Asking for a doll as a gift: okay or rude?

It's not rude by default. Your brother said yes, while he could've easily said no a second time. I don't see it being any more rude than asking for a camera or something similar. It might seem more useful to most people, but it's still a handful of money.
I asked my mom for a doll once, and she firmly said no. And she had every right, it's her money.
If your borther wants to spend the money on a gift for you, I don't see the problem. I agree that you can maybe talk it over more, to see how he really feels about it, but it doesn't sound to me that you nagged and nagged and nagged till he said yes. In this case, I don't find it rude.
And like someone else said, it might be more about the price of the doll than anything else why you're feeling bad. It's a big amount of money, but would you feel just as guilty if he got you a couch or something?

 

I personally wouldn't ever ask anyone for something that expensive. When I buy dolls, I do so knowing how much I'm spending, and what I'm potentially giving up. I don't ask my parents, or friends to spend their hard earned money on things like that for me. Being a college student has taught me that money= hard work- in one way or another, and I just don't feel right going "hey, buy me $400 worth of something please."

Now as to whether it's wrong or not, that's for you to decide. Personally I'd say that since you're worrying it's wrong, then it probably is. If it were 100% right you wouldn't worry about it.

 

I feel that this is a pretty personal question. Only you can know what is and isn't acceptable behavior with your own friends and family.
I own all three of the current gaming consoled, and each one of them was a Christmas gift. Not all for one Christmas, but given over a period of three years.
They're comparable in price to these dolls, so I certainly will ask for something just as expensive.

I also understand the bond between brother and sister the OP mentioned. I've asked my brother to buy me things before, though the most expensive thing has been a hard cover book. He's by no means rich, but does get disability pay from the government, so he doesn't mind spending a bit on me occasionally.
Of course, I've also returned the favour occasionally too, though it's not usually because he asked for something, so much as he reached his spending limit on his debit card and needs me to pay for him.

 

I think it's fine. My boyfriend wanted to get me my second doll as a gift. (I got my first one all by myself. I do think getting the first one yourself is important because it means you’re willing to spend the money to get in the hobby.) We've been together six years, so it's not like I'm asking a guy I just got together with for a doll. I buy him expensive gifts for his birthday too. This year it was leather armor for ren faire. We just want to make each other happy so we communicate about the types of things we'd like for gifts. I don't think it's rude. I'm not demanding it. He buys me a doll because he loves me and wants to get me something I picked out so he'll know I love it. I think you have to have the right kind of relationship with someone to ask for a doll. They have to understand the hobby and want to help you with it. I know I'll cherish this doll he's gotten me even more because I know he's gotten it for me because he loves me, not because I forced him into it or because he felt obligated. I think it's the same thing with any gift. They need to come from the heart no matter what.

 

I dont really think its rude. After all, he did say yes!
Its not like he said no and that you'be been harassing him since then (*cough* like ive been doing with my parents since my b-day and x-mas are coming *cough*
but if you feel too uncorfotable letting him buy you such expensive tell him you'd rather not ^^ (but then if he insist, dont say no! )

 

Exactly! Context is everything here. If you are in the position to get that kind of gift regularly, and if the person you're asking is used to giving you that level of gift, then there's no problem. If it's not somebody you know really well, and/or who isn't really wealthy, then it might be out-of-line.

Only you & the other person know the true ins and outs of your relationship, though, so no outside advice will really suffice-- you'll have to just feel your way through what feels Right vs. Uncool to ask of that person.

I don't really have anybody I'd ask to buy me a doll, or anything in that thousand-dollar price range, because I'm used to providing for myself.... I make a killer salary, and don't need reinforcement for my luxuries. And when it comes to dolls, I prefer seeing each doll as the sweat-of-my-brow translated into exquisite resin. Still, I'm not above asking my family for a pair of fancy headphones for Christmas, and they love having a good concrete gift-idea for me once a year. ^^


Regarding the OP-- if you and your brother are really close, then you shouldn't have a problem discussing your guilt with him & making sure he's OK with having bought you such a gift. He might have secretly been waiting for you to bring up the topic to talk about, or he might just tell you you're being silly to feel guilty.

