Asking for a doll as a gift: okay or rude?

Personally, I would never ask someone to buy me a doll even if they were willing. For me this is because I'm uncomfortable with the fact that they're so expensive, and I want to be able to buy my own doll by saving up and putting in an effort. (like. I want her, and by saving up all that money for it shows how much you want it) but really if your brother insists on getting it for you, and you're not uncomfortable with it, go ahead.

 

I think timing and how you ask is what determines if it's rude or not. I don't ask for dolls from my parents unless they ask me what I want for my birthday or Christmas, that's it. Never any other time. If they just did a big job, as my step dad works with furniture, and they get a lot of money I won't ask for one just because I know that they have money.

The last two dolls I bought I bought with my own money and didn't ask for any help. With IH I I'm trying to save up but with my birthday being in November and my mom asking what I wanted I just told her I would like IH Kyle if it's possible. If not I gave her some back up things, but I'm realllllly hoping for Kyle.

 

actually for me its fine , if someone offers it i will take it ~but then after i collect the money as the doll cost i will pay him/her back right away ~

so its kinda like what comes around goes around ~
in here its kinda rude to say no if someone offers us something with all their heart ~

 

I think it is rude to ask a person who is not close to you - meaning who is not a close relative or your significant other - for an expensive gift, no matter if it is a doll or not. Most people would probably laugh at you then, but some would feel rather offended and also feel pressured to oblige even though they don't want to and maybe also cannot financially. So yes, that would be impolite.

I DON'T think it is rude to ask a close relative or your significant other for an expensive gift. There are certain occasions on which they are planning to give you a gift anyway (for birthday or Christmas etc.). Even if a whole doll is probably too much for most people, since it is a lot of money, it is better for them to know what they can make you happy with, instead of spending money on something useless (like a decorative brass statue of a frog or another blue plaid kitchen apron... okay, it was a joke, there are people who would love those gifts too).

I tell my family and significant other what I want as a gift. And they also tell me what they would like as a gift. So it is all mutual and fair. That is why I think the OP's behaviour towards her brother was completely okay. Also, relatives and very close people usually know that even if they refuse to agree, they still will be loved, so they really have a choice if they oblige and give you your doll as a gift or not.

But I usually prefer to borrow money from my family and my siginificant other instead of asking for gifts, and then pay it back (it is a bit like having a layaway, but you get your doll earlier ^^). Birthday and Christmas just don't happen often enough. LOL. Then again, many people would probably consider borrowing money to buy a doll rude already too... Who knows.

 

I don't really know if it's rude or not...I did tell my friend once 'If you buy it for me I'll have it' but it was all a joke really and she even answered 'I can pay part of him, but can't pay the whole price. I don't have the money for that'. Pfft, I felt a little bad since I was just joking really.
Now, I think if someone asks you what you want, you say something like 'It's fine, it's exppensive anyway' and that person insists, you can tell? Wether they buy it for you or not is up to them from that point on. Going to someone like 'Oh hey, you should totally buy me this cause I totally want it ok?'...hmmm...that does sound rude now haha!
That's just my opinion though~

 

Nyeeeh, I feel like its pretty much the same as asking for anything else. I think the whole concept of asking for a certain gift it rude (it feels more like im just asking them to buy something then receiving it as a gift) but for people who are okay with asking for gifts, Its the same as asking for a computer, or a TV, or anything else really. Its just the price thats concerning

 

I think if it gets taken too far then it is rude. I have a bit of a story myself and my boyfriend.

Me: *looks around for dolls, goes on Luts and notices the Luts Kid Delf KIWI*
Me: Omg, Michael, I really really like this doll!
Michael: She is pretty cute, I will buy you her for Christmas
Me: *remembers looking a doll 5 months back and goes to see if DollZone still has her*
Me: Michael, DollZone still has that doll I want! the DollZone Shuang Er!
Michael: Her fullset is expensive though, are you sure you want her?
Me: Yes, i've been looking at her pictures since June. >w< will you help me get her as a christmas gift
Michael: Sure! Here's 65$ towards the doll.
Me: you're such a sweetheart, thanks so much!
Michael: you're very welcome. I'm helping you because I love you and feel bad for how people have treated you.

