Bjd shame

It sucks when people try to make you feel embarrassed because of your hobbies. Fortunately I don’t care what people think so it’s become a lot easier for me to indulge in the things I like. Just remember that you are the only one who is really in control of your life. Only you can make yourself content with life. Other people will always have their own opinions but they will never matter as much as your own. Don’t be ashamed of what you love!

 

I'm often a bit embarrassed to talk about my BJD hobby because I'm an adult woman, and "dolls are for little girls" is part of the culture I live in. The prices of BJDs also get treated as unreasonable by people outside the hobby, so I avoid talking about how much I've paid for my dolls. But they make me so happy, I don't care too much about what other people think.

 

I only talk to people about dolls who like dolls or people who are likely to make fun of me for liking dolls. Talking to people who are indifferent isn't particularly interesting and people who are making fun of me are much more likely to listen to me talk about dolls longer. One of my coworkers thinks I'm a potential serial killer after I showed him a photo of clothes I made on a headless body.

 

BRAVO to everyone here who has the courage a.k.a "balls" to do what makes YOU happy, despite what others might say or do.

Actually adults, male and female, have enjoyed dolls way back in history. Automatons and other dolls were very popular by the wealthy men and women of the French courts in the 18th century. These were definitely NOT for children. And that is only one example.

 

That seriously made me LOL

 

Isn't it weird how people will shame/judge you (and adult) for having/enjoying dolls and at the same time shame/judge you for buying/gifting a BJD to a kid because it's too expensive?
I've never been shamed for having dolls but people have tried to shame me for tons of other things (even things totally outside anyone's control like being short or not being a party person). There's no winning so best to ignore the crazies and do what makes you happy. You aren't hurting anyone by having dolls so enjoy them til your heart's content

 

I don’t feel shame about it, but I also am not super open about the costs or anything with friends just because I feel a little weird about having the extra income to spend on a luxury item when many of them don’t. But when I do bring them up it’s typically in the context of them being pieces of art rather than “toys” and since I work in entertainment marketing and am surrounded by artist most of the time people are pretty cool/curious about it.

 

I’m secretive about it for most of the reasons people have mentioned (price, association with children etc.) but also because people have questioned my gender when they find out I have “feminine” hobbies. I’m a trans man but appear as a butch woman to most people and even a lot of LGBT folks are deeply uncomfortable with the concept of a masculine person doing things like sewing.

When asked about hobbies I just say I play video games, which is true anyways.

 

I felt less self conscious about dolls when I heard people at work mentioning spending hundreds of dollars on collector Nikes like that was normal. There's no reason to judge anyone's 'frivolous' hobby, we're all a little silly about our collections it seems, regardless of what they are.

 

I feel some shame, yes. But I've always felt shame about my interests no matter how niche or popular they are. Shame is just what I operate on for some reason.

 

After 13 years of owning BJDs, I don't feel shame about owning them anymore. I did at the beginning, though, it was seen as weird by my friends, but, as other have said, every one of us choose a way of spending our money, be it in books, drinks, sneakers, a gaming PC setup... This is the one I've chosen.
My IRL friends don't mind them anymore, one of them even encourages me to take more pictures and pursue new ways of enjoying them, so I think I can call myself lucky in that department.

 

I feel an internal shame in terms of the times being generally economically hard and knowing my profession doesn't allow financial security - it's rationally such a bad idea to not even spend on myself but dolls... but the joy an unproductive hobby brings is just unmatched. It's nice to play even when the world is really dark.

 

I'm too old to feel shame for anything I haven't actually hurt someone with. Nope.

 

I began collecting around the pandemic. I actually haven't counted my dolls, but i know I have too much in a short amount of time. I know it's more than 15 dolls.

My sister doesn't shame me for my doll collecting, but i think my parents would if they knew. I think from past experiences they would get relatives, their friends, and the church involved and talk badly about me and vilify me. It's what they normally do. I think I might have given up this hobby if they did get involved. They like to shame me and my sister alot, but you can't do the same to them or they will play the victim.

I do feel shame a lot, but that's more of a constant feeling that anything I have in life tends to bring out in me. It's worse for my sister she struggles to spend anything on herself because our parents would constantly shame and blame us for everything. Even spending on food on herself makes her feel guilty which is weird because she always spends way too much on food when she buys food for me. So shame is something I struggle with often.

Spending on things like dolls is something extra hard because it's actually something I got shamed a lot in my childhood for wanting or asking for a toy. I remember my sister and I were pressured into giving all our toys away to our cousin because something about he deserved the toys because his parents got divorced or something I can't exactly remember, but it was something like that.

We've also been taught not to annoy our parents with needs or emotions, so I think I cope by buying the dolls. I think that might be how my collection grew so fast, but that just increases how much shame I feel for having the collection of dolls. I did collect other stuff in the past like little random things i would find that were cheap or free because it was thrown out, but it doesn't feel the same as collecting a doll. There's something about collecting a doll that makes me feel better, but also increases my shame. It's like a double edge sword for me. It brings comfort, yet brings out negative emotions as well.