 

For one it depends on the relationship and financial position, and the situation that the doll was asked for - special occaision or just random gift.
I wouldn't outright ask someone to buy me a doll, even for a special occasion. But, if someone was umming and ahhing about what to get me for a special event and had expressed wanting to buy things in a similar price range that they weren't sure I'd like, only then would I suggest a doll.

 

It's one of those things that depends I think -- on the type of relationship, on that person's finances, not to mention that the dolls themselves do really vary in price. If someone asked me what I wanted and the amount of money for the situation was not inappropriate, then I think it would be fine. As a personal thing, I don't think I would feel comfortable asking out of nowhere -- they would have to ask me what I wanted. I don't buy into the idea that giving dolls as gifts/asking for dolls as a gifts is somehow intrinsically wrong (something that has popped up in numerous threads) -- sometimes things received as gifts have a lot of sentimental value because they were given by a loved one. You don't have to buy it yourself to appreciate it. And secondly, people's finances are different. For some, shelling out a couple hundred on a doll would be an impossibility, for others it's not a problem.

For the record, I've never asked for a doll. I'm very easy to buy gifts for, so people don't usually ask me what I want, they just surprise me -- if they wanted to buy me a doll and I wasn't asked specifically so I could tell them what doll and where to get it, I would be concerned that they might accidentally get scammed on an auction site since my family doesn't have enough familiarity with the hobby.

 

I personally don't think it's rude, as long as there's some reason for a person to ask for a gift. For example, when family members ask me what I want for my birthday or for holidays. Even if they don't ask at that exact moment, it's understood in my family that at any moment someone can say, "For my birthday I'd like..." The gift idea then gets written down so that when the birthday rolls around the person who asked does get what they wanted.

Some people might think it's rude to ask for a doll because they're so expensive. I don't think that it's rude; I've asked for expensive gifts before, but there's always been a catch or two. When I ask for something expensive it usually becomes a joint gift between two families. When I got a laptop, for example, it was from both my aunt's family and my grandfather's family. If I were to ask for a BJD for a present it would probably work the same way.

No, I don't think it's rude. Not as long as everything gets worked out.

 

I'd like to add that sometimes even if you are not in the position to get that kind of gift regularly there might be that special occasion that warrants a bigger than normal gift. A graduation gift for example. Some people graduate more than once (I'm talking about after high school), but not everybody does and that makes it a special occasion. My first doll was a graduation gift and I'm in no way in the position to get gifts like that regularly.
Another example: I wouldn't buy my sister a doll just like that, but if I'd win some money in the lottery, it would also be a special occasion and if I would be planning on sharing the money with my family members, I wouldn't mind if my sister asked me to buy her a doll instead of giving her money.

 

It really depends on the situation,more like,depending on who and what is the relationship between me and the person I'm asking.I have a sister and parents whom love me lots...Especially my sister.I just dropped the bomb and said
"Sis would you buy me that doll please D"
In the end she asked a question "I thought you are afraid of dolls?"
and then,placed the order after a few minutes.
I could say most of my dolls(or maybe,all of them)are gifts and presents from my family....So I guess it really depends on who you are asking and the relationship with....
In fact,think the other way round,if you have the ability and you love the person lots,of course you will want to do something which he or she likes...It happens most of the time ...My mom and sis will come in my room and watch me dressing my boys and storing their stuffs up.She'll listen to all my stories I had.

 

mmm well... if its really close friends and family members, I think maybe you can kind of get away with asking for something, especially if there's a special ocassion coming up?

Another way to go about it - and I have done this in the past - lets say you have a birthday coming up, and you want to buy a doll, but are short on money. If you don't want to ask someone outright to buy it for you, what I have done is say something like: "Instead of buying me gifts for my birthday this year, I'd really appreciate if you could give me the money instead, whatever value you feel comfortable with/were going to spend on a gift, as there's something I am trying to save up for".

Again, I have said this to my close friends and family, and in a way its a win-win situation because you get money for your doll/toy/whatever, the other person doesnt have to agonize over what to get you, and you're both happy.

 

I think it's ok...
I asked my parents to get me my first BJD for Christmas this year- I was so nervous asking because they ARE so so expensive and my family does NOT have a lot of money. But they were going to buy me a netbook and that was going to be my only present... I figured if I paid for half of the doll and they paid for the other half, the amount they would spend would be the same. It still would be the only thing I got, presents wise... but I still felt bad cause it's so much money. (It's a bit over the price of the netbook.)

