Bjd shame

Congrats on getting a doll! I definitely understand feeling shame for collecting dolls, My ex at one time lied to me about being accepting of my hobby, only to much later reveal that they were just waiting for me to grow out of it, or convince me that it was creepy and bad. I really crawled into my shell after that and didn’t talk about my hobby for a long time with people. Luckily years later I met my bf who totally supports my hobby, he even wants to customize a little anthro crab girl we have and go to a meet up with her as his doll. I think at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what other people think about your hobby, even as much as it may hurt if they shame you for it. It’s your choice, and the right people will either come around to it eventually or support you from the beginning. For your sake I hope it’s the latter.

 

Although I'm not a man, I can relate a little about feeling ashamed (or, maybe just being shamed) for having dolls. I already live a sort of unconventional life that leads to people being critical, and it sometimes feels like just one more thing to add to the pile. But honestly, I think there are so many people out there that are frankly boring. I'd rather enjoy myself doing my weird hobbies than not. Especially when there are so many stressful things going on.

But I also want to say, you aren't required to be open about your dolls if you don't want to be. There are people I know who I simply don't mention my dolls to because I know they won't understand. And that's fine. If you do want to share and someone reacts badly, that's on them. Don't let them ruin your enjoyment.

 

Yes sometimes I do feel really embarrassed when my dad or brother try to shame me or embarrass me. It got to the point where every conversation I had with them or even any little arguments they would use my dolls as a dig at me. And try to shame me for my hobby. I ended up selling all my dolls at one point because I couldn’t take their bullying.
But I’ve decided to come back last year as I don’t really care what their opinions are on me having dolls at my age. The minute they try to bring it up I ignore them or leave the room. happy and that’s all that matters.

 

I still struggle sometimes with the idea of owning dolls. They are beautiful, and make me happy, but I have been raised in an environment/culture where most things aside from basic needs are seen as wasteful. I feel guilty when I spend money on anything aside from things that I "need", and especially when it comes to expensive doll purchases. But then I feel like the money will be spent one way or another, lol. The people around me are not super accepting either, so it's something I feel the need to hide, but I am slowly starting to let certain people know. I've had a particularly rough year, and I have been realizing more and more that if it makes me happy and I am not hurting anyone and can still take care of my basic needs then I should just do what I want. Life is too short to worry what other people might think. It's hard not to get affected by what others opinions but that's not going to stop me from enjoying my dolls

 

as a man who owns several dolls. I feel no shame. I have friends with many different hobbies and most of my friends aren't interested in them so I just don't talk about them when those friends are around. My dolls are displayed in the open so, if someone asks , I can show them off (and it happens more than you'd expect). So do what you love and don't let anyone shame you for it. You'll find that , if you're not ashamed, most people will respect that. If they don't, they're not worth your time.

 

Congrats on owning your first doll! I do not feel ashamed for owning dolls because I use my hard-earning money to purchase what I want. It is a hobby that not everyone appreciates, but as long as you enjoy what you are doing and feel happy about it, I think people will respect your choice.

 

I don't feel shame in my dolls. I spent far too long hiding things that made me happy from people who didn't care about me or my happiness, and I'm just over it. People may think it's "weird" to collect and play with dolls, but I think it's a lot weirder to either have no hobbies at all, or to waste time putting people down for finding joy in something harmless!

The only time I think it's ever okay for someone to criticize is in a concerned way if you're taking the hobby to an unhealthy level that does cause harm to yourself or others, like if your pet or child is going hungry so you can buy dolls, or you're using rent or bill money on doll stuff. If you're being responsible and safe, enjoy it to your heart's content! There's no shame in playing with these little resin people. It gives us an escape from our own lives for awhile.

 

Yeah I’m 50 so I feel a bit like that. I don’t have a real bjd yet. I’m paying for one on layaway. But I got a cheap one off eBay ( really really cheap ) just to see if I really wanted an expensive one and I do. The cheap one isn’t that great at posing and when I get my real one I will pass this one on to my daughter. But I don’t think I will tell anyone else about having a doll. My parents would think I’m crazy.

 

PREACH! One thing it took me a long time to learn is that people are too worried about themselves to care about whatever you're doing.

And the people who are constantly worried about other people's business? Ever heard of the phrase, "Blowing smoke so no one notices you're on fire"? Yeah. Their criticism is a reflection of what they don't like about themselves. It has nothing to do with you. Just let them move along.

Congrats on your first doll! I personally am delighted by the variety of people who collect dolls, from teens to retirees. I hope you post lots of pictures!

 

My ex used to say to me, "Do they pay your rent? No? Then they don't have a right to say anything."

 

I don't know if it's shame exactly, but I feel guilty about having expensive things sometimes, or having thins that aren't useful/ just to have them, especially since i mostly have them to look at. I don't really take my dolls down to play with or anything like that, not even my fashion dolls, so sometimes I feel like buying them (and other things I like/ collect) is a waste of money i should save for other things like bills or the future, etc. But i like them and they make me happy to see, so I try not too dwell on it too much.