My collection gives me joy as well, but I don't know maybe that connects with my shame. I don't feel like i deserve to be happy. Everytime I felt happy my parents would talk about how much they are suffering because my sister and I exist. I don't know i think I connect joy/happiness with guilt and shame. Does anyone else feel like that? There are times i find myself feeling small little joys like watching a nice show and finding myself laughing or looking at a doll photo and smiling and then I feel this sense of shame/guilt for feeling something positive.

It's weird because i was opening a doll and felt really happy seeing it and then I got super self conscious thinking my sister would shame me, but i realized she was happy when she saw that i was excited and happy about my doll. She got happy when I was which was weird for me because i was reminded of my mom and step dad who would get angry and make snide remarks when my sister sent a gift when we lived away from each other in the past and i expressed that I was happy.

 

@Forever We Are Young - oof. I feel ya.
It's hard. I can afford my dolls, and I really am done collecting at this point. (No. Really. I mean it. Honest. )
But yeah - I grew up similarly to you, and I know how you feel. I also, erm, matured young, so people all around me would ask me if I was too old for toys, too old to go trick-or-treating (I was 10! TEN!)...
One of the nice things about getting older is that I just stopped caring. Do you pay my rent? My bills? Do you earn my paycheck for me?
No?
Then IDGAF. Also - my parents aren't allowed in my house anymore. So that helps.
And as some comic whose name I can't remember said, if a 70-year-old in a costume holding a martini smoking a Pall Mall showed up at my house on Halloween, I'd give them the whole bowl of candy.

 

Yeah my sister matured young too. She began taking care of the house and mothering duties that my mom left for her to do around 5. I recall that was about the time she began making hot dogs on the stove for us. I recall it's really fuzzy, but when our older brother was a teen my sister would have to cook his food for him. Later on the duties of caring for our cousin was left for her to do. Then later for me to do when my sister left home. I was surprised my cousin didn't know how to use a microwave because he was catered to by my sister and me. It was really shocking how different his upbringing was from ours. I didn't understand why he could have toys, but we couldn't. I don't think my parents wanted us to be kids, so I think parents like yours and mine would shame a lot. It's like they are resentful that kids aren't born as adults or something and having things like dolls is a reminder of the fact that kids need to be kids. Doll collecting I suppose is like having part of the childhood that was stolen from
us.

 

My mother literally just tried to shame me less than half an hour ago, commenting on how her adult daughter has a doll in her room. My response to that was that everyone has hobbies, and reminding her that she is the one still playing Pokemon Go every day.

Sometimes, it's about knowing your enemy.

 

I think I've still got some internalised shame about it. I don't talk about it with many people because it's a "weird" hobby, I hide my dolls from my parents because I'm sure that's just one more thing they're judging their adult child about (and they would be EXTREMELY harsh if they had any idea what they cost)... but my dolls make me happy and I love having physical representations of my characters to look at and just hang out with. Sometimes they even inspire me to craft or to draw or write. So I'm working on it, because it's worth it that it makes me happy.

 

I do feel some degree of shame— most people I know are afeared of dolls, though I’m glad my partner has let me ramble about doll stuff every now and then. Still, overall it’s a pretty lonely corner over here with my dolls, and I think that kinda contributes to the feelings of shame. That and the cost of these things…the cost of the dolls themselves, the eyes, the clothes, the space they eat up, the time they eat up, how doing a face up can take anywhere from a night to several days, or repairing a broken knee can take a week of sculpting and sanding and finishing (because where am I going to find a replacement Volks SD10 leg that’s nearly 20 years old?! ).

My family is aware of my dolls and are quite weirded out by them, which I admit is entirely my fault because nothing says weird like being faced with a bunch of disassembled dolls and naked headless bodies when I pull them out for maintenance and cleaning. My dad has been especially scandalized by my Dollshe lad on cleaning days.

But, despite the shame, I enjoy the hobby. I like my dolls, I’ve had them for a while and I like working on them and grumbling at them. I also have to remind myself that as a 30-something with expendable income…I’m allowed to use my fun money for some dolly things. Said dolly things are far less destructive than the bad habits I’ve picked up in the 4 or so years I’ve left my dolls in their boxes, anyhow. So, yeah! The shame is there, but I still enjoy these pretty resin bricks.

Let’s just hope my dad doesn’t run into my Dollshe in the meantime.

 

I was so super self conscious when I started collecting. I had just moved, I didn't have a job yet, I wasn't even LOOKING for a job yet... and one of my new roommates was a make-everything-yourself crafter with severe penny-pinching tendencies.

The remarks I heard about my first relatively cheap doll meant I was no way in hell going to tell her about my beloved MYou who cost 4 x more.

Super self-conscious + super excited = tying myself in knots because I so badly wanted to babble about my new boy and my plans and things I needed to buy / make, and I felt I couldn't because I spent HOW MUCH on him already?? For a DOLL?

It's gotten better, a LOT better, even if I still tend to side step questions. People know I have a few but not how many exactly. This person knows I own a Scorpion, that person knows I own a Ghost... None of my friends have a complete line up which is kinda funny.

So the shame lingers, but I no longer dread the arrival of a new doll and the question "Ooo what did you buy?"