I feel a bit better now about it, since they agreed, but if it were anyone but my parents I wouldn't dare ask. I would just feel way too guilty. I pay for everything with my own money and hate it when people give me any- especially if I can't pay them back. It's why I'm still paying for half the doll xD

 

I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for a doll as a gift. My brother has bought an expensive outfit for one of my dolls as a birthday gift to me, but I didn't ask, he asked whether I would like it.

I feel that asking this of my family would be too presumptuous, the dolls are very expensive and my family don't really like my collection as it is Asking for another doll would be rude knowing this. I would also never ask a friend to buy me a doll, my friends and I never ask each other for specific presents. In our circle, we know each other very well and all prefer surprises, so no one would be likely to buy me a very expensive doll in case I didn't like it.

 

No, asking isn't rude. It may be a little thoughtless if you know that the person you're asking can't afford it but that's all. There's nothing wrong with asking and it doesn't make you any less "worthy" or the doll any less special because you didn't scrimp, scratch, save for a year, and sell your soul to get it. One way people show love is by giving, and your brother sounds like he's a giver. ^_^ He is happy to make you happy and he clearly wants to do this so be pleased! What would be "rude" in this case is being worried and melancholy over it. ^_^; I asked my mom for my Benny and was completely blown away when she said yes. She looked forward to her coming as much as I did and my whole family enjoys her.

 

I guess it depends on who you're asking to give it to you as a gift. My husband has given me doll heads as birthday and christmas gifts before, I've never specifically asked, but I have wanted them around the time when such events were occurring, and he offered to buy them as gifts. So I guess seeing he's set a precedence I wouldn't consider it rude to ask for something like that again as a gift.

Asking other family members or friends however, probably not. Although friends have given me doll heads as gifts before, I wouldn't specifically ask for it, as I feel it is too expensive a gift to ask from them.

 

I don't think it's all that rude, unless, as silverholly pointed out, you're asking a person who is already struggling with money.

But if you know the person is struggling, and you still really want the doll, why not ask for a little 'help' in purchasing the doll, instead of the doll itself? My mother knows about my hobby and because I'm so hard to buy for, she told me she would help me out in purchasing my next dolls (it's a set) for Christmas. She believes in having something to open for christmas, rather then just a card with money (even if it would have gone to the dolls anyway). That way we both get what we want, and it isnt as impersonal, I think, because you have a goal in mind rather then just having money to buy whatever, which is the main reason people don't like giving money.

Just my two cents

 

I'll agree that it all depends on who you're asking, and the relationship you all have. I don't think that outright asking is rude, only the people involved can determine that. Besides it's not like the person can't say no. My brother will often ask me if I can buy him something, granted nothing as expensive as these dolls, usually just video games and such, but I have no problem doing so if I have the money. Many times he'll say he'll pay me back, but by this time we both no I'm not going to make him. And if I can't, I say so, he goes alright and that's that. Granted one of my personal philosophies is it doesn't hurt to ask, you never know what the person might say, but with that said I rarely ask for things. I usually just go and buy it myself if I really want it. If I do ask for something I really need it's usually from my parents, and I always pay them back.

 

I'd have to be really close with someone to ask them for a doll as a gift. Even then I doubt I'd ask unless I was told they wanted to spend a lot of money on me and to pick what I'd like. My parents have done this before, and my sister has offered to buy me something doll related for Christmas or something.

I don't like asking for gifts though, even for xmas and birthdays I tend to just tell people they don't need to get me anything. I'll let my family splurge a bit as we all like to give gifts at Christmas, but I don't have any friends who are in any sort of financial state to buy me much for a gift, if anything.

Just my view though. You know your family best.

 

I was taught growing up that it is rude to ask for anything (with minor exceptions like, "Mom can we get m&ms at the store?") unless you are approached by someone and they ask you what it is you want. With the economy in the state that it's in, and my birthday two weeks from now, my little brother has asked what I want for it, that sort of thing. I have point-blank told all my family that all I want is a nice dinner with them. At home.

Do I think it's rude to ask for such an expensive gift as a bjd? No. I think it depends on your family and your culture. In my family, it is rude, so I would never do it. Does it mean it's rude if you do it? Maybe, but I'm not going to judge you on it. (And I'm going to squee with joy with you when they say yes and get it for you!)