bills, I've never received a doll or any accessories from anyone else, nor asked for that. So why the heck is it their business?

 

There are some very nice "I found your nose. It was in my business again." images. I've had them printed up on business cards, and as soon as someone starts with the dolls, I present them with a card. Anyone who is really your friend has no business getting up in your grill about what you spend your money on as long as you are paying your bills on time.

 

I agree with an earlier post that you can't put a price on happiness. I always get "that look", I think everyone in the hobby has experienced that. It does get old, but you save up and work hard to be able to buy dolls! People who aren't in the hobby are always going to look at you like you blew all your money on something stupid.

I usually GIVE someone the look when they tell me about their purchases that I don't agree with. That's like someone saying they spend hundreds on makeup, I don't get it. Just like they won't understand me and my doll hobby. Usually that makes me think, "I could've spent that on a cute outfit for my girls" lol you SHOULD be proud. A whole life of dolls is great honestly, and that's going to be me when I'm in my 50s and 60s honestly. If it matters to you, who cares what other people are thinking. Make yourself happy!

 

Ha! I'm retired and boy, I'm good at spending money! My kids DID bellyache about the dolls until I gently reminded them that at least the dolls would still be around to sell once I was gone, while those OTHER alternative money-sucking alternatives I was contemplating (around the world cruise, DragonCon eternal membership, etc) would NOT have been. Shut them up pretty much LOL My mother, well, I don't tell her the EXACT cost - plus I've sent her pics and a Shutterfly book of my dolls in stuff I made - so she's got bragging rights about her daughter & is happy LOL LOL LOL
I do have other things (see DragonCon etc) that I like to do, but I much prefer to spend MOST of my $$$ on tangibles, stuff I can use (the dolls fit right in there).

 

I sometimes shudder at what I've spent on this hobby. But, I always save for what I want and there's never a question when it comes to making a choice between dolls and life necessities. There have even been times when my doll funds (money I slowly build up over months) has needed to be used in an emergency (a root canal? and a crown? *head desk*) and I don't even hesitate.

I do browse a lot without any intention to buy and have those moments when I see something that really catches my eye and I give serious thought to just buying it. At that point is usually when I get fed up but with myself and not the dolls. I know I don't really have a place/cash for that item yet my finger itches to hit the buy button. Weirdly enough, that impulse seems restricted to dolls and nothing else. That being said, out of 35 dolls only 2 have been impulse buys over 8 years.

Don't let others force you to "grow up". I'm 45, hold a professional job and do all the adult things like pay rent, buy groceries and make sure the lights stay on. I also collect dolls, watch anime, go to anime cons (I'm actually staff at one) and play video games every day. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you have to live a boring life of nothing but responsibilities. You need to have/do fun things (and I mean things that are fun to you and not what others think is fun for you) or else you'll die inside and then you're not living; you're just existing and that's no life.