So I ended up making enough money after a while to buy her. 714$ in total.

 

My first doll was a gift from my parents and my boyfriend for my birthday, and all my friends pitched in money for her clothes wigs and shoes. My boyfriend, mom and all all split the cost of the doll and then I picked out clothes and then split the cost with a few of my friends.

I don't think its rude when you offer to help yourself, I wouldn't ask someone to just buy the whole doll for me. And I know that my friends were more than willing to help me get her because I've wanted one for almost six years.

I think it just depends on the situation personally :3

 

Like so many people have said already, I think there are many things that factor into the situation. I will say firstly that I have never asked for a doll, or received a doll, as a gift and have purchased them all myself.

Firstly I think it depends on the relationship between who you're asking. There is a huge difference between asking your parents for such a gift, and an acquaintance that you've been friends with for two weeks.
Also, it depends on the financial situation of who is making the purchase... When someone makes $600K+ a year, it wouldn't be a huge financial burden to drop a couple hundred dollars on a nice doll as a gift for someone they love. On the other hand, no matter how much this person loves a doll collector, it would be a massive burden if they're struggling just to put food on the table every night.

I think it all comes down to each individual situation. In this case, I see nothing wrong with it. Brother came across some money and wanted to get his sister something nice. He didn't know what, so she made a request. I don't see that as rude in the slightest.

 

i have an unfortunate birthday date which is 27th of december, but it does have a silver lining....my hubby
always gives me cash so i can buy which doll i like....I wouldn't ask for someone to buy me a doll because of the expense i would just save my xmas and birthday money and get it myself....better that than to end up
with loads of stuff i just wont use ....i think dolls for gifts are a personal thing

 

Personally, I only think it's rude if you're at least semi aware of the person's financial standing, and standpoint, and you ask anyway. Like, I know my parents are poor and my boyfriend has bills to pay, and find that luxuries, especially 'toys', are a waste of money, so I wouldn't bother.

Of course it doesn't hurt to ask, but think about it, if you had a job, hauled ass for your money and have things you need to do with it, would YOU find it rude if one of your friends or acquaintances asked you for a $500 doll? Dolls are awesome, and I'm sure I can speak for a lot of people on here when I say that they make us happy and bring us a lot of joy, but we don't need them. So look at it from the other party's perspective, would you be willing to drop about half a grand on a luxury for them? Would you feel insulted?

And also, I think it comes down to how you ask that would determine if it's rude or not. I've had someone ask me 'I need you to give me 50 cents so I can do my laundry.' and 'You should totally buy me this, and I'll love you forever.' Yeah, I had 2 quarters to spare, and I could have bought the girl what she wanted without batting an eyelash, but don't order me to do it or give me an ultimatum!

 

Well thats a lot of money when you consider buying a BJD but some family can easely afford it, and in the case of the brother who got 40k he fit in the people who can afford something a bit expensive, except if he had to use a lot of this money for his personal issue? I suppose that if the doll you want is in the regular range (500$ in my opinion) its not as rude as asking for a video game console or a new computer. I could ask for a horse, there nothing in the world I think is "rude"

If you ask for something and the parents by exemple say no because its too expensive. I consider this rude if you continue harassing to get the expensive items.

 

candy-kitten- We have the same bday! I used to hate it as a kid because people would combine presents, but now it's not so bad because people offer to combine for more expensive things. If someone was so inclined to spend a bunch of money on me I'd rather them combine the gifts into something I'd use.

I've never asked for a doll though, I'd feel guilty. I don't think it's rude, I just wouldn't do it myself. Unless you are incredibly close I feel like that is a lot of money to spend on a person.

 

I find a nice compromise is not to ask for the doll itself, but ask for money and explain you're saving up for a doll. This is especially easy now as Amazon has a universal wish list button which can let you add a doll and a comment that if you could chose your gift, you would like money to allow you to save for this item.