As for what other people think, I'm not too fussed by it. Most of my interests or hobbies are considered at least a little weird and I've long ago accepted that. People are entitled to their opinions but that doesn't mean you have to listen to them.

 

No shame.

Although I am definitely the weird doll person in the family. I wear that title proudly.

I am a little lucky though my grandmother also liked dolls and had quite a lot of them. No one has really said anything to me about it, except that I have a lot of dolls. I even get compliments on the outfits I make for them.

I think it is awesome that you are getting your first doll!! You are going to love it, I am sure!!

Looking forward to your pictures of your doll!

 

I did when I was younger. I grew up in a small town, on a farm, in the countryside of Upstate New York. The community that I was in and the people that surrounded me shamed me for collecting. The most common comments that I would receive were "shrieks of mockery/fear", being told that the hobby was a waste of money, and that my dolls were creepy and weird. It did have some negative effects on me as I tended to keep my hobby hidden and although not ashamed of what I was collecting... I did feel apprehension about bringing others over and kept my dolls hidden when I had company.

These days I am in a supportive environment and no longer experience the comments and negativity that I did way back when. My daughter (7) collects dolls of her own and my partner is 100% on board for me to collect and then continue on collecting. I have also learned that I have a biological grandmother (I am adopted and have since been in reunion with my biological family) who collects dolls (not ABJD) of her own. I am happy and proud to say that I collect these dolls and I love every minute of it.

Personally, like I mentioned, I am not ashamed of my hobby and never was despite the apprehension that I felt. These dolls bring me joy and that joy is something I am forever thankful of. For those who experience the same thing as I did... never let others opinions of your hobby keep you from doing whatever it is that you love.

 

I don't think I've ever felt any shame, I remember that the first thing I literally did when I got my first doll was take him EVERYWHERE with me. I've taken my dolls out for coffee, at uni, in the street for photoshoots, in every single trip I've been to, and all that in a tiny little greek town where people... were definitely not open-minded. That being said, if someone criticises you meet them with a smile. Be open about your hobby, explain. People slam on things they don't understand, help build that understanding. If you're not ashamed of your dolls people will not treat it as something shameful. If you think what you're doing is, in fact, weird though, people can and will pick up on that.

 

I LOVE seeing men doing things they're not "supposed" to be doing, especially crochet/knitting, playing with dolls, and rocking traditionally feminine clothes. Luckily there are a ton of y'all out there on YT and IG with no end in sight!

 

I haven't gotten my first bjd yet (waiting [im]patiently for her to come), but even with my off topic dolls I used to feel shame. My mom wouldnt let me buy more dolls after a certain age. Said inwas too old to be wasting money on toys. It did hurt and make me feel self conscious
But when i was in college i told my aunt i wanted a specific doll for my birthday but mom said no. She told me mom doesnt have to know what i have in my dorm and bought it for me.
That helped me gain back my confidence in doing what makes me happy
Now i have all my plushies on display and can play with my dolls and even buy myself a special bjd all while feeling happy with myself!
Sometimes it's hard to do what makes you happy, but it's worth it!

 

Shame? No. Caution? Oh yes.

While I don't feel any shame for collecting dolls I certainly don't share it with people willy nilly. For one thing I still remember when the hobby was fairly fresh and there were unsavory associations from ignorant people who only heard that the dolls had genitals and therefore decided they were sex dolls (not accurate or helpful for people in the hobby!). For another thing I have met enough people who, when they did see them or look them up, felt unsettled. And while their trip to the uncanny valley isn't really my fault, I always felt like I had to apologize.

Selective knowledge sharing is important to me because I don't want to be on the defensive about something that brings me joy, and it happened too many times in the past. Once bitten and all that.

 

No, of course not. I even learn how to do their face up myself. It makes me have a more fulfilling life.
But sometimes, I do feel shame due to spending too much money.

 

I feel shame for being in the hobby, almost entirely due to the expense. Most everyone I've told outside of certain family members have been cool or at least neutral about my dolls but I also never tell them the cost. I do keep an expense list and detailed information about my collection's value based on what I paid just in case I need to sell or something happens to me.

 

Oh so very exciting!! Congratulations to ordering your first doll. It’s a beautiful hobby, and I hope the stigma will be something of the past. I don’t see anything wrong with it, neither does my husband. He collect anime figures, a friend of ours collects action figures - there really isnt a difference. it’s a hobby, it’s beautiful and it brings you joy. So worth it

I think at most I got is sticker price shock reactions from my mom, but after that reaction its simple. I don’t talk prices It makes me happy, I can afford it, its my life. And I don’t really care what others think that have nothing to do with my hobby or finances.