While this takes longer, this allows people to contribute as they see fit and removes the guilt of having asked for a very expensive item from an individual who may or may not have the money.

 

In your case I think it sounds like it worked out nicely. He has told you he wanted to get you something. I can't be sure, but it also sounds like he is enjoying the money in fairly frivolous ways. This will be something that can last between you. The gift can be a bond and it may be one of the few things he will be able to look back on and know that it had lasting value.

It is good to hear the thoughts of other people, but no one but you can truly know your situation and the right thing at a particular moment. I've noticed on a few occasions that people gave me advice that was very costly for me to do what they said was the right thing. Later they were in similar situations and did not apply the same standard for themselves.

There is such a thing as false guilt, and false responsibility. Your guilt will now detract from the gift and love he showed. Guilt doesn't have to control us. Sometimes I have to sit down and use my thinking side. Did I do wrong? If not, then I have to work at telling my guilt feelings THEY are the thing that is wrong. I am prone to feeling guilty and having a hard time accepting gifts or any gestures of kindness.

It helps to remember that people can get a lot of joy out of giving a gift they know you really love.

I believe it is good to help someone figure out what you want. It is disappointing for both sides for a gift exchange to receive a grimace-grin-thank you because secretly you are wondering who they thought they were buying the gift. [Because it has nothing to do with anything you would have ever wanted].

I didn't focus so much on the question of should you have asked. Is there a line, where it is OK to ask if it only costs this much and NOT OK if it costs more than that? Is it principle or amount that matters?

 

Like others have mentioned, I agree when people say it may be rude to ask someone who loves you very much but is not financially comfortable with giving something so expensive. People who love you want you to have something you cherish and some will go through any means to get you that even though it's really not something they can afford. However, if the person is financially able I don't really think it is rude as frequently they end up getting you expensive things anyway (some which you may not be interested in). Of course I would definitely say this is only applicable for those who are closest to you as I don't think it's right to ask for an expensive item from someone you aren't very close to (no matter what their financial situation is). Some say asking in general no matter the situation is rude and maybe it is in certain cases, but I think if they do offer something (or even money) and instead you say you want a doll I don't really see anything wrong with that.

 

I don't think I'd seriously ask for one. For special occasions like gift-giving holidays and birthdays, though, I usually have a sub-section on the list my parents ask for that I call "pipe dream." It's where all the expensive things I wish to have, but know no one can afford, goes. I put it on there as it is a "wish list," and I would totally include a doll on it. I wouldn't expect to GET it, but hey, I don't see the harm in asking for it in that case.

Now, as far as just out of the blue? No, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for it. I know how much the dolls cost, and I know it takes a long time to save for one. Most people would look at the expense and go "heck no!" I know my parents/family would. So I don't ask.

Now if someone wants to offer to buy me a doll, I would take them up on it in an instant.

 

It really depends on who you're asking. I sometimes feel guilty when asking my mom for a doll for Christmas (I did this year) because of the price. But she insisted its "Okay, as long as what it's what you want." But it really depends on (1) Their relationship to you (2) Their understanding of the hobby (3) Their finacial stand-point. So before you ask, you should consider those 3 things or it can come off rude. Let's say its a parent, for a holiday, and they do have the finacial means to supply it; then I think its okay versus asking a grandparent you dont see often, who doesn't understand the hobby well, and is tight on cash; it'd be pretty rude.

 

as others have said, it depends on the person, how close you are and how they feel. I'm ok telling my hubby or sister what I want b/c my sister is in the hobby and for xmas or bday usually asks what doll I want! lol and hubby doesn't know how to order (and seems uninterested in learning) so usually just tells me to buy what I want and he'll wrap it up.

but that's just for holidays. I wouldn't ask somebody to buy me a doll just because they came into money. That is their money, and I'd feel greedy and selfish for asking them to spend it on me. I wouldn't ask someone I'm not really close to for something that expensive, though most of my family is ok giving cash as gifts, so if they ask what I want, I usually just say cash would be fine, then I can save up and get what